by Ashe Barker, Lily Harlem, Katy Swann, Wendi Zwaduk, Lucy Felthouse, Dolly Watt
“I… Something happened…”
He reached across the table and took hold of my hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “Did someone hurt you?”
“Yes, but… It was my fault,” I stammered, flinching at my own words.
“Honey, never blame yourself for what some bastard did to you,” he retorted angrily.
“No, really, it was. I don’t know why it happened but…” I hesitated again as I tried to formulate the words to explain.
“Start from the beginning, love. There’s no rush.”
“Well, up until three years ago I was very active on the BDSM scene. I was a regular at The Chamber and even helped to run the local munch. I had a Dom called George, although we weren’t romantically involved.”
Eddie’s face hardened at George’s name, and I guessed he might be building up a mental image of my ‘abuser’.
“George was a good man, Eddie,” I added, hurriedly. “He was well-respected in the kink community and I trusted him.”
“So what went wrong?” His expression softened, but I could tell he still wasn’t convinced that George wasn’t a monster.
“We’d been talking about increasing the intensity of our play for a while so, one night, we decided to do something about it. We discussed what would happen and he asked me if I was sure I wanted to go ahead. I was adamant that, yes, I did.
“Before we started he reminded me to use my safeword if it became too much. I laughed when he asked me to repeat the word to him, but I did it just to keep him happy.”
“Chocolate, right?” asked Eddie, smiling.
“Ah, no. Back then my safeword was pepper. The only reason for that was that I happened to have been sprinkling pepper on my food at the time I was choosing the word. I’d been having dinner with George at the time, you see. I hadn’t actually had a safeword before then, I hadn’t thought I’d need one, but George insisted.”
“I should think so too,” Eddie blurted, looking shocked. “I can’t believe you ever played without a safeword.”
“Well, like I said, George made me pick one so I chose pepper. Anyway, going back to that night, George restrained me so that I was completely helpless. I’d been restrained before, of course, but this was way more restrictive than I’d ever experienced. I couldn’t even move my head because he’d secured my hair by rope. I loved it,” I added when Eddie started looking worried again.
He nodded and waited for me to continue.
“He started lightly, using my favorite flogger to warm me up then gradually increased the intensity. It was wonderful, but I wanted more…”
“You’re losing your touch, George,” I taunt as the flogger thuds against my thighs again. “Is that as hard as you can hit?”
“Don’t be such a brat,” George growls back as he slaps my arse with his bare hand.
He hits me again with the flogger, this time much harder, and I groan as I absorb the impact. My body is beginning to tingle as it surrenders to the pain, and I close my eyes as the first rush of endorphins sets in.
“I’m going to use the cane now, Kirsten. Are you ready?”
“Yes, Sir,” I pant in reply. Yes, yes, I really want this. I’m finally going to find out what the bite of a cane feels like.
The first stroke takes my breath away as it leaves an agonizing line of fire across the backs of my thighs. I scream with the shock just as another stroke hits slightly above the first. Oh God, this hurts so much more than I imagined. I’m suddenly not so sure I can go through with this.
Then the third stroke sears my buttocks sending waves of panic through me. Stop… I need to stop.
But George doesn’t stop. He lands another scorching stripe across the previous line, sending the pain to an even higher level of agony. Safeword. I need to call my safeword. I open my mouth to shout the word, but another stroke lands and the word sticks in my throat. I can’t speak. Worse, I can’t remember the word that will stop this torture.
My head is spinning now as my brain tries to shut down. I’m fighting the fog, though, because I need to remember the word. What’s the word? As I struggle to recall the one thing that can end this, another lash assaults me and I finally fall into oblivion…
“Kirsten, everything’s fine, you’re safe.”
Eddie’s voice brought me back to the present and I stared at him through the tears blurring my eyes.
“You see? It wasn’t George’s fault,” I whisper, shame washing over me. “It was mine.”
“No, love. You were under duress, you mustn’t blame yourself.” Eddie squeezed my hand to emphasize his words. “What happened after you passed out?” he asked, his voice gentle.
“George stopped and got me down straight away. He was mortified, kept blaming himself. He said that he’d been listening out for me to call my safeword, but when I didn’t he assumed my screams were from pleasure.”
Eddie nodded. “Yes, I can see how that could happen. Where is George now? I don’t think I’ve come across him in the eighteen months I’ve been going to The Chamber.”
“He got a promotion a few months later and relocated up north. I’ve always suspected that the move was partly to get away from the memory of what happened here. He was really cut up about it, although I begged him not to blame himself.”
“Are you still in touch with him?
“Yes, we send each other emails every now and again. He’s got a girlfriend now who is also his submissive. I’m really happy for him.”
Before Eddie could grill me any further, the waiter brought our main course. We waited until he’d left us alone again, then Eddie said, “Eat. You’re going to need all your strength tonight.”
We ate in silence for a few minutes. Eddie had a look of concentration on his face, and I knew he’d be processing everything I’d told him.
“So,” he said, suddenly, putting his fork down. “You gave up BDSM because you felt guilty or because you were frightened it would happen again?”
I swallowed my mouthful then took a sip of wine as I thought about my answer. I wanted to be as honest as I could. “Well, at first it was both. I felt awful that George blamed himself for not noticing I was in distress. But I know he’s happy now and has moved on so I guess the guilt has lessened considerably.”
“So you’re afraid you might forget your safeword again?” he persisted.
“Yes. If it can happen once, it can happen again.”
“Not necessarily. We just need to know what to avoid. I think it was the panic that made you forget. Let’s go through what might make you so terrified that you can’t think straight. You were obviously happy to submit to me and for me to spank you, so the problem must lie with the heavier stuff. Yet I get the impression you like to be flogged?”
I grinned at his accurate assumption. “Yes, very much.”
“What about the bondage?”
“I love being restrained,” I said, maybe a little too loudly. Lowering my voice again, I whispered, “Bondage is not a problem.”
“Okay. That just leaves the cane. For the time being I won’t use a cane or anything similar on you and we’ll keep it light.”
“But, that’s the thing. I want to push my limits, I’m just scared in case it goes wrong.”
He nodded, thoughtfully. “Okay. The first thing we need to address is the safeword, then. I think one of the reasons you might have forgotten it is because it didn’t have any special meaning to you,” he speculated. “You said you chose it as you happened to be sprinkling pepper on your food at the time. That’s pretty random. I take it that chocolate means more to you than pepper?”
“Definitely.” I laughed. “Yes, I think you’re right. I can’t imagine I’d ever forget about chocolate. But…” I trailed off, suddenly not so sure. I don’t think I could have remembered my own name at the time so maybe it would be possible to forget again?
“You’re not convinced, are you?” Eddie said, softly.
I shook my head as tears filled my eyes. I so wanted t
o experience the special high from a more intense scene, but how could I risk history repeating itself? “I guess I’ll just have to stick with submission and spanking.”
“I get the feeling you wouldn’t be content with that. If you’re in agreement, I’d like to try something tomorrow night. Come with me to The Chamber. I’m not on DM duty so I can focus on you all night. I’d like to try a scene, not involving the cane, but one that is a little more intense than what we’ve done so far. Would you agree to that?”
I hesitated. Part of me desperately wanted to say yes, because, in truth, I’d love that, but the part that didn’t trust myself stopped me. “I’d like to, I really would, but what if…?”
“It’s okay, we don’t have to do it. I’m happy to stick with what we’re doing now, but you said yourself that the reason you agreed to the scene to begin with was because you wanted more. Am I right?”
I nodded. “Yes.” I glanced down at my food, now getting cold as my knife and fork lay discarded next to the plate. I wanted the high from a hard flogging, but I was still scared that I might forget my safeword if it became too much and I wouldn’t be able to stop it. I wasn’t a hardcore masochist—I could only take so much. But what I could take I badly wanted.
“Come on, eat.” Eddie nodded at my cutlery, and I absently picked them up again and twisted some spaghetti onto the fork.
“Right,” he said, pushing his own plate away. “Here’s what I suggest, but don’t feel obliged to agree if you don’t want to. Okay?”
I nodded as I swallowed a mouthful of food.
“We’ll go ahead with the scene tomorrow night. I’ll tie you up, but not so much that you’re completely restrained, then I’ll flog you. I’ll use a suede flogger that won’t hurt too much, but if it does, you’ll use your safeword in the usual way. However, should you feel unable to call out the safeword we’ll agree a hand signal before we start that will also act as a red light. Think of it as a kind of safety net. How does that sound?”
A hand signal, what a great idea. Why hadn’t I thought of that? “I think that sounds like a plan,” I said with a grin. Suddenly the remainder of my appetite vanished as excitement about the following night charged through my blood. I would get the high I craved so badly with the knowledge that, if my mind did go blank, I could still stop the scene if I couldn’t cope.
Eddie smiled, looking pleased. “Excellent. Now, I won’t say it again. Eat up because I want to get you home so I can tie you to the bed and fuck you senseless.”
Chapter Seven
I smiled happily to myself as I studied my reflection in the full-length mirror. Who would have thought I’d be wearing this outfit again? I really had believed that my kinky days were over, and yet here I was, all dressed up and ready to play. And all because Tina had given me that assignment two days ago.
I turned around and lifted the short skirt of my purple leather dress. Glancing over my shoulder, I checked for any bruises. After dinner last night, Eddie had taken me back to his place and spanked me again. I’d been convinced that my arse would be black and blue today but, now, I was disappointed that it was blemish free. Hopefully that would be rectified tonight.
After he’d spanked me and given me another orgasm, Eddie had kept to his word and tied me to the bed where he’d proceeded to torture me in the most exquisite way for most of the night. By the time he’d eventually allowed me some sleep, I’d lost count of how many orgasms I’d had. I’d slept in his arms—happy, satiated and exhausted.
The sound of the door buzzer alerted me to the fact that it must be seven o’clock. Eddie was here. He’d offered to pick me up so we could get a bite to eat before going to the club together.
Excitement bubbled up inside me as I pushed the door release to let him in. Tonight was the night he was going to take me to the edge of my limits—not beyond, but just far enough to get a reaction. But, as I heard his footsteps on the stairs, the tiny niggle of uncertainty returned, despite the warmth still glowing inside me. Will I ever be free of the doubt?
I pushed the thought away as I opened the door to let Eddie in and my breath caught in my throat. He looked gorgeous. Day-old stubble framed his strong chin making him look almost roguish. He was wearing his leather trousers again but tonight, in place of his DM T-shirt, he wore a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up, exposing his muscular arms.
“Hi,” I managed to greet breathlessly. “Come in.”
“Mmm, you look gorgeous.”
He pulled me into his arms as soon as the door was closed then kissed me hard. His tongue invaded my mouth, consuming me with a force that turned my legs to quivering jelly. With just that one action, he’d stripped me of my control and had me ready to drop to my knees at his command. It never failed to amaze me how someone as stubborn and independent as myself could find it so fulfilling to submit to a Dominant man. It went against everything I was in day-to-day life and yet it was such an integral part of my sexuality.
When Eddie finally pulled away, I gasped for breath as I tried to steady myself. He smiled down at me as he ran his finger lightly over my swollen lips.
“I’ve got an overpowering urge to put you across my knee and warm your gorgeous arse up for later,” he said, the soft tone of his voice masking the underlying dark promise.
My stomach somersaulted and I swear I felt a tingle run across the skin of my arse at the thought. “Is that an invitation?” I raised my eyebrows suggestively and grinned.
“Yeah,” he growled.
He took my hand and led me over to one of my high-backed dining chairs. Letting go of my hand, he sat down on the chair and nodded at the floor. I understood and sank quickly to my knees in front of him. Just that was enough to make my brain fuzzy with need.
“What are you thinking, Kirsten?”
I considered my answer for only a split second. “I’m thinking about how much I love to kneel for you, Sir.”
“How does it make you feel?”
“Happy. Warm. Sexy. Appreciated.” I could have continued, but I sensed that I had said enough.
“You are appreciated,” he murmured, running a hand through my hair. “More than you can imagine. Come on, lay yourself over my knee.”
“Yes, Sir.” I smiled happily as I draped myself over his lap.
He held onto me with one hand on my back, and I supported myself by resting my hands on the floor. He lifted the skirt of my dress then started kneading the fleshy parts of my bottom. He wasted no time getting started, and the first smack send a jolt through my body with the impact. He hit me a few more times on my buttocks then moved to the backs of my thighs, which were much more tender. I hissed at the sting then groaned with pleasure when he rubbed it better again.
He stopped for a moment then traced along the crack of my arse with his finger, right down to my pussy. When it made contact with my hot juices I flinched as if he’d given me an electric shock.
“Good girl, you’re so wet for me already.”
“Yes, Sir.”
He pulled his hand away then brought it down on my bottom. Then he started spanking me hard and thoroughly, covering every exposed area of my arse and thighs. It wasn’t long before the sting turned into fiery pain, and I couldn’t help wriggling as I sought to escape the blows. The more I wriggled, though, the harder he spanked me and the more aroused I became. I’d never had an orgasm from just being spanked before but I was so turned on now that I probably could have come from that alone.
As if sensing my impending explosion, though, Eddie slowed the blows until he stopped completely. I groaned, needing him to continue or at least to touch my pussy, which was now throbbing so much it was actually hurting with the need for attention.
“Do you want to come?”
“Oh, yes please, Sir.”
A low chuckle rumbled from him giving me hope, and I nearly cried with relief when he ran his finger along my slit before gliding it smoothly inside me. I knew it wouldn’t take much—I was already so close that my body w
as shaking. He thrust three fingers into me so suddenly that I gasped with the shock and my internal muscles clamped down on him. I couldn’t wait much longer.
“Please, Sir,” I whimpered. “Can I come?”
“Yes. Come for me.”
I cried out as I bucked against his hand, coming so hard that I thought I would shatter into tiny pieces. It was only when the waves started slowing that I remembered to breathe again, making me gasp for air. Finally, my body went limp as it lay draped over Eddie’s lap, as floppy as a blanket. I let him pull me up then melted into his arms as he wrapped them around me. If ever there was such a thing as total contentment, this was it.
“That was the first of many tonight.”
The promise made me smile as I pulled away slightly and gazed at him with blurry eyes. He kissed the tip of my nose then loosened his hold on me a little.
“Come on, if we’re going to get something to eat before going to the club we need to get a move on.”
I frowned down at his crotch, which was hard and, undoubtedly, needed taking care of. “But what about…?”
He laughed. “Don’t worry about that. You’ll get plenty of opportunity to thank me later.”
“Yes, Sir,” I replied demurely and slid off his lap to get ready.
* * * *
“Are you ready, Kirsten?”
Was I ready? I was strapped onto a leather-covered spanking bench, secure enough that I couldn’t escape, but with enough leeway that I could raise my hand as a stop signal if I needed to. That knowledge alone gave me some much needed reassurance.
Although I’d been so excited about this, now that the moment was actually here, I was beginning to have second thoughts. What if it happened again? What if I forgot my safeword and was too out of it to give Eddie the signal?
“Kirsten? Are you all right?”
Eddie’s voice soothed away the worry, and I nodded.
