Rites of Passage

by Hensley,Joy N.

  “Sure.” I glance at my watch. It’s almost time for my meeting with Jonathan anyway.

  “If we don’t get to talk before tomorrow, have fun at the movie and skipping out on some mysterious hottie’s email.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, thanks. Have fun making out with some upperclassman.”

  “Oh, I plan to.” She grabs her pack and walks back to Kelly and Ritchie. All three walk out of the chapel and I head downstairs to meet Jonathan.

  He’s on the offensive before I even close the door. “You going to the movie tonight?”

  “Hi to you, too. I’m great. Yes, I’m going to the movie.”

  “I don’t know if you should.”

  I can’t read his tone. “You’re kidding, right? It’s the first time I’ve gotten even a little break since I started.”

  “You get a break every Sunday afternoon. You watch movies then.”

  “This is the first time I get to do something normal.”

  “Do you know how this will look? You packed in a movie theater with almost a hundred guys?”

  “What do you think I’m going to do, Jonathan? Jump all of them one after another?”

  His face flushes red and he hesitates before continuing. “I just think you need to distance yourself from them. It’s not going to be easy to keep your name clear if you’re with them all the time.”

  I laugh at the absurdity of what he’s saying. “You’re being ridiculous. I’ll be with my recruit buddies. None of them will let anything happen to me. None of them will try anything with me.”

  “There’s already talk about the three of you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Lyons says your roommate is in the infirmary all the time and the other girl is with the track team more than she’s not—it won’t be long before people start talking about you like that.”

  I ignore the implication that he thinks I’ll give them a reason to gossip about the McKenna female. “I’m following the rules, Jonathan. I promise.”

  He changes the topic after that and we try to guess where they might have sent Dad, how many pills Mom’s popping a day while he’s gone. All too soon it’s time to go. Even though he pisses me off, he’s my brother, and I feel safe with him. I promise to keep my distance from the Worms, but I don’t change my mind about going to the movie, even when he asks again. The higher-ups are giving me a chance to have a night off and I’m going to take it.

  Katie’s still at the infirmary so I’m the only girl when the recruits of Alpha Company pack ourselves in to the auditorium. I’m looking forward to the darkness that will surround me for the next two hours. Someone gave us all popcorn and soda—I guess it’s the least they can do to make us feel a bit better about all the abuse. How sweet.

  The lights go down in the auditorium and the movie starts promptly at nine, the exact time I’m supposed to be wearing civilian clothes and meeting my emailer. I’m ducked down in my seat, though, preparing for a two-hour nap before going to bed. When Kelly shuffles around, trying to get comfortable, his leg comes to rest against mine. I scoot to my right.

  “You okay?” Kelly whispers on my left. He keeps his eyes on the screen but he’s got a grin on his face.

  “Yeah. Just tired.”

  He shifts again, and before I know it, we’re back where we started, legs pressed against each other and uneasiness hanging between us. I rest my left hand awkwardly in my lap, not wanting to get so near him that he thinks I’m doing a weird first date hand-holding maneuver.

  Someone slips into the seat next to me and I wonder for a second if Bekah changed her mind. But when I look, even though the girl is blonde, she’s not at all like Bekah. She’s in camo while the rest of us are in PT gear and she doesn’t have a recruit name tag.

  I glance around, checking to see if anyone’s noticed, but it’s too dark in here for them to see that it’s not Bekah. Shifting in my seat, I move a little closer to Kelly, despite what he might read into the movement.

  “You’re late,” she whispers.

  I look again. “Excuse me?” I try to keep my voice quiet, but I’ve got to talk over the war playing out on the screen in front of us.

  “You were supposed to meet me at the coffee shop in town.”

  It takes me a second to process what she’s said and what it means. She’s the emailer. It was never an upperclassman after all. I almost laugh out loud. Bekah’s going to be so disappointed.

  In the light from the movie screen, I can see purple highlights in her hair. The makeup on her eyebrows is thick and anything but subtle. I lean on the armrest between me and mystery girl. “I couldn’t risk it,” I whisper, hoping that Kelly is either asleep by now or wrapped up in the shooting on screen.

  “Girls’ bathroom? I’m just asking for five minutes. It’s important.”

  When she leaves, I sit there, my hands clenched into fists on my lap. Whoever-she-is has no idea how much trouble I can get in for civilian clothes and sneaking off campus. We aren’t even allowed to bring them until after we’re recognized as cadets. But she’s emailed twice and is here now—the least I can do is hear her out.

  Kelly turns toward me when I stand, but I stop him before he talks.

  “Bathroom,” I say and head up the aisle and out into the hallway. It’s empty, the upperclassmen in their rooms or off campus for the evening.

  When I slip into the bathroom, I close the door and stand in front of it so no one can get in. “Hello?”

  “I’m here,” she says from inside the only stall. The lock squeaks as she turns it and comes out.

  I look at her uniform again and still don’t understand. “I was worried you were an upperclassman. I guess I was wrong.”

  She stands next to a urinal they didn’t bother removing when they made this a female bathroom this year. “Obviously.” She picks at her black fingernail polish.

  “If you’re not going to tell me why you wanted to meet me, I need to get back to the movie. They’ll miss me.”

  “Who will?”

  “My recruit buddies.”

  “Your roommate’s in the infirmary. The other female recruit buddy is headed across campus as we speak to hang out with the track team. All the guys in there are glued to the screen.”

  “What? How do you know—”

  Her gray eyes stare into mine. “You’ve got a lot of people who don’t want you here. You know that, right?”

  “I had no idea,” I say, putting a southern belle hand against my chest. “Why ever would anyone hate little ol’ me?” I clear my throat and talk like normal again. “What do you want from me?”

  “Honestly? I want you to listen to me. To take me seriously. Lieutenant Colonel McKenna’s daughter is probably made of stronger stuff than many other females, right? But even you can’t do this on your own.” She sighs. “Would you settle for letting me help you survive this year without getting yourself killed?”

  I laugh. “They may not like me but they’re not going to hurt me. Say some shit to scare me, make me feel like crap, sure, but you’re overreacting.”

  “Am I?” She pulls a piece of paper out of her pocket and hands it to me. “Do you know that right now there’s an email circulating through the Corps offering money to the cadet who can get you out the quickest? They’re also taking bets on when they think you three will quit. The winner gets over a thousand bucks at this point and more money comes in every day.”

  “You’re lying.”

  “Here. Take it.” She shoves the paper in my hand. “Take a look at your odds. See who thinks they can get you to quit the fastest.”

  Before I can say anything else, someone pushes against the door, then knocks. “Mac?”

  It’s Kelly.

  “Yeah,” I say, my voice all breathy. “I’ll be out in a second.”

  “You okay?”

  “I’m fine, Kelly. Just give me a second.”

  The girl glares at the door, but the smile on her face tells me she’s not all that mad.


  “I’m coming in,” he says and pushes against the door with enough force that I stumble inward. My mystery emailer reaches out and catches me. I slip the paper in the front pocket of my hoodie just as the door swings open.

  Kelly steps into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. His eyes get wide when he notices the girl in the bathroom with me. “Jax?” he says. “What are you doing here?” He’s looking at her like he’s seen a ghost. Or maybe an ex-girlfriend.

  I’m perched on my windowsill, watching the stillness of the campus below. The movie was over hours ago, but I can’t sleep. The piece of paper Jax gave me sits on my desk, the names of those betting against me burned into my brain. Matthews is at the top of the list.

  Evers is right up there, too, but I already knew they wanted me out. They don’t do anything to hide it or to help me along. Still, the fact that they’re betting against me stings more than I want it to. The rest of the names are unfamiliar, though.

  If Kelly hadn’t barged in and had a freaking middle school reunion right there in the bathroom I could have asked Jax more—how she’d found this information out, what else she knew. But I’d understood the look in Jax’s eyes—the one warning me not to tell Kelly what was going on. She played it off like she was trying to find him and I slipped out and back into the movie.

  Trying to sleep is useless. My mind won’t quiet down long enough to even try and Bekah hasn’t come back to her room yet—she would have stopped by to tell me all about her night if she’d returned. Our after-hours gossip session has become a nightly thing when she misses company time. I lace up my running shoes and sign out on my board, though I’m hoping no one will be awake to see it. I keep the door unlocked behind me so I don’t have to fumble with a key when I get back.

  The computers are humming away when I enter the lab, but the room is empty. In the dark, I head to the back corner, out of sight of the door, just in case. I know campus is patrolled, but I don’t know how often or by whom. Better safe than sorry.

  Two emails wait for me. I click on Mom’s first.

  From: mrsmckenna@mail.com

  To: smckenna@dma.edu

  Subject: Hi . . .

  Hey Sam, just a quick note to see how you are. I miss you. Are you okay? Before he left, your father told me to stop worrying, but you know me. I know what Amos went through during boot camp and what Jonathan has gone through at the DMA. I just want to make sure you’re good.

  Mom

  My fingers shake as I punch the keys, the words on the screen blurring as I fight off tears. It’s more than she’s said to me in a month and my first instinct is to spill everything. Instead, I shoot off a quick reply, telling her the big fat lie that everything’s fine here. She doesn’t need anything else to worry about.

  I click to the next email so I can get out of here before I get caught out after lights-out and give someone something to report to the cadet colonel himself.

  From: jaxhax@mail.com

  To: smckenna@dma.edu

  Subject: ???

  Well, as usual, Liam found a way to ruin things. LOL.

  If you need anything, email me, but don’t do details. Email isn’t that safe, as you saw tonight.

  I’m here to help, okay? More soon.

  Jax

  I send her a quick thanks, knowing this will most likely be the end of it. It’s not like I can call her or go hang out. Besides, I know they want me out. The sheet she gave me is nothing new. And, getting involved with civilians, even if they’re claiming to want to help me, is playing with fire. Jonathan will kill me. Dad will kill me. There will be time for friends and complicated relationships next year.

  UNCORRECTED E-PROOF—NOT FOR SALE

  HarperCollins Publishers

  ..................................................................

  TWELVE

  THE ROOM IS SO QUIET WITHOUT KATIE HERE THAT I CAN’T sleep. She’d recovered from the blister and participated in company time the last few weeks, but after training tonight, her ankle hurt so bad that Bekah and I had to take her back to the infirmary. She’s talking about quitting now, and I’m trying to figure out if I should encourage that or try to get her to stay. That’s the only reason I’m awake at 0015, stretching out my aching legs. And, that’s the only reason I hear the knock on my door. It’s mouse-light and at first I think I must be dreaming. But then it comes again and I wonder if Bekah is just getting in.

  I crawl out of my bunk, muscles protesting every movement.

  “McKenna.” The whisper is hushed and I shuffle over to the door.

  I open it just a crack—if the cadre know anyone’s up, there’ll be hell to pay. I squint into brightness of the light I’ve let into my room. “What?”

  Kelly grins beneath face paint. A black knit cap covers his hair. He pushes into the room and closes the door behind him. “Get dressed. Let’s go.”

  “Go where?”

  “Motivational march.”

  “You’re insane. I’m exhausted. Not to mention I’ve got to get my room squared away.” Our rooms are all the same, two beds in a bunk, two wall lockers, foot lockers up on top of them to save space. Desks are bare, books on a bookshelf, but no computer, no phone, no television. We have the same blankets and everything is uniform. Katie left her stuff scattered all around the room after the PT session and I’m going to have to clean everything or we’ll do extra push-ups thanks to me.

  “Come on, you don’t want to miss this. Besides, we need your help with the TP. We’ll get it from the rest of the barracks. Just grab the rolls from this one, okay?”

  Jonathan warned me about MMs. Fun as hell, but equally likely to get you in a world of shit. I can’t turn down the first one of the year, though. Part of the “fun” of military school is being part of a group, a family, and doing risky things with them. How can I turn down a group bonding opportunity like this?

  “Give me five minutes.”

  “Meet us out back. Hurry.” He slips out the door and closes it as quietly as he can.

  I grab the camouflage uniform out of my closet. We get to wear PT sweats tomorrow so I’ve got some time to clean them if we get dirty tonight.

  The BDUs slide on easily, like they were made for me, and I slip my KB into my back pocket, not wanting to be caught without it, even on an MM. Boots laced up, I pull the wool hat down over my hair and slide out into the hallway.

  It doesn’t take long to grab all the toilet paper. In the dark the rolls in my arms are a bright beacon—anyone could see me. I head down the opposite stairs from where the cadre bunk and step as quietly as I can.

  Out back, most of the company is waiting. Bekah stands next to Kelly and Ritchie and I huddle up with them. “Where’s Wilson?” He’s the only one in the company who can’t seem to get on board with us being here.

  Bekah shrugs. “He didn’t come. And don’t start feeling bad. He’s an ass. He doesn’t want to come; you don’t get to feel guilty.”

  “Yes, Mom.” I smile at her. “Glad to see you. We’ve missed you at training.”

  “I’m sure you have. But track duties called. Then these guys made me sneak into the other dorms with them to steal toilet paper. That’s gross right? I think that’s probably gross.”

  I can’t help but grin. “It’ll be awesome. You’ll see!”

  “Come on, guys. Let’s go,” Ritchie says, grabbing Bekah’s arm. She glances once at Kelly to urge him with her, but he’s waiting for me.

  “Way to go, Mac,” Kelly whispers, grabbing some of the rolls of TP and putting them in his backpack.

  Nix grabs the rest. “Here, put this on.” He hands me a round container that looks like shoe polish. Leftover face paint from Declaration Day.

  I feel a surge of pride as I realize they’re accepting me as one of them, that they planned on me being a part of this. “Where are we going?”

  “Back to House Mountain.” Nix looks like a laughing jack-o’-lantern with his crazy grin. “Gotta leave a sign for the cadre, l
et them know Alpha really does lead the way! Maybe this’ll give us a solid lead for Company of the Year.”

  “Good thinking.” I pick up the pace and follow Nix, Kelly, and the rest down the stairs. We move easily into a pace that will keep us moving for the next thirteen miles.

  Everything looks sinister at night. Across the street, the trees reach out for us, pulling us into the darkness of the forest. Shadows play with my depth perception and night noises echo around me. I can’t tell where anything is coming from.

  The company slows to a crawl near the top of the mountain. Nix whispers something to Kelly, and Kelly nods and turns to me. “Campfire up ahead,” he says. “We’ve got to go off trail. Stay to the left and we should miss whoever is up here.”

  At first, my eyes play tricks on me, the shadows dancing, but then I see a distinctive orange glow. I follow Kelly off the path. He pushes past a branch, and it whips back in my face, stinging my cheek and bringing tears to my eyes.

  “Shit!” I hiss, clamping my teeth together to keep the word as quiet as I can.

  Kelly is at my side in an instant, stopping me. “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Just stings.”

  “Sorry.” His voice is low, hushed so whoever is at the campfire won’t hear us. His hand on my arm sends comforting warmth through me.

  It’s that, and only that, that makes me break. For the first time in six weeks—six weeks of feeling like scum as guys older than me, bigger than me, screamed in my face—I feel like I can trust someone. Kelly won’t judge me. “It’s okay. I’m just tired is all. Everything is worse right now, you know?”

  The others keep hiking, their footsteps sounding out in the darkness. He doesn’t move, though, just looks at me, his face shaded black from the war paint. In the moonlight and shadows, it’s just us with the woods and the starlight for company. His hand comes to my face, cupping my cheek, his thumb tracing little circles as tendrils of warmth shoot down my neck. “You never give up. You don’t let the cadre get to you. I know you’re tired, but I think you’re amazing.”