Life After Taylah

by Bella Jewel

  A tear falls from his eye and drops onto his cheek as he smiles at a clearly painful memory. “Do you want to know the last thing she said to me before she left the hotel room?”

  I nod.

  “She said that she had to go because she was going to make apple cupcakes for you. She said they were your favorite and she couldn’t not make them, because you loved them, especially after school.”

  I sob loudly and rub my hands over my face.

  “They were,” I whisper. “They were a complete accident. She was making normal cupcakes one day and I begged her to put apple in. She told me they’d taste horrible, but it turns out they were delicious.”

  He smiles and wipes his own tears away.

  “Can I ask you something else?” I whisper.

  “Anything.”

  “Did you love her? I mean, really love her?” I pause and run my hands over my dress, taking a deep breath. “My mother to me was faultless. She could do no wrong. To hear that she had a secret lover, it damaged something inside me. I don’t ever want to see her as being the person that did so wrong but sometimes it’s hard not to. Maybe, maybe if I understood . . .”

  “I loved her,” he says, cutting me off. “I know how it must look, how it must feel, but the truth was that we found something in each other. A connection, a bond, an everlasting love that was hard to stay away from. She changed my life. I would have spent the rest of mine by her side if she hadn’t disappeared. I can’t tell you what we did was right—it wasn’t—but I can tell you that I loved her from the moment I laid eyes on her, and heard her soft laughter, and to this day, I still love her. The reality is, I’ll never stop. Not until the day I die.”

  I reach out and take his trembling hand. “I know she loved you too.”

  “How could you possibly know that?” he rasps.

  I smile and let go of his hand, turning away from him. Before I leave, I look back over my shoulder. “I know because my mother was a good person. She believed in family and she believed in love. She would have never risked so much for someone she didn’t love.”

  “Goodbye, Avery,” he says to my back as I walk off.

  Finally, a little piece of my heart has been put back into place.

  CHAPTER 34

  AVERY

  It’s been two weeks since we buried my mother, and in that time I’ve not heard from Nate. I’ve not seen him. I don’t even know if he’s okay. Instead I’ve gone about with my life as normally as possible. I take each day as I can, one baby step at a time. I get through it, I go to sleep at night, and then I face a new day when I need to. It works, it keeps me from going crazy, and it keeps me from sinking into the black hole that is trying so hard to consume me.

  “Avery?”

  I hear someone at my door and I turn, staring at it. That voice is familiar, but I can’t pinpoint who it belongs to. I get off the couch—the place where I spend most of my time—and walk over, pulling it open to face Lena. I’m shocked and for a second I just stare at her. The first thought that pops into my mind is completely random. For a sick woman, she looks awfully good. Her black hair is loose around her shoulders and her eyes are quite bright. Brighter than they were the last time I saw her.

  “Lena?” I say, my voice laced with confusion.

  She stares at me, her expression growing hard. Then her hand lashes out and she hits me so hard in the mouth my lip splits. I cry out and take two steps backwards, shocked.

  “Stay away from him,” she yells, clenching her fists. “You think I don’t know? You think I don’t know my husband has been seeing you? I know; I saw a message on his phone weeks ago. I’m seeing him crumble. He’s staying for me but he doesn’t want to be there. It’s because of you.”

  “I . . .” I say. “I haven’t seen Nate for weeks, Lena.”

  “Don’t lie!” she screams.

  “I’m not,” I protest.

  “Here’s what’s going to happen,” she says, stepping forward and shoving my chest. “You’re going to go away, leave town for a while, give me the chance to get my husband back. I’m having to take desperate measures to make him stay, but I can’t keep it up if you’re around.”

  “What?” I whisper, confused.

  “He thinks I’m sick, because I had to make up a lie to keep him. I knew he was going to leave; I knew the exact moment he came home to break it off with me. I had to do something. He’s my husband and he doesn’t belong to you. I’m not giving you a choice, Avery. Get out of town; let him think you’re gone. If you don’t, I’ll make your life a living hell.”

  “You’re lying to him?” I say, feeling my heart clench.

  “Of course I am,” she screams. “He won’t stay with me if I don’t. He needs to get over you and to do that, you need to leave.”

  “I’m not leaving town, Lena.”

  “Do you care about him?” she asks, crossing her arms.

  “That’s beside the point.”

  “If you do,” she barks, “then you’ll do this. If you don’t, I’m going to walk from him and I’ll take Macy, too. Is that what you want? Do you want me to walk? Do you want that on your conscience? Do you want to know that the reason he doesn’t have his daughter is because of you?”

  I stare at her, horrified. What sort of woman would do something like that?

  “Macy is his daughter. How could you even consider taking her from him?”

  “You have no idea!” she screams. “No idea what it’s like. You see this perfect, amazing man but you don’t see the angry, broody side to him. But I still stay. I’ve put a lot of years in to this marriage, working my ass off to make him happy. He’s not walking away from me for some pathetic one-night stand like you.”

  I glare at her. I understand her hurt, her anger, and even the level she’s gone to, to make sure Nate stays, but what I won’t accept is her trying to threaten me into leaving my home.

  “You will not blackmail me out of town.”

  She takes a step forward. “I can’t make you do anything, but take it from me, Avery. I will take his daughter. He will crumble. And it will be your fault. Leave town, leave me and my husband alone, and let us find our family again.”

  Then she turns and walks away.

  The scary thing about this situation is that I think she’s telling the truth. I truly believe she will take Macy from Nate.

  And I, better than anyone, know what that will do to him.

  ~*~*~*~

  My feet drag as I walk through the grocery shop, staring blankly at the items on the shelves. I’m supposed to be getting some food that doesn’t include ice cream, chocolate or pizza. Kelly has put the hard word on me and told me to pick myself up and get back into it. I haven’t studied for a month, I haven’t been back to dancing. I don’t even know if I want to. I don’t know what I want anymore. I work, and then I go home. That’s as far as my life has taken me.

  I lift a tomato off the shelf and stare at it. With a sigh I drop it into a bag and into the cart before moving on. A tomato is healthy, right?

  “Avie!”

  The sound of a tiny, beautiful voice has my spine going ramrod straight. I turn slowly and my worst fears are confirmed when I see Macy bounding towards me, and behind her, Nate is pushing a cart. His eyes are fixed on me, and he looks terrible. Lena was right; he’s falling apart. His shoulders are slumping and his eyes have dark rings under them. My heart breaks.

  I am forced to turn away from him when Macy slams into my knees, wrapping her arms around my legs. “Hey cutie,” I whisper, hugging her.

  “I’ve missed you! Where have you been, Avie?”

  “Just busy, and I’ve missed you too.”

  “Daddy is buying me a lollypop.”

  “Wow, you’re a lucky girl.”

  Nate stops in front of me and I look over to him, my breath hitching in my throat at the empty, emotionless expression on his face.

  “Avery.”

  That’s it? After weeks away, after finding me nearly dead, after m
issing my mother’s funeral, that’s all he has to say. I straighten and look back down to Macy. “I have to go, honey, but it was good to see you.”

  I turn and walk off, my body prickling, my nerves shot. I have nothing to say to him, nothing at all.

  “Avery.”

  Don’t follow me, Nate. Please.

  I keep walking forward.

  “Avery!” he barks taking my arm and spinning me around.

  I shove at his chest right away, causing him to take a few steps back.

  “Macy,” he grinds out. “Go and get some apples for me.”

  “Okay Daddy,” she cries, rushing over to the apples.

  “What the fuck was that for?” he says the moment she’s gone.

  “What do you mean what the fuck was that for?” I cry. “Why are you even talking to me, Nate? Tell me why you’re bothering? You’ve made it very clear how you feel, so why stop? Why not just walk past and pretend I don’t exist. You’re good at that.”

  “Is that what you think I’m doing?” he growls. “Is that how you think I feel? Look at me, Avery. Fucking open your eyes and look. I’m a fucking mess. Don’t you dare tell me how I feel.”

  “Where were you?” I rasp. “Where were you when I buried my mother?”

  He flinches and his eyes widen slightly. “What?”

  “You might have chosen to drop me, Nate, but you were my friend. Someone I trusted and confided in. So where were you when I buried her? You couldn’t come to pay your respects? Couldn’t show me a little compassion?”

  He looks confused. How dare he look confused?

  “I didn’t,” he begins.

  “Don’t bother,” I say, turning away.

  “I didn’t know, Avery. I didn’t know when the funeral was.”

  I stop and turn back, and I can see in his eyes that he’s telling the truth. He looks so upset, his face grief stricken.

  “Kelly sent you a message.”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t get a message.”

  Lena. We’re both thinking it, though neither of us will say it.

  “Look, it doesn’t matter anyway, does it?” My voice has grown softer. “This thing, this connection between us . . . it’s broken now. I am going away for a while, Nate, and I truly can’t tell you if I’ll be back. I can’t live . . . like this. Running into you all the time. It hurts too much. Your wife doesn’t want it and neither do I.”

  “How would you know my wife doesn’t want it?” he says, narrowing his eyes.

  Shit.

  “I, uh . . .”

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “Avery,” he grinds out. “How would you know my wife doesn’t want it?”

  “I have to go.”

  “Like fuck,” he growls, reaching out and taking my arm.

  “Here Daddy,” Macy says, bouncing back with an overfull bag of apples. Nate drops my arm and I turn, quickly rushing off before he can say another word.

  I just made a huge mistake saying that. But one thing is for certain: maybe Lena was right. Maybe it is time I move on.

  ~*~*~*~

  “I think I need the break,” I say to Maggie as I throw clothes into my suitcase.

  “You’re probably right,” she whispers, putting a hand on my shoulder. “But it won’t be the same without you.”

  “I won’t be gone for long, just a few months. I’ll travel, take some time away, find myself again.”

  “You’ll be missed.”

  I smile and pull her into my arms. “I’ll be back. I swear it.”

  ~*~*~*~

  AVERY

  Saying goodbye wasn’t easy. Kelly held onto me like he’d never see me again.

  Liam hugged me tightly, begging me to return soon. Max cupped my face and wished me luck.

  Then I left. I know what you’re thinking; I left because of Lena. You’d be right; part of it was because of Lena, but part of it was for me. Nate deserves this time to fix his family. It’s not fair of me to put myself in his way, and it’s also not fair of me to let him suffer with the loss of his child if I don’t do what Lena wants. And I know she’ll take Macy, because that’s the kind of woman she is.

  The part I’m doing for me is taking the time to heal. I need to get away, clear my head, think about my life and then come back and start over. I need time to forget Nate. I know the months won’t change the aching in my chest, but I also know I have to do this. I’ll never forget the love I feel for Nate, but I will find a way to put it somewhere so it doesn’t affect me for the rest of my life.

  It’s a big risk, but it’s one I’m willing to take.

  CHAPTER 35

  NATE

  She’s gone. She’s been gone for a month.

  Things haven’t gotten better for me. Since the day she ran from the grocery store, I’ve thought about her. I confronted Lena, but she denied ever seeing Avery. Who do I believe? The thought that Avery might fall in love while she’s gone, that she might truly leave my life forever rips me apart inside. I don’t know how I’ll survive if she comes back in love and happy. How can I see her like that when I want to be the one it should happen with?

  “Daddy,” Macy calls, running into the living area where I’m sitting, staring at nothing.

  “Hey, baby,” I say, wrapping my arms around my daughter.

  “Mommy locked the door. I can’t get in.”

  I sigh and stand, taking Macy’s hand and leading her down the hall. I get to the bedroom door and reach out for the handle when I hear Lena’s voice flowing through.

  “I can’t tell him, J,” she says quietly. “He’ll never forgive me if he knows I’m not really sick.”

  I can’t be hearing her right. I put my finger up to Macy and tell her to be quiet. She nods and presses her ear to the door when I do.

  “It’s the only way I could keep him here. I know about that tramp, and I know he would have chosen her.”

  Rage swells in my chest. She knows? She fucking knows?

  “I paid her a visit, told her to leave town. I had to threaten her, but I heard she went. Things will get better now, especially when I suddenly recover. We can move away, maybe have another baby. I’m not giving up my lifestyle for some trashy bimbo.”

  Blinding rage: it’s all I feel. My vision blurs and my entire body prickles.

  “Macy,” I say to my daughter, and I’m thankful she doesn’t notice my voice shaking. “Go and play, honey.”

  “Okay, Daddy.”

  She rushes off and I lift my fist, pounding on the door.

  “Shit,” I hear Lena say. “Ah, coming.”

  She opens the door, and I struggle to keep my face as calm as I can.

  “What were you doing?” I ask, keeping my voice steady.

  “I was just on the phone with the doctor.”

  Liar. Liar. Fucking Liar.

  “Right, well, don’t you have a treatment today? I’m coming with you to this one, like it or not.”

  Her face pales. God, how did I not notice this before? All along she’s been dancing around this, going to “appointments” by herself. How could I be so fucking naïve?

  “I prefer to go alone, Nate. You know it makes me feel ill. I don’t want you to see me like that.”

  “I’m your husband, I’ve seen you give birth. It’s fine.”

  “Nate, please, why do we have to argue about this?”

  “What is it you’ve got exactly?” I say, glaring at her.

  She stares at me, narrowing her eyes. “You know what I’ve got.”

  “Refresh me.”

  Finally, she clues on. “What’s going on, Nate?”

  “I want to see a doctor’s report.”

  “Why?” she cries.

  “Because you’re a fuckin’ liar, that’s why,” I roar, finally losing my shit.

  Her face falls and her face falls. “Nate, please . . .”

  “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?” I hiss, stepping forward. She takes a step back until we’re both in the room.
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  “You were going to leave me,” she sobs. “You were going to go off with her.”

  “How do you even know about her?” I bellow.

  “I’m not fucking stupid. I saw the way you looked at her. It wasn’t hard to figure out. Then I saw a message on your phone a few months ago and I knew.”

  “So you lied, you made a mockery of sick people so I wouldn’t leave? What kind of person are you?”

  “The same as you,” she screams. “Low and pathetic.”

  “Maybe so,” I growl. “But that’s why it should have ended. You know as well as I do there is no hope here. Why would you fuckin’ keep me here when you never wanted it either?”

  “Just say it,” she yells, throwing the phone. “Don’t put it back on me. Admit what you’ve wanted to admit for years. Admit that you don’t love me anymore.”

  I take a step forward, getting in her face. “I don’t love you anymore.”

  She reaches out and she slaps me hard. My head jerks to the side and I grind my jaw.

  “I don’t love you either, you piece of shit,” she screams. “In fact, I hate you.”

  “Hate me?” I laugh cruelly. “If you hate me then why lie? Why not let me go?”

  “Because I have nothing without you.”

  My eyes widen and I take a step back. I’m sure I’ve heard her wrong.

  “What did you say?”

  “Oh, come off it, Nate. You know as well as I do this relationship has been dead for longer than it was alive. You stay because of Macy, and that’s okay because it’s such a noble fucking thing to do. Well, I stay for the money. I have no family to turn to, no people to take care of me. Without you I have nothing.”

  My blood boils. “All along I’ve been fighting for my daughter, and you’ve been fighting for . . . money?”

  She shrugs. “I need a life too.”

  “What about Macy? Where does she fall in all this?”

  “I love our daughter, but you know I never wanted kids.”

  Boiling point. I’ve reached boiling point. I knew Lena was money hungry—she always had been, it’s why she never wanted me to stop racing—but to think that I’ve lived through this hell all because she didn’t want her gravy train to end has everything inside me snapping.