Golden State Brides

by Keli Gwyn

  Many of the disjointed puzzle pieces, the things about Caleb that seemed to be in conflict, fell into place. The withered, buckled, wizened calf and foot explained so much, and yet filled her mind with questions. A tear splashed onto his twisted foot, and she reached out to brush it away. His skin was cool to the touch, and she swallowed against the lump in her throat.

  Shame and guilt pounded hard on the heels of understanding. Of all the wounding insults the people of Needles had inflicted, hers had been the most grievous. For she had given him hope and offered friendship and more before snatching it away, giving in to the pressures of those around her, siding with the ignorant and judgmental. Every accusation she’d hurled at him smacked her in the face.

  After a quick check of Joshua’s straight, strong limbs, she re-tucked the sheet, covering Caleb’s secret and vowing to herself never to mention it to anyone. She was finished betraying Caleb’s trust.

  “Meghan?” he mumbled.

  With a guilty start, she sought his face. His eyes remained closed, but he frowned, his hand grasping the air at his side.

  She returned to her chair beside him and took his hand, rubbing the back of it with her thumb. His fingers closed around hers, fever-hot and rough, but his body relaxed a fraction, as if her touch brought him comfort.

  He was the bravest man she’d ever known, and she’d called him a coward. He bore his burden in silence, never using it as an excuse, never giving in or giving up. He supported himself, even contributing to the war effort in spite of his leg. How did he manage to even walk without a limp? How had she and everyone else in this town missed the signs?

  Her mind cast back to the clues she should’ve seen. How he usually stood with his weight on one leg. The strange way he mounted his horse. The fact that he’d come to the Dime-A-Dance but refused to dance. She’d taken his slow, even steps as a sign of his easygoing temperament, but now she could see he had to have been measuring his strides, concentrating on not letting his limp show.

  And the chicken feather. Humiliated in front of a crowded dining room, in front of that army major, in front of her. Every word that bombastic virago had said to him pierced Meghan’s heart. He’d bravely stood before that silly woman, taken her insults without firing back, and refused to fight. At the time, she’d thought he’d lost all dignity, but in truth, he’d preserved his honor, even if he was the only one who knew it.

  Doc entered the room, his brows knit and furrows on his forehead. “I thought I’d just relieve you for a few moments and check your patients’ feet myself, all right? Why don’t you go get some fresh air on the balcony?” He took her elbow to lift her out of her chair.

  Meghan tugged away, shaking her head. She kept hold of Caleb’s hand on the white sheet. “You don’t have to bother. I checked them already.” Another tear leaked out of her eye, and she swiped it away.

  The doctor slumped, hanging his head. “Then you know.” A huge sigh heaved his white coat front. “If I hadn’t been so tired, I never would’ve made that slip up.” His hands balled at his sides. “Caleb is going to kill me when he finds out.”

  Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Meghan took a steadying breath. “Then we won’t tell him, but I have to know what happened to him? Why is his leg like that?”

  Doc sighed and scrubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Let’s go out into the hall where we can talk and not disturb anyone.”

  She followed him out of the room, blinking at the sunlight pouring in the hallway windows. With the blinds drawn and curtains pulled in the sickroom, she felt like a burrowing owl coming out at the wrong time of day.

  Doc leaned against a windowsill, checking up and down the hall to make sure they were alone. “What you saw there is the result of poliomyelitis, otherwise known as infantile paralysis.”

  Meghan bit her lower lip. Poor Caleb. “Is it painful?”

  “The initial illness certainly is. I’m told it’s like the worst cramp or charley horse you can imagine. The muscles seize up and lock, and the nerves become confused. The body refuses to obey signals from the brain. The most severe cases result in permanent paralysis, atrophied muscles, and in some cases the bones get twisted and malformed because of the muscles pulling on them. Caleb was very young when he contracted the disease, and his legs didn’t grow evenly afterward. The pain eventually subsides, but it can come back. Caleb’s leg aches and is weak, especially when he overdoes the work, which is pretty much every day.”

  “Why didn’t he ever tell anyone? Why let everyone think him a coward and profiteer? He has a perfectly legitimate reason not to enlist. In fact, the army wouldn’t take him.”

  “Because he’s proud and stubborn, that’s why. He doesn’t want any pity.” Doc rubbed the back of his neck. “I suppose, now that you’re his nurse, I can tell you a little of his history, the little bit he’s shared with me, but it must go no further. We must guard his privacy in this matter.”

  Hearing how Caleb’s family had turned against him when he’d contracted the disease broke her heart afresh. No wonder he’d said he had no family that claimed him. How could anyone turn their back on their own child? It wasn’t as if he’d gotten ill on purpose. But to put him into an asylum, to refuse to even visit him. Fresh tears stung her eyes.

  Doc waited as a busboy pushed a laundry cart down the hall before continuing. “He’s so sensitive about people judging him because of his leg, he refuses to tell anyone. He won’t wear a brace, even though it would help him, and he won’t slow down. His leg gives him quite a bit of pain these days, but he keeps on. And I have a suspicion that somewhere in the not-too-distant past, a girl disappointed him, but he backs away from talking about it.”

  Meghan crumpled, leaning against the balcony railing. “And I haven’t helped matters at all. Joshua was right when he said I’d let Caleb down.”

  “I’ve watched you two together. I had high hopes that you two might make a match of it. You care for him very much, don’t you?”

  “I did.” She pressed her lips together. “I do. And I thought he cared for me.”

  “I think he still does.”

  “No, not after what I said to him. He’ll never forgive me. He let himself be vulnerable, let himself show some emotion, and what did I do? I smacked his face and called him a coward.”

  “So that’s it? One little setback in your relationship and you’re going to quit on him?” Doc’s voice flicked like a lash. “Who’s the coward now?”

  Meghan’s backbone stiffened, and her hands fisted. “I’m no coward. It’s just…”

  “Just what? Caleb has had nothing but a raw deal for about as long as he can remember. But if you stand by him, you two can do anything. I’ve never seen anyone so willing to take on a challenge as you. Whether it’s becoming a first-rate Harvey Girl—oh yes, I’ve heard from several sources what a fine waitress you’ve become, a credit to the company—or sewing that quilt and raising money with it, or being the best nurse we’ve got in the hotel right now. You never back down from a challenge, so why start now? If Caleb means anything to you, if you care for him at all, then get in there and fight for him. Fight first for his life, and then, when he’s better, fight for his heart.”

  In spite of her exhaustion, the flame of ambition flared in Meghan’s heart, the quickening of her pulse, the explosion of ideas, the call to the crusade.

  “Do you think he’ll forgive me? Do you think he’ll have me?”

  “You’ll never know if you don’t try.” Doc stood, yawned, and checked his watch. “You’d best get back to your patients. Until Caleb is better, don’t broach the subject. Between the two of us, we should be able to care for him without letting on that you know. I’m here if you need me.”

  He headed down the hall to check on more patients, and Meghan took a deep breath, girding her mind and heart for the battle of her life.

  Chapter 15

  The week passed in a blur for Meghan. For days, she left Caleb’s side only to eat or change into
a clean dress. Caleb’s fever soared, his chest racked with coughs, and he writhed as if trying to escape his own aching body. The only time he lay still was when Meghan held his hand and bathed his face and neck with cool, damp cloths. She prayed long and often for both him and Joshua, dozing in the rocker, starting awake every time one of her patients moaned or moved, and refusing to budge, even when Mrs. Gregory offered to send someone to replace her.

  On the fifth day, Caleb’s fever finally broke. Meghan, so tired she could hardly raise her arm, touched his forehead. Cool and slightly moist as a fine sheen of sweat appeared on his brow. Tears of thankfulness sprang to her scratchy eyes, and she bit her lip, sending up a prayer of thanksgiving. For the first time in what seemed forever, Caleb looked at her with clear eyes.

  “Meghan? How’s Joshua?” His voice croaked from dryness and lack of use.

  Meghan pushed him gently back against the pillows when he tried to sit up. “Shh, he’s fine. We moved him to the other bed.” She poured a glass of water and held it to his cracked lips. “His fever broke two days ago, and he’s resting comfortably, though he’s so hungry all the time, I can barely keep him fed.”

  He lay back with a sigh. “The soldiers?”

  “A special train with army doctors arrived. They loaded all the recovering soldiers onto litters and put them on the eastbound. They’re at an army base by now, recuperating.”

  “And the town?” His eyelashes fluttered, as if he had to work to focus. After nearly a week of delirium and fever, he’d lost weight, and no doubt would take weeks to recover fully. But her heart still soared. Once the fever broke, if he took care, he should be on the road to recovery.

  “There have been a lot of cases, but most are being treated in their own homes now that the soldiers are gone and Doc can take the time to visit house to house.” She straightened the covers, careful to keep from looking toward the foot of the bed. “You and Joshua are the last patients in the hotel. The trains are running again, and the dining room and lunchroom are operating once more, though all the waitresses wear their masks while they serve.”

  “What about my horses?” He struggled up to his elbows. “And how long have I been sick?”

  She pressed her palms against his shoulders, conscious of warm, male muscles and solid bone. “Lie still. Your horses are fine. Joshua’s parents are looking after them. You’ve been very ill, and it’s going to take awhile before you regain your strength. I’m going to send down to the kitchen for some broth and hot tea.” As she made to move away from the bed, he grasped her hand.

  “Have you been here the whole time?”

  Shrugging, she withdrew her fingers from his. “Mostly. Doc spelled me sometimes. Now, you rest. You need to build up your strength.”

  He was asleep again before he’d finished half the broth, but this time it was a peaceful slumber. Meghan drifted to sleep watching the steady rise and fall of his chest.

  Doc gently shook her awake. “I see we’ve made some improvement since this morning.”

  Blinking and shaking her head, she chased the muzziness from her brain. “Yes, his fever broke just before noon. He’s been sleeping ever since.”

  Caleb’s eyes opened. “I’m awake now.”

  Lifting Caleb’s wrist, Doc stared at his watch. “How are you feeling?”

  “Like last week’s leftovers.” He coughed, holding his chest and scrunching his eyes.

  “That’s to be expected. The cough will most likely hang on for a while. We’ll try to get you propped up a little more now to help you clear your lungs. Don’t want you developing pneumonia after all the fine nursing you’ve had.”

  After satisfying himself as to his patient’s welfare, Doc sent a no-nonsense look Meghan’s way. “Okay, young lady, I’ve humored you because it really did seem as if Caleb rested more comfortably when you were nearby, but now that he’s on the mend, I’m putting my foot down. You’re going to return to your room and go to bed. Natalie came back to the hotel yesterday, and she’ll look after you.”

  Now that Caleb and Joshua were both out of danger, she longed to fall headfirst into her pillow and not resurface for a week, but she couldn’t just abandon her post. “Who will take care of my patients?”

  “I will. I’ll get them shifted to my house where I can see to them myself. Mrs. Gregory wants her hotel back, and I quite agree. It appears the worst of the epidemic is over for the time being, so I can more than take care of two convalescent patients in my own home. Now get.” He shooed her toward the door. “Natalie’s waiting for you.”

  Meghan stumbled along the hallway toward the staff quarters, dragging at her apron strings and yawning. For more than ten days, she’d survived on catnaps and quick meals. She hadn’t slept in her own bed for such a long time, everything seemed strange as she opened the bedroom door.

  “There you are. How are Caleb and Joshua?” Natalie rose from the corner chair and laid aside her handwork. Tired as she was, Meghan noticed Natalie’s thickened waist. She wouldn’t be able to hide her condition much longer.

  “Caleb’s fever broke at last. Doc is going to take both of them to his house. He’s ordered me to bed.” Boat anchors tugged at her eyelids, and she couldn’t stop yawning as she slipped out of her black dress.

  “I’m glad he did. If you’ll forgive me for saying so, you look like you’ve been dragged through a knothole backward.” Natalie turned back the sheets and went to draw the drapes. “You sleep. We’ll talk later.”

  Meghan fell into bed and fathoms deep into sleep.

  “You can stop pretending now, Doc.” Caleb eased down onto the mattress and let Doc help him swing his legs up off the floor. Tiredness seeped from every pore, and he didn’t protest when Doc pulled the sheet up for him.

  “Pretending?” Doc felt Caleb’s brow.

  “That she didn’t see my leg.”

  “You need to rest. The move from the hotel to my place took a lot out of you.”

  “You’re doing it again.”

  “What?”

  “Changing the subject.”

  “Why can’t you lie back and go to sleep like Joshua? He isn’t giving me half as much trouble as you.” Doc lowered the window shade. “We can talk about this later, when you’re stronger.”

  In spite of his weariness, Caleb pushed himself upright. His arms trembled, and the room swam. “Doc, I need to know the truth. How did she react? Was she repulsed?” He hauled in a staggering breath, his chest muscles aching from so many days of coughing. “Of course she was repulsed. Forget it. I don’t know why I even asked.” Arms buckling, he flopped back onto the pillows.

  “If you must know the truth, then, yes, she did see your leg, several times in fact, and not once did I get the impression she was repulsed. Sorry and sad that you had to suffer? Yes, but most of all, I got the impression that Meghan was remorseful. She feels bad about how she and the town have treated you. Poor girl.”

  “Poor girl?” Caleb scowled.

  “That’s right. She feels bad, and so do I about you contracting polio and suffering long-term consequences, but you are the one who set the rules for this game. You chose to keep your infirmity a secret. You chose to let this town believe a lie. You chose to let Meghan believe a lie. I can only guess you wanted to protect your pride. You built a wall around yourself and rejected the people of this town before they got a chance to reject you. But Meghan got in, didn’t she? She snuck around or over that wall, and when she got too close, you chased her away because you were afraid. Instead of telling her the truth, you used the lie to fend her off.” Doc rubbed his hands down his face. “That girl cares for you a great deal. She told me so, but what does it matter if you’re too afraid to accept her? In that respect, the town of Needles has it right. You are a coward.”

  Caleb’s hands fisted on the sheet, and waves of weakness flowed over him. His one ally in this town, and he’d been betrayed. His mind swam with crashing thoughts, and he clamped his lips together to keep from saying all the words
that crowded into his throat.

  Doc shook his head. “I’m sorry. You’re in no condition to deal with all this right now. I should’ve held my tongue.” Lines deepened on his face, and sadness invaded his eyes. “It’s just that I see how good you and Meghan could be together. She’d never let something like a bum leg come between you. I hope, if she comes to visit, you can finally be honest with each other.”

  He closed the door behind himself, leaving Caleb alone.

  She won’t come. And I don’t want her to. Doc’s bald statements reverberated in Caleb’s head. Doc doesn’t know what it’s like. He’s a whole man. Nobody would pity him or reject him. When you aren’t whole, all you have is your pride. If I gave that up, what would I have? A man had to have his pride, didn’t he? And if he couldn’t be proud of his abilities, then at least he could be proud knowing he had right on his side when others accused him of dodging the draft.

  “Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.”

  Caleb’s eyelids fluttered open. Where had that come from? As a man who had spent the past twenty years living in mortal terror of falling, the Bible verse hit hard at his very core.

  If you let go of your pride, you’ll have nothing, Caleb McBride. You’ll be nothing, a nobody, just like you were when your father looked right through you as a kid. He clutched the sheet, trying to find a hold as the walls around his heart began to quake.

  “If you let go of your pride, you’ll have Me. I am your Father, and I know you. I always see you. I’m just waiting for you to finally see Me.”

  But what can I bring to You that You will accept, if I have nothing left of myself, nothing that makes me worthy of Your love? Had all his striving been for nothing? Bits of rubble fell from the barricade he’d erected around his pride.

  “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise.