“Jace isn’t here,” I tell him, feeling like I just allowed myself to believe I will never be free. I’m bitter that Jace no longer gets a say, I’m twisted and tormented with resentment over this entire situation. “He doesn’t get a say anymore.”
“Sis,” Spencer speaks up, preventing me from leaving. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I won’t,” I vow, giving him the realest smile I can muster. “Don’t worry. I have to go back to my client. I’ll be back when it’s your time.”
I go back to the wolf who waits for the pleasure of my company.
Chapter Fifteen
I've been spewing my guts for a solid ten minutes. My knees are numbing from the cold tiles of the club's ladies’ restroom. It's now I wish I had my own room because then this would be more private.
I slump onto butt, my head rolling back to rest upon the cubicle door. I feel exhausted and empty. I want nothing more than to crawl into a comfortable bed, snuggle up with the sheets, and pray for Jace to enter and care for me. I close my eyes and cast myself to that sort of life. It’s bliss, utter euphoric heaven. I wouldn’t leave, but my stomach rolls over, and I’m back hugging the toilet bowl. As I dry heave, my stomach clenching tight with each convulsion, I feel the overwhelming need to cry. I was always one to absolutely hate being sick. It’s always been a phobia of mine, and here I am living it.
When the retching silences, I’m left with a larger ache in my stomach and know I need to get back out to the club. I flush the toilet and use it to support my weight as I push up. I take a few deep breaths, and I stumble from the claustrophobic space and haphazardly make it to the row of porcelain basins.
“Feeling better?” Cassidy asks sanctimoniously as she stands leaning against the end sink.
I jump back, unaware she had even entered the room. I immediately nod and step toward the sink, turning the tap on. My heart picks up a faster pace at the fact she’s obviously been here a while. I don’t get to answer her as I turn back to gaze at myself in the huge mirror before me. I look entirely washed out and my eyes show how nauseous I still am. It’s been this way for a week now, and I’m starting to tire of it.
She calculates a few steps and takes them. “You do realize Clara will kill you if this is morning sickness.” I don’t answer, and Cassidy begins to laugh. “You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” she asks, her voice just falling short of a sneer. My answer again seems to feed her need for verification, and she takes my silence as an affirmative. When, in reality, it’s because I don’t know. “The Boss is going to love hearing this!” She pushes me slightly, almost out of mockery and giddiness to have something over me. “You are just one disappointment after another, Dog!”
As she leaves, I go to argue, to bargain my fate out of her hands, but my stomach roils, and I'm forced back into the small cubicle space to throw up what little I had in my stomach already. I fall down onto my knees and pull my hair out of the way just as I spew all over again. As the energy drains from me even more, it dawns on me that Cassidy might be right about something.
Instinctively, my hand goes to my stomach, and I fret about what this could mean for a baby being born into this lifestyle. The idea is quickly doused by the thought of me carrying a baby created out of love with Jace. It would be a true testimony to our love. We spoke multiple times about a big house with a handful of children. We dreamed of the happiness and love we would bring them up with. This just isn’t the start I thought my child would have.
Even though I have no clue if I am, the signs are there. The possibility is there with the amount of times Jace and I skipped using contraception in the throes of unadulterated lust. This will have been a baby created from love and no fear. Yet its potential future is smothered with uncertainty and fearsome realities.
When I’m sure my stomach has calmed again I finally decide to go back to work. I’m wracked with guilt over the potentiality of my predicament and for spending so long behind this door. I have Josh coming within the hour, Clive is back, and Clara is gunning to have me with other notoriously warped clients. The fear that now laces my blood is unlike before; I don’t want to put myself in harm’s way in case I’m carrying my husband’s child. What would life be like if I lose a baby before I even know I have it?
Swallowing hard on the thought, I turn the taps on, rinse my mouth out, and wash my hands. I then dry them quickly and flee the room, walking straight into Sam. I take a step back, ready to step around him, but he grabs me just above my elbow and drags me from the restrooms toward Clara’s large domineering office door. I’ve been in this room far too many times lately, and I hate it. The Boss loves to see us, but not hear from us. It’s how she works. We only go to her when a wrong doing has been committed. It’s all I seem to be able to do lately. Soon my punishment will escalate and, right now, my worries aren’t concerned with my wellbeing, but the child within me. I don’t know how, but I feel complete knowing I’m with child. I don’t even have proof, but I know what I feel is right.
When I’m thrown in, Clara doesn’t even look at first.
"What disobedient act have you committed now?" Clara asks as se stills the pen on her paper work. Clearly Cassidy hasn’t named my misdemeanour this time, but alerted The Boss to it. "I'm busy as it is, I don't need more of your problematic ways." I hesitate, not wanting to admit the possible truth. "Well?" Clara demands, not looking happy at my lack of quickness to answer. "Spit it out!"
Her temper has been continually thinning on me even though I have be model Viper Girl.
"I-I might be pregnant," I utter, the words faint on my lips. I don't look at Clara, the anger radiating off her almost immediately is enough to keep me passive and withdrawn. I stay staring at my own feet, especially as Sam’s hold on me tightens dramatically. I fell myself lifting slightly, trying to ease the pain he’s inflicting.
"Release her," Clara orders Sam and he obeys.
I fall flatter on my feet and wish I had his fierce grip to stop me from falling down. My legs are completely jelly, my stomach aches and my head is in a fierce command with my fight and flight response once more.
Clara stands, waving Sam to leave us. She’s staring at me and I now choose to look back at her. She looks enamored with irritation, enflamed by a sudden life change I’m thrust into. Her heels click upon the floor as she walks from her side of the desk to mine.
“Pregnant?” she asks rhetorically. “Is this some joke?”
“No,” I answer immediately, my nostrils flare as my eyes water heavily.
“When did you have your suspicions?” she asks me tensely.
“Not until just now,” I reply honestly. “I’ve been feeling sick all week, but Cassidy made me think it.” A bolt of terror races through me, setting my entire body alight. I feel the sudden need to dig myself out of a hole. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, Clara. I would never do this purposefully. I don’t have a life fit for a child.”
“If you’d never ran, we wouldn’t be in this shitty predicament.” Her words are ground out, her jaws barely loosening as she speaks. “If you’d just obeyed me in the first place, none of this would be happening!” Her voice now levels up, hollering her governance at me. “I set those rules to stop things like this from happening. I set those so girls like you didn’t stray! I set those damn rules to keep you mine, Joely.” She finishes her sentence as she rushes toward me, grabbing my face fiercely. “You had one job to maintain for just six years, it wasn’t a lifetime! Yet you disappointed us all. You stink of utter failure.” She throws my head away from her. “Go, dismiss your clients, wait behind the bar. I’m calling the club’s doctor,” she commands, alerting me to the changes of the evening. “We’re clearing this mess up.”
I get no time to answer, I just leave. I bolt back to Eli and try to calm myself. If I have any idea, then Clara’s idea of clearing this mess up would involve me losing the baby. The thought of being forced to have an abortion would send me postal. I wouldn’t care for any consequence; I would
fight my way out this place and not care about the consequences for me. I cannot believe how overwhelmingly protective I am of a child I don’t even know I’m carrying.
“Eli!” I cry as I rush up behind the bar to him. I pull him away from Jay and cling desperately. "I need you to get me a phone. I need to call Jace." My watering eyes finally allows the tears to pour down my cheek. “Please, you’ve got to help me.”
“What’s going on?” he asks as he pulls me back into the kitchen. We’re alone in here, but I don’t know if I should tell me. “Joely?”
“I think I’m pregnant. Clara wants to sort it out.”
“Use this now!” he demands, handing me his phone. “I’ll stand watch.”
I go into the kitchen and shakily type in Jace’s number.
“Eli!” Jace’s voice bellows down at me. “How’s my girl? Please tell me she’s doing okay today.”
“She’s okay,” I whisper to him, the sobs finally taking me victim. I cry and strive for control. “I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too,” he replies, the pain is evident and it kills me to hear it. “It’s so good to hear your voice, baby.” I don’t answer verbally, just choke a sob. “I’m trying everything to get you out.” His voice sounds so fraught, so compelled with apologizes and disappointments, but none of it matters to me.
“Don’t worry about that right now. I’m not calling for that.” I try to calm him. “Jace, I thin-”
The phone is plucked from hand and before I can even tell him I think I’m pregnant. I turn around, ready to grab it back, but Clara stands before me, holding the iPhone up. I can hear Jace screaming for me, but Clara just ends the call. Her face begins to lighten up, the wickedness framing all over her, taking control.
“We’ll see what punishment I can give you later for that.”
***
"You had better pray hard that you were wrong about this," Clara hisses at me as she stands beside me in the doctor’s office.
I gawk at her, unsure if the wave of nausea is an impending life changer or the odor of pure evil stagnating from Clara.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask her, my retort pleasantly snappy. I enjoy watching her look at me - The Fallen Viper, the runaway Viper Girl - actually have the guts to stand up to her. My fight has waned a lot over the passing weeks, but occasionally she pipes up, and I applaud it when it shows face.
She laughs at me then. "Don't think because you're potentially pregnant means you get out of The Viper Rooms, Sweetheart. I own you which means I also own that spawn that's inside you." She leans in, her eyes shooting daggers straight into my heart. "Bring a baby into my world and you'll live to regret it. Mark my words."
I go to respond, but there’s a knock on the door and it consequently opens, showing me the doctor who was waiting for us when we arrived. She’s a long member of the staff Clara holds for us girls, but I know she doesn’t know what really happens back in The Viper Rooms. Gulping nervously, I hope she has the results of my blood work she drew, but she just gives me a small smile.
“Right, I just need for you to pop into the restroom over there and give me a sample.” I watch as she hands me a tiny cup and I shakily take it. “No need to panic. This should be an exciting time.”
Clara’s hand hits my back, and I flinch at her touch. “It really is. None of my girls have gotten pregnant while working for me. It’ll be a new change.”
Wanting away from her, I take the cup and disappear into the side room. I can hear the muffled talking between Clara and the doctor but can’t quite work it out. I hear something about the club, about how well it’s doing and another upcoming party, but nothing else. I don’t want them out there alone any longer than I have to. I don’t want her discussing my child’s life.
My child. Jesus, I’m on the cusp of working out if I am actually pregnant, but I’m acting like I already am. I hope I am, then I can watch the smugness get slapped off Clara’s face, and she can forget inflicting any pain upon me. It’ll be my own form of leverage over her. Finishing I hurry myself to leave the small space and hand the cup over to the doctor. She instructs me to sit back on the exam table while she runs a quick pregnancy test.
She dips litmus paper into the sample and I grip my hands together. I want so much for her to say I'm pregnant, but a part me is begging that I'm not. This isn’t the right time to find out this news. Not without my husband beside me.
The moment she turns to face me, I know the outcome. "Well the pregnancy test is negative." The doctor turns to face me, and I feel a hole blow directly in the center of my chest. I feel wounded and a part of me hollows out - my womb. There is no baby for Jace and me. There is no salvation in my life, only a harsh realizm that I'm in for it now. There’s a small part of relief that I won’t bring a baby into Clara’s world, but that’s eclipsed by a shot of longing.
I'm relieved I never told him I was pregnant. I'm even thankful Clara stopped me from doing so. At least now I don't have to tell him. I don't need to admit to him that I lied. Now I have nothing keeping us as one, nothing keeping him with me. I feel even more alone now than I did before.
"I'll get a rush on the bloods, but I'm not sure they'll be in until morning. It is quite late."
“What about the nausea and sickness?” I ask, my voice becoming void of any emotional input. “Why am I so sick?”
“From the exam I see no obvious reason for it. Hopefully the blood work will show something.” She flicks through the flip chart before her, baffled for a moment. “You’ve got signs of dehydration, but I highly doubt that would cause such lengthy bouts of nausea and vomiting.” The doctor gives me a look, but I look away, unable to deal with being unaware of my own health. All the pointers had eluded a pregnancy, now that wasn’t the case. “I’d like to just run another few tests then you can leave.”
“I’ll leave you for a moment,” Clara declares, her voice is tight in her throat, and I know she’s even more irritated with me. “I’ll get Sam to bring the car around.”
When we’re alone, I just wait for another run of the mill round of testing, but it never happens. Instead the doctor goes over to her desk, grabs something and heads back toward me. “Is there something you want to tell me, Mrs. Gilbert?” the doctor asks me, hesitating to leave me. “I had to notice how you flinched around your boss.”
I shake my head. “No,” I reply, lying through my teeth. “I’m just nervous.”
“I know I’m an outsider, but I think there is more to it,” the doctor notices. “I won’t pressure you to talk about it, but I will give you this.”
She doesn’t say anything else, just hands me a pamphlet, and I just gaze at it. It’s about the psychological causes of nausea and vomiting. I open it and read some of it and realize that the only reason I’ve felt as awful as I have is because of my living situation. I realize the lifestyle has me so frightened and fearful that I am heading the right way for other psychological and physiological problems. I close the leaflet shut and take a deep breath – is this what Clara wants? Does she want me reduced to a sick pathetic being?
The thought sickens me, but I can see her need for it. She wants control of me. Clara Delvine is a manipulator and weakening me would issue her with optimal chances for controlling my sentence with her.
When Clara enters I shove the leaflet beneath my thigh so she doesn’t see it. The doctor takes notice, but excuses herself to do a final check on my labs and give me something for the nausea I’ve been experiencing. We’re told to meet her outside at the main desk, but as I go to hop down from the table, Clara reaches for me. Clara grabs me by my hair, near enough pulling me from the doctor's table. The only thing keeping me from falling to the floor is Clara's grasp on me.
"I'll take much delight in telling Jace you were almost pregnant. That you nearly had a child while being a Viper Girl." She crinkles her nose as she thinks of something else and delivers the line as she throws me aside. "Not as much as I'd have taken had I got to tell him you had abo
rted his child or signed over legal guardianship to me, but we have to take small mercies where we can get them."
I choke on an inhale as she makes her threat and comments on what she would really have done. She is a grade-A monster, and I thought I had seen that in her past, in my Viper Girl history, but apparently Clara is far more able to brutalize now. Before felt like a test run for her truest potential.
“I’ll meet you in the car,” she states and stalks from the room.
***
On the way back, I look out of the window, keeping quiet as the tears drag down my face. It astonishes me how I never knew what I wanted until it was almost mine. I have the man I loved waiting for me – the call verified that for me – but to almost have a family with him, it was something I hadn’t known would feel so perfect until it was just there.
Now both were gone. Jace isn’t here to comfort me, I have no news for him about our potential future. I’m stuck in limbo, praying he’ll one day storm the club and take down Clara.
I know whatever happens to me will be proof of my betrayal to the club. Clara’s face, stormed and full of fury’s fire, tells me I’m in for it now. This is the final straw. The threats she’s been making are only going to become all too real. I won’t be able to carry on with just moments of humiliation and living in the pit. Now she’ll enact every little promise she’s presented to me.
As the car pulls to a halt outside the club, Clara leaves, but I remain seated. My hand rests upon my flat stomach, and I long for a prayer that would have changed the results of those tests. As my door is thrown open, I’m pulled out of the car and made to follow my boss through the building and out the back. Again, I feel all eyes on me, the girls all shocked at mine and Clara’s abrupt departure. I have no idea what’s going to happen. I don’t have any clients, so I can either see myself back in the pit or getting my ultimatum punishment. The one Clara’s been biding her sweet time to inflict on me.
The Runaway Viper (Viper #2) Page 17
