Forsaken Dreamscape (Nevermor)

by Lenore, Lani

  “I suppose, for a time, I did forget you. I had never meant to, but time slipped by me, and in my darkest hour, you came back to me. I knew I was supposed to go back into the other world, but I wasn’t aware of how much time had passed. Finally I set myself to returning and I made it known that I was going to go after you, and everyone seemed pleased with that – except her.

  “For some reason, the wisps seemed especially susceptible to the corruption. Whisper was no different from the rest. I truly believe she tried to fight it, but in the end she didn’t even know herself. She became entirely possessive of me, hardly even allowing the others to come near without a fuss. And when she heard that I was bringing you back.... That was when she went completely off.

  “I wasn’t prepared to come after you yet. I was unsure how safe you would be with the lot of us going about so frequently for our investigations. What Whisper did – I didn’t even know to stop her.”

  Rifter and Wren paused in silence for the memory of the murdered children.

  So young, Rifter thought, not for the first time.

  They will be avenged, thought Wren, not for the last time.

  “I felt terrible about it,” Rifter went on. “If I could have taken it back, I would have. Hell, I would have taken it all back. Every last bit. The least I could do was escort them to fate. I went with them on that journey, traveled numerous times in the past. But on the way, just before we’d made it, we came upon something that I’d never seen before. It was…” Wren watched his eyes narrow as he struggled to remember. “It was some large serpentine creature. It was no mere nightmare. It had powers. It could speak. But I wasn’t going to let it stand in my way. It was larger than me, but you know how I was. So full of confidence and deprived of thought. I attempted to battle it, but it was much too strong – nigh invincible. Its voice was inside my head, ripping my thoughts apart.”

  Rifter clenched his eyes shut as he recalled the agony and failure of the event. Wren clasped his hand then, gripping his fingers in her own. It was as if she lent him strength by this. It was encouragement and care. Perhaps she would need time to forgive him, but that did not mean she didn’t love him. He took a deep breath. He spoke on.

  “That demon creature told me that if the children were to pass, I would have to agree to take it into my body and carry it back into Nevermor. Because I saw no other choice, and because I was not going to fail you once more, I agreed. The demon merged into me – into my blood, wrapping itself around my soul. The children passed on to that better life, and I returned.

  “What I had done didn’t impact me fully until I’d come back here. I prepared to release the thing inside me, for it burned every pore and made my body feel numb, but I couldn’t let such a thing free here, even among the nightmares. We already had the corruption. If I thought I might have defeated the demon, I would have released it without thinking. But I wasn’t feeling especially confident. The demon was angry that I did not keep my promise, but I refused to let it go. I went home to the others.

  “The demon continually troubled me. At times, perhaps it even took me over. I tried to hide it from the Pack, but they were growing older. They were smarter than that. Eventually, they wore me down, and I was forced to tell them the truth. I told them what I have just told you, for I had kept even the matter with Whisper quiet. I’m not sure what they all thought of it then, but I know it worried them. Still, they did not desert me.

  “I feel that if, perhaps, I had gone to you then and brought you back here, they may have been more content. You could have made things better. But more than that, I wanted you here. I wanted you to calm me and tell me it was going to be all right. I’d already been trying to deal with the thought that I loved you in a way that I couldn’t understand before. It was a companion need. You were my equal. You balanced me. But no matter how much I yearned to have you at my side, I couldn’t find you. Still so young and foolish, I went on, trying to seem normal with each of the boys watching me with a wary eye.”

  All of this seemed familiar to Wren. It was exactly what the demon had told her in the beginning – leeching from Rifter’s memories to make his lie seem real to her.

  Here begins the part that has become so twisted.

  “One day, when we were all headed out to hunt down and kill a large monster that had invaded the woods, Nix approached me. Apparently the need for confrontation had been festering inside him for quite a time. He told me that, out of decency, I should be the one to leave and just be done with them. I should exile myself because of the demon – let them deal with the darkness. He was right, but I was insulted. Perhaps it was the demon inside, whispering violent things to me, but whatever the case, I drew my blade on him – my own brother – and I know that I meant to kill him. We fought like enemies. He took my eye.” He ran a finger down the scar on his face. “I cut his shoulder to the bone – and then I must have awoken inside myself. I remember throwing down my weapon. I went to the ground. I surrendered before him, just because I did not wish to go further, and as if he’d had his own demon, he fled from me.

  “Shortly after that, before the others had returned, I went away to look for Nix, but I really had no intention of coming back. I was doing what I should have done from the beginning. I left them alone and removed myself from them. I went into the wilds of the island to lose myself – to forget everything. I wanted to be alone, but I did not get far before Calico joined me. She was concerned over Nix, but after a while I managed to drive her away. I just wanted my solitude, but the truth of the matter is that I did find Nix eventually, even though I wasn’t looking for him. When I found him, he was already dead.”

  Wren had never gotten along with Nix – not Nix as he’d truly been – but she would never have wished him dead. She knew that he and Rifter had been close. She’d been insisting upon that as she’d tried to convince him to come here. She knew the blow of his death must have been a heavy one.

  “Pirates had gotten to him,” Rifter went on. “Maybe crazed savages. He was against a tree, cut open straight down the middle from neck to gut. I had not meant for anything like that to happen to him. I felt it was my fault. But while I was taken by grief and hatred toward myself, the demon inside me became excited. It implored me to let it have the remains of Nix’s body. I tried to resist, but couldn’t handle the death of one of my own. It weakened me, as it always has. The demon nagged me so that I broke down and I let it be released into Nix’s remains.

  “I don’t know what I expected to happen at that point, but I know it’s not what I got. The demon healed that body before my eyes and took it for itself. It pulled itself down from that tree – smiling widely with my brother’s mouth – and stepped up to me. The demon told me I was a disgrace. It told me that I had no right to call myself the protector of this world. Just a couple of years had changed me so much that I was a discredit to every story that was ever told about me. I wasn’t a hero. My Pack did not even respect me anymore. I knew it was the demon speaking, but coming from Nix’s mouth, it seemed so true. The demon walked away from me then, and I decided that it was right.”

  It was a sad story. Wren wasn’t sure how he wasn’t crying, for she certainly felt like continuing.

  “You can think what you want about me for this, Wren – for being weak – but I felt so horribly about Nix’s death and I was so beaten down that I pulled myself away. I believed what the demon said and I became Nix as penance. I adopted his habits and stopped my own. We were already similar in nature and appearance and so it wasn’t very difficult. I lived in solitude for a long time until, I think, I nearly forgot who I had once been myself. I smoked his pipe; I hunted all day. I learned to use guns and gave up the sword. I had my body tattooed with ancient symbols to keep the demon away. I stopped flying until I forgot how. I couldn’t even hear the words of the fairy language. Everything to erase myself. Nix deserved to live and the Rifter didn’t. That was all I knew.

  “Others came along. Calico found me again. I was Nix to her
. She hated me, but she kept coming back, trying to urge me back on the path. Still, I kept my role. No one ever tricked me out of it, but the knowledge of the truth never quite left me – not like in the past.

  “I stopped thinking of the demon and didn’t consider what it might do with its new body. I certainly never dreamed that it would take my old identity. I had no idea that it had gone back to the boys in Nix’s distorted body, posing as me. All I’d ever heard about Rifter throughout the years was that everyone thought he was dead. That was perfectly fine with me. I didn’t need that past. I even think I began to forget you. I at least consoled myself with thinking that, wherever you were, you were better off. I hardly saw a need to remember that promise I made to you that day, about coming back for you. Maybe it was out of pain that I wanted to forget you. Because I could never bring you into this. It was dangerous, and I could never have you like I wanted.

  “But suddenly, it happened. I was out hunting that fiery bear, and what more confusing thing do I find but you! I didn’t understand that it was you at first; even after you’d looked right at me, spoken to me, touched me. Just like I hadn’t expected the demon to take my place, I never expected him to go after you. But when I did understand it, I don’t know if I felt more shocked or angry. I had lost myself so much that you didn’t recognize me, and you told me yourself that he’d brought you here. Now, knowing what you do, you must be able to imagine my curiosity, but I had little desire to see that demon or even any of the others. I would have been fine to leave it alone completely. Unfortunately, there was you.”

  Rifter paused in his confession, looking freely at her face in a way he’d avoided while he’d been playing Nix. Now that Wren knew his secret, he’d deemed it alright to look at her, and she realized it always had been. He touched her face, his caress inciting emotions deep within. She held his hand there, desperate for his closeness that she’d missed so much.

  “I knew you were going off to danger,” he said, “and so I could not let you go alone, as much as I wanted to be free of all this. There was no other choice but to be your protector. I admit; I was frustrated because of you. You refused to know me, and while you should have been mine, you belonged to someone else. It was difficult to want you so much.”

  His thumb ran across her lips, and her heart began to pound, but he caught himself. She knew as well as he did that there was no time to give in to desires. Perhaps there never would be. He smiled painfully at her.

  “That is why I tried to encourage you to think deeper on what you’ve been told, but it didn’t work the way I’d hoped. You were much too devoted. In that way, I suppose I should be flattered.”

  She smiled at him, and she was glad to feel that it wasn’t forced. He stroked her hair, unable to help himself. He put his forehead against hers, just as he’d done so many years ago.

  “For my lies,” he said. “I am sorry.”

  She admired his face. It was the one she had been looking for and yet had been unable to find – and she knew it belonged to the one she loved. She wanted him to kiss her, but the darkness was bearing in on them from all sides, and there was no time.

  “I forgive you, Rifter.”

  It was wonderful, the way she was able to say his name. She smiled, almost as if she had already forgotten all the bad things. She was just happy to be there with him again. Sitting there, they hardly noticed the rain.

  “What are we to do now?” she asked.

  Sounds behind her pulled their attention, and she turned to see the others rising over the hill and into the old camp. Perhaps they had heard the yelling, or perhaps they’d just assumed that she had been alone with Rifter long enough. But now was the time. He had to face them. They would certainly not be so forgiving. Wren looked at his face – saw that he knew it.

  She gripped his hand. He looked back at her and squeezed hers in return, knowing that he needed her with him at this moment. She was the only one who was with him.

  Wren looked back to the emerging figures – those who had once been family. It was time for him to be truthful, to bear any stone they would toss, but he would not do it without her at his side.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  1

  The group gathered around Rifter to hear the story as a mist of rain showered them. They sat on ragged tree stumps, the ground, and one stood restlessly. It was then that Rifter told them his story.

  He told them what they didn’t know – about his intention to leave and never come back, about finding Nix dead and putting the demon into his corpse, and how he’d never suspected the nightmare demon would take on his identity. They listened without protests, but he watched their faces carefully, wondering if they believed him or if they could forgive him. All the while, Wren remained attentive at his side, holding his hand. Perhaps that showed the others something. Wren, at least, believed him.

  They all listened, their body language giving off mild notions of what they thought of it all. Rifter could see their thoughts as if the words were written on their foreheads.

  Anger, doubt, disappointment…

  Finn kept his arms crossed, listening with a slight tilt of his head. Toss passed his gaze between Rifter and Wren the entire time, occasionally giving a nod of understanding. Mach was quiet, but there was an outburst welling inside him. He continually searched Rifter’s face for truth and lies. Sly was folded upon a stump, arms wrapped around his knees. Occasionally, his ear would twist up or one of his tails would twitch, but he remained silent on all matters. Calico stood shiftily behind Sly. When she heard something she didn’t like, she paced about, but finally near the end, she had made herself to stand still and attentive by keeping her hands on Sly’s shoulders.

  After Rifter had told them all there was to tell, he repented of his deceit. For several moments, none of them spoke.

  “I feel awful about Nix,” Toss finally uttered with a shake of his head.

  “And you did not kill him yourself, Rifter?” Finn picked up. “Swear to me. Swear on Wren.”

  Rifter looked at him squarely. “I swear on Wren that he was dead when I found him.”

  Finn looked down and unfolded his arms. Then he glanced toward Sly. As if feeling the gaze, the animal-boy nodded his head.

  “Yes,” Sly said. “I see how it all fits now. It is the way that he has put it before us. So it is that our enemy is not the Scourge or the Rifter, but yet both all the same. Perhaps that has always been true.”

  “So, I suppose you expect us to forgive you now and follow your plan without question?” Mach inquired. “How the hell can you just expect us to forgive you? And not just for lying. For everything else!”

  Rifter looked at him and shook his head.

  “I don’t.” He could see that this answer surprised them all. “I have no plan. You came all this way with the intention of hearing Rifter’s plan of salvation, but that wasn’t me. What we need to establish is not what I would have of you, but what you would have of me. If you want to fight, I will follow you, but if you would have me leave you, I will leave. You don’t have to forgive me at all.”

  He could sense Wren staring at him, wanting him to go back on his words, but he would not look at her. She was important to him, but this was not her choice. They each looked at the faces around them, considering what the other was thinking. Then Mach spoke again.

  “I was going to be perfectly glad to stay back in the caves, but I left all that and came with you – risked my life – because I expected some result. I got something more than that, finding that Rifter was only masquerading and had not become some terrible demon after all. So now I can’t simply stop. I say we go on,” he said, looking over the rest of them. “I say we fight!”

  “I agree,” said Sly. That was all he would offer.

  Beside Sly, Finn examined Rifter with an eye of mild disgust.

  “You’re full of shit, mate,” he said with a shake of his head. “You’ve been leading us this whole time – herding us like cattle; you’re not going to sto
p now. Aside from that, you know we need you. If I didn’t feel so strongly about this place I swear I’d turn around and leave you now! But we’re not boys anymore. We have to stand up for what’s ours, and I’m willing to do that. You know how this works as well as I do, Rifter. You tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

  “Here as well,” Toss seconded.

  There were so few of them now, but they were in agreement. Hearing this touched Rifter’s heart in a way that he hadn’t known it could. He’d been alone for far too long.

  “Do you believe that anything can truly be done?” Finn asked him directly, desirous of a straight answer.

  “I don’t know,” Rifter answered sincerely. As he’d told them, he had no plan. He hadn’t even considered the state of the world in a long time.

  “But that is not the right question,” Sly chimed in. “The question of it is: Is it worth fighting for? No, we cannot have our youth back, but if perhaps we are successful, we can stop the progress. We can stop things from worsening and force the darkness to retreat. I have a feeling that things are about to go on the decline if we do nothing.”

  Rifter looked over them, each one looking anxiously back at him. Already, they were awaiting his first word of action. This was his demon after all. Surely he knew it better than anyone.

  “Alright then,” he said. Though he hadn’t expected this response, it was good to have them believe in him again. “We fight.”

  “We leave him to you,” said Finn. The others rested in silent agreement.

  It was very much like the old days, this promise. But this was not the old days, and this promise had a very different meaning. Once, Rifter had made them all swear that if they’d ever met the Scourge out in the open, they were not allowed to face him. Only Rifter had that privilege. The boys had all respected his wishes at that time, but now, they were simply handing off the big game. The demon was Rifter’s fault, it was Rifter’s problem, and while the Pack would fight, they had every intention of letting Rifter be the one to deal with this directly. He would give his life for this. He could understand it, knowing that he had to stop running and stand up. Even if it meant death, he had to make things right.