Jayden

by Catherine Lievens

  “Uh, it’s me. Heath.”

  Heath’s mother buzzed them inside. “We’re on the ground floor.”

  Heath peeked through the window again and his gaze locked with a little girl’s. She couldn’t have been more than five or six, and she looked so happy to see him that Heath’s heart squeezed painfully. He hated himself in that moment, because he knew he’d have to tell her he didn’t remember her, unless someone explained who she was before they met. She was only a kid, and she wouldn’t understand. She’d be hurt, and it was the last thing Heath wanted. He never wanted to hurt anyone, but it looked like he was bound to, and he hated it.

  “You coming?”

  Heath hurried inside and Jayden let the door close behind them. Heath’s mother had already opened the door right in front of the entrance and was waiting for them, a smile on her face. “Your siblings are here, along with a few other family members.”

  “Umm, yeah. I saw a little girl at the window, but I don’t know...”

  “That’s Tessa. She’s your little cousin, my brother’s daughter.”

  Heath didn’t point out he’d wanted to meet his siblings on their own, before the rest of the family, because it would be rude, but he wished he could. He felt overwhelmed again, and he’d just stopped feeling that a day or so before.

  “Is Will here?” Jayden asked.

  Heath’s mother bit her lower lip. “Yes. I hope you don’t mind, but he drove back with us and stayed for a bit.”

  “It’s fine. I want to talk to him anyway. He avoided me at the mansion, and I think we should... talk,” Heath told her.

  “I can see that.” She ushered them inside and closed the door behind them.

  Jayden was already talking, asking questions, but Heath was looking around, praying he’d recognize something, anything. Of course, if it’d been so easy as to need only a prayer, he’d remember everything by now, but clearly he didn’t. The house was completely new to him, as was the man walking toward them from a hallway to their left.

  Heath looked at his mother, a desperate question on his lips, but she anticipated him. “That’s Chris, your brother.”

  Heath nodded in thanks and turned back to his brother. Chris threw himself in Heath’s arms, making both of them stumble, and Heath laughed, surprised. Of course, he shouldn’t have been. He’d been gone for weeks and no one had known what had happened to him. It was obvious his brother was going to be relieved to see him.

  “Jesus, Heath. Don’t ever do that again.”

  Heath patted Chris’ back. “I’ll try.”

  Chris laughed and pulled back. “I bet. Although I heard it wasn’t all that bad.” His eyes slid to Jayden and Heath beamed.

  He pulled Jayden closer and kissed the top of his head. “This is Jayden, my mate.”

  “I’m Christopher, but you can call me Chris.”

  Everything after that was a blur of people, hugs, and too many kisses and words to count them. Jayden was talking his little heart out to whoever was close to him, and Heath noticed more than one person’s eyes glazing over. Jayden found a kindred spirit in Heath’s sister, Rebecca, and together they sat on the couch and talked. And talked. And talked.

  Heath noticed Will sulking in a corner and gestured toward him at Jayden. Jayden waved at him and Heath took that as a go and talk to him, so that was exactly what he did. The room seemed to quiet down when people noticed, so Heath decided to ask if they could talk somewhere else.

  “Do you know a quiet spot where no one would hear us?” he asked Will.

  Will sighed. “We really have to talk, huh?”

  “Not if you don’t want to, but I think we should.”

  Will nodded and headed outside. They stood in the building’s entrance, facing each other, although Will wasn’t looking at Heath. Heath obviously would have to start, so he did. “I just want you to know I’m sorry.”

  Will sighed and his shoulders slumped a bit. “I know. I know you, Heath, and I know you’d never hurt me like that without feeling like crap, memories or not. It doesn’t make it easier, though.”

  “I’m not sure what to do, to be honest.”

  “There’s nothing to do. I love you, but you don’t love me, not anymore. Those feelings are gone, along with your memories.”

  “I’m so—”

  “Stop apologizing. I know I didn’t react well when I found out, but I’ve had some time to think, and I talked it out with your parents on the way here. I know it’s not your fault, and I know you really couldn’t help finding your mate. We both knew it was a possibility when we decided to be together, and we decided together that if it happened to one of us, we’d talk about it and decide together. I won’t try to stop you from being with Jayden, no matter how hard it is for me.”

  Heath looked at his feet. “I just feel like I should do something.”

  “Nothing you can do can make this better, not even if you decided to leave Jayden and come back to me. I think the fact that you don’t remember me makes it easier, actually. It’s weird to say, but it’s true. I know you’d have agonized over this if you’d been normal.”

  Heath chuckled. “I am, even now.”

  “Oh, I know. But it would have been so much worse with your memories intact.” Will dried the tear that rolled down his cheek and reached for Heath.

  Heath didn’t protest and hugged the man who’d shared the past two years with him, even though he didn’t remember it. “I wish you all the happiness you deserve, Heath. I’m not sure if that means I wish you’d remember, because it would make things more complicated, but go and be happy with Jayden. Don’t worry about me. I’ll get over it.”

  Heath hugged him tightly, then they separated. “Will I see you for Christmas?”

  Will smiled. “Your mother would kill me if I didn’t come. I just...”

  “We’ll try to keep our hands to ourselves.”

  “That’s not what I want.”

  “But it’s what you deserve.”

  Chapter Six

  They woke up cuddled around each other on Christmas Day, and Jayden couldn’t have been happier. Well, he could have, but that would’ve implied bites and stuff, and they still hadn’t done that. Not yet. But it wouldn’t be much longer, he’d make sure of that.

  Heath pushed closer when Jayden tried to get up, making Jayden laugh. He poked at Heath’s shoulder with a finger. “Hey, sleepy head. Wake up.”

  “Don’t want to.”

  “But you have to.”

  “No.”

  Heath burrowed his nose against Jayden’s armpit, tickling him. Jayden squirmed and tried to push his mate again. “Fine. I guess I’ll be going down to have Christmas breakfast on my own, and I’ll also have to open presents on my own.”

  Heath snapped his head up and blinked. He was adorable, and he made Jayden want to give him his most important present right then and there, but he knew someone—Keenan—was bound to come knocking at their door if they didn’t go downstairs soon, and they needed time with that one.

  “Presents?”

  “Yup. And the sooner we come back here, the sooner you can have my special present.”

  “Special present?”

  “Yup.”

  “What is it?”

  “Can’t tell you, or it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore.”

  “Aww, come on.”

  Jayden was happy to hear Heath like this. It looked like a lot of the guilt he’d been carrying for the past week was gone, probably thanks to his chat with Will. Heath’s memory was still missing, and that fact tortured him sometimes, but he was starting to accept it, or at least it looked like it. Jayden hoped he’d remember, but he also hoped he could go on even if he never did.

  Jayden leaned in closer and whispered, “I can tell you it involves lube and fangs.”

  Heath’s eyes were huge when Jayden leaned back and he couldn’t resist kissing his mate. The kiss was hot and messy, and it made Jayden want t
o forget about food and gifts and just mate now, but—Keenan.

  The guy would think nothing of interrupting them, and Jayden wasn’t about to face his friend’s wrath, especially not on Christmas Day. Keenan might be human, but he was scarier than some of the shifters Jayden knew when he was angry.

  Heath whined when Jayden gently pushed him away and untangled their limbs. “Come on. I need you well fed for what I have in mind.”

  Heath froze, his eyes wide. “That makes it sound like you’re going to fuck me.”

  Jayden climbed out of bed and put his hands on his hips. He frowned and looked down at Heath, still sprawled in bed. “So? Do you have a problem with that?”

  Heath beamed. “No, but only if I get to be the one fucking you the next time.”

  Jayden relaxed. They hadn’t really talked about who did what yet, and he knew most guys thought he was a bottom. Jayden was small and slight, and it was easy for people to label him that way, even if it wasn’t strictly true. It depended on Jayden’s mood, really, and he was happy to know Heath didn’t have problems with it. “You switch?”

  “Maybe?”

  Jayden tilted his head and it took him a few seconds to understand. “Shit. You don’t remember if you do. Oh God, so it’s going to be your first time again? Oh God, oh God. Great. Now I’m fucking nervous.” Jayden giggled, the sound slightly more hysterical that he’d have liked. “Got it? Fucking nervous. Eh. You could fuck me. That’d be fine, especially for your first time. I don’t think I have it in me to be your first, you know. Too many expectations. Shit.”

  Heath got up and pulled Jayden close. He kissed Jayden’s forehead and rubbed his back. “Relax. So I don’t remember my first time, so what? Do you really think you could mess it up?”

  “But I’ve never been with a virgin!”

  “And I’m not a virgin.”

  “How do you even know that? Maybe you’ve never been touched and I’m about to defile your purity! Shit!”

  Heath laughed and Jayden pushed away, scowling. “It’s not funny!”

  “Hon, I’ve been with Will for two years. What do you think we did in my bedroom, hold hands, and sing ourselves to sleep? I’m pretty sure I’m not a virgin anymore, and that I haven’t been in years.”

  Jayden felt relieved. Just a tiny bit, but it was still better than the half panic he’d been in. “Yeah, okay. That makes sense. But maybe you were always the one to fuck him, and God, I never wanted to even think about that. Ugh.”

  “Look, we can wait until we see Will and ask him.”

  Jayden shuddered at the thought. “Asking my mate’s ex-boyfriend who did the fucking in their relationship? Great. I can’t wait. Perfect way to spend Christmas Day.”

  Heath laughed. “We don’t have to ask if you don’t want to. It was just a suggestion, since you seem so frantic about this. I don’t really get why, though.”

  Jayden sat back on the bed and sighed. “I told you, I’ve never been with a virgin. I’ve never really topped that many guys, to be honest. They see me and think bottom, so I don’t even have the opportunity usually.”

  Heath kneeled in front of Jayden and looked up at him. “Jay, I’m not worried. I wouldn’t be even if I was a virgin. This is you, and me. This is us. Why should I be worried? Even if it was your first time topping, I wouldn’t care. Now breathe, relax, and once you’re feeling better we’ll go downstairs and have breakfast. Then we’ll go outside, shift, and have fun before we have to go to my parents’ house. And when we come back tonight... you can fuck me and we’ll bond. This’ll be the most perfect Christmas I’ll ever have.”

  “It’s the first one you’ll remember,” Jayden grumbled.

  “It would be the best one even if I still had my memories,” Heath said gently, making Jayden feel guilty.

  “I know.”

  They kissed again, this time more softly and slowly, until Jayden’s stomach growled. Jayden’s eyes widened and they both laughed. Heath patted Jayden’s stomach. “Be good. We’re going.”

  “That was... weird. Makes it look like I’m pregnant and you’re talking to the baby.”

  Heath snorted. “I don’t think anyone would think you’re pregnant. You’re a guy.”

  “You’d be surprised.”

  Heath’s eyes widened and Jayden slipped into the bathroom. “Hey! You can’t leave me like this! What did you mean? Please tell me weasel shifters can’t get pregnant!”

  Jayden ignored Heath until he was done, then opened the door. Heath was still standing there, his eyes wide and a bit wild. Jayden took pity on him and patted his chest. “No, I can’t get pregnant, but you should talk with Troy.”

  Heath’s shoulders slumped. “Thank God. And why should I talk with Troy? I don’t even know him.”

  “No, but he can get pregnant. He did, in fact. His egg hatched not too long ago.”

  “His egg? Hatched?”

  Jayden explained the situation as they made their way downstairs and entered the living room. It was already mostly full, but Jayden knew not everyone had arrived yet. He did see Troy and Emery sitting on one of the couches and pointed them out to Heath.

  Heath looked at them and paled at the sight of the baby Troy was holding. “It has wings,” he whispered to Jayden.

  “Told you.”

  “And you’re sure he’s the only one who can get pregnant?”

  “Yeah. All the guys including me ran to Jared after we found out about Troy’s pregnancy. He checked everyone, don’t worry. There are no ovaries in me.”

  “Thank God.”

  “What, you don’t want little Heaths running around?” Jayden teased him.

  “Honestly? I don’t know. I guess it would be nice to see kids around the ranch, but... not right now. Maybe in the future, the very far future. Right now I barely know myself. I don’t think I’d be able to do it.”

  Jayden rose on his tiptoe and kissed his mate. “I know. We have all the time in the world to think about it.” He waited until Heath smiled in relief to add, “Not like Troy. Poor guy didn’t even know he could get pregnant and boom, he was expecting an egg.”

  Heath paled again and his gaze slid over to Troy. Jayden laughed and went to get food. Damn, he was hungry.

  * * * *

  Saying that Heath was overwhelmed would have been an understatement. The living room was full of people he’d never met yet had heard of, and while almost no one was looking his way, he still felt horribly awkward. What if someone tried to chat with him? What could he tell them except I’m Jayden’s mate and my name is Heath? He didn’t remember anything more than that.

  Well, maybe that wasn’t true. He knew a lot more things than a few days ago now. He could talk about his family, about his job—even if he hadn’t gotten around to seeing the horses yet.

  He recognized Keenan, sitting on the couch next to Isaiah and chatting with Nysys. Darin—or was it Shad?—was there too, as were Dominic, Jared, Chogan and Morin. Heath didn’t know any of them well enough, though, so he stuck next to Jayden and ate the plate his mate had loaded for him while he people-watched.

  He looked up from his pancakes when someone yelled “Here! You can sit here!” It was Keenan, and he was waving at Gabriel and Shad. Heath smiled at Shad when he noticed him and watched as the two men sat on the couch, making it a tight fit.

  He frowned at Gabriel, wondering what was different with him until he realized his tiger ears were gone. He looked more closely and wondered what else had disappeared, but he’d never really known what tiger bits Gabriel had, so he wasn’t sure.

  Keenan yelled again and Heath looked at him just in time to see him launch himself at Gabriel and Shad. The three of them tumbled backward against the back of the couch and Isaiah scowled at them. Shad’s plate nearly fell, but he managed to keep it still while Gabriel laughed happily.

  Then Keenan started handing gifts out, and Heath tried to make himself smaller on his chair. The only person he’d bough
t a gift for was Jayden. He hadn’t had the time to do more, and he wasn’t sure it would have been perceived well if he had. He didn’t really know anyone after all.

  He really didn’t want to be the only one not unwrapping anything, though, so he started to get up. He’d tell Jayden he’d be outside in his bear form, or maybe he could go back to their room. But before he could actually stand up, a lumpy package landed in his lap. It was brightly wrapped with golden paper and the tag had his name on it.

  Heath looked up, puzzled, when a second gift was handed to him by Darin. “These are for me?”

  “No, they’re for the guy behind you,” Darin teased.

  “But... why? And who? I mean, I’ve been here all of a week, and I don’t know anyone.”

  Darin slumped on the floor at Heath’s feet, a bunch of packages in his arms. “You know Jayden, and me, and Keenan, because who doesn’t know Keenan, and I think you also know Shad and Gabriel, and—”

  “Yes, I do know them and you, but it’s not like we’re friends or anything.”

  Jayden whined next to Heath. “And here I thought I was special.”

  Heath rolled his eyes. “You’re not my friend, you’re my mate. What I meant is that I didn’t buy gifts for anyone.”

  “Not even me?”

  “Yes, I have one for you, but I left it upstairs. I didn’t want to give something only to you.”

  “I don’t get what your problem is,” Darin told Heath.

  “That apparently someone bought me gifts but I didn’t buy anything for anyone other than Jayden.”

  Darin chuckled and shook his head. “No one cares about that.”

  “But...”

  “Look, we have one rule in this house, and you should learn it even if you’re going to move out. Do whatever you want, unless it hurts someone. No one bought you a gift expecting you to buy some back. Me and Keenan bought them because we wanted to, that’s all. Keenan buys gifts for literally everyone in the pride, and I wanted to do something nice for you. Even if we didn’t talk much, I kind of like you, and I don’t really have that many people to buy gifts for.”