by Vivi Holt
She heard her father’s voice, urgent and low. “Get in the wagon, Wilma.”
“Who do you think they are?” her mother asked.
“Can’t say for sure, but they look like they’re after something. Better we clear out of their way.”
Her mother scrambled into the wagon and sat down beside Angela, taking her hand. “Everything’s going to be just fine, my dear. Pa likes to be careful, is all.”
She could hear Pa tying the bay to the side of the wagon, then shouting “hi-ya” to the horses. The wagon turned left, away from the tracks. The hot sun beat down on her through the canvas cover – it seemed to magnify the sun’s rays. She let her eyes drift shut, until she heard hooves thundering toward them, then stopping. “Howdy,” said a gruff voice as though the man was standing right beside her.
“Good morning to you,” replied Pa. It was his jovial voice, the same one he’d used on Aunt Pam when she came to visit and he knew she’d get into the brandy and cause a stir before the day was done.
“Where ya headed?” asked the stranger.
“Utah Territory,” replied Pa. He didn’t like to tell people that, and Angela could hear the tension in his voice.
“Seems to me there was more’n one of ya, when we saw you a ways back.”
Pa grunted in response, and the wagon lurched forward.
“I’m talkin’ to ya,” the stranger said angrily. Angela bit her lower lip, and Ma squeezed her hand tighter.
“Sorry – just in a hurry to get where we’re going. Have a nice day –”
“Stop right there. We’re gonna take a look in that wagon of yers if’n you don’t mind.”
Pa’s voice turned cold. “I do mind.”
There was a click and a scramble and BAM! Angela screamed as she saw Pa slump in his seat. Ma cried out, rushing to hold his head in her lap. “What have you done?” she shouted at whoever was out there. “What have you done?”
The same voice laughed. “He shoulda listened, ma’am.”
“You lowlife rotten scoundrels! The whole lot of you! Shooting a man just like that when he’s done nothing to any of you!”
Angela cowered in the back of the wagon, sobbing into her hands. What would they do? There wasn’t likely to be a doctor nearby. They’d have to take Pa to the nearest town, but first they’d have to get moving, and the strangers still hadn’t left. She raised her head and looked around. She had to do something …
Another gunshot resounded, and Ma collapsed, a circle of red expanding across her chest. Her eyes fixed on Angela. “Run, my darling, run!” she whispered.
“I won’t leave you.”
“Run! They’ve killed us both, but you can make it. I know you can.” A tear wound its way down her mother’s cheek.
“Ma, please don’t leave me all alone out here.”
Ma shook her head. “You’re strong and you can do anything you set your mind to. Now take the bay and go!”
Outside, she could hear men conferring. It was only a matter of moments before they’d discover her. She’d have to move fast. She leaned forward to kiss Ma on the forehead, and kissed Pa as well, though he didn’t respond and his eyes remained closed. She crept around them and out of the canvas covering. A quick glance revealed the men were focused on each other and paying her no mind. One of them was dismounting and laughing, and the image filled her with a boiling rage.
Leaning low, she crept around the other side of the wagon until she found the horse where Pa had tied it. She realized she should’ve brought the gun with her, but it was too late to go back for it now. She mounted up, shushing the horse with a whisper and a stroke of its neck. Still bending low, she untied the reins and urged it forward. As soon as she was clear of the wagon, she kicked the horse’s sides hard, spurring it into a gallop.
“Hey!” shouted one of the men behind her.
But she didn’t look back or slow down. Her feet in the stirrups, she hunched over the horse’s neck, pushing him as fast as he could go. He stumbled in a rabbit hole and slowed, his head jerking up. “Keep going!” she cried into his ear.
Just then, one of the men pounded by her on a large black horse and wheeled the animal in front of her, forcing her to pull on the reins and prop to a halt. A long sand-colored beard reached down the center of his chest. “Well, howdy, little lady,” he smirked.
She scowled, tears still lining her cheeks. “Get out of my way.”
“Now didn’tcha hear? Folks that don’t listen or treat me with respect get what’s comin’ to ‘em. You don’t wanna be one of those folks, do ya?”
She scanned the prairie – there was no one and nothing to help her. The rest of the men were already crawling all over the wagon. She dashed the tears from her cheek with the back of one hand. “All right, mister, what do you want?”
“I want ya to come with me.”
Angela nodded and turned the bay back toward the wagon, her heart a stone in her chest. She felt nothing but pain and grief. No fear. No anxiety. She wanted to die. Let them shoot her as well – there was nothing left in the world for her anyway.
Behind her, the man began to whistle, and a new emotion rose deep inside her: hate …
Angela woke with a scream. She sat up in bed, sweat cascading down both sides of her face and soaking her nightgown. She gasped, then began to cry. Giant sobs wracked her swollen body, and she covered her face with her hands.
She’d remembered. She’d remembered it all. Ma, Pa - she remembered what happened to them. How much she’d loved them, and they her, and the dreams they’d had. And how they’d been cut down by awful men who … she scrambled from the bed and pelted down the hall, still sobbing. She groaned and leaned against the wall for a moment, her head spinning, then continued on.
It was too much. If only she could forget it all over again.
In the kitchen, she poured a glass of water from the pitcher and leaned against the table while she drank. She drained it, set the glass down and buried her face in her hands. Now she couldn’t get the images out of her mind – why did she have to remember? With a cry, she slapped her hands against her forehead, over and over, wishing she could knock the memories from her mind.
She’d gone with the outlaws, not that she’d had a choice. Yannick Berger was the man who’d ridden to catch her, the man who made her marry him. There’d been no minister, no ceremony – he said they didn’t need the law on their side. She stared wide-eyes at her stomach. He was her husband – if not by law, then by deed.
The flood of memories threatened to overwhelm her and she slid to the floor, tears spilling from her eyes and wails from her throat.
“Angela?”
She rubbed her eyes with both fists and stared through the darkness. “Genny, is that you?”
“Yes, it’s me. What are you doing on the floor? Are you crying?”
Angela nodded, though she knew Genny couldn’t see it, then burst into a fresh round of tears. “I remember everything.”
Genny hurried to her side, handing her a clean handkerchief before putting an arm around her shoulders. “But … that’s good, isn’t it?”
Her nose honked into the handkerchief. “No, it’s not good. I can see it all so clearly and I don’t want to. Yannick Berger killed my folks and made me his … this is his child. Oh, I can’t stand it – please help me …” She began slapping her forehead again.
Genny took hold of both her hands and pulled them to her lips to kiss them gently. “Shhh … it’s going to be all right.”
“No, it’s not. It’s never going to be all right. Nothing will ever be the same again. They’re gone and I’m stuck with this … baby.” Her eyes widened and she took a quick breath. “And Yannick is coming after me!” The back door of the kitchen opened with a creak, and she screamed, as if Yannick Berger had just arrived to drag her away.
A lantern peeked through the crack, followed by two men. “Genny, Angela? What are you both doing … what’s wrong?” Ost ran to Angela and squatted beside her, c
upping her cheek in his hand.
“She just remembered everything – including what happened to her folks,” Genny said. “Yannick Berger killed them and took her.”
Ost helped Angela to her feet, and she grimaced at the pins and needles in her legs. She hobbled to a chair and sat down.
Still holding her arm, Ost knelt in front of her and kissed the back of one hand, then the other. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry you went through that.”
“I didn’t know you were back.” She sobbed again and held the handkerchief to her nose. “It was Yannick Berger. I remember it all – he’s the father …”
Ost nodded. He didn’t seem surprised at all – she thought the news would bother him more. Didn’t he care? “We just got back. I could’ve stayed in town, but I wanted to see you, and Dan was headed this way anyhow, so I rode with him.” His eyes were full of concern. “We’re going to get through this, Angela.”
Her head hung low. “I don’t know if I can. I just want to forget everything all over again.”
“I can understand that.” He stood, set his hands on his hips and began pacing. “That varmint! I suspected he might have forced himself on you, made you marry him, but I hoped it wasn’t true.”
She peered up at him through her tears, her brows furrowed. “I didn’t marry him… You suspected it? Why?”
“Rev. Jim Arden down in Whitfield told us he’d seen Yannick with a young blonde woman. That sparked my concern, though it wasn’t proof of anything. We found Berger’s hideout, and there was a barn. And inside the barn we found …” He stared hard at the ground before continuing. “We found what might’ve been your folks’ wagon. Dan wasn’t sure, but the clothes in the trunk were still there, and they looked like yours and your ma’s.”
“You found our things?”
He nodded. “We brought them back with us in our saddlebags, what we could carry. If they are yours, at least you’ll have some of your stuff now.”
“I remember a barn …” She sobbed loudly and rubbed the handkerchief over her running nose again.
“Are you sure you didn’t marry him?” His voice was soft and his nostrils flared as he spoke, unable to meet her eye.
She shook her head. “No. I remember everything so clearly now … I mean, he said we were married. But it wasn’t legal, there was no minister … he just … he made me …” She couldn’t go on.
He nodded, fire in his eyes. “I’m so sorry. But it’s all behind you now.”
“No, it’s not – he’s going to come after me. He told me if I ever tried to run away he’d come after me and nothing would stop him from taking me back.” She closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “I was running away from him when you found me. I still can’t remember how I got away, I just know I did.”
He kissed her forehead. “I won’t let anything happen to you. He doesn’t know where you are, and we’re going to find him and arrest him before he gets anywhere near you.”
She wanted to believe him, wanted to trust that she was safe. But she knew Yannick – and when he wanted something, he didn’t give up until he got it.
“Besides, Tom and Dan are here, and the rest of the cowpokes. They won’t let anything happen to you while I’m gone.”
“You’re going somewhere?” Her voice was panicked.
“Not right now. I’m not going anywhere tonight – I’m staying here with you.”
Genny interrupted their whispers. “Let’s get you back to bed, my dear. You need your rest or you’ll feel unwell in the morning.”
Angela didn’t think she could feel worse, but she took Genny’s offered hand and allowed herself to be led away. All she could think of was the returned memories. How could she sleep with all that back in her head? She never wanted to dream again, if it meant living through the pain all over. “Ost?”
“I’ll sleep in the room across from yours,” he called after her. “Wake me if you need me.”
Angela meekly followed Genny, her thoughts in a whirl. She reached for her throat and rubbed it with a grimace – it was sore from all the crying.
Genny guided her into her bedroom. “Here we are. Try to get some sleep.”
Angela lay back down on the bed and pulled the covers up over her. She curled up on her side, cupping her hands beneath her cheek. For weeks all she’d longed for was to remember – to know who she was, where she’d come from and who her family might be. And now that she knew, she’d do anything to forget all over again. She squeezed her eyes shut and let the tears trail down her cheek and wet her pillow as she drifted off.
9
Good smells filled the dining room. Sarah brushed her hands against her apron as she set down a plate of buttered toast beside the dish of freshly scrambled eggs. Children ran around the table, ducking beneath it and making the china and glassware bounce. “Children, stop that!” she demanded, reaching out with both hands to steady the glasses. She sighed, then hurried back to the kitchen past Ost and Dan, who were deep in conversation, as well as Tom and Bill, likely talking about all the things that had to get done around the ranch before fall.
In the kitchen, Angela, Hannah and Genny bustled around, putting the finishing touches on breakfast. Angela waddled from the kitchen carrying a jug of milk while Genny flipped pieces of bacon from a frying pan onto a plate. And Hannah poured the last of the pancake batter onto the griddle.
“Where’s the jam?” asked Sarah, scanning the pantry with one hand on her hip.
“On the top shelf,” replied Hannah with a smile.
Sarah retrieved the jar of jam and carried it to the table. She should’ve been happy – everyone who lived permanently at Paradise Ranch was there today, as well as Ost, who’d come from town the night before. They were all eating breakfast together, something they rarely did. Yet her heart was heavy. Ever since her conversation with Angela about home, she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how much she missed Ky and the rest of the Crow.
Bill smiled at her across the room, and she attempted to return it, but he frowned. He could tell something was up. But they wouldn’t get a chance to talk privately until the end of the day – he’d have to head off to work, and she’d take the children back to their cabin as soon as breakfast was over. Still, she was glad it would give her a chance to think about what she might say to him.
She knew what she wanted to do – go home and visit her family and friends – but she also knew he wouldn’t be happy about it. Of course, Heaven only knew where her family was camped. She hadn’t been a part of their lives for years now, and they could well have moved anywhere.
With a quick glance around the room, she slipped out the back door. Breakfast was about to begin, and she couldn’t be gone long or someone would notice, but she needed a few moments to think, to breathe. She loved being a mother, but sometimes she felt as though she was suffocating.
Her arms crossed, she stared out across the ranch, watching the sun make its way up from the horizon as it warmed the valley. She loved it here – the ranch and the family they’d become as they worked the land. But there was something missing. For the first time in months, she wondered about Sam and Estelle Todd, the kindly older couple who’d taken her in when she’d lost her way in Cutter’s Creek. What had become of them – were they still living there?
She sighed and ran a hand over her face. The folks on the ranch had become a substitute family for her, but she longed to reconnect with her heritage and the people who’d known her since she was a child. They knew her only as Sarah Songan, and sometimes she wanted to be that carefree girl again, the way she’d been before her mother died.
The back door opened and Bill stepped out, one eyebrow raised. “We’re about to say the blessing. Is everything all right?”
She flashed him a smile. “Sorry, I’ll be right in.”
He walked over, put his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. “What’s going on?”
She fell comfortably into his embrace, letting her e
yes drift shut. There was no better place on Earth than there, in his arms. “I just miss home, that’s all.”
“Oh,” he said.
“I want to visit.”
He leaned back and frowned. “What?”
“I think it’s time.”
His frown deepened.
She could almost read his thoughts. “I know you think it’s too dangerous, but I’ll be fine. I used to ride alone all over the countryside, long before I met you.” She smiled.
He chuckled. “How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”
“I know you. And you care about me. But sometimes you forget your wife was born a Crow, and I learned to take care of myself.”
He traced the curve of her cheek with his fingertip, then kissed the end of her nose. “You’re right. I do forget. And I do care about you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“It won’t. I’ll be careful, I promise.”
“But what about Bow Bearer?” he asked. “Last time you saw him, he didn’t seem pleased you’d married me. Do you think he would …?”
“Hurt me? No. I don’t. He’s married to Ky now – she’ll keep him in check. And I want to see her too. Bow Bearer won’t be a problem.” She put a hand against his chest and listened to the steady beat of his heart through his shirt.
“How long would you be gone? The children need you …”
With a sigh, she stepped away from him, her throat tight. “I know they do, and I’ll miss them. But I don’t think it would be a good idea to take them with me.”
“I don’t think it would either.”
“I’m sure Genny won’t mind helping you look after them for a while. And I don’t know how long I’d be. It depends on how quickly I can find their camp. They shouldn’t be far from the valley, though – they always camp further north during the summer.”
He took her hand and closed his fingers over it. “When are you leaving?”
“Soon.” She rubbed a hand over her stomach. “I don’t want to be away when the baby comes. And now that Angela remembers who she is, she won’t need me around as much. Ost might even take her back to town with him.”
