Life

by Rosie Scott

  One side of my mouth lifted in a smile. “How so?” I had a few ideas myself, but I wanted to hear his opinion.

  “It is all-consuming,” Cyrus repeated. “On one hand, it is as if enough water can wash away anything. There are entire ecosystems beneath these waves that no one has ever fully discovered. The water consumes it, hides it, promises to keep its secrets. On the other hand, water can engulf anything and disintegrate it into non-existence.” He hesitated. “Like Narangar's harbor, Kai, or even Enya.”

  Enya. I remembered Cyrus's story of friendly fire. I reached over to pat him on the back as he thought back to the tragedy.

  “We need water to live,” Cyrus finally continued. “And yet, too much of it is merciless. Many things are like that. Beneficial in moderation, overwhelming in excess.” The Sentinel swallowed hard and glanced back behind us, where the pier was empty and silent. Satisfied, he looked forward again. “Tilda has been hiring assassins since before I was born. She does it to remove threats, but she also does it because it makes her giddy to hear about people dropping dead in places she can't otherwise reach. Many of the deaths of politicians in Chairel, Nahara, and Hammerton have been her doing, Kai. So many of them that I cannot remember their names. If the Alderi had tunnels to Glacia before we destroyed it, I'm sure she would have targeted the Icilic there. People have been assassinated, poisoned, jumped in the streets. Not because they are a threat, but because Tilda gets bored and finds news of it entertaining.

  “I don't like devious methods in politics, and that's because of her. You've said you avoid them as well because of Sirius. But at a certain point, my hatred for Tilda's ways brought me to understand why leaders resort to these things. Sometimes that is the only route left available to you. I've told you before that I love my country, Kai. Eteri is beautiful. Its military is a joy to work with and a sight to behold. Very few people outside of the country will ever agree with me on that, because they have no desire to visit it to see its splendor. Our reputation is so tarnished after centuries of being led by a woman who is so old her heart and much of her brain is already dead and useless. I have seen Sentinel after Sentinel die in unnecessary battles or by devious methods which lead back to her. I decided a few decades ago to try to stop it. I've reasoned with myself that by using the same assassins Tilda uses, the death of one woman can save other lives. It can allow our country to heal and repair its image under a leader more deserving. I put so much time and thought into this decision that it pains my heart to see my oldest friend act like it makes me untrustworthy.”

  Cyrus stopped his ramblings, and the moonlight of Eran hanging over the northeastern skies reflected off of his blue eyes, giving away his inner turmoil. I broke the silence to speak.

  “Altan is so optimistic it blinds him,” I said. “There are many avenues to success. Just because he doesn't agree with one of them does not make you wrong.”

  “What do you think?” Cyrus asked, glancing over at us. “Both of you. I know you hate Sirius's ways, Kai. Azazel, you think things through. If it weren't for Cicero, the Renegades wouldn't be a part of this at all. You were forced into this mess, and I don't know that you'd want to be a part of it at all otherwise.”

  “The ruler over my head in the underground was the reason I was beaten and repeatedly raped for over one hundred years,” Azazel said bluntly. “If someone had assassinated Achlys earlier, I certainly wouldn't have complained about their methods. There are difficulties with taking out a leader through open battle, just as there are difficulties with pulling off an assassination. Both are valid methods of warfare.”

  Cyrus nodded quickly as he considered Azazel's words. “Kai?”

  “I have been a part of this war for nearly a decade,” I began. “It has hardened me. I have lived and learned. I make decisions now that I would have never considered years ago. There may be people who live in fantasies where leaders are nothing but benevolent. These are the fantasies of children and the ignorant. People are people. Each individual has a unique moral compass that moves over the years in response to events, successes, tragedies. No matter what a person does during her life, there will be others who are in automatic opposition for one reason or another. You can't worry about these people. Even if you make only the best decisions, there will be legions of others jumping at the chance to tell you you're wrong. You should only answer to you. If you follow that advice and do what you feel is right, you should never have to fight with such inner conflict.

  “If one assassination contract makes you untrustworthy, Cy, then you are in good company. You love reading about the leaders and war generals of history just as much as I do. If there were ever any who have not resorted to such methods, it has been heavily rumored, or they have died by the methods they refused to partake in. War is a dangerous and dirty game that is just as much about the battle of wits as it is about battles with weapons. I don't like devious methods, but if I were to forever refuse to partake in them, I would die by them. You have to resort to necessary evils sometimes. I know you would prefer that Tilda die naturally or through other methods, but that's not happening, and you've waited hundreds of years. If anything, I am astonished by your patience.”

  Cyrus met my gaze. “Thank you.”

  “I support you. We support you.” I motioned to Azazel. “You've been there for me when I've needed it. Your support of me after the Battle of Highland Pass helped me move forward.”

  Cyrus nodded. “Because I not only told you about what happened to Enya, but I explained my reasoning and my struggles in my need to relate to you. Just as you have. Your reasoning mirrors my own, and I admire you greatly.” He reached out to put a hand on my shoulder. “You're right, Kai. I am in good company.”

  “With us and otherwise,” I reminded him. “Altan cares for you. Like I said, his optimism blinds him. His reaction to your words was born out of shock more than disgust. He will no longer remember the harsh words between you, but even if he did, I think he would eventually have come around to accept your choice even if he refused to agree with it.”

  Cyrus pulled his hand from me and stared back over the ocean. He was silent for a few minutes. The laughter of a few tipsy Alderi echoed out from the harbor far behind us.

  “I am terrified,” Cyrus finally said.

  I frowned. “Why?”

  “I have spent my life fighting for Eteri. The closer to the border we get, the more I feel like I will lose it forever.”

  “Do you worry about your mortality or events which have yet to take place?” Azazel questioned.

  “I'm not sure,” Cyrus admitted. “It's possible Tilda will find out about my connection to these attempts and assassinate me before her death. It's possible we will reach the border and be told to abandon you, at which point I will refuse whether Tilda is dead or not. I will become a traitor to my own country. A country for which I have risked my life for hundreds of years.” He chuckled dryly as he ran a hand down his face.

  “You will always have a place to go,” I reminded him. “No matter what happens and whether I succeed in Chairel or not, my door is open to you.”

  “You risk too much for your friends, Kai,” Cyrus said. “You willingly subject yourself to all manner of awful situations because of your loyalty. I have never met someone as loyal as you. Years ago, when I heard you were coming to Eteri, that was one of the last things I expected of you. There is no loyalty among gods, but you are full of it.”

  “Perhaps that's the human part of me shining through,” I commented.

  Cyrus laughed dryly. “Regardless, don't risk failure for my sake. Your goals are in Chairel. If you take it, you'll have better things to worry about than my petty concerns with a queen.”

  “If Eteri pulls out of this war and marks you for dead, your concerns will become mine,” I said. “Don't discount my loyalty, Cy. I have been at war for many years. What makes you think that once I take Chairel I will suddenly be against the idea?”

  Cyrus hesitated. “You are admitting tha
t Cicero was right about you.”

  “So what if he was? I descend from the gods of war and vengeance. My aspirations have aligned with this throughout my life, proving that nature is as powerful as nurture. I decided during our time in Glacia to never again be ashamed of this. I would be daft to think I could rule a country without ever seeing another day of war. When the time inevitably comes that I am threatened, I will meet my pursuers with force. I love war. I don't think I'll be looking for any reason to start one, but if there's an opportunity or a cause I feel is justified, I'm certainly not going to turn it down.”

  “Are you hinting at declaring war against Eteri if things go awry at the border?” Cyrus asked for clarification.

  “Absolutely,” I replied without hesitation. “It would be years before I could given my own quest in Chairel. But if Eteri double-crosses me and ostracizes you, stay by my side. I will build up Chairel's strength to retaliate. You may lose your country in this war, Cy, but we will take it for you in the next.”

  Cyrus was silent a moment before he chuckled and leaned back on his forearms. “Gods, Kai.”

  I smirked. “What?”

  “Your confidence. It radiates from you and affects everything it touches. You have me revved up for a war that does not yet have a reason to exist.”

  “Good. Then agree to stay with me if it does.”

  Cyrus smiled warmly at me. “That goes without saying. But I am middle-aged, and I have been a mage for hundreds of years. Even if everything proceeds as you say, I may not live to see Eteri again despite your actions.”

  “You look great for being middle-aged,” I told him teasingly. If Cyrus were human, he would have looked to be in his mid-thirties.

  “I'm an elf,” he replied with a chuckle.

  “I wouldn't worry about how much time you have left, Cy,” I told him, catching Azazel's gaze. “I have ways of buying you more.”

  Cyrus huffed with amusement. “What does that mean?”

  “I have kept your secrets,” I replied. “Promise me you will keep mine.”

  Cyrus sobered, and his eyes flicked between Azazel and I. “Of course.”

  “You know how I've been working on developing spells over the past few years,” I started. “I am fascinated by magic. My birth father was a magical scientist, and eventually, I'd like to build laboratories for magical research in Chairel. There are so many spells that can be developed or discovered. Magic is used all over the world, but it is barely understood. I seek to change this. Before then, all I can do is theorize. In the battle for Olympia, I tested one of my theories on Azazel.”

  Cyrus stared at the archer. “Which theory?”

  “The theory that by combining the powers of life and death, I could make my friends immortal.”

  Cyrus was silent a moment and tilted his head. “Wait. How is that possible?”

  I explained everything to him. From the conversation when Cerin and I brainstormed in Monte, to actually testing my theories in battle. Azazel described how he'd experienced an energy high even without having the ability to leech. Throughout it all, Cyrus listened in silence.

  Once the explanation was complete, Cyrus watched me closely. “You must be careful with this, Kai.”

  “I have been careful,” I replied. “Giving Azazel the high in battle was exactly what he needed to survive it.”

  “I understand,” Cyrus conceded, “but you are approaching dangerous territory. Necromancers already lust for power. You are already immensely powerful. As I said earlier, you are one of the most loyal people I've ever met. You have lost many people in this war. It is possible your desperation to protect your friends will lead you to cause mass casualties just to funnel that energy into people you love.”

  I hesitated. “Cy...this may sound awful of me to say, but that's exactly what I'm doing. I see little issue with it. We are at war. I am already fighting our enemies by taking their energy. If I can strengthen and protect my friends with it, all the better.”

  Cyrus blinked rapidly a few times as he pondered this. “You don't think this could easily get out of hand? Some people handle power better than others. What would happen if you gave a high to someone who couldn't handle it?”

  “I have already taught the elements to thousands over my years in this war,” I told him. “The underground is now full of necromancers. The power they get from their own magic is exactly the power I offer to those who cannot learn death. It is no different.”

  “You're right,” Cyrus admitted. “But the Alderi necromancers run rampant. I was with many of them on the seas and in battle here, Kai. Just one necromancer is a dangerous prospect. Calder has thousands of them under his command, and none of them abide by any rules. Calder himself is now a necromancer, and he is the king. I saw him fighting in the harbor. He was on my side, and yet watching him terrified me.”

  “You have worked with necromancers before,” I reminded him.

  “Not to this extent,” Cyrus replied. “They are not allowed political power in Eteri. Years ago, Uriel insisted on suggesting his life and death dual caster for promotion to Tilda.”

  “Vito,” I said, nodding. “He was a casualty of the Battle of Esen.”

  “Right,” Cyrus agreed. “Vito was an amazing soldier. His mind was as sharp as a blade. He constantly replenished his allies with energy while raising the dead to boost numbers. Life and death dual casters are consistently among the best soldiers Eteri has even though they are the rarest. Yet, one has never been a Sentinel. Tilda won't allow it. Neither would the leaders before her. Necromancers tend to lust for power because their highs make them feel unstoppable.”

  “That describes me,” I pointed out. “But you trust me enough to sit here with me like this, and you have agreed to stay with me if Eteri abandons us.”

  Cyrus nodded. “I know. You have immense power, Kai, and you know it. Despite that, it hasn't corrupted you. But it has only been a number of years. You have to be careful not to allow it to get to you.”

  “I have my friends to keep me in check,” I replied.

  “Yes,” Cyrus agreed, “but your friends now have access to the same power.”

  “It is up to me to give it to them,” I said. “Azazel is not a necromancer. If he wants a high, he can't get it himself. He has to rely on a life and death dual caster and at that, one who knows the spell. Only Cerin and I know it.”

  “You taught us spells in Eteri,” Cyrus said.

  “Not the life spell necessary to transfer a high,” I replied. “I created it in 425 after we traded repertoires. I wasn't sure it would work as intended until I used it in Monte. And to be honest, Cy, I don't want to hand it over to Eteri.”

  He nodded. “I understand, considering the circumstances.”

  “You don't like this idea,” I stated.

  “It's not that. You are well-intentioned. I'm just cautious by nature.” Cyrus glanced over at Azazel. “Speaking of which, I'm surprised you haven't raised the same concerns.”

  “I have had concerns,” Azazel admitted. “I was just so desperate to prolong my life. Having now gone through a high, my concerns have lessened.”

  “Why?” Cyrus questioned.

  “Because it gave me immense power, but I had total control. Once that energy was depleted from my system, I didn't go begging Kai for more. I have heard about the fears of necromancers getting out of control. When it comes to certain personality types, I think that's a valid concern. But I feel no different now than I did before that day, and I'd like to think that if I ever started to feel myself changing for the worst, I would stop it.” Azazel hesitated. “I wanted to live longer. I didn't care about having the extra power one way or the other. I still don't. It's simply a nice benefit. If anyone raised concerns about this to Kai, it would be me. Whether it was her or I getting out of control, I care too much about her to stay silent about it.”

  “I notice how you said certain personality types,” I teased my best friend. “Power-hungry people like me should be wat
ched. Cautious people like you and Cyrus are good to go.”

  Azazel smiled charmingly. “Yes. You do need to be watched. You are brash.”

  The three of us chuckled together. The hour was now so late that the city behind us was silent, but none of us made a move to get up. I knew Cyrus was reluctant to leave because he felt torn and did not often get to speak of the secrets we shared together. I was willing to stay out on the pier all night with him if it would put his mind at ease.

  “Do I have permission to give you a high in battle, Cy?” I finally asked him, since he'd never given me an answer either way.

  The Sentinel appeared thoughtful for a moment. “I don't want it to ever inconvenience you.”

  “It's the best gift I can give,” I replied. “I'm happy to give it.”

  “I understand,” Cyrus agreed. “But you aren't going around telling everyone of this, so don't do it if it'll spark question. Don't do it if you need the energy.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yes, then,” Cyrus said after a quick exhale. “You have my permission. I'd ideally like to know beforehand, but if I end up in a bad situation, you can do it much like you did for Azazel.”

  I nodded. “I'll heed your request.”

  “Whatever you do, don't let Kirek find out,” Cyrus added after a moment.

  I huffed with amusement. “Why?”

  “Because that is her greatest fear,” Cyrus replied. “You turning Chairel into a nation of immortals.”

  Twenty-four

  44th of Red Moon, 427

  HUUURRRNNNNN!

  Morning sunlight burned my eyes as I rushed to get out of bed. I squinted my eyelids shut, protecting the organs within as I fumbled around with my clothing and armor. Outside in Olympia's streets, a murmur rose among the people, and gear clattered and jingled as soldiers hurried to face a threat.

  “It's about fucking time,” Cerin cursed from the other side of the bed, his voice rough with fatigue.