by Amy Ruttan
“And he dies loving what he was doing. I was too busy trying to keep the peace between you two, to take care of Jack when you were working doing what you loved, I sacrificed most of my life to give you both what you wanted.”
“You love surgery...”
“I do, but I wanted to leave Oahu. Dad, you left us.” She was tired of holding it all in. Tired of pretending. She wasn’t just angry at her mother; she was angry at him too for controlling her life.
“I didn’t leave you,” her father said darkly. “Your mother left.”
“She left physically, but you weren’t there either, Dad. I raised Jack. I didn’t have a childhood.”
Her father’s head hung. “I couldn’t be home.”
“Why? We needed you and you weren’t there,” she said.
“It was too hard. I loved your mother and she left us. Home was a reminder of my broken heart.”
Tears welled in her eyes. “I loved her too, but we needed you, Dad. And I’m sorry we’re such a disappointment to you. Such a burden”
“You’re not. You weren’t. I’m sorry.”
She nodded and then swallowed her fear to tell him more. She was tired of lying. “Jack had me marry Andrew for a green card.”
“What?” her father demanded. “Iolana...”
She held up her hand. “At first, but I fell in love with Andrew. I want these babies. Don’t be mad at Andrew or Jack. It was my decision, it was my mistake and I’m owning it, but I have to take charge of my own life, Dad, and you need to be more supportive of Jack. I can’t be the peacekeeper between the two of you anymore. I’m done. It’s time I get to live my own life. I can’t follow in your shadow any longer.”
Her father was taken aback by her outburst and so was she, to be honest. “Iolana?”
Then she broke down in tears and her father pulled her close, holding her and comforting her the way he had never done. The last time she’d embraced her father it was when he’d been crying because her mother had left and she had held him while he cried. Now he was holding her, because she was terrified.
A code blue was called and she could hear Andrew shouting over the fray as Dr. Rodman shocked her brother as he coded.
“Oh, God, I can’t lose my son! I can’t.” Her father broke down. “Please, God, no.”
Lana held onto her father tighter and then, as Jack’s heart stabilized, she knew exactly who she had to call, but she was afraid to do it.
Andrew came out of the trauma pod. His face was grim.
“What’s going on?” her father demanded.
“He’s stabilized, but it’s not good. They’re taking him down to do a CT scan right now. Dr. Rodman is an excellent trauma surgeon and he’ll be able to tell us the extent of the damage.”
Her father nodded. “I’m going to go down with him.”
“Okay, but Dr. Haole, remember that Dr. Rodman is the surgeon. Not you. You can’t interfere.”
“I know,” her father said quietly and he left Lana and Andrew standing in the hall as he followed Jack’s gurney down for an emergency CT scan.
She turned to leave, but Andrew grabbed her arm and dragged her into a private room. He discarded the trauma gown and washed his hands.
“Why did you bring me in here?” she demanded. “I should be with Jack and my father.”
“They’re fine. It’s you I’m worried about. You and the babies.”
“Could’ve fooled me,” she snapped.
“I know I didn’t go to that obstetrician appointment. I’m sorry. I was angry and scared.”
“And now?” she asked, crossing her arms.
“I don’t know. Worried. I’m worried about my friend.”
“Yes, Jack has been a good friend to you. Got you hooked up with his sister so you could land your cushy job with the ISC.”
“Lana, you know that’s always been my dream.”
“So you were offered a job?” she asked.
“No, not yet, but if I am I’m going to take it and if you weren’t so scared you could come with me.”
“Why would I go with you?”
“You wouldn’t. I know you wouldn’t.”
Before she could answer, Dr. Page, the orthopedic resident, stuck his head in the room. “Sorry to interrupt, Dr. Tremblay, but Dr. Haole is requesting you come down to the CT scan. They have results and they need you down there, stat.”
Andrew nodded. “I’ll be right there. Thank you, Dr. Page.”
Dr. Page left and Andrew turned back to her. “This isn’t over. We need to talk.”
Lana didn’t say anything else. Andrew left the room and the room began to spin as the adrenaline of what’d happened began to wear off.
There was a phone on the wall and she knew what she had to do. She left the trauma department and made her way up to her office. It was a Saturday so her assistant Kelley wasn’t there.
Which was good. She had to pull herself together to tackle what she was going to do. There was a card on her desk. One that had been left when her mother had come to see her a month ago.
With trembling hands she picked up the phone and dialed the number.
“Hello?” It was the voice she recalled from when she was a girl. Before her mother left, the gentle voice that had sung her Hawaiian lullabies to calm the night terrors. The voice that had haunted her for years, until it faded into the recesses of her memory after she’d left. Now it was all rushing back and she had to keep her voice calm.
“It’s Iolana,” she managed to say.
“Iolana, I’m so glad you called me!” Her voice was genuine. She was happy and now Iolana had to break the news to her.
“I have bad news,” she choked back.
“What is it?”
“It’s Keaka... I mean it’s Jack. He’s been in an accident. It’s not looking good. You should prepare yourself.”
There was a strangled cry on the other end. “Oh, my God. I’m coming. Hold on. I’ll be there soon.”
“I’ll meet you at the ER doors.” Lana disconnected the call. Her hand still shaking, she buried her face in her hands and wept.
Things were going to change.
Life was too short.
* * *
“His pelvis and his hip are fractured. His femur is also broken, all on the left side. It’s like his body was crushed on one side only. There is a fracture of some of the right ribs, but those aren’t as serious as the pelvis, hip and femur,” Andrew said, pointing to the images that were on the computer. “The pelvis is crushed on this side and he has extensive internal bleeding.”
Dr. Rodman nodded. “I need to get him into the OR and control the bleeding.”
“Agreed, and once the bleeding is stabilized his bones need to be repaired. As long as he can tolerate it. We’ll see how he does after you stop the bleeding.”
Dr. Rodman left the CT room and went to speak to Dr. Haole. Jack needed to go straight into surgery.
Andrew just stared up at the screen and had the other two orthopedic surgeons paged. One was in the OR doing a hip replacement and the other was away at a conference.
Dr. Haole couldn’t perform the surgery because he was Jack’s father and Lana couldn’t perform this surgery either.
He broke out in a cold sweat.
“It’s bad?” Lana asked as she came into the CT room.
Andrew nodded. “I’m sorry. You can see the extent of his injuries. When he hit the rocks, it crushed the left side of his body.”
Lana nodded, but kept her calm. “He’ll need extensive work.”
“Right, and one surgeon is in the operating room and the other is at a conference, which just leaves...”
“You,” she said as a matter of fact. “You’ve been cleared for surgery. You’re one of
the best orthopedic surgeons, Andrew. Dad can’t do it. I can’t. There’s only you. My other two orthopedic surgeons are fine, they’re good, but I want the best working on my brother. It has to be you.”
“I can’t, Lana...” Which was pathetic. He had to, but he was terrified in that moment. It had been four years since he’d picked up a scalpel and operated on a patient. His first patient couldn’t be his friend, the brother of the woman he loved.
“You have to,” she snapped. “I want the best for my brother. Save his life.”
“What if I can’t? It’s been four years, Lana. And if he dies... I know I’ve screwed up, but if he dies I can’t lose you.”
Lana didn’t say anything for a moment. Then she grabbed him by his shoulders. “You’ve got this. I’m not your parents. You won’t lose me, unless you walk away from this.”
Andrew pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Terrified about what he was about to do, not fully believing that his hand wouldn’t shake, that Lana wouldn’t walk away if Jack didn’t survive. But she was right—if he walked away Jack would die and he would lose her.
He couldn’t lose her.
And their two weeks apart, when he’d left, had been brutal. He’d missed her and he realized how lonely his life had become. He wanted Lana, but he was worried that he’d blown it. Now he had a way to make it all right.
And he would make sure that after all was said and done he’d win her over.
And he would never leave again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
LANA WAITED FOR her mother, her insides turning as she paced. Jack was in the operating room with the trauma surgeon and Andrew was in the skills lab with his resident, Dr. Page, trying to come up with a game plan on how to save her brother.
Jack.
He was still alive, she could feel it, but if she lost her brother she didn’t know what she’d do. And then she had an inkling of what Andrew must’ve felt when his sister died in the accident. Jack had always been someone she could rely on when they were growing up.
He butted heads with her father constantly, but Jack was always there for her. He gave her the hugs she’d craved from her parents, the unquestioning love, and, though he drove her nuts, she couldn’t imagine her life without him.
Just like she couldn’t imagine her life without Andrew.
Love had crept up on her so fast and stealthily. It was something she wasn’t expecting, but it was there nonetheless and Jack’s accident made her realize that she couldn’t be the moderator in her family’s life any longer.
There would be hurt, pain, but also happiness. She couldn’t live her life anymore to keep the peace. She had to live her life for herself.
She had to do what made her happy. She had to not act like a strong woman, but be one. Be the one she knew was in there. So when Andrew left for California, if he wanted her to, she would go with him and their kids.
Lana was tired of living the life her father deemed appropriate. It was now time to live the life she wanted and take it.
The doors to the emergency room slid open and her mother came in, this time not in a business suit but yoga pants, running shoes and a hoodie. Her silver hair brushed back and those blue eyes filled with pain and worry.
“Iolana,” her mother whispered as she came forward, as if to hug her, but then thought better of it and stood back.
“Mom,” Lana said and then pulled the woman she’d been mourning since she was ten and held tight to her. Like she should’ve done when she’d come in that first time a month ago. Her mother broke down in sobs as she clutched her tight. As if she didn’t want to let her go.
“Iolana... Oh, God.”
“It’s okay, Mom. It’s okay.” They broke apart and Lana took her mother’s hand and led her to her father’s office, where he was waiting.
As soon as she opened the door, her father spun around and saw the tears. “Not Jack. No.”
“No, Dad. It’s not Jack. Not directly.” Lana turned to her mother and pushed her into the room.
Her father’s expression softened and then hardened. “Sheila.”
“Keaka,” her mother said in the same tone. There was no love lost there.
“What’re you doing here?” her father demanded.
“Iolana called me. I’m here because our son is in the operating room.”
Her dad shot Lana a look, which would usually have her contrite, but instead she crossed her arms and stared him down.
“She did, did she? I don’t know why you bothered to come here now, after all these years. Your son won’t care that you’re here.”
“Yes, Dad, he will,” Lana snapped. “Jack has been talking to Mom for over a month. He’s made amends.”
“You knew about this?” Her dad bellowed.
“Don’t bully her,” her mother said, stepping between them. “You were always a blow hard.”
“You left. You gave up your rights to these kids.”
“I left because we didn’t love each other. I left because I was suffering from severe postpartum depression. It took me many years to heal myself and, if you recall, I’ve tried to come back but you’ve turned me away.”
Now her dad looked contrite.
“Jack wants her here, Dad. So do I.” Lana turned to her mother. “I want to make amends too.”
Her mother smiled and took her hand. “I want that too, Iolana. More than anything.”
Lana nodded and turned to her father. “I love you, Dad, but as I said I’m tired of being the peacekeeper between you and Jack. I’m tired of having my life dictated to me.”
“I only did those things because it would be better for you,” her father said. “You had a talent for surgery. You needed to be here so I could pass on my gift.”
She took her father’s hand. “And I thank you for that gift, Dad, but it’s time to let me go. It’s time to let me live my life. Even if it means that I don’t make the choices you would want. I’m not going to be a stay-at-home mother. I’m going to continue performing surgery. I want my kids to see a strong woman and I love surgery, but I don’t want to be Chief of Surgery when you retire. I want to work for the International Surfing Commonwealth. I want to do research, maybe even teach medicine. The options are endless, but I have to leave Hawaii to do that.”
“What are you saying?” he asked suspiciously.
“Andrew has applied for a job in California and if he gets it I’m going to go with him.”
“Do you know if that’s what he wants?” her father asked. “You may love him but, as you said, you married him to get him a green card. He may not want you to come.”
She sighed. “That’s a risk I’ll have to take, but I know that I can’t live under your wings. I have to step out of your shadow. You have to let me go. And you have to stop fighting with Jack because he decided to live the life he wants and not the life you designed for him. And you have to bury the hatchet with Mom. I want both of you in my children’s lives and I know Jack wants you both in his life. He will have a tough road to hoe. Lots of physical therapy after his surgery. He’s doesn’t need your condemnation for his lifestyle choices. He needs your support. He’ll need it from you both!”
Her father didn’t say anything.
“Now, I’m going to check on Jack and leave you two to talk it through. You need to put your past hurts aside and move on. For Jack. For me.”
“Very well, Iolana.” Her father kissed her on the top of the head and her mother nodded, but eyed her father warily.
Lana left her father’s office, shutting the door and telling his administrative assistant not to let anyone disturb him.
Sophie came running up then, out of breath. “Lana, I just heard about Jack. How is Keaka handling it?”
“Well, I think.” Lana took her stepmother aside. “Soph
ie, I want you to know I love you. I’ve always thought of you as a mother.”
Sophie gasped. “Oh, no. What’s happening?”
“My mother is in there and is making peace with Dad. For Jack’s sake.”
Sophie sighed in relief. “I’m so glad.”
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“I’m not. I’ve known Sheila for three years. She works on the Waikiki arts council and I worked with her for a fund-raiser. How do you think she got the information about you and Jack?”
Lana chuckled. “So you knew?”
“Of course. This has been a long time coming and I’m glad.” Then she pushed an errant strand of hair off Lana’s face. “I love you too. I never had kids of my own, but I think of you and Jack like mine.”
They hugged and Lana held her tight, because even though Sophie had been a wonderful maternal figure through her later teen years, Lana had never embraced her before and it was highly overdue. Especially since Sophie had been instrumental in bringing her and her mother back together. For healing the pain that Lana had been feeling since her mother had walked away. If she hadn’t been so blind to it in the first place, it might’ve saved some pain in the past.
“I’ll leave them to work it out and head to the cafeteria for some coffee after I leave a message for your father. Where are you off to?” Sophie asked.
“The gallery. I’m going to watch Jack’s surgery.”
“Is that wise?” Sophie asked.
“Yeah, Jack needs to know I’m there. And so does Andrew.”
Sophie nodded. “Text me if there are any changes.”
“I will.” She kissed Sophie’s cheek and then left.
She needed to be in that gallery. She needed to be there if something happened to Jack. Not that her presence would help, but she wanted to be there nonetheless.
She wanted him to know that she was there for him. And she wanted Andrew to know that she supported him, whatever happened in that OR. She wanted Andrew to know that she was there for him and she always would be.
There would be no more running away. She was in this for the long haul.
