Master

by Raven McAllan

  "What?" she asked.

  He didn't say anything, just looked at her, and Anna's clammy palms turned sweaty as she realized the clock was her heartbeat.

  "Talk to me. What's wrong?" she demanded.

  He raised one eyebrow and continued to look at her like a specimen in a petri dish.

  Damn, I've forgotten already. I can so see this all going pear-shaped. Anna began to lose her temper. This wasn't going according to plan. Not that she actually had a plan, but she thought he might be somewhat more helpful. She was floundering.

  "Look, I'm sorry. Cade. I'm trying, but damn, I have to get my head around all the things I've been denying for the last god knows how long. Cut me some slack, please."

  "Please, Sir," he replied in a level tone.

  "Please, Sir," Anna parroted. Her tone bordered on insolent. Why wasn't he meeting her at least halfway? Suddenly weary of it all, Anna bowed her head again. Not to be subservient, but so Cade wouldn't see the tears that were forming.

  Her chin was lifted up by one elegant finger. Cade hunkered down in front of her and stroked her face and neck. "Hey, why the tears? You don't have to do this, you know."

  "Ha." Anna sniffed and took the tissue he offered her. "I do, you know. Because let's face it, this, this great big 'oh what if' is hovering over me like a storm cloud. It's just I feel stupid."

  The moment she'd spoken, Anna knew the words were the truth. She did feel silly. "I'm watching myself, kneeling on the floor like this and thinking 'he's not interested, what an arse I look'. Oh and as well as that, instead of being full of anticipation, I'm watching the door, scared shitless it's going to open. I certainly don't feel turned on, more the opposite. This isn't going to work."

  His grip on her neck tightened for a second, and then relaxed. "Let's start again, love. I'm not behaving properly, and that's remiss. So, open and honest, and as ourselves?"

  That sounded promising. Anna allowed a faint thought of hope to warm her. She nodded. "I reckon."

  Cade stood up and held out his hand for her to take. "Upsadaisy then. This is not the place to start."

  Anna let him pull her up and for one short second she was in his arms, before he straightened. The brief contact had her pulse jumping. He still had the power to move her. Surely that was a good sign?

  "Where are we going?” Anna grabbed her handbag and jacket as Cade picked up her shoes and ushered her towards the door. Thank goodness she hadn't got any further than trying to unzip her skirt, and her blouse was still buttoned up.

  He shut the door behind them and turned to an astonished Stephan. "That's us away for the day. Aiden and Melissa will be in within the hour. Will you hold the fort until then?"

  Anna thought Stephan answered Cade, but she was outside the room and following him down the corridor so fast, she almost tripped.

  "Hell, Cade, slow down, will you? I've not got any shoes on."

  He glanced down at her bare feet, and the next thing Anna knew, she was in his arms.

  Cade kicked the door to the car park open.

  "No time. I need to get us somewhere private. Then I'm going to make love to you until neither of us can move. After that, we'll talk. Here, use this for me." He gave Anna the fob to open the car. "I don't want to drop you."

  Well, she didn't want him to either, especially as his erection was pressing into the cheek of her butt. She could feel its power and heat through the material of her skirt. Anna fiddled with the fob and heard the door lock open. That was a good start. Cade lowered her into the passenger seat and walked around to the driver's side. Once he was in his seat, Anna passed him the fob. Cade grunted his thanks and set the car in motion.

  "Before you ask, and I can see your mind buzzing, we're going home. Our home. To kill all the bad memories and make some new ones, I hope. Oh, and to learn how to interact, and do what's right for us both." He turned off the road they were travelling on and onto a dual carriageway before he increased the speed of the car. He shot Anna a quick glance before looking back at the road. "Talk to me, Anna. Tell me what you want. Let's start with basics, and be honest about everything. Tell me, love, where do you want to start?"

  That was throwing the responsibility to her—or was it? Anna twiddled with her hair as she tried to formulate her words. "I think I want to start from scratch. As if I'd never been in the lifestyle with you, as if I'm a newbie, investigating my needs and wants. I…" She hesitated. It was harder to put her thoughts into words than she'd imagined it would be. Cade didn't look at her but concentrated on the road ahead. "I liked some of what we did, but not if other people saw," she said in a rush. "I hated that. So, I want to find out what I do and don't enjoy. Hell, it's been so long, I might hate everything." What she did hate was the way her voice wobbled.

  "And you might love everything and ask to go further. Stop pre-empting yourself. Okay, I can go with that, but you have to give me one thing, love." Caden indicated to turn up a drive that she had never forgotten. The last time she'd seen it, it was through the rear view mirror of her car, and that view had been blurred by her tears. "You have to give me truth and trust. No negotiation."

  That seemed reasonable. "As long as I get it back?"

  The look he gave her could have felled a lesser woman, but Anna stared back at him. She had to say it, and now felt one hell of a lot better.

  "That goes without saying." He'd stopped the car. "Hold on while I open the door then I'll carry you over the gravel."

  At least he didn't say over the threshold. Anna admired the way his denims molded to his butt and thighs. When he turned and retraced his steps she saw the way the soft cloth outlined his cock. Very nice, can I hope he feels like that because of me? Cade had seen where she was looking, and laughed.

  "That's what you do to me, and we've not even started yet. But we can do, very soon." He lifted Anna into his arms again and ran his hand up her thigh to the top of her legs. She wriggled as he straightened and saw the moment something major registered.

  "Holy hell, if I'd known you were knickerless earlier, we'd never have got out of my office."

  "The very reason I didn't mention it," Anna said. "It was in the details I had sent to me. Knickerless and no hair. That gave my beautician friend the best laugh she'd had for ages. I was told I acted like a two year old on her first haircut." She giggled. "Well, in one way it was my first."

  His finger stroked her bare mound and circled her clit. Anna hardly dared breathe. The gentle touch sent a flare of heat through her. She clenched her muscles, and Cade laughed.

  "You like that." It wasn't a question. His finger moved closer and rubbed against the sensitive tissues. Anna moaned, as the flare became an inferno. Her juices gathered, and she was ready to come. Oh god, I'm moaning and groaning like I don't know what, and about to come and we're standing on the drive.

  Caden walked toward the door. "Let's get this clear," he said in a conversational tone. "You don't come unless I say so. You're ceding your decision-making process over to me."

  Anna thought about it. That was three steps too far. "No, I'm not. I'm ceding nothing yet. We need to talk."

  The scrunch of gravel under Cade's feet was loud, as he said nothing. Anna rushed into speech as he put her down on the doormat and unlocked the door.

  "I need baby steps, Cade, not giant ones."

  "You need your ass paddled until you stop thinking and just enjoy," Cade said as he stood back to let her pass inside. "That's your trouble, Anna. You can't let go."

  Anna sniffed. He might be correct in his assumption, but just saying it wasn't going to change the way she felt. She stalked past him and stopped dead. Cade bumped into her, and his cock, ready as ever, pressed on the crack of her bum.

  Anna did her best to ignore the insistent pressure and the shivers and tingles that ran over her skin. Her nipples were so hard and tight, she feared for the lace of her bra. Her channel was so wet, even the most liquid-collecting kitchen towel wouldn't be enough to hold it all. And now this.

/>   "Oh wow." The once stark room oozed comfort and warmth. "This is gorgeous. What's the rest of the house like?"

  "Let's go and take a look," Cade suggested. He put his hand to the small of her back. Anna thought the imprint would be outlined on her skin.

  "Why upstairs?" she asked as he urged her toward the wide wooden staircase. Her skirt chafed her pussy and did nothing to deflate her excitement.

  "Why not?" Cade asked her. His tone was bland and gave nothing away. "We'll be spending a lot of time up here. My playroom is on the first floor, remember?"

  That was something she was trying hard not to remember.

  Cade chuckled. The carefree sound surprised her. "Ah, Anna, love, you're so transparent. I heard you, baby steps. I just want to show you round and see if you like what I've done. After all you'll be living here, so I want it to be to your taste."

  Anna preceded him up the stairs. "Well, it sure as hell won't be if you still have that rope contraption above the bed. The thought of it still gives me nightmares. In fact the thought of our bedroom gives me the heebie jeebies. More like a gynecologist's office than a room for rest and relaxation. If you expect me to be able to stop thinking and just feel, then that's not the place." A frisson of something akin to fear slithered down her spine. She'd never ever been vocal about Cade's preferences before, and she was worried about his reaction. However, Anna had made herself a promise before she'd returned that she wasn't going to suffer—or enjoy in silence.

  "Remember, safe, sane, and consensual. Especially the consensual bit. Think what you want. Here, will this do?" Cade pushed open the door to what had been their bedroom, ropes and shackles included. "Open your eyes." He barked in a staccato manner.

  Anna hadn't realized she'd screwed her eyes closed as the door opened. The command had her eyes wide open and staring at him. She hoped to hell she didn't look as wary as she felt. He made her feel like a virgin about to be deflowered by a dragon. Not that she was technically a virgin, but Anna had her doubts if anything could find her pussy, let alone make its way inside. It had been so long since she'd felt anything other than her vibrator; her channel would probably put a no entry sign up if a cock dared to go near it.

  "Look at the room, love, not at me." Again his voice was steel.

  Anna took her gaze off him with reluctance and stared around. She sagged with relief and delight. If she hadn't taken hold of Cade's arm, Anna was sure she'd have sat on the floor with a thump. Without knowing it was the room that held so many bad memories for her, Ana wouldn't have believed it. Gone were the wrought iron bed and the ropes above it. Instead there was a deep mahogany sleigh bed, the patina of the wood glowing in the sunlight. She saw her dresser still sited in the deep bay window and smiled. When she'd left she daren't take it with her. It held too many memories.

  Pencil sketches of her replaced the ugly modern blocks of color Cade had favored for pictures… Anna let go of Cade's arm and walked across the room to examine the three small pictures.

  "These are me," she said. "Naked me, me with wax on, and me tied up. Who did them?" Her stomach was churning again. Anna decided she needed to buy some Milk of Magnesia, super economy size. How could he let someone portray her like that? In the one depicting wax play, she looked to be in subspace, her head bowed and her eyes closed, and in the one of her tied she had her head thrown back in ecstasy. She gripped her hands together to stop herself ripping them from the walls. Even the straightforward nude showed her in the throes of passion. The artist had made her skin glow.

  "Who did them?" she asked again.

  "I did."

  He did?

  "But why? And how?" Anna was at a loss to understand why Cade needed them. She'd been gone fifteen years, for goodness’ sake. Lord, she hoped a succession of subs hadn't seen them.

  "To remind me of how it had been before it all went wrong. Before you ran. To try to understand why it went wrong when I remember you like this. Why, Anna? Please help me understand so I can try to fix it."

  Anna bit her lip. "Where are the ropes?" she asked and looked up to the ceiling above the bed. The surface was smooth and unblemished. You'd never have known what was once attached there.

  "In the playroom, waiting." His tone was wary. Anna stared, and a flush of color washed over him. "The ropes came down when you left. It reminded me of how beautiful you looked, and how sweetly you came when we used them."

  What? Sweetly? Never, surely I hated it. But did she? Anna began to suspect a lot of her memories were suspect.

  "And the playroom is sadly neglected. Let me say straight away, love." Cade held her close and put his chin on top of her head as he cuddled her. "It's not been used since you left."

  Anna had a rush of emotion and felt her lashes dampen. Dammit, ten minutes with him here and I'm mush. A total walking mess of contradictions. Argh, god help us, what on earth are we going to do? Anna knew she should really be thinking what was she going to do, not them. No doubt Cade had his own agenda.

  "What, never?"

  Cade shook his head. "Never, I soon realized what I, no, we, had here is for us and no one else. Oh yes, I taught, I did displays, but they weren't from the heart. When you went? Well, so did my enthusiasm. Oh I can demo, and I can teach. But involve my heart? Not a chance. I don't know how long it is since your heart has been involved in anything, but mine gave up when you left."

  Anna stared at him. His face was white, and the pulse in his neck was irregular. Good grief, he means it. What the hell do I do now? She remembered something her mum used to say to her. "Listen to your heart." With a resolution she didn't know she had, Anna went to the door, turned and walked back to Cade. If it was possible, he was even paler than before. She held her hand out. As if he were an automaton, he took it and shook hands.

  "Hello," Anna said in a low clear voice. She was proud of how it didn't tremble. "My name is Anna McCourt. I loved you years ago, and however hard I tried, that love never went away. I love you now. Will you love me back?"

  He cleared his throat, and his voice was gruff. "I will, and I do."

  "Then will you teach me how to be your perfect partner?" She paused, and a tingle of pleasure shot through her at the love and tenderness on his face. "Will you show me what you want and I need please. Sir?"

  "My pleasure, love. Our pleasure."

  She could ask for no more.

  PART FOUR

  Setback

  Chapter Eleven

  One Year Later

  The scream echoed through the house. Caden virtually dropped his laptop as he scrambled to his feet and ran to the bedroom. He skidded on the rug by the fire and stumbled and almost lost his footing.

  The terrible noise continued, and Cade took the stairs two at a time. Dickens, alerted by the noise, had erupted from the kitchen like a volcano and was matching Cade step for step as they mounted the stairs.

  Damn, I thought these had stopped. He opened the bedroom door and moved swiftly to the bed. His heart lurched, and a heavy lump of dread filled his stomach. Anna was curled in a fetal position, her body racked with sobs and an awful keening noise coming from her. Dickens sat on his haunches and howled, the noise mingling with Anna's cries.

  "Noo, please no, not that. Oh god color, color what is it, help meee." She rolled over onto her knees and stared through Cade. "Where's Cade? I need him. Go away no, no, not you, Caden…" Her voice rose, and she screamed again and batted at some invisible entity. "Get off."

  Dickens whined and went to lick her. Cade stopped him with a quick hand movement. In Anna's overwrought state, that could perhaps be the last straw.

  "Stop it, love." Cade caught her hands and spoke in a voice of authority. "I'm here. Relax, it's only me. No one else. You had a bad dream." He stroked her cheek. As she stopped her shudders, he gathered her into his arms and stroked her hair and her back. All the time he whispered silly nothings into her ear, reassuring her, holding her and calming her down.

  Eventually Anna took a deep breath and shook her he
ad. Her eyes cleared, and she blinked several times. "Cade?" Her voice was puzzled, and then he saw awareness dawn. "Oh shit, not again?"

  He nodded. "It's all fine. You're okay now."

  Anna brushed her hair off her cheek. He didn’t think he'd ever get used to the desolate look on her face.

  "No, it's not. It's fucking shite." She thumped his shoulder. "Why does it keep happening? It's not real. I don't even know what I'm thinking or dreaming, not properly, and I know it’s not bloody real. It's freaking me out. Why? Argh." She threw a pillow across the room. “Dammit Cade, I have to get over whatever it is. You're suffering, I'm suffering, and I bet the club is suffering. Hell, Daisy can hardly bring herself to speak to me, and you're so close mouthed you might as well stich a zip over your lips." Anna scrambled off the bed and stood in front of him in her cartoon cat pajamas, the cuffs turned up and the top falling off her shoulder. Cade's cock hardened and pressed against his zip. It didn't matter how she looked or what she did, Cade reacted to Anna like a moth to a flame. He couldn't stay away, nor did he want to. Anna was as necessary as water. Her scent, her body, one look from those sleepy green eyes, and he was toast.

  As Anna recovered from her nightmare, the steel that had been absent from her for so long showed itself, albeit briefly. "Cat got your tongue, Caden?"

  Cade kept his temper—just. She was pushing him, and he was fairly sure she hoped she would make him go into full Dom mode and take over. He wouldn't. It wasn't the answer. Anna had to decide to do as she desired because it was her decision, made of her own free will. For Caden to direct and demand would be a cop out for her, and an impossible situation for him. However, he let his voice harden.

  "That's Sir to you."

  She took a step backwards and covered her mouth with her hand.

  "You bastard." Anna whirled around and went to move off. He held his hand up in the universal 'hold it there' gesture.