by Vivi Holt
Bill pulled her to him and softly kissed her. “I don’t want you to go at all, but if you feel you must, I won’t stop you. Just be careful, won’t you?”
Sarah nodded and returned his kiss, looping her arms around his neck.
Ost scrubbed down the long counter and glanced sideways at his boss. Jacob stomped through the bar, muttering under his breath. He’d been like that ever since Ost returned from Paradise Ranch and the trip south with the posse to chase the Berger gang. He couldn’t be sure, since Jacob never came right out and said it, but it seemed his employer wasn’t too happy about how often Ost was gone. He might not have a job at the brewery much longer. But he’d do everything he could to keep it – especially working hard while he was there.
They’d stuck around Berger’s cabin a while before heading back north, but the gang hadn’t shown. And in the end they’d had to head back to Bozeman, since every man in the posse had responsibilities to attend to. Including Ost.
“Make sure that countertop gleams!” shouted Jacob over his shoulder as he marched off.
Ost grimaced. “Yes, boss.” He leaned his shoulder into it and scrubbed even harder, soapy water sloshing over the counter and down to the floor, wetting his shirt and pants as it went.
His thoughts returned to where they always went these days when he had a few spare moments to himself – Angela. He’d hated leaving her at the ranch after everything that had happened. She’d gotten her memory back right as he and Dan returned from their journey south. He’d suspected Berger might’ve had something to do with what happened to her and had intended on waiting to see what else he could discover. But he didn’t have to wait – she’d confirmed all his suspicions, all his fears.
His face clouded with anger and he dropped the scrub brush into the bucket of water, then marched off to fetch the mop. Might as well, since most of the floor around the bar was already covered in sudsy water. He pushed the mop back and forth across the floor, letting his fury drive him.
Surely there was something he could do to help her. Sheriff Stanton told him that finding the Berger gang was a priority – finally! – but the men from the posse had to get back to their businesses and ranches and couldn’t go riding all over the territory looking for them. So they’d given up the hunt for now. But everything in him itched to get back on the trail and find the scoundrel who’d caused Angela so much heartache and cost their ranch and others so many head of cattle.
“Don’t forget to take the empty barrels in the back and vash them out too,” Jacob grumbled as he tromped through the door from the brewery and back into the bar. He frowned, his thick eyebrows like caterpillars squirming above his dark eyes.
“Yes, boss. I’ll do that next.”
Jacob’s expression softened. “Did you ever find out vhat happened to that girl? The one vith no memory?”
Ost stopped mopping and pushed a strand of sweaty hair from his eyes. “We did. Yannick Berger and his gang killed her folks and abducted her. She was running from them when she hit her head and lost her memory.”
Jacob nodded, his anger seeming to dissipate. “I’m sorry to hear that. Vhat vill she do now?”
“I don’t know. She has nowhere to go with her family gone, and she won’t want to stay at the ranch forever …”
“You should marry her,” said Jacob with a chuckle. He flipped a dry cloth over his shoulder and walked back into the brewery, whistling gaily as he went.
Ost leaned on the mop handle and studied the doorway as it swung shut. Marry her? He’d never thought that possible because he’d always assumed she was already married. But she wasn’t – she’d been kidnapped, not married.
He grinned and stood straight. There was no reason they couldn’t get married. It wasn’t likely anyone else would want to, what with her carrying an outlaw’s child, but that didn’t bother him much for some reason. If she moved back to town without getting married, she’d be shunned and whispered about, and would have to accept charity – or worse – to make her way in life and to care for her child.
But if he married her, she could come live with him. If anyone wondered about the baby, he could claim a long separation; that she’d been staying with family in Texas and was coming to be with him in time to have their child. Or just tell people the truth and devil take the hindmost. Either way, they could be a family.
He pushed the mop into the bucket of water and ran it across the floor, his heart lighter than it had been in a while. It made sense – they’d get married, and … but what if she didn’t want to marry him? The last time they were together she certainly seemed fond of him, but would that be enough for her to agree to a life together?
Ost decided that the first chance he got, he’d head back to the ranch and ask her. If they could marry quietly in town, she could move into his room with him until he could afford something better. He smiled and got back to work, now with hope instead of rage.
The ranch house on the hilltop looked warm and inviting, and Ost’s heart soared at the sight. Everyone he loved in the world lived either in that house or close by. Sometimes he still wondered why he’d ever left, though he knew Tom would take him back if he asked. But the life of a sheriff’s deputy seemed to suit him better than he’d ever imagined, and Stanton had hinted more than once at his impending retirement. He knew the older man had taken him under his wing for a reason.
Long shadows from the nearby mountains crept across the pasture around him, and he could feel the chill of fall in the air. It wouldn’t be long before the entire valley was snuggled beneath a white cloak of snow. As much as he loved that sight, he’d be glad to be spending this winter in town for the first time. He was excited to see what it’d be like, especially if Angela agreed to marry him. He could think of plenty of ways for them to stay occupied and warm.
He urged Auger forward, and the horse headed for the stables, seeming to be just as excited to be back at the ranch as he was. He got the stallion settled with a bucket of oats and a trough of fresh river water, then hurried up the hill to the ranch house. Smoke drifted from the kitchen chimney and he breathed in deep – the aroma of fresh-baked bread and roasting meet filling his lungs.
When he reached the yard, he saw Tom striding across, his cheeks flaming red. He stopped short when he saw Ost and frowned. “Howdy. Didn’t know ya were comin’ to visit.”
Ost smiled and held out his hand for Tom to shake. “Spur of the moment. What’s going on? You look mad enough to kick a stump.”
Tom’s nostrils flared. “Dang rustlers are back – took another dozen stock. At this rate, they’re gonna bleed us dry.”
“I’ll let the sheriff know when I get back to town.”
“Thanks, Ost. I just wish I could catch ‘em in the act and show ‘em what I think of ‘em.” He rubbed his face and took a deep breath. “Sorry for that sour greetin’. You came to see Angela, I’m guessin’?”
Ost nodded. “Yeah. I, um … I’m going to ask her to marry me.”
Tom raised an eyebrow, then slapped Ost on the back. “Good for you, son!”
“Thanks.”
“She’s the one? ‘Cause you’d better make sure – don’t do this just ‘cause you feel sorry for her, or she don’t have a lot of options right now. Once you’re married, it’s for life. But if you are sure, then I’m happy for you.”
Ost coughed to clear his throat. “I’m sure. I’m not just doing it because of her situation … I mean, it’s partly that. But I love her. She’s beautiful and amazing and I can’t stand being away from her.”
“Does she feel the same way?” asked Tom.
Ost shrugged. “I don’t know. At the moment I think she’s just trying to survive. But if she doesn’t feel the same, I hope she will in time.”
“I hope it works out for you. But as I said, think about whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with her. Think about what that’ll mean for the two of you, and the baby.”
Ost nodded, pondering Tom’s words as they wal
ked to the ranch house. He did love her. But would that be enough for them to overcome the challenges they’d face?
10
Angela lifted the daisy to her nose and breathed in its scent. She loved the smell of fresh-cut flowers – even the ones without a distinct perfume smelled of the sweet summer sun and Montana’s rugged beauty. She put the flower into the vase and reached for another, trimming the stalk with scissors until it was just the right height for the vessel.
The den was cool and dimly lit compared to the rest of the house, due to the thick curtains on the windows. Sunlight streamed through the front door – the children had followed Genny outside to the clothesline a few minutes earlier and left the door open. Genny was always admonishing them, asking if they’d been raised in a barn. She giggled at the thought and trimmed another flower. Life here at the ranch was warm and inviting, and already she felt completely at home there.
But when would she have to leave?
Each time the thought came to mind, it shocked her like a lightning bolt. She knew she couldn’t stay at Paradise Ranch forever, imposing on their goodwill and generosity. But now that she’d remembered her former life, she couldn’t imagine what else to do. Tears threatened and she fought them back. She rubbed a hand over her stomach, smiling as a tiny foot pushed against her hand. She knew it was only a couple months until the baby arrived, and the thought had made her panic more than once.
But this time she breathed deep and let her eyes close. She’d figure it out. Whatever came her way, she’d manage somehow. Ma and Pa weren’t around now to help her, but she could do it on her own. She hoped Tom and Genny wouldn’t turn her out before winter was over – that way she could have the baby and make it through the winter before she had to find a place for them to live.
She looked up to see Ost wiping his boots on the welcome mat and walking inside. He took off his hat and glanced up the stairs, then spotted her in the den, smiled and headed her way. “Just the person I was looking for.”
She stood and offered her hand, and he kissed the back of it. They both sat, her in the armchair and he on the settee opposite. “I wasn’t expecting you today,” she said. Her heart pounded and her stomach jumped and twisted at the sight of him. His light brown hair was mussed from his hat and his blue eyes were full of life.
She longed to feel his lips on hers, but knew he wouldn’t, couldn’t think of her that way. She was the size of a house, carrying an outlaw’s child. No one would want her the way she wanted Ost, not anymore. She’d have to get used to that if she didn’t want to be disappointed. She was alone in the world, she and her baby. But they’d make do.
“I had a day off work and I wanted to come see you.”
“It’s a long way to ride …” Eyes downcast, she stared at the cornflower-blue linen dress Genny had lent her, worrying a seam with her fingers. It had been nice of Ost and Dan to bring some of her dresses, but at the moment none of them fit her.
He cupped her chin in his hand and lifted her face until her eyes met his. “I’d ride further than that just to see your face.”
Her cheeks flamed. How could he say that? He couldn’t mean it, and it was cruel of him to flirt with her that way if he had no intention of …
“I want to talk to you about something,” he continued.
She folded her hands in her lap. “I’m listening.”
He rubbed his chin, his cheeks flushing. Did he have more news about Berger or her folks? Whatever he had to say, she knew she could cope with it. The worst thing she could ever imagine had already happened, and the images of it were burned in her mind. Nothing could hurt her worse now.
“Ever since I first met you, I’ve felt something for you I didn’t understand and didn’t think was right. I assumed you were married, since … well, anyway, I didn’t let myself feel those things. Even though I wanted to …” He frowned.
What was wrong? Why was he finding it so difficult to say what he’d ridden all this way to say? Surely it couldn’t be so bad.
He coughed, then began again. “What I’m trying to say … is that I love you.” His eyes locked on hers and he studied her silently, waiting for a reaction.
Her breath caught in her throat and she held it, eyes wide. “You love me?”
“Yes, I do. I know this might come as a surprise. I thought you were off limits, that we couldn’t be together …” He took her hands in his, then knelt at her feet, his eyes earnest and deep. “I didn’t think I ever had a chance of loving you and you loving me, but now that we know … what we know, I realized you’re free to marry whoever you like. And since you’re expecting and might not be accepted by folks in town the way you are. I thought maybe we could tell them we’ve been married for months, but you were visiting your sick sister or someone.”
Angela was having trouble grasping this, whatever it was. “Sick sister?”
“Well, never mind that part – we can tell them whatever you want. No one in Bozeman knows you, and they don’t know me real well either – I pretty much keep to myself – so it might work out. We’ll have to tell the sheriff the truth, and maybe my boss at the brewery, but I figure they won’t mind keeping a secret. What do you think?”
Angela took a long, slow breath and tugged her hands out of Ost’s grasp. He’d asked her to marry him – sort of – but made it sound as though he was just doing her a favor. She sighed and bit her lip.
“What is it?” he asked, his brow furrowed. “You don’t want to marry me? If you don’t, just say it. I won’t think ill of you for it.”
She shook her head. “No, it’s not that. I’m just …” She wasn’t sure what. Her stomach churned and she considered where the nearest chamber pot might be, but the feeling passed. “I’ll marry you.”
His eyes narrowed. “You don’t sound sure. I thought you might be … happier.”
“It’s just a surprise.” Which it was – there was more to it than that, though.
Ost shook his head. “Never mind then, I love you enough to wait for you to love me back.”
“It’s not that …”
“No, you don’t have to explain. You’ve been through so much and you’re still in the thick of it. You need to worry about taking care of yourself and the little one inside you. Don’t fret about my feelings – I’m the one who’s supposed to protect and provide for you two, not the other way around.”
Oh no – he thought she didn’t care for him! But she did, as much as she could with the turmoil she felt inside. She was just too drained to say it. All she wanted was to rest, to find a quiet dark place to lay her head and not wake for a very long time.
She wasn’t sure she was ready to be a wife, though if she were, Ost would be the one she’d want. That is, if he really wanted her – he said he loved her, but then started concocting this elaborate lie about how long they’d been married so she wouldn’t be rejected by the society matrons of Bozeman. Like she cared about the opinion of a few stilted women in pinstriped pinafores … “When should we marry?” she asked.
“I’m thinking as soon as we get back to town. I can drive us in one of Tom’s wagons in the morning, we’ll find the reverend and get married right away. He’ll keep our secret, then we can figure out the rest afterward. I only have a small room for us to live in at the moment, but with my salary from the bar I should be able to build us a house one of these days. If you like.”
He was getting ahead of himself, and it made her head spin. She put a hand to her forehead and tried to focus her eyes on the floor in front of her.
“Are you well?” he asked.
“I think I just need something to eat.”
He ran toward the kitchen, soon returning with a hunk of bread slathered with butter on a plate. She took a bite, relishing the soft texture and the creamy butter. All those months with Berger’s gang she’d never had enough to eat. They’d treated her poorly, forcing her to cook and clean for them but only letting her have the scraps after they were done. Berger beat her whenever she did
anything he hadn’t told her she could, and she quickly learned to make sure not to step out of line or make a fuss.
Just the taste of warm, fresh bread with thick butter made her tear up. How she loved Genny, Tom and the rest of the Paradise Ranch crew. And Ost most of all. She was afraid to feel that love most of the time, but as she swallowed, love welled up inside her heart.
She licked her lips clean, then leaned forward and kissed Ost. His lips were warm against hers, and she saw his eyes widen in surprise. He cupped her cheeks in his hands and drew her to her feet, their lips never parting. He put his arms around her waist and she reached for his neck, letting her fingers twist in his hair as she held the kiss.
Angela didn’t know what the future might hold, or whether she was making a mistake pledging herself to this man when she’d been so mistreated by another man just weeks earlier. But something deep inside told her Ost was different. And her heart longed to love him the way she could’ve in the past and wanted to in the future. She’d give him this chance, though only time would tell if she could ever fully open her heart to him.
“Are we ready to start?” asked Rev. Langston, adjusting his tie with one hand and balancing a worn Bible on the open palm of the other.
Ost nodded and glanced at Angela. Her cheeks flamed and she swallowed. Would she change her mind now? She looked as though she might run at any moment. But she looked back and managed a shaky smile. “We’re ready,” she stated.
Ost grinned, his heart in his throat. Was he doing the right thing? He loved her, he was sure, but didn’t know if she felt the same way. There’d been moments when he saw affection in her eyes, and there’d been that kiss. But he’d said he was in love with her, and she hadn’t said it back. Maybe that would come in time. He’d repeated that to himself so many times in the past few days it was almost silly.
