Third Time Lucky: And Other Stories of the Most Powerful Wizard in the World

by Tanya Huff

  "Never mind," she said comfortingly, "we'll stop by the village on our way and borrow Haylio's donkey and cart."

  "Donkey and cart?" repeated the captain weakly.

  "He's not very fast, but I can sit in a cart with the best of folk." She waved a hand and the gate reappeared in the wall.

  "Mistress?" Kali stood in the garden. "When will you return?"

  "How long will it take us to get to this Bokta place?" Magdelene queried the captain, who, in company with his men, was eyeing Kali nervously. Garan had his hand on his sword.

  "About three months."

  "Then expect me back in about three months plus a day. Or two. Maybe three at the outside. After all," she added for her escort's benefit, "I don't intend to take the scenic route back. And you," she wagged a finger at Silk who was lying at Kali's feet. "You take care of yourself, and no more lizards."

  Silk inspected a perfectly groomed silver paw and refused to answer.

  * * * *

  It was a strange cavalcade that moved north along the coast road: five great warhorses carrying overdressed and sweaty soldiers, bracketing a medium-sized donkey pulling a two-wheeled cart and the most powerful wizard in the world.

  Magdelene sang loudly and tunelessly as they travelled, her songs usually the type gently-bred females were not supposed to know.

  "Madam!" The captain had stood it as long as he was able.

  A bawdy lyric, in an impossible key, faded to silence. "Something troubling you?"

  "It's that song..."

  "Really? Am I corrupting your men?"

  "No, but you're scaring the horses."

  For a moment the captain anticipated being turned into something unpleasant, then Magdelene threw back her head and laughed long and hard.

  "Point taken," she gasped when the laughter finally let her talk. "I've no music at all and I know it. Do you sing, Captain?"

  "No."

  She grinned up at him. "Pity. I'm very..." She paused and her smile grew thoughtful as she remembered. "...amiable to men who make music."

  On his way back to the front of the line the captain almost succeeded in not wondering just how amiable this wizard could be.

  * * * *

  The soldiers treated Magdelene with a mixture of fear and respect, fear winning most often, for their king's wizard had taught them to dread the breed; all save Colin, who treated her much the same as he treated his Aunt Maya. Magdelene, who had never been anyone's aunt, slipped happily into the role, and Colin became the only one of the fair-skinned northerners to stop burning and peeling and burning again.

  "Well, I don't care what you say," growled Garan. "Ain't nobody's aunt can grab a fistful of fire, then sit there tossing it from hand to hand."

  "I don't think she was aware she was doing it."

  "That don't make it better!"

  * * * *

  They reached Denada in three and a half weeks. Even forced to the donkey's pace, that was two days faster than it had taken going the other way.

  The captain sighed in relief; he'd about had it with the perpetual heat of the southlands. Even the rain was warm. He spurred his horse towards the city gate.

  "Uh, sir?"

  "Now what?" He wheeled around, narrowly missed running down a farmer with a basket of yams on his head, and was soundly cursed. When he reached the cart, Magdelene had removed her small bundle of belongings and was kissing the soft, grey muzzle of the donkey.

  "What are you doing?"

  She grinned up at him. "What does it look like? I'm kissing the donkey."

  Colin snickered but managed to school his expression before the captain could look his way.

  The captain sighed. "Metros give me strength," he prayed. "Why are you kissing the donkey?"

  "Because I'm sending him home." She flicked the animal between his eyes with the first two fingers of her left hand.

  Half a startled bray hung on the air, but the donkey and the cart were gone.

  "Can your Aunt Maya do that?" hissed Garan.

  Colin had to admit she couldn't.

  "Why not send us to Bokta that way," demanded the captain, walking his horse through the space where the donkey had been, making sure it had truly vanished, "and avoid all this damned travelling."

  "I know where I've been," Magdelene replied gravely, "but even I don't know where I'm going to be until I get there." She shouldered her bag and headed for the gate. The captain and his men could only follow.

  The five northern soldiers on their massive war horses made little stir as they moved the width of the city, from the gate to the harbour. After all, they had been there less than two months before, and Denada, a cosmopolitan city with traders arriving daily from exotic places, saved its wonder for the truly unusual. Only a few street whores took any notice of the men, and no one at all noticed the most powerful wizard in the world.

  Denada's harbour was huge: twenty ships could tie up, and there was room for another thirty to ride at anchor. Miraculously, the Raven, the ship that had carried the soldiers across the inland sea, was still docked and appeared to have just finished loading.

  "Two months!" boomed her master, bounding down the gangway. "Two months I've sat here since you rode away! First, I have to clean the stink of those abominable animals out of my forward hold, then what happens but my steersman, may his liver be eaten by cockroaches, sets sail with a hangover, and we come up bang on a reef and rip off half the keel. It's a miracle, although no gods have yet claimed it, that we made it back here for repairs. Now, at last, we're ready to sail." He pounded the captain's shoulder enthusiastically. "So, what can I do for you?"

  "I need passage north for myself, my men, and our horses. And for this lady here."

  "Again with the horses!" He didn't give Magdelene, who was dropping stale journey bread into the water to feed the fish, a second glance. "Still, as I already have a hold that stinks like a stable... fourteen gold pieces."

  "All right, I..."

  "Two," said Magdelene, her eyes glinting dangerously as she dusted crumbs off her hands.

  The ship's master stared accusingly at the captain. "I thought you said she was a lady? Fourteen I say, and fourteen it is."

  After a spirited discussion, they settled on eight. The captain paid up, and Magdelene deftly lifted four gold pieces from his pouch.

  "Hey!"

  "You're still up two," she said sweetly. "While you load the horses, I'm going shopping."

  "Don't tell me," muttered Garan, stopping Colin before he could speak. "Your Aunt Maya loves to shop."

  Hours passed, the ship was ready to sail on the evening tide, and Magdelene had still not returned. Both worried and annoyed, the captain walked to the end of the docks to look for her. He was considering a trip into the city when she came barrelling around a corner, a grimy urchin heavily laden with packages in tow, and crashed into his arms.

  "Here, take these." She shoved the parcels at him and tossed the boy a silver piece. "Thanks for the help, kid, now beat it before the mob gets here."

  "Where have you been?" demanded the captain as they trotted towards the ship. "We're ready to leave. Why are we running an..." He stopped. "Mob? What mob?"

  Magdelene got him moving again. "I cured a blind beggar. It drew a bit of a crowd. Good thing the kid knew a short cut."

  They sprinted up the gangway just as the leading edge of the mob appeared at the end of the docks. A cry went up as Magdelene was spotted.

  "Why didn't you do something a little less spectacular," muttered the captain, tossing the packages over the rail, then vaulting it himself. "Like raising the dead."

  "I did that the last time." She accepted his helping hand, having somehow managed to become tangled in a stray line. "This time I was trying to keep a low profile."

  "You've been here before then."

  "Twice."

  "Well, maybe next time you can pass through without starting a riot." He shouted to the ship's master to cast off, but it was unnecessary. The inst
ant Magdelene's foot touched the deck, ropes untied themselves and the Raven slipped its mooring just ahead of the first hysterical Denadan.

  "Why," asked the captain, using the toe of his boot on a package in danger of going overboard, "does the most powerful wizard in the world have to run from a crowd of shopkeepers and beggars?"

  Magdelene collapsed on a bale of rope. "I'll let you in on a secret," she panted. "I'm also the laziest wizard in the world. Running was definitely the least complicated thing to do."

  * * * *

  The trip across the inland sea had never been done faster. The Raven seemed to barely touch the waves, and the wind never left her sails.

  "I don't like boats," Magdelene explained when the captain voiced his suspicions about the wind. "They make me sick. It's worse than being pregnant."

  He stared at her in surprise. He'd never thought of her having a life like other women. "You had children?"

  "Have," she corrected, and it wasn't just the sea that chased the laughter from her eyes. "One. A son. Goddess knows why I ever let his father talk me into it."

  "He could make music," the captain suggested.

  Some of the laughter returned. "He could at that."

  The ship rolled, and the most powerful wizard in the world turned slightly green.

  "Oh, lizard piss!" she muttered and headed for the rail.

  * * * *

  The Raven docked in Finera in eighteen days. The previous record was twenty-seven.

  "Any time you want to travel the seas, Lady Wizard, you are most welcome to sail with me."

  Magdelene smiled stiffly at the ship's master, "Next time I travel, I'll walk." She gripped Colin's arm tightly as he helped her down the gangway. "Sometimes, I think he situates himself purposefully so that I have to travel by sea."

  Colin looked puzzled.

  "Never mind, dear. Just get me somewhere that isn't moving."

  "Take her to the Laughing Boar," bellowed the captain over the squeals of the horse being lifted from the hold. "We'll spend the night."

  The Laughing Boar was the largest inn in Finera and a favourite with the caravan masters who came into the city to trade with ships from the south. As they crossed the common room, Magdelene counted fifteen different dialects; one of which, she was surprised to note, she didn't know. Her room was large and cheerful and so, she observed with satisfaction, was the bed.

  "This ought to make him sit up and take notice." She winked at her reflection, now clad in a dangerously low-cut green silk gown, and went looking for the captain.

  Later that night he sat on the edge of her bed, suddenly unsure.

  "What's wrong?" she asked, gently tweaking a wiry curl.

  He caught her hand. "Did you use your magic to bring me here?"

  She smiled, and there was nothing, and everything, magic in the smile. "Only the magic that women have been using on men since the Goddess created the world."

  "Oh." He considered for a moment. "That's all right then." And he lowered himself to her lips.

  Next morning, as he left Magdelene's room, the captain bumped into Colin in the corridor. The young man executed a parade-ground-perfect salute and marched briskly off down the hall, his face a study in suppressed laughter.

  "Smart-assed kid," muttered the captain. He straightened his tunic, and stomped off to find breakfast.

  * * * *

  "Will we have to camp in this?" Magdelene asked anxiously, watching water stream off the shield she'd raised over the entire group. Even Garan was forced to agree there were certain advantages in travelling with a wizard.

  "Not for a while," Colin reassured her. "We follow the Great North Road over half the way, and it seems to be lined with inns."

  Magdelene eyed the broad back of the captain. "Good."

  * * * *

  "I'd like to see you claim resemblance to your Aunt Maya now." Garan wiped foam off his mouth onto his sleeve. "She's used her blasted magic to bewitch the captain."

  "That's all you know," Colin chuckled, finishing his own ale. "My family lives in the capital, and Aunt May has bedded the captain."

  * * * *

  When they reached the border of Bokta, a full division of the King's Guard awaited them, darkly impressive in their black and silver armour.

  "This is the best you could do?" sneered the guard captain, staring disdainfully down his narrow nose at Magdelene in her pony cart. "The king and his wizard are not going to be pleased."

  It had been a long trip and Magdelene was not in the best of moods. "How would you like to spend the rest of your life as a tree frog?" she asked conversationally.

  The guard captain ignored her. "Can't you keep her quiet?" he drawled, ennui dripping from the words.

  It was difficult to say who was more surprised, the division of King's Guard or the tree frog clinging to the saddle of the guard captain's horse. The horse seemed unimpressed.

  "Magdelene," sighed the captain, "change him back."

  "He's a pompous ass," Magdelene protested sulkily.

  "Granted, but he's also the king's favorite nephew. Please."

  "Oh, all right." She waved her hand. The guard captain cheeped once, found himself back in his own body, and fainted. It was a rather subdued trip into the capital.

  * * * *

  The king's wizard stirred the entrails of the goat with the tip of his bloody knife. She was here, in the palace, and when he defeated her he would be the most powerful wizard in the world! Power. He could feel it burning through him, lighting fires of destruction that he would release to obliterate this woman, this Magdelene.

  He wiped the knife on a skin taken whole off a stillborn babe, twitched his robes into place, and left his sanctum. Behind him, blood began to drip off the table and form a pool on the carpet.

  The king was waiting in the corridor, nervously pacing up and down. He stopped when the wizard emerged, and his two men-at-arms thankfully fell into place behind him.

  "She's in the Palace. We must hurry or we won't be in the throne room when she arrives." The wizard merely nodded curtly. His measured stride didn't change.

  "You are sure you can defeat her?" The king, left standing, scrambled to catch up.

  "I have studied for over a hundred years. I command the demons of the Netherworld. I control the elements. I can easily defeat one ancient woman."

  Magdelene's actual appearance came as a bit of a shock to both men. The crystal had only ever shown her location, never the wizard herself. This was the most powerful wizard in the world? This laughing woman who wasn't even wearing wizardly robes? The king almost chuckled as he took his seat.

  * * * *

  Magdelene approached the throne with the captain, bowed when he did, and clicked her tongue when she looked up at the king's wizard. Thick grey hair sprang from a widow's peak and curled on his shoulders, his eyes were sunken black pits, his nails were claws on the end of long and skinny fingers, and his stooped body was covered in a black robe so closely embroidered with cabalistic symbols that from a distance it looked more gold than black.

  "If he'd just once realize that self-control comes first," she hissed to the captain as a herald announced them.

  The whispers of the court fell silent as the king's wizard stepped forward. "I have summoned you to prove yourself," he declared in ponderous tones, blue fire crackling eerily about him.

  The captain shifted his weight so that his cloak fell free of his sword. He had always hated this wizard, this scrawny, grey, scarecrow of a man, and had it not been for the innocent lives that would have been forfeit he would have never brought Magdelene here to him. At least not after he'd gotten to know her.

  Magdelene successfully fought the urge to giggle. "Interesting outfit, Tristan. Demon-made?"

  "My name is Polsarr," snarled the wizard, his lips pulled back over startlingly white teeth.

  "Your name," said Magdelene mildly, "is Tristan. I should know, I gave it to you. And now," she turned to the king, "I'd like to be shown to m
y room, it's been a long trip."

  "You are not going anywhere, woman!" bellowed Polsarr. "Until I banish you into darkness!"

  "Oh? And would you have everyone say that you defeated the most powerful wizard in the world only because she was exhausted and irritable from four days of bumping over incredibly bad roads?"

  The king tugged on Polsarr's sleeve. "We don't want that! There must be no doubt when you win."

  Polsarr glowered and muttered, but finally had to agree the king was right. "Enjoy your rest," he snarled. "It will be your last." He stalked from the room.

  "If he really wants to prove his power," Magdelene muttered to the king, "he should do something about those roads."

  The king ignored that. "Captain, take her to the south tower in the east wing. And Captain, you and your men will guard this wizard one more night."

  The captain bowed and backed away. Magdelene gave the king her second-best smile and followed.

  At the tower – which was as far away from the rest of the Palace as it was possible to get and still be in the Palace – the captain dismissed his men.

  "Be back at dawn," he told them. "Even if the king's wizard decides to attack tonight, there's nothing you could do."

  Colin raised an eyebrow at the phrasing, but he went with the rest.

  The tower was deserted and, judging by the unbroken layer of dust, hadn't been used in years. Magdelene waved a hand at her bag, and it trailed behind them up the stairs.

  "The man's as big an ass as the king's nephew."

  There was no need to ask who she meant.

  "He's not much like you."

  "Thank you. He's not much like his father either. That man didn't have an ambitious bone in his body." She sighed. "Maybe I should've encouraged the kid's musical talents."

  The captain threw open a door leading to an old-fashioned bedchamber.

  "If I remember correctly, this is the only furnished room in the tower."

  Magdelene stepped inside, the bag settling to the floor at her feet. "It's not that bad. The bed looks solid enough for one night at least." She grinned over her shoulder at the captain, only to find him hesitating in the doorway. "What's wrong?"

  "I'll stand guard in the hall. You'll need your strength for tomorrow."