Impossibly Love

by Morgan, Shane

  She looked at me with distress. “Don’t say that. I’m your mother, of course I’ll be here, which is more than I can say for your father.”

  “Oh come on, don’t do that,” I defended him. “Dad has to work. It’s completely understandable.”

  Mom sneered. “Stop making excuses for his absence. He should be here, too.”

  We walked out of the hospital and made our way to the parking lot. Mom got in and started the car as I took my time getting in the passenger side. “Sweetie, you look so tired. You should come home with me and get some rest.”

  I breathed. “No, I’m fine. I can handle it.”

  She took off down the street. Her body was shaking so much that she jumped every time someone honked at her to speed up. Mom didn’t let it bother her, though. She was still very concerned about me staying on campus. “You could’ve taken the year off, you know. I don’t know why you want to force yourself to deal with school along with your illness when you know you shouldn’t be stressed out.”

  I didn’t reply, remaining silent the rest of the drive back to school.

  I gave mom a peck on the cheek before getting out of the car. “I’ll call you later okay. Don’t worry so much.”

  She turned briefly and manufactured a smile as she said, “Bye, Branden.” I knew once she was on her way back home she would break down and cry. Ashton told me he’d seen her crying a few times by herself.

  My older brother was a junior at Jones College in nearby Annapolis. We’ve been close ever since I was born. I only saw him on weekends when I decide to go home, but he had mentioned in our prior phone conversation how Mom was crying more than ever and that it’d made him worry about my condition even more. Ashton had no problem talking to me about stuff like that. Never about his issue with our parents, though, and what caused the rift between them a few years ago.

  Later that day, I decided to go to the library for some peace and quiet. Warren had brought a girl in our room again. She wasn’t Selene.

  To my surprise, Moya was sitting in the lounge once again. I debated on going over to say hello, since we did have a good time yesterday. I assumed I made some progress in getting on her good side after bringing her by the river to watch the fireflies.

  “What are you working on?” I asked quietly.

  She looked up, a flicker of wary friendliness brightening her brown eyes. “I’m finishing up that paper for Durant’s class. Are you done with yours already?”

  “Not yet, almost.”

  Moya went back to writing away with her classy-looking black pen. I sat down across from her and she made no argument. Yes. I was truly making progress.

  I stayed silent, admiring her work ethic and how focused she was.

  Looking up slowly, Moya noticed my staring at her. “Is there something else?” she asked, not sounding harsh at all.

  I made to answer, coughing horridly instead.

  “Oh, jeez, are you alright? Here, have some.” She offered me her bottle of water.

  Taking it from her hand, I drank some water until it cooled my throat and settled my cough.

  “Thank you,” I breathed, placing the bottle down on the table.

  Moya closed the textbook and sank back in the chair. She stared at me with concern. I decided to ask about last night before she probed me about my health. “Why’d you leave so fast after my phone went off?”

  She pursed her lips and sat up straight. “I just remembered I had homework to finish up.”

  “I don’t have a girlfriend, if that’s what you thought,” I clarified, anyway.

  She laughed awkwardly. “That’s none of my business, whether or not you do have a girlfriend. I mean, it’s not like we’re seeing each other.”

  “I’d like to go out with you again.”

  As if amazed by my abruptness, Moya fumbled her words. “I…I can’t…I just…I’m really busy.”

  I remained persistent. “You can’t be busy all the time. How about tonight? We could go watch the fireflies by the river again?”

  Moya shook her head. “Can’t—”

  “Tomorrow night?” I cut her off.

  She unveiled a shy smile as she gave me a sidelong gaze. “You’re not going to stop are you?”

  “No. Not until you say yes,” I replied, grinning as if I tasted sweet victory.

  Moya exhaled with a chuckle, and then placed her books in her bag. Getting up from the table, she motioned with her hand. “I guess I could use a break. Alright, let’s go.”

  The night couldn’t have been any better. It was perfect as is with Moya sitting at my side, legs outstretched on the grass.

  I peered over at her sporadically, steeling glances at her flawless beauty and lowering my eyes down to admire the rest of her. For a moment I considered easing over to smooth my hand down her arm, kissing that honey tone skin gently enough to make her shiver with excitement. The thought of wrapping my arms around her body and pulling her into mine took away the loneliness scratching at my heart.

  Moya turned and immediately my eyes dropped to the ground. How fascinating that such a beautiful creature could be so intimidating.

  Realizing I’d been watching her, she cleared her throat awkwardly, not bothering to address that. “I’ve been curious ever since Nessa brought it up, how come you stopped playing hockey in high school? Why don’t you play here?”

  That question was inevitable. I knew it’d come up sooner or later.

  I didn’t want to lie to Moya so I answered with a burning question instead, “How come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

  A sigh escaped her lips as her eyes narrowed. “I choose not to have one. It’s not the end of the world. Anyway, why are you sidestepping my questions?”

  “What if I want to be your boyfriend?” It flew out, and by the time it did there was no turning back, especially since Moya wasn’t reacting.

  A small burst of adrenalin rushed through me as I watched her face. The sudden fear that she wouldn’t give me a chance made my words fill with a kind of hesitation that I hoped she wouldn’t hear. “I’d like,” I started, my eyes raking over her face to seek out any sign of encouragement, “to take you out on dates and spend some time with you.”

  She steered her eyes away from mine and back at the darkening water, bringing her knees up to her chest. I decided to continue, “I’d like to make you laugh.”

  Moya spun her head, not to provide me with any gratification. “I don’t want to go on any more dates,” she breathed, tension trembling in her voice while elegant hands curled protectively in her lap.

  Her lips parted, the movement small and abbreviated, as though she had been tempted to speak more.

  “This shouldn’t even have happened,” she continued. “I thought at least we could be friends…I don’t want to invest in anything only to be disappointed later on. Like how he disappointed me.” Her eyes darted back to the dark water, something heavy and lonely in her gaze.

  I was driven to curiosity and greatly concerned. “Who disappointed you?”

  She inhaled sharply at my question then answered, “No one,” in that irritated voice I’d been trying to get rid of.

  Moya hastened to her feet. I stood as well, watching as she brushed her jeans off and shook her head in frustration. She was definitely bottling up a million things I wanted her to get out. That would be hard, since I was still an outsider to someone so determined on not trusting guys.

  I wanted to ask if I could walk her back to her dorm. Moya spoke first as if she’d read my mind. “It’s better if you stop now, because I won’t give in, Branden. I can’t.”

  “Why, Moya?” I pressed.

  “It’s just that…” she searched for the right words to convey her thoughts, “you’re making me second guess myself now and I don’t like it. I don’t feel like I’m my right self around you, Branden.”

  I took in her body language, watching as that shield was starting to crack even more than ever. “Maybe you’re starting to like me.” It had
to be that.

  She stepped away as I moved closer to take her hand. All I wanted to do was touch her. Of course, Moya wouldn’t let me.

  “I can’t. I don’t want to. Leave me alone,” she pleaded, running off as if being too close to me was scary. Undeniably, for a second there, I thought I would disregard her apprehension and pull her tightly into my arms, never let go.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Moya

  I found myself trying desperately to avoid Branden after what happened Monday night. I could hit myself for not remembering to ask him for the number for that part-time job once again; I would have to keep looking for another one after all.

  Wednesday had already passed without me making eye contact or Branden trying to speak to me after Business Law, so the only place left to evade was the library, which I stayed away from for the rest of the week.

  This was ridiculous.

  I wasn’t quite sure what exactly happened by the river, but I had a feeling being close to Branden wouldn’t be good, not if I wanted to continue protecting myself from getting hurt. Why did he get to me like this, anyway? Why had I been so tempted to tell him something that personal, that uncensored?

  I forced all thoughts of Branden out of my mind as I prepared a few things to take home to Berlin Heights for the weekend. Two days away from campus would be good. I’d drown myself in some extra reading and hang out with Vanessa.

  But then, walking towards the parking lot to meet my best friend, I saw the one person I was trying to avoid. There, Branden sat on the step at the end of the concrete path that led into the parking lot, with his head hung over, as if the whole world weighed down on his shoulders.

  I slowed my pace, unable to resist taking in his somber back view and how unwell he seemed. Reaching his side, I bent down and placed my hand on his shoulder, giving him a slight nudge.

  Branden looked up drearily and an intense feeling flooded my chest as his eyes, the daring blue brighter than ever, searched mine.

  I gaped. “Um…are you alright?”

  He bobbed his head then stood tiredly. “I was taking a breather after getting back from the hos—” he trailed off, gazing absentmindedly at the evergreen shrubs instead.

  I didn’t press him for he seemed tired, figuring if he really wanted to share he would.

  Motioning to leave, I smiled and said dryly, “Well, enjoy your weekend.”

  Branden reached for my elbow and I swiveled, heart racing incredibly. But just as swiftly, he released me.

  “You too,” he said, turning to head up the path towards his dorm.

  The look in his eyes was imploring me to stay—a severe longing for my presence. How could he stare so unabashedly with so much affection for me, a girl he had no clue about whatsoever?

  I snapped out of my thoughts as Branden spun and walked back towards me. As he got closer, standing only inches away, my eyes flickered in confusion and I backed up a bit.

  “Do you have to go now?” he asked, quietly.

  I narrowed my eyes. “Yes. Why?”

  Branden took a long breath as if his life depended on it then asked, “Have lunch with me before you go?”

  I shook my head, “I can’t,” then turned to walk away.

  He caught my arm and stopped me. “Please, just for a little while.”

  “Vanessa’s meeting me in a sec. We’re driving home together,” I explained.

  “Please, Moya?” Branden pleaded, his voice came out hoarsen with a tone of desire mixed with persistence.

  I should say no, pry his fingers from my arm and walk away. The strong-willed part of me would do that—the part that didn’t want to give in.

  I spun around to face Branden, his hand still grasping my arm. I formed the words in my head and commanded them to my mouth, but gazing into his eyes and seeing the longing he had for me, I said the total opposite, “I guess I could hang out a bit.”

  Branden looked surprised, yet relieved. An elated smile appeared on his face, along with two strikingly sexy, barely there dimples I hadn’t noticed before.

  I took my cell phone out of my jeans pocket and sent Vanessa a quick text: don’t come down yet. Give me 10 mins.

  “Thank you,” Branden muttered, as we sat down across from each other at a table in the campus café.

  I was quite the silly girl. After evading him the entire week, there I was having lunch with Branden and feeling remarkably shy to meet his gaze. In the span of two weeks, he’d managed somehow to bring my guard down. I suppose it was alright, though. I was trying to be nicer. But Branden was different. This felt different.

  “What’s got you thinking so hard? You’re even biting your lip.” He folded his hands on top of the table and raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t seen lashes as perfect as his.

  Branden dipped his head and a sneaky smile formed on his thin lips. I gasped, dropping my head to the chicken sandwich that had been waiting to enter my stomach. “Nothing,” I said, taking a bite. I peered back up at him. “I’m just trying to figure out your motives.”

  “My motives?” he placed a hand on his chest, appearing offended. Then he literally finished his sandwich in two bites. “I’m not playing games, Moya. I just wanted a few minutes of your time.”

  “Why me?” I asked, keeping my tone friendly and without sarcasm.

  Branden eased forward, sincerity beaming in his eyes. “There’s something about you. Something drawing me to you. I can’t help it. ”

  He shot me a playful look and stopped me before I could open my mouth to protest. “Don’t twist it around. I’m not like those guys. I won’t hurt you.”

  Tilting my head to the side, I gave him a ‘you’re so full of it’ expression as I pursed my lips and said, “Oh, yeah?”

  He grinned, in a natural, seductive way. “Yeah, and I know you feel it too.”

  Honestly, I did. “What makes you so sure?” I asked, pretending I wasn’t as drawn to him as he was to me.

  Branden stared at me as if no one else existed in the world. “Because, Moya,” he smirked, “you’re here with me, right now. You didn’t run away again.”

  Suddenly, it was as if electricity ran through my entire body. I shivered as butterflies swarmed around inside my stomach. “Oh,” I said under my breath, picking at the napkin. I wanted to believe in him so bad. Oh, Lord, did I want to believe.

  I couldn’t. Just because I was working on being nicer didn’t mean I should fall for Branden. No. I wouldn’t fall. Please don’t make me fall, I pleaded to my heart. It was hopeless.

  “Uh,” I shook nervously, as Branden reached out and placed his hand on top of mine, soothing it with a warm and intense feeling I’d never felt before. My heart throbbed. Damn it. I had to pull away before it was too late.

  I ordered my hand to move, slap his away if necessary. It wouldn’t. In fact, I was only seconds from turning my hand over to further bask in the arousing touch of his fingertips when my cell phone started to buzz.

  Startled, I pulled away quickly and checked the screen. It was a text from Vanessa. She was waiting in the parking lot for me.

  I eased out of the seat fast. Branden did the same. Keeping my eyes from his, I mouthed softly, “I have to go. Nessa’s waiting for me.”

  Branden reached for my hand, maybe to steal another touch. I swiftly moved passed him before he could and headed toward the exit of the café. He followed behind.

  “I guess I’ll see you when you get back then,” he said, pushing the door open for me.

  “Yeah, see you,” I said, still not making eye contact.

  I walked outside and across the quad, then down the concrete path towards the parking lot. Branden stayed behind. The tingling he placed in my stomach was still lingering there.

  Vanessa had a perplexed look on her face as I approached my car.

  “What?” I asked, nonchalantly.

  She swept her long braids off her shoulders and allowed them to fall down in her back. “You okay?” she asked.

  I unlocke
d the doors but paused before getting in. “Yeah. Why?”

  Vanessa shook her head and got in the passenger seat. I got in and started the car.

  “You don’t seem like yourself, girl. What were you doing, anyway? I thought you said you were ready when you called me earlier.” She tossed her book bag on the back seat. “Then all of a sudden you sent me a text saying you weren’t. What was that about?”

  I shook my head. “Nothing. It was nothing.”

  But it was.

  Putting the car in reverse, I backed out of the parking lot and drove through the gates. “Let’s get on the road.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Branden

  I had insisted on not going home this weekend as well. But when my father showed up at school in the evening, there was no refusing him. I ended up leaving my dorm obediently.

  Pulling out of the school parking lot, Dad started off his usual conversation, “How’s it going, Branden? How are you holding up?”

  I answered in a flat tone, “I’m doing alright.”

  Coming to a stop light, he tapped anxiously on the steering wheel, fighting to say something that was probably burning his mind. “Branden, your mom and I,” he began, in a hushed voice I hadn’t heard before.

  I glanced over and waited curiously for what he was about to tell me.

  Dad shook his head, deciding not to go through with it. “Never mind, it’s not the right time.”

  The drive home was filled with even more silence after our brief talk than when I’d driven with Mom. Both seemed so fearful of speaking to me, almost like there was a secret other than mine they were trying to keep.

  I was eager to burst through the front door and head straight to my room when we got home that night. Of course, Ashton took me off guard the moment I entered.

  “Hey, little brother, how’s it going?” he said, playfully clutching me in a headlock.

  Mom rushed to my rescue, pushing him aside as if I was one of her delicate chinaware. “Ashton, I told you not to do that to him anymore,” she scolded, checking if I was still in one piece.