More Than I Can Bear

by E. N. Joy

  “You should know. You put it there.” Paige was bold. No need to hold back now. Heck, she’d given the man her body, what more could she hold back from him?

  “Ummm,” Norman moaned. “You put a lot more than a smile on my face.” He grinned.

  “Ooooooh, you nasty boy.”

  “Nasty? You’re calling me nasty when you were the one who took your leg and—”

  “Stop it!” Paige blushed while covering Norman’s mouth with her hand.

  He laughed and tried to push her hand off his mouth. “What did you say that thing is called again? The corkscrew ?”

  “Stop it!” Paige was embarrassed.

  “It’s true what they say about you Christian girls; y’all some undercover freaks,” Norman teased.

  “Yeah, but only with our husbands,” Paige replied.

  “Then you must be speaking for yourself, because I got with this one Christian girl back in the day who . . .” Norman paused. “Oh, shoot, that’s right; she was Catholic.”

  Paige play slapped Norman on his shoulder. “I’m not trying to hear about your past sexual conquests.”

  “Uhh, hello, need I remind you that you already know about all my sexual conquests? Once upon a time before you got all saved, sanctified, and holy, you used to be my sounding board the next morning after every date.”

  “Umm, hmm, and your ride to the clinic once or twice as well,” Paige reminded him.

  “Yep, so you know I’ve always been clean and I’m still clean.”

  Paige was suddenly reminded about the great news she’d received a bit ago from her doctor’s office. “Yep, and I’m clean too.” She pumped her fist. “Yes! God is good.”

  “Uhh, can you not bring God into the bed with us please? Awkward.”

  Paige rolled over onto her side and wrapped her leg and arm across Norman’s body. “Honey, you, me, and God is the best threesome you could ever ask for.”

  Norman kissed Paige on the lips. “Yeah, you got that right. Without God, where might we have ended up?”

  Paige threw herself back flat on her back. “Uggghh. I don’t want to even imagine that. All I know is that I’m glad I can look forward to the rest of my life with Him.” Paige looked to Norman. “And you.”

  They momentarily stared into each other’s eyes. Paige was hoping this was the moment she’d hear those words she’d been waiting to hear from Norman.

  Norman lifted his hand to Paige’s face and rubbed her cheek.

  Here it comes. Paige was excited inside.

  “The day I had that talk with my mother in the kitchen,” Norman started, “the day I first introduced you to her, she asked me something that I didn’t answer at the time. She asked me if I loved you.”

  “Why didn’t you answer her?” Paige was confused. Norman loved her; that much she knew. So why wouldn’t he share that with his mother? Outside of their four walls, was he ashamed of her? R. Kelly’s ex-wife might have been able to take being in the background all the time, but feeling invisible and like her man was ashamed of her, that was more than Paige would be able to bear in a relationship. That’s probably why in all her years, she’d never had to travel down that road before. God knew her car would clunk out a mile into that drive.

  “I did answer that question. I told her yes without hesitation. But then she asked me if I was in love with you.”

  “Ohhhh.” Now Paige understood his dilemma. That’s something he’d never confessed one way or the other to her, let alone his mother. But maybe, just maybe, all of that was about to change.

  “I didn’t answer because I didn’t . . .”

  At those words Paige’s heart melted like a chocolate bar that had accidentally been left on the dashboard in the summer’s sun.

  “I didn’t think it was her ears that should be the first to hear that answer.” Norman placed both hands on each side of Paige’s face and said, “Paige Vanderdale, woman, I’m in lo—”

  The sound of Norman’s alarm clock blasted over his words.

  “Oh, shoot,” Norman said, turning and reaching to turn the alarm off. “I forgot I set it. I’d planned on taking a nap before heading to work this evening.” Norman got up out of the bed and headed to the closet to retrieve his work clothes.

  Paige just lay there in disbelief. Really, God? “I guess I’m going to go get—” Paige had started to get up out of the bed.

  “No, you lay there,” Norman told her. “Adele is still asleep. You know the rules. You sleep while she sleeps. Take advantage of the rest. You know you need it with her.”

  Paige lay back down and watched as Norman headed to his bathroom. Within seconds she heard the shower water turn on. “Oh, well.” She flopped back on the bed and realized that at the moment, there really wasn’t anything better to do than to sleep. But that was before Norman popped out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, dripping wet. That made her want to stay in the bed, but not sleep. She watched as Norman maneuvered around the room to get dressed. Paige didn’t know how long her eyes had been glued on him before he even noticed he was being watched.

  “What?” he said.

  “Oh, nothing. Just admiring my husband. I mean really admiring him for the first time.”

  “Oh, yeah, and what do you think?” Norman started doing muscle man poses.

  Paige looked him up and down and then licked her lips. “I know they say that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. But she who finds a husband finds a great thing. Lord, am I blessed.” Paige closed her eyes. “Thank you, Je—”

  Before Paige could complete her thanks for Jesus putting Norman in her path, Norman’s mouth suffocated hers as they indulged in a deep kiss.

  “No, I’m the one who’s thankful,” Norman said after kissing her. His hands found their way all over Paige’s post-pregnancy body. For her own likings and comfort she felt she could stand to lose several more pounds, but for her husband, she was just right. And everything about that moment felt right as Norman led the tango dance their tongues were engaged in.

  When Norman finally pulled away, Paige was just mesmerized.

  “I gotta go,” Norman told her. “But I’ll be back.” He winked and then exited the room.

  Paige fell back on the bed with her arms spread out wide. She eventually heard the front door close shut. “I’m in love,” she said out loud. “I’m in love.” She smiled. “I’m in love.” The smile was gone. She sat up with a serious look on her face. “Girl, you are in love,” Paige told herself. “So why are you sitting here telling the walls, the bed sheets, and the pillow instead of the person you’re in love with?”

  Paige thought about the question she had posed to herself. She didn’t have to sit around and wait for Norman to say the words to her first. Many a woman lived a miserable life sitting around waiting for a man to be the first to do something, to say something. Heck, many a woman might have even lost many a man doing that same thing. Well, she was not going to be one of them.

  Paige jumped up out of bed, picked her clothes up off the floor, and slid them on. She exited Norman’s bedroom in search of her cell phone. Removing her phone from her purse that sat on the living room table, she pulled up Norman’s name in her address book and went to hit the send button to call him, but hesitated. Her nerves started to take over. She’d lost her voice. But at the same time, she felt compelled to let Norman know how she felt about him at that moment—at that second. So since she couldn’t seem to find her voice, she did the next best thing. Paige began punching in letters into her cell phone.

  I’m in love with you, Norman!

  She smiled and hit the send button. With a smile on her face, she lay down on the couch to revel in the aftershock of the earthquake she and her husband had engaged in as a consummation of their union. Finally; it was official . . . and in every way it could possibly matter!

  Chapter Twenty

  “Where is he? Where’s my husband?” Paige shouted as soon as she made it through the emergency room doors, struggl
ing to carry baby Adele in her bucket seat. Her words were directed at no one in particular. Heck, if the janitor could direct her to her husband, she’d be fine with that. “Norman Vanderdale. Where is he?” This time she was at the patient registration counter, leaned over practically nose to nose with the receptionist.

  The receptionist stood and backed away slightly, not sure of Paige’s intentions. In the past, an eager and anxious loved one or two had allowed their fear and emotions to cause them to leap over that desk and demand answers. “Just a moment, ma’am. The patient’s name again?” She placed her fingers on the computer keyboard, prepared to punch in whatever name Paige recited to her.

  “It’s Norman Vanderdale.” Paige spelled his last name as the receptionist typed. “I’m his wife. I was called by someone, I don’t know, a doctor, nurse. All I can remember them saying is that my husband was in a car accident and was transported here.” Paige placed the bucket seat on the ground then put each index finger on her temples and closed her eyes. She was trying to remember any other pertinent information the caller tried to give her before she’d hung up in their ear. Just hearing that her man was in an accident so bad that he wasn’t able to call her himself had put her in panic mode.

  It seemed like just yesterday when Paige had been in a car accident of her own. She and Blake had gotten into it and she left the house. No one but her and God knew that before her car accident she’d been on her way to Norman’s house, possibly to commit adultery. Even though her car had been totaled, she survived the accident. She prayed the same outcome for her husband.

  The receptionist punched the keyboard a few more times and then it looked as if all the blood had drained from her face. This did not go unnoticed by Paige.

  “What? What is it?” Paige asked. “It’s bad, isn’t it? It’s not just some fender bender, is it?” Paige threw her hands on her forehead. “Oh, God! No. Norman!”

  “Look, Mrs. Vanderdale,” the receptionist said, “come with me.” She came from around the desk and led Paige into a smaller waiting room. “Just wait right here and the doctor will be in shortly to talk with you.”

  Paige nodded. She didn’t want to waste any more words on the receptionist. She needed to save them for the doctor so that she could ask all the questions she could about how she’d need to take care of her husband. When Paige had been in her car accident, she’d had Blake there by her side to help her heal and nurse her back to good health. She’d pay it forward and be there for Norman as long as he needed her. She began to think the worst. Even if he was wheelchair bound for the rest of his life, she’d be his chauffeur, pushing him to and from his desired destinations. She didn’t care if he wanted her to push him up a mountain. She’d do it.

  Paige set sleeping Adele’s bucket seat on the floor. She herself paced the floor for a couple of minutes and then sat down. She sat down for a couple of minutes and then she stood up and paced again. Up, down, up, and down. Finally the door opened. Paige turned with very little patience to begin badgering the doctor with questions.

  “Paige!”

  Only it wasn’t the doctor who had entered the room. It was Norman’s parents.

  Paige was glad there was now someone else there to comfort her, but the disappointment that it wasn’t the doctor with answers broke her down. Tears began to pour from her eyes like the BP oil spill. The running fluid was just unstoppable.

  “Paige, darling, where’s Norman? Where’s my baby?” Mrs. Vanderdale fell into Paige’s arms as the two women embraced and hugged like best friends. Paige was grateful she and her mother-in-law had made amends prior to this incident. Right now they needed each other more than ever. At least, Paige needed the comfort of her mother-in-law this moment.

  Mr. Vanderdale walked over and began to pat each woman’s back. He then went and rubbed Adele’s arm and smiled at the sleeping child.

  “I don’t know,” Paige cried to her mother-in-law. “I’ve been waiting in here forever for the doctor to come tell me something. All I know is that he was in a car accident. That’s what the person who called and told me said.”

  “Yes, the police called us too,” Mr. Vanderdale said.

  “They had Norman’s cell phone. We were in his favorites speed dial or something.”

  “I didn’t even get that much information,” Paige told them. “I hung up the phone and hightailed it over here.”

  “This is bad. This is bad.” Mrs. Vanderdale turned and buried her face into her husband’s chest. “Honey, I know this is bad. I just feel it.”

  “Please don’t put that into the atmosphere, Mrs. Vanderdale,” Paige asked. “I’ve been in here pacing and worrying and just got to the point of praying. I’m praying for the best, so please don’t think the worst.”

  Mrs. Vanderdale stared at Paige for a few seconds before she finally opened her mouth and said, “Paige, I’ve never done it in my life nor have I asked anyone else to do it for me, but . . . can we pray . . . together?”

  Paige simply nodded as tears fell from her eyes. “Yes, Mrs. Vanderdale. We can pray.” Paige had held out her hands. Mrs. Vanderdale grabbed both of Paige’s hands. “Mr. Vanderdale, would you like to join us?” Paige asked.

  Mr. Vanderdale pulled the two women in close and they all formed a prayer circle.

  Paige began to pray as if she were praying down the walls of Jericho. As if on cue, upon the closing of the prayer with the three sealing it in Jesus’ name and with an Amen, the waiting room door opened.

  Paige felt a sense of relief once she saw the doctor enter the room. Now she would find out everything she needed to know on how to take care of her husband. Once she saw a police officer enter behind the doctor, her nerves began to do a jig up her spine. She knew the officer was just probably there to give them a report on the actual accident, but there was this solemn look on his face that gave Paige pause. When the officer removed his hat, a sudden dread filled the room. Both Paige and Mrs. Vanderdale instantaneously held each other. But once they saw the hospital chaplain enter behind the officer, no one was there to catch either woman when they hit the floor.

  When Paige came to she found herself lying in a hospital bed. It took her a minute to gather her senses, but then, recalling what had transpired prior to her blacking out, she darted straight up in that bed. “Norman!” she yelled. She looked around the room.

  “Sister Paige, calm down.” Pastor Margie walked over to Paige and rested her arm on her shoulder.

  “Adele?” Paige frantically looked around the room, hoping to see the pumpkin seat containing her child. She didn’t see it. Her entire world felt like it was caving in on her. The two people who had become her whole life were nowhere to be found.

  “Paige, baby girl.”

  Paige noticed her father for the first time when he spoke. Her mother’s arm was looped through her father’s arm as they slowly made the walk from the little couch they’d been sitting on over to Paige’s bed.

  “Norman’s sister has the baby,” Mrs. Robinson told Paige. She didn’t reply to Paige’s first query about Norman. She was thinking that maybe she hadn’t been asking for Norman or where Norman was. With the tears that spilled from her daughter’s eyes, she knew deep inside she knew the fate of her husband.

  “Norman,” Paige said again. “Norman, oh my God, Norman.” She looked up at her mother. “Mommy,” was all she had to say for Mrs. Robinson to release her husband and go throw her arms around her daughter.

  Pastor Margie immediately lifted her hands in Paige’s direction. “Saints, help me pray,” Pastor Margie said to the two church members, women she referred to as prayer warriors, who had come along to the hospital with her.

  “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” Mrs. Robinson said as she rocked Paige. “You’re going to be okay, both you and Adele. Everything is going to be okay.”

  “No, it’s not. I don’t have a husband anymore, Mommy. I don’t have a friend. My friend. He was my best friend. God keeps taking away my best friends.” Paige squeezed
her mother so tight she almost squeezed the air out of her. That’s when Mr. Robinson intervened.

  “Baby girl. It’s all right. We’re all here for you.” Mr. Robinson had nodded to his wife and gave her a look excusing her from comforting Paige so that he could take over. Mrs. Robinson moved away while her husband sat down beside Paige on her bed. “Now, now, sweetie, we’re all here for you.” He nodded toward Pastor Margie and the two praying women. “You have your church family. You have your family: your mother and me . . . your beautiful daughter. And you have Norman’s family, who are out there.” He nodded to the door.

  Paige shut off the waterworks as if she had a knob to do so. She looked her father dead in the eyes and said, “But where is God?”

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “Paige!” Mrs. Vanderdale ran and threw her arms around Paige as soon as Paige reentered the waiting room where she’d received the news about Norman’s death. “You okay, sweetheart? You passed out. You scared us.” She used her hand to brush Paige’s hair back. “You okay?”

  “Yes, I’m okay,” Paige lied. She was a wreck, but she had to keep it together for the sake of . . . She heard a small cooing noise and saw Adele in Samantha’s arms. “Adele!” Paige went over and took her daughter from Samantha’s arms, pressed her against her chest, and held her tight. She twisted her upper body from left to right while kissing the baby’s forehead. Paige knew she had to stay strong for Adele. Babies could sense things. “What do I tell her about all this? What do I tell her about the man who signed her birth certificate? What do I tell her about the man whose last name she carries? Huh? How do I fix this mess now? I was in a hole and yet I kept digging dirt. Now look at me,” Paige cried.

  “No, Paige. Please. Do not beat yourself up,” Samantha stood from the couch she’d been sitting on with the baby and said. “You and my brother did what you thought you needed to do for this baby. My brother signed that birth certificate because as far as he was concerned, Adele was his baby. He was her father. That was not a lie. He married a woman he was in love with. That woman, you”—Samantha pointed at Paige—“had a beautiful baby girl while she was his wife. That’s my brother’s baby. That’s my niece,” Samantha declared, “and nothing is going to change that.”