Life

by Rosie Scott

  The whistling of the breezes dulled as we were surrounded by rock, trotting down the carved stone staircases into the bustling market district of the capital city. I figured we were on our way to the High Rock Tavern. It had become somewhat of a staple for us over the years. It was one of the few taverns in the city that didn't require Maggie to duck as she walked through it, and it had tables spacious enough to fit the larger groups we tended to have.

  When Cyrus and Altan turned the last corner to the tavern's entrance, I decided my suspicions were right. Before we reached the door, I asked Azazel, “Is everything okay?”

  “We'll see,” the archer replied vaguely, which only left me confused. Altan had seemed excited about the surprise, so Azazel's hesitation had me worried.

  It all made sense once I walked into the tavern behind everyone else as they talked and laughed. Altan told me where to look, but my eyes were already drawn to the bar. All of the noises around me dulled. Laughter, heated conversations, glasses clinking off of stone. It all dulled, and my chest tightened until it felt like I hadn't taken a breath in a year.

  Two familiar black eyes met mine for the first time in three years, the gaze held within them somewhat hesitant. Shoulder-length black hair laid out softly over light black armor from the embrace of a hood. Two dark purple-black hands ran fingers along both sides of the sweating glass mug before her nervously.

  I wanted to run to her, but I only stood still, unable to move. Seeing Nyx again brought up all of those awful memories of her leaving and the reasons for which she had. I was suddenly bombarded with images of her crying over Jakan's body.

  Nyx noticed my hesitation. Her brow furrowed, and she visibly swallowed before looking back toward the bar. She lifted up her mug to take a drink, before deciding against it and letting it back down to the stone.

  “Kai.” Altan's red eyes were confused in mine when I looked at him. “Go talk to her.”

  When I finally took the first step, I expected Azazel to follow. But he didn't. As much as it seemed he wanted to, he was leaving me space. Cerin rubbed my back in support before he moved to sit at a table with the others.

  I'd often wondered how I would react to seeing Nyx again if I ever did. I'd always imagined running to her and hugging her. In reality, I walked slowly over, pulling out the bar stool beside her. The stone legs of the stool scraping across the floor helped to mask my shaking. Nyx didn't look over as I sat down, and she said nothing for the moment.

  “Can I get you anything?” The bartender watched me expectantly from the other side of the bar.

  “Surprise me,” I replied low, to which the man laughed.

  “I'll give you something to knock you out,” he offered.

  “I might need it. Thanks.”

  Nyx lifted up a finger beside me. “My bill,” she said. The bartender nodded.

  There was a silence between us as I waited for my drink. Nyx glanced back to where the others sat for a few seconds before she stared forward again. Finally, my ale was served. It was a dark caramel color at the top and a lighter cream at the bottom. I took a sip, immediately squinting at the pungent flavor.

  “Gah,” I blurted, before sucking in a breath between my lips.

  Nyx chuckled softly beside me. “Weakling.” When I said nothing, she took another look at the table with the others. “Much has changed since we saw each other last.”

  “It's been three years,” I said simply.

  “It has.” Nyx took a sip of her own ale. “Azazel's staring at me like he wants to kick my ass.”

  “You leaving hurt me and reminded him of his own past,” I murmured. “We bonded over that. He's very protective of me.”

  Nyx exhaled heavily beside me. “You're being very short with me.”

  “I replied to what you said. Nothing more.”

  I felt her eyes on me, so I took another drink of ale as she asked, “Are you angry with me?”

  “I don't really have the right to be angry with you, Nyx.”

  “Then why are you acting like this?”

  I chuckled humorlessly. “How would you like me to act? The last time I saw you, you didn't agree with a thing I did or said. I'm only saying what's necessary now to prevent that from happening again. Like I said, it's been three years. I don't know the first thing about where you've been or what you've been up to, or even if you hold the same beliefs as you did then. It took me a long time to come to terms with the Battle of Highland Pass, and your departure made it worse. I have healed and moved on, and your sudden appearance threatens to unravel everything for me not long before I need to leave for Hammerton.”

  Nyx's fingers trailed up and down her mug again in distraction. “I thought you'd be happier to see me.”

  “I am happy to see you. I'm just guarded.”

  “The last time you were guarded around me, my dagger was at your throat,” she murmured, speaking of the assassination attempt.

  “Yep.”

  Nyx sighed. “Kai, talk to me. All of my anger left long ago. I promise you, I'm not here to fight.”

  I picked up my mug, downing a few gulps of ale in one go. The cup hit the bar with a clink, and I finally said, “It goes without saying that Jakan and Anto's deaths traumatized me. Not a day goes by where I don't wish I could go back and change the events of that battle. But if it were to happen all over again, I would do the exact same thing. Because I made the decision to use a spell to aid my friends, and I'm going to make the decision to support those I love every damn time. I'm not going to feel guilty for that, and I'm not going to apologize for being motivated by vengeance. Going to Glacia was unavoidable, Nyx. If it weren't for our actions there, Eteri would be overrun right now. You weren't there at the Battle of Esen, but we found out that they had hordes of reinforcements. If it weren't for our assault, everyone would be dead.”

  Nyx was silent a moment, listening to my hard breaths as I finished my ramble. “You say all of this defensively like I wouldn't agree with you.”

  “You didn't agree with me, and you made it seem like I was a horrible person for wanting to go through with it.”

  “Perspectives change,” Nyx mumbled.

  “Oh?” I asked rhetorically.

  “I needed time to heal and calm down and think,” Nyx insisted, her voice thick with emotion. “You know I never think things through. I was angry and upset, and I latched all of that on to you. I remember how upset you were after burning me with your magic in Sera. I cannot imagine what you were going through after what happened with Jakan.” She audibly swallowed. “And I keep thinking about what a hypocrite I've been.”

  I took another drink of ale, and my head started to feel the alcohol's effects. I pushed the mug farther away from me, unwilling to get drunk.

  “I could have killed you years ago in the Silvi rainforest, Kai,” Nyx finally went on, after a moment. “I killed Nirit because I was desperate to save you, but my reasons wouldn't have mattered at all if you'd died that day.” She paused. “Both of your legs were broken. You could've been mad at me. You probably should've been mad at me. But you weren't.”

  “Because mistakes happen, Nyx, and it was the idea that you tried saving me at all that mattered to me.”

  I saw her nod from my peripheral vision. “Yeah. I get that. And I agree. I've thought about that battle a lot over these past few years. I understand why things happened the way they did. I still love Jakan and Anto so much it hurts, and I will continue to miss them like crazy. But in my anger and trauma, I made a decision that ended up making me lose every friend I had. I've been so lonely these past few years, Kai. Bedded every last man in Welkin and Scirocco, but nothing can fill that hole in my gut.”

  “Then they're not trying hard enough,” I muttered dryly.

  “What...?” Nyx paused before she chuckled at the joke. “This is what I've been missing, bud. You get me. You always have. And the one time you needed friends most, I left you.” She hesitated, before looking back at Azazel. “I should probably thank h
im for being as protective of you as he is. You've needed it.”

  “Azazel is my greatest friend and my right-hand man,” I replied, glancing back to the archer. Only when I smiled at him did he relax a bit.

  “That would probably really hurt me if I didn't already expect it,” Nyx murmured.

  “You were gone, Nyx. Azazel has become everything to me, and he saved my life on the way to Glacia.” I hesitated. “You said yourself back in Welkin that Jakan was your best friend when I couldn't be. Surely you understand.”

  “I do understand.” Nyx sighed. “And it's not like you can only have a limited number of friends. There's still room for me.”

  My eyes flicked over to her. She traced over the lumps of the stone bar with a careful finger while avoiding my gaze. “Are you saying you want to join us again?”

  Nyx grimaced. “Gods, you say that like I haven't been a part of you guys.” She hesitated, holding out a finger to stop my protest. “I know. I haven't. But it still hurts. And anyway, yeah, I would like to join you again. If you'd have me.”

  “I only want you with us if you're going to be happy,” I replied. “You know me, Nyx. I'm not going to stop this war until I take Chairel. If you're going to be miserable or continue to be uncomfortable with the fact that vengeance fuels me, you might want extra time to think this through.”

  “Kai...” Nyx finally met my gaze. Her black eyes were troubled. “I worry about you, that's all. I get your need for vengeance. Why do you think I wanted to kill my mother in the underground, for gods' sake?” She exhaled heavily from flared nostrils. “I was worried that your need for vengeance would lead you to do things you'd regret. Destroying Glacia, for one thing. You didn't want to do it originally.”

  “We had no choice. You weren't there. You didn't see how many Icilic were there. It doesn't matter if I wanted to do it or not. If I hadn't, we wouldn't be here.”

  Nyx nodded slowly. “I know. If I'm honest, I regret not going with you.”

  I observed her a moment. The dark skin between her black eyebrows creased before she turned back to her mug and drank some more. “Why do you regret it?”

  She set the mug back on the bar and wiped at her lips. “Because as I said, I get the need for vengeance. I wanted a part in taking the bastards out.”

  “For Jakan and Anto?”

  “For Jakan, Anto, and Cerin,” she replied. “Cerin was once one of my greatest friends, Kai. He was nothing but supportive of me in the underground. Anto was right all those years ago. Cerin could have killed my mother and taken all the glory in Quellden. But he didn't out of respect for me. Then I took a lot of shit out on him on that gods-forsaken battlefield, and then I left. You guys marched right into Glacia where thousands of Icilic wanted him dead. He was there for me when I needed him. I wasn't there for him.” Nyx hesitated. “I've been a terrible friend to all of you.”

  I was silent a moment. If anything, it made me feel good to know that Nyx had been thinking so much about us over our separation.

  “Be honest, Kai, does Cerin hate me?” Nyx glanced back to where the others sat again, her stool creaking with the movement. “Because if I fucked up things badly enough, it's possible he'll resent me as much as Silas did.”

  “You know how many bad words Cerin's said about you over the years since you left?” I questioned.

  “How many?” Nyx's words were defeated.

  “None.” I met her gaze. “I don't think he ever even considered you leaving as being an affront against his own quest in Glacia. Because he understood. So did I. We all understood why you needed time after that battle. It did a number to all of us. I collapsed on that battlefield on my way back from Welkin, because my legs just stopped working. And no one rushed me, not even the Sentinels, because they'd been expecting me to break down. I was heartbroken by you leaving. But I understood.”

  Nyx's eyes welled with tears before she abruptly grabbed me into a hug. We squeezed each other tight for a few moments. Relief from being close to her again flooded through me, warming me even more than the ale in my gut. She smelled of her lotions, and alcohol, and oddly enough, of ferris smoke.

  “You smell like Calder,” I commented as we parted.

  Nyx chuckled. “I met some beastmen in Scirocco,” she told me. “They're smuggling ferris into Eteri now. I've been quite fond of it lately. I've been so depressed, and it keeps me upbeat. Plus,” she added, with a small smile, “I've brought a friend with me.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah. He wants to join us in Hammerton, and he can't wait to meet you.”

  “Vhiri?”

  “Half-Vhiri,” Nyx replied. “And half-Alderi. He's a beastman I met in Scirocco who came up as a trader from Silvi. Stayed once he got a taste of this.” Nyx pointed at herself, and I laughed.

  “It'll be interesting to see a half-breed Alderi,” I commented. “There aren't too many of them.”

  “No, but Arrayis will soon be overrun with them. It's been five years since the underground was taken.” She wiggled her eyebrows knowingly. “Juveniles are coming of age. Babies are probably shooting out of thousands of women down there by now.”

  I chuckled. “I don't think that's how that works.”

  Nyx shrugged. “I wouldn't know. Mommy dearest did me a favor by taking these.” She swirled a finger toward where her ovaries once had been.

  “So...” I pulled the mug of ale back toward me, risking a small sip. “You've been to Scirocco. We were there three years ago. When did you go?”

  “Ah, let's see,” Nyx started, looking up toward the ceiling as she racked through her memories. “I stayed in Welkin until after Glacia was destroyed. We could see it, you know.”

  “See what?”

  “The sun. I was in the middle of some fun times with a Vhiri farmer when we heard people shouting. Ran out of his house, and the northern sky was bright white. Could've sworn I even heard Glacia crumbling.”

  “Did the light blind anyone?”

  “No. It was bright, but from our distance, it wasn't any worse than a hot day in High Star. Lasted a couple of minutes, and then the light just went out.”

  “When did the water rise?”

  “Not for a few weeks,” Nyx said. “I'm guessing it worked just like it had in Tal. Turned to steam, and then eventually rose the oceans as the water rejoined them. It rose pretty slowly, Kai. I could see part of Esen from Welkin, and it took a number of days before it was overtaken. Even if the water took over the coasts, people near the sea would have had time to escape.”

  “They had warning anyway,” I said. “Altan warned most of everyone by letter, and then we stopped at Dagmar on the way to Glacia. I gave them gold and life magic spells and told them to warn Thornwell.” I hesitated. “You went to Scirocco after the water rose? How's the city?”

  “Not bad at all, actually,” she answered. “I guess being up in that inlet kept the water level from really changing. I didn't notice anything.”

  “Tal was the same way.”

  Nyx glanced over with curiosity. “You've been to Tal? Are they repopulating it?”

  “Yeah. That's where we'll be departing from when we leave for Hammerton. Otherwise, we'd have to sail our navies all the way around Eteri, and that takes the better part of a year.”

  “Scirocco's warships left the harbor when I was there last year,” Nyx commented.

  “Yeah. They're on their way to Tal with minimal crew. Like I said, it takes a while to move everything over there. This'll be the first time Eteri attacks en masse from the west.”

  “Guess so.” Nyx took another drink of ale. “You know, when I was in Scirocco, there was this huge sandstone inn just like the one we stayed at in Al Nazir.”

  I smiled as I remembered my time there. “Yeah. I stayed there.”

  “Really? Me too.” Nyx pushed her mug against mine with a clink.

  “How? You never have much gold.”

  “Lots of other people do,” Nyx retorted. “There was a rich mercenary the
re who paid my way. For obvious reasons.”

  I chuckled. “I thought a lot about you there.”

  Nyx grinned over at me. “Same here. But then again, I'm always thinking about me, so I guess it wasn't much of a change.” After I shook my head in humor, she sobered and went on, “I'm sorry I missed your big three-oh.”

  “My what?”

  “Your thirtieth birthday,” she clarified. “That's why I left Scirocco when I did. It reminded me of when I treated you in Al Nazir six years ago.”

  “When you treated me,” I muttered in jest. I had paid for everything myself that day.

  “Anyway, I thought I'd make it back here in time. I didn't. So I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you somehow.” Nyx paused, looking at both of our mugs of ale. “Actually, hell, I already have. Happy belated birthday.”

  I exhaled, the breath bumpy over a light chuckle. “Thirty means nothing when I might reach three hundred or three thousand. Don't worry about missing it. And anyway, you meant to miss it. You arrived too late for my birthday but just early enough for yours.”

  Nyx held up a finger in realization. “You're right! What are you gonna get me?”

  “Mm, I don't know, what will you get Cerin? His thirtieth birthday is coming up in a few weeks.”

  Nyx quieted. A mischievous smile finally broke out on her face. “I think I forgot some things in Scirocco. I'll be back in half a year.”

  I laughed at her antics. After a long time apart, it was as if Nyx and I had never been separated. I was so happy to have her back.