Personal Demons

by Lisa Desrochers

  Her smile widens and she trails a finger down my chest to the button of my jeans. “All of it.”

  I can’t stop my own smile. “Interesting.”

  Her finger trails along my stomach at the waistband of my jeans, driving me insane, and I’m right on the edge of diving back into her when she says, “Where is Hell, anyway?”

  I almost laugh. “At the core.”

  She looks into my face, surprised. “Of the Earth?”

  “Yep.”

  “So all those kids digging to China are in for one hell of a surprise.”

  “Literally,” I chuckle.

  “How did you get there? Did someone like you come after you?”

  “No. I’m a creature of Hell.” I shoot a sideways glance at her, not sure how she’ll take that, but she just looks thoughtful.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Demons are created in Hell. We were never human.”

  “I don’t get how that works.”

  “We’re born from sin. My sin is pride, just like the original—King Lucifer. My name is a dead giveaway. Only creatures of pride are arrogant enough to take His name.”

  Her eyes shift to her hand on my chest. “Would it be really weird if I said I think I kinda knew all along?”

  I smile. “Yes.”

  Her eyes flit to mine and away. She opens her mouth to say something then closes it again.

  My smile widens. I lift her chin with a finger and fix her in my gaze. “What?”

  She blushes and her face pulls into an embarrassed grimace. “Nothing,” she says, lowering her lashes.

  “It’s obviously something.”

  “I want to feel your horns,” she blurts without looking at me.

  I grimace. “Why?”

  She rolls with her back to me. “Forget it. It’s stupid.”

  I roll her back and shift onto my elbows above her. “You’re not going to run screaming from the room?”

  She lifts her eyes to mine, then lifts her head and kisses me. “After what you just did? What do you think?”

  I close my eyes and push off my human shell and shudder when I feel Frannie’s fingers running slowly through my hair. There’s a tremble in her touch as she traces one finger around the base of my left horn, then up to the tip and back. I feel both of her hands wrap around them as she pulls me down into a kiss, and they vanish as I sink back into her.

  When I pull back, I stare down into those sapphire eyes looking for any sign of fear or disgust, but all I see is love. I still can’t believe that look is directed at me.

  “Will they try that again … with Taylor and Riley, I mean?”

  I sigh and trail my finger down her nose, over her lips, down her chin and along her neck, stopping short of that insanely hot red bra. “Probably not. They know we’ll be looking for it.”

  “What are we gonna do?”

  I roll off her and shake my head. “I don’t know. My sixth sense is slipping. This is dangerous, Frannie. I can’t see them coming like I used to. I’m not sure I can protect you anymore.”

  She smiles. “I need another cross, and I think you need a talisman. Something to ward off evil spirits.”

  “And just where am I going to get this talisman?”

  If I didn’t know better, I’d swear her eyes were glowing. She sits up and turns her back to me, undoing the clasp of her bra and sliding it off. As I watch, I feel things … stirring … and it’s taking every ounce of restraint I can muster not to jump her right this second. She pulls a pillow in front of her and turns back, her hair spilling across one side of her face. She tosses her bra to me with a sinful grin that would put any demon to shame.

  “Your talisman,” she says.

  “If you think this is going to ward off evil spirits,” I say, holding it up, “then you don’t know much about evil spirits.” I look at her and work to control my breathing. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.” Truth is, I have no idea what she’s doing to me either. This is completely uncharted territory. But, whatever it is, I think I like it.

  Still grinning wickedly, she says, “I’m not sorry.”

  But then I see it. The answer. I hesitate for just a second, letting my eyes eat Frannie alive, before hanging her bra on my headboard and tossing her shirt to her. “As much as it pains me to say it, you have to get dressed. Gabriel has something we need.”

  FRANNIE

  “I’m not going to let him tag me,” I say on the way to Gabriel’s house.

  “I wish you would. That’d be the surest way. But there are other things that might be almost as good.”

  “Like what?”

  “Being a Dominion, he’s privy to information I’m not. He’s also got power I can only dream of.”

  I think about our kiss—how it made me feel—and raise my hand to my lips and sigh.

  “What’s going on with you two?” Luc’s voice is soft, but with an edge.

  “Nothing.” I think.

  “You’re a terrible liar.”

  “I’m not—” lying, I start to say. But I am. ’Cause there is something going on. I just have no idea what it is. “I kissed him.”

  Luc slams on the brakes, skidding to the side of the road. “You what?”

  “I kissed him.”

  He just stares at me, rage storming in his eyes. “When?”

  “Before us—mostly,” I say.

  “Mostly? What’s mostly?”

  And his rage triggers my own. “You know what? It’s none of your business. At least he wasn’t nearly naked in my goddamn bed! And I’m still not convinced you weren’t doing Avaira!”

  His jaw clenches and his eyes narrow. “Did he kiss you back?”

  I slide down in the seat and cross my arms tight across my chest to keep from hitting him. “I told you, it’s none of your business.”

  “Well this is just rich,” he says, his voice acid, “not only are you bringing down demons, but Dominions too.” He pulls back up onto the road and stares blindly out the windshield. “So, do you want him? Because whatever you want, you can pretty much have, what with the whole Sway thing.”

  I glare at him. “Just take me home.”

  I keep my arms wrapped tightly around me. The ache in my chest threatens to dissolve into angry tears, but I force myself not to cry. I won’t give him the satisfaction.

  He pulls over on the side of the road again and just sits there, staring straight ahead—forever.

  “I can walk from here,” I finally say, reaching for the door handle.

  “Stop.” His hand darts out and grasps my wrist.

  I jerk my arm away. “Let go!” But when I turn to look at him, his face is soft and his eyes are deep.

  “Frannie, please try to remember that I’m new at this. I’ve still got feelings—emotions—raging through me that I can’t even begin to identify. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with them. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m sorry.”

  I fight against the tears again. I really want to be mad at him. I want to hate him, ’cause it feels safer than loving him.

  I tug on the door handle. “Too late.” I step out of the car, but before I get ten feet, he’s there, wrapping his arms around me from behind.

  “Let go of me!”

  A passing car slows and pulls onto the shoulder just as I pull Luc’s arm off me and throw him over my shoulder onto the ground. A tall, skinny man about my dad’s age gets out and looks at me with wide eyes. “Do you need help, miss?”

  I look down at Luc, and, for a second, I’m madder, ’cause he’s laughing.

  “You think it’s funny?” I sneer. But then I realize how ridiculous we must look, and there’s no stopping the stupid smile that pulls at my lips.

  “Miss?” the guy says, taking a cautious step toward us.

  Luc pulls himself off the ground as I break into an uncontrollable giggle. He looks at the guy. “We’re fine …” his gaze shifts back to me, “I think.”

  I can’t stop laughing, but I
nod.

  The guy doesn’t look sure, so I work really hard to stop giggling. “Thank you, but I’m okay.”

  He eyes Luc warily. “If you’re sure.”

  I clear my throat and try to look serious. “I’m sure.”

  As he climbs back in his car and pulls away, I feel Luc’s arms snake around my waist and pull my body into his. “Are you done beating me up?” Luc says into my hair, and I can hear the smile in his voice.

  “Maybe.” I spin in his arms and wipe a smudge of dirt off his cheek. “Are you done pissing me off?”

  He grins. “Maybe.”

  He grabs my hand and tows me back to the car. But as we pull away, something he said hits me hard, like a fist to the gut, and I feel suddenly sick.

  “Do you think I cheated?”

  He loops his arm over my shoulders. “What?”

  “You just said I could pretty much have whatever I wanted. Did I make you love me?”

  He turns and looks into my eyes, a bemused smile on his perfect lips. “You did.”

  “No, I mean did I make you love me. Like, you didn’t really want to but my … influence—this Sway thing or whatever it is that Gabe thinks I can do—like, made you.”

  “That’s irrelevant.”

  “Not to me.”

  “Frannie, what matters is that what I feel is real and genuine. I wouldn’t want to go back to what I was. How I got here doesn’t matter, just that I’m here.”

  “That’s just stupid. That’s like saying I beat you in poker ’cause I stacked the deck, but you’re glad I have all your money.”

  “If you took my money and bought me paradise with it, I would be glad you had it. And that’s what you’ve done.” He reaches for me and draws me to his shoulder. I shove him away and look out the window as he pulls back out into the road. I feel his eyes on me, but I can’t look at him, knowing what I’ve done. I’ve given a whole new meaning to the term “mind games.” But more, in some selfish little corner of my mind, I hate that he didn’t fall in love with me. He was pushed. He doesn’t love me for me. He loves me ’cause he had no choice.

  LUC

  Frannie’s sitting on the arm of a chair, staring out the window, and Gabriel is sitting on his couch looking at me like I’m nuts. “The Shield only works for angels and some mortals. Last I looked, dude, you’re no angel.”

  “What do you mean, ‘some mortals’?”

  “Well, Adam and Lilith were the first we tried it on, and you know how well that went. But there have been others where it’s worked.” He shrugs. “Go figure.”

  “You mean Eve—Adam and Eve,” Frannie says to the window.

  Gabriel cocks half a smile. “You’re right, it didn’t work on Eve either, but Lilith was Adam’s first wife.”

  She turns and looks at him, then at me, as if hoping I’ll confirm that Gabriel has lost his mind. I shake my head. “Long story.” Then I turn back to Gabriel. “Why didn’t the Shield work on Frannie?”

  Gabriel glares at me. “It did. Until you showed up.”

  “Oh.”

  “What didn’t work on me? What’s this Shield?”

  Gabriel answers. “It’s essentially a shield against detection by evil. It hides you from all things infernal.”

  Hope sparks in her eyes. “Could it hide me from angels too?”

  A sad smile flits across Gabriel’s lips. “No.”

  She looks dejected again as she asks, “Why didn’t it work on me?”

  “I don’t know. Sometimes it partially works. It only takes one demon who’s particularly sensitive to you, for any reason …” He shoots a glance at me.

  She looks at me, uncertainty in her eyes. “So you’re saying, even with this Shield, Luc found me anyway.”

  “Looks that way,” Gabriel says, but her eyes stay locked on mine.

  I nod reassuringly at her and smile. She’s so afraid she manipulated me into loving her. It hurts that she can’t see how much more it is now. How big it is. It may have been her Sway that started the ball rolling, but the way she makes me feel … that’s not her Sway. It’s just her.

  Her gaze shifts to Gabriel. “Try it on me again.”

  “You’re still under the protection of the Shield. I think that’s why Lucifer is the only one who’s found you so far.”

  I frown. “And Belias and Avaira.”

  Gabriel’s eyes shoot to me. “What are you talking about?”

  “Your radar sucks. They’ve been here for a few weeks.”

  His surprise turns to antipathy. “You should have told me, but I’m sure Belias found you, loser. You’re like an infernal lightning rod. You’re still bound to them, and that psychic thread will be hard to sever.”

  I can think of one way to sever it right now. “Which brings me back to my original request.”

  Gabriel eyes me warily. “I’ve never heard of anyone trying it on a demon. I’m thinking this isn’t such a great idea.”

  “But I’m not a demon anymore, remember?”

  “In body, you may be becoming mortal, but in essence you’re still theirs—a creature of the Underworld.”

  I know he’s right, because I couldn’t have done what I did with Frannie earlier otherwise. “If no one’s tried it on a demon, how can you be sure it won’t work on me? What’s the risk?”

  “The risk … well, let’s see. There’s the risk of death. Forces of light—especially forces this powerful—tend to kill forces of evil. Even if it didn’t kill you, it could alter you in ways I can’t even guess at.”

  Frannie stands and steps toward me, her eyes full of concern. “Is somebody gonna tell me what’s going on?”

  Gabriel looks at her with a sardonic smile. “Lucifer is asking for a miracle.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Aren’t we all? But, really …”

  I can’t help the smile. “He’s serious. That’s exactly what I’m asking for.”

  “A miracle,” she says, as if waiting for the punch line.

  “Yep.”

  That obviously wasn’t the answer she was hoping for. “Great.”

  Gabriel laces his fingers in hers and stares into her palm. “The Shield of Light makes angels invisible to detection by forces of evil. Angels can protect a mortal under their Shield when it doesn’t work directly on the mortal. That’s part of the reason I’m here—to shield you.” He looks up at her and she holds his eyes with hers.

  Chocolate.

  Jealousy bubbles up and I choke it back—for her sake. “Your radar sucks and your Shield must be defective too. I smelled you coming a mile away,” I smirk.

  Gabriel’s eyes stay locked on Frannie’s. “I let you detect me. Hoping to scare you off.”

  A bark of a laugh escapes my chest. “As if!”

  “So, what is this Shield? What would Luc have to do?” Frannie asks.

  Gabriel pulls his eyes away from Frannie and shoots a cynical look at me. “Grow a halo.”

  She rolls her eyes again. “Be serious.”

  We both look at her, dead serious.

  “Great,” she says again.

  Gabriel eyes me skeptically. “It will only work on a pure heart with the purest intentions.”

  Frannie cracks a smile. “I could have told you that wouldn’t work on me.”

  Gabriel is still staring at me. “It would be dangerous to try on a mortal tagged for Hell, and I think you’re a few steps beyond that.”

  “So … it could kill him?” she says, her smile gone.

  “Yes.”

  “Then he’s not doing it.”

  I look at Frannie, who now is looking at me with wide eyes, a little shell-shocked. My intentions are pure, I know that. My only intention is to save her from a fate she doesn’t deserve. But my heart? I’m not so sure. If it’s pure, Frannie made it that way. “What do I have to do? How does it work?” I ask, knowing I have to try. If I can’t protect Frannie, I’m useless. Worse than useless. I’m a liability—a beacon for the Underworld.

  Gabriel eyes F
rannie, probably weighing how she would react if something happened to me at his hands. Fury, vengeance … all sins.

  “Gabriel, this is my decision. Not hers,” I say, drawing his attention back to me.

  His eyes pull away from her and focus on me as he nods.

  “Hold up,” Frannie says, fiery incredulity all across her face, but fear in her eyes. “You’re serious that he could die?”

  Concern passes briefly over Gabriel’s features. He can’t lie …

  “That’s a risk, because he’s still tethered to Hell.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He’s a creature of the Underworld, no matter what he’s becoming. His life force is spawned from Hell, and he’ll always be connected.”

  I feel my insides boil as my disgust for what I am starts to feed on me. I can’t look at her. I can’t handle seeing that same disgust for me mirrored in her eyes.

  But when she doesn’t respond, I glance in her direction. She looks me in the eye and her expression turns cold. “I don’t think you should do this, Luc. Not for me. Because I don’t love you. I don’t want you anymore.”

  And even though I know she’s lying, the crushing pain in my chest is almost incapacitating. “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. I don’t want someone who loves me ’cause he has to. I want someone who loves me for me.” I feel my heart go dead in my chest as she turns to Gabriel. “What needs to happen for you to tag me?”

  “You need to forgive yourself.”

  For the briefest of instants, pain twists her face, but, just as quickly, she smoothes it away. “Forgive myself … for Matt, you mean.”

  “Yes,” Gabriel replies with a sad smile.

  Everything in me wants her to be safe—wants Gabriel to protect her. But what I’d never tell her is that, once she’s tagged for Heaven, I’m certain things between us will change. Gabriel said it: no matter what I’m becoming, I’m a creature of Hell. Frannie’s life, and her priorities, will change once she’s tagged for Heaven. She won’t want me or need me for long. But she’ll be safe.

  “Do it, Frannie,” I say and turn away. Because, despite my best intention, the pain in my words rang clear.

  It’s silent for a long moment, and when I turn back, Frannie looks unsure. Lost.