Silencing Joy

by Amy Rachiele

  “Let’s talk,” Will entreated rationally.

  Derek yanked the door, and it pushed Will back a few steps. Will’s eyes flashed with anger. Crap! Derek lunged through the opening in the door, away from Will. Will chased him the short distance to the porch. Like a slow-motion movie, Derek lifted one leg towards the steps. Will sprang and tackled him mid-step, and they rolled down the stairs in a mess of arms and legs.

  “What the hell, dude!?” Will yelled at Derek as he tried to pin him to the dirty ground.

  I watched helplessly as they punched each other and screamed at them to stop. It didn’t do any good; they were in their own smack-down world. It seemed to go on forever. I wanted to go get Bill or Jake, but I was frozen just outside the door...watching, immobile.

  The screen door swung open and smacked against the clapboards. Jen emerged heatedly, carrying a huge metal bowl. My face contorted in a perplexed expression as I watched her take determined and annoyed steps to the edge of the porch. She unceremoniously lifted the bowl and flung its contents at the guys.

  Water! She doused them and they looked up, both with the same shocked manner. For a moment, they almost looked like brothers in a sibling fight.

  “I’m trying to sleep!” Jen yelled forcefully. “Knock it off!”

  Jake came to the doorway, laughing his head off, and Bill was right behind him.

  “Good one,” Jake said happily.

  She tossed the bowl aside and sent Jake a seething glare.

  “I wish it was you.” And she sashayed back into the house.

  “What’s going on?” Bill asked sternly.

  The dirt and grass below Will and Derek turned muddy from the water. The guys slowly stood, covered in ick.

  “I need to leave,” Derek said. “I have to help Kara.”

  “We will. We need to figure things out. We can’t go off half-cocked,” Will shouted.

  “Will is right,” Bill said.

  “You don’t understand!” Derek growled adamantly.

  “What then...what is it?” Will beseeched. “What the hell is your problem?”

  Derek stood stiffly, mulling over what to say. The four of us stared at him, waiting.

  “I’m in love with her.”

  “What!?” Will gasped, stupefied. “Please tell me you’re kidding!”

  My mouth fell open in surprise. Bill let out a dismayed moan.

  “I don’t get it,” Jake said. “How do you even know her?”

  “That’s why you’ve been a weird. Disappearing...The little side jobs. You were going to see her, weren’t you?” Will rambled out in disbelief.

  Derek nodded his head. “I can’t keep it together anymore. I’m going crazy. I need to find her. Tommy...” Derek faltered, unable to finish his sentence.

  Derek fisted his hands in his hair, frustrated. He was angry and somewhat terrified, a far cry from how he normally seemed – always so in control, thoughtful, and lighthearted. It was unsettling to see him this way.

  My heart bled for him...and for Kara, who must be so afraid. Tommy was petrifying...of that, I had first-hand knowledge. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was going through. Derek’s stance was defeated and hopeless.

  Will threw his arm around Derek’s shoulder, and the two friends made their way into the house.

  Jen clopped up the stairs back to her room, done with the drama that was taking place. As she left the room, I noticed Jake watching her with longing. Here, Jen always accused me of being “clueless.” Now, it was apparently her turn.

  “Dude, you have kept your head on straight this long. Keep it together for just a little while more. We are gonna figure this out,” Will implored.

  “We are at a stand-still and it is killing me!” Derek grated out.

  “We didn’t even know that she was taken until thirty-six hours ago. We have to keep our heads straight.”

  “She could be on a ship by now!”

  Bill interjected in his mature, federal-agent way. “I don’t think that’s why he took her. It’s to get at Matthews. She’s not for cargo.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Derek beseeched. “I’m the one who has been with Tommy for the past six months. That fucker is sick! He doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. With each passing day, he becomes more power hungry. I need to go...right now! I need to find her!”

  Derek’s shoulders collapsed in defeat. His frustration was palpable.

  Each new part of this surreal adventure amazed me. You would think, by now, that I would be getting used to it, but I'm so not. It was like a suspense novel filled with monsters, danger, and heroes.

  Jake recovered from his way-too-giddy mirth resulting from watching two of his friends get doused with water by Jen.

  “We need a diversion or a decoy,” he said.

  “Huh...?” I mumbled, registering Jake’s suggestion.

  Derek and Will turned to him.

  “He’s right!” Will bellowed, the idea reaching a height of clarity with him. “That is exactly what we need to do!”

  *****

  Our group rippled into a major FBI mission briefing, or whatever you’d call it. I listened, only understanding half of what they were saying because of all the FBI code and jargon. The guys went to work quickly, devising a plan to infiltrate Tommy’s operation and get Kara out...if she was even still with him. Derek’s job was to find out.

  It was late afternoon, and we all slept a good stretch except Derek, who seemed unable to sit still. He plotted out a way to contact one of the few guys in Tommy’s gang that he thought he could trust. Bill and Derek left in the van – part one of the plan.

  It amazed me how each step of this plan involved someone getting their face smashed in or someone putting themselves in harm’s way. I found it hard to believe that there was no one we could call. How about the Army? Or even the Navy? Could the CIA help? I posed these questions to Will when we were finally alone in our room, packing up our stuff. The absurdity of my questions won me an expression, implying I was a little dense.

  “Where you not at the cabin with me?” Will asked in sarcastic disbelief. “Those snipers are government-trained assassins. They weren’t there for dinner and swimming.”

  I shrugged my shoulders, agreeing with his rant. I just had a hard time believing there wasn’t another way to get Kara out.

  Will came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. My skin tingled from his gentle touch, even though my body was jittery thinking about this plan and everything that could go horrifically wrong.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just a little tense...I was really hoping for some more alone time...” he whispered seductively to me. I nodded in agreement.

  “I’m worried, though. What if something goes wrong? What if Kara isn’t with Tommy at all?” I suggested quietly. Will spun me around.

  “Listen, I know it’s upsetting, but we have to do this. I can’t even imagine what Derek is going through. I know that I wouldn’t care about anything but finding you.” He tipped my chin up and kissed me softly on the lips.

  My heart melted, and I hugged him tightly. I put on a brave face and smiled at him.

  “Thank you...” I said softly.

  “You’re my angel,” he said, nuzzling my ear and hugging my waist firmly.

  *****

  I carried the backpack downstairs, and Jen was in the kitchen making lunch, combining a whole bunch of canned goods. I looked in the frying pan and it was a mass of stuff – beans, peas, and olives. It smelled gross.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.

  “What’s it look like? I’m making lunch. Well, it’s more like lupper since it’s in-between lunch and supper.

  “O-kay.”

  I let her sour demeanor roll off my back because I was worried about her. And it was nice of her to attempt to cook something with almost no groceries.

  “Ugh! What smells like shit?” Jake called out as he enters the kitchen.

  Jen sent hi
m an evil glare as she stirred the contents of the frying pan.

  “You!” she quipped back.

  Well, at least she was talking to him. Although, I thought he should tread lightly.

  “Wow, Jen. You look like a domestic goddess,” Jake deadpanned.

  I saw her lift the spoon and saw she was going to throw it at him, so I rushed to take it. I gently moved Jen away from the stove and continued what she started. I stirred the mixture and turned the heat down. Jen sat down at the kitchen table, picking up a stray fork that lay there. She spun it with her fingers monotonously.

  Will came in the room. He sounded and acted upbeat, but we were all feeling the dread and anxiety of the execution of this plan.

  “Hey, Jen, you ready for this?” he asked.

  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

  Derek and Bill came through the front door. The telltale squeak of the door echoed through the old house. They met us in the kitchen.

  “How did it go?” Will asked.

  Derek’s face was hard. He spoke through clenched teeth as he recounted his conversation with his informant, some guy named Brian.

  “She is at the warehouse. She is safe, for now.”

  “That’s a good thing,” I said, trying to sound optimistic.

  Derek punched the wall. We all jumped because none of us saw it coming.

  “She’s been tied up, beaten...” Bill added hesitantly.

  My eyes welled up with tears. Poor Kara!

  Poor Jen! What if this goes too far? I wasn’t sure if I could take this pressure and worry. It was debilitating.

  The room took on an even more somber atmosphere. No one wanted to say anything...or maybe there really wasn’t anything to say. We all took bites in silence, choking down the hodge-podge Jen created.

  Chapter 13

  Kara:

  “You are fucking crazy!”

  It’s Brian.

  Kara has learned over the days and nights to recognize his voice. His doesn’t make her body cringe like Tommy’s does, or shiver like Mouse’s does.

  “She is the boss’s daughter! The man in charge of this fucking operation’s kid! The guy who sends us the girls and the drugs!” Brian’s voice resonates disbelief and horror. “You are losing ground, Tommy! You can’t just be happy with what you have! You are going to fuck this whole thing up, and we’re all going to go to jail!”

  “Whaaa...what is he talking about?” Mouse utters on a squirm.

  “Watch it!” Tommy warns with clipped staccato words that are like iced fish for the market, ready to spoil. Those two words send a band of fear through Kara’s sightless and bound body. “I don’t have to tell you everything! You fucking do what I say!”

  The crunch of knuckles hitting skin sounds distinctly through the echo of the warehouse.

  “Do what you’re told! Or you’ll end up like Harrison!” Tommy spits at Brian.

  *****

  Joy:

  After lunch, or lupper, as Jen called it, we all headed into the basement.

  In the cellar, behind a wall and underneath a grate, lay military assault gear. Vests, helmets, shields, and guns of every shape and size all nestled snugly beneath this old house.

  My eyes widened to see it all neatly placed and hidden. Derek and Jake selected a vest smaller than the others. Gently and hesitantly, Jake examined it and handed it to Jen. I looked at it too.

  “It’s heavy Kevlar,” Will said quietly.

  I bent the collar back, and saw an S scrawled on the label. A small vest for a small agent. My mind raced with everything that could go wrong.

  I remembered that, just a few days ago in my apartment, I was worrying about Jen, not wanting her involved. Keeping her safe was a thought that dominated all others. Now, she was preparing to plunge head-first into this horrific nightmare.

  Bait.

  When I heard that word, I thought of a piece of cheese or peanut butter placed on a trap for a rat. The image sent shivers down my spine. I would do it in Jen’s place in a heartbeat, but that conversation was squashed quickly. Will and Derek were afraid that Tommy would recognize me and do something drastic after everything that had happened. That was the word they used...drastic. I think they mean kill. Tommy was already considered Will’s killer. Now, he had nothing to lose.

  Will and Derek's faces were unreadable, but Jake's said it all. He really didn’t want her to do this. I couldn’t find any words to say as she put on the tactical gear. We were all quiet, not wanting to say what everyone thought. Saving Kara was the objective, but the mission’s plan was what scared me.

  My job was simple. Photograph and record everything going down. Derek hoped that his cover would hold up as he used Jen to infiltrate back into Tommy's good graces. It was a long shot, but it was the only shot we had. Each hour and day that passed put Kara in a more difficult and dangerous position. Bill was afraid that Matthews would get angry and do something rash, putting Kara's life in more danger. Tommy was single-handedly ripping Matthew’s entire illegal operation to shreds.

  The guys grabbed everything they needed. They were loading up. The ammo clinked and the guns clicked. As the weapons were readied, neatly harnessed in a holster, they were put on or in a large duffel bag.

  I stood off to the side with Jen, and we walked into the nearby furnace room. Jen removed her shirt, and I helped her strap on her Kevlar. We made sure it fit snugly. I squatted down and adjusted it. I tugged and checked it all around.

  “You don’t have to do this,” I said.

  “Yes. I do.”

  “There has to be another way,” I added.

  “Well, do you have a brilliant, mastermind plan that you aren’t sharing?”

  “No.”

  “Then, getting captured and drawing out Tommy is the best way to get in and get Kara,” Jen said matter-of-factly. “We’ll be in and out,” she said, trying to convince herself. “I just have to get Derek inside.”

  Will peeked around the corner. “How does it feel?” He tested it by pulling on it, slipping his index finger under the shoulder strap.

  “Heavy,” Jen answered.

  “Why don’t you go get the rest of the stuff you need?” Will suggested.

  “Okay,” I said for Jen.

  The two of us walked to the second floor. I went to the closet in my room, rifled around in it, and pulled out a huge sweatshirt.

  “This will work,” I said.

  “Ugh, it’s stiff as a board and stinks,” Jen complained.

  “I know, but you can’t smell like a flower or look like a runway model for this. This ugly sweatshirt is textbook.”

  Jen took it from my hand, reluctantly. I stuck my head back in the closet to look for some pants, finding a pair of men’s jeans, dime-store quality. Perfect!

  I took the jeans from the closet and the sweatshirt from Jen and walked out onto the porch. At the bottom of the steps, I rubbed the clothes in the dirt. There was broken lattice sticking out from under the porch, and I ran the sweatshirt across it, tearing a rough hole in the fabric. I shook out the pants and sweatshirt to admire my handiwork. Great!

  Jen sat in a decrepit chair on the porch. Her arms were tight around her middle.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Nerves. That’s all.”

  “Come on,” I ordered, and I led her to the kitchen, tossing the dirty clothes on a chair.

  I grabbed the cooking oil from the back of the stove. I pour some into my hand and approached Jen.

  “What are you doing!?” she asked horrified.

  “I am going to grease up your hair.”

  “What!?”

  “It’s too clean and Redken© perfect!” I said.

  I tipped my palm over the top of her head and Jen yelped. Heavy, running footsteps on the basement stairs make us both turn to see Jake standing in the doorway.

  “Are you okay!?” he said through quick breaths.

  Oil oozed through Jen’s hair onto her face, and she cringed.
r />   “Ew!” Jen squealed.

  Jake laughed and said, “Nice hair.”

  She sent him a deathly glower as I rubbed the oil around her scalp. I wiped away the excess with a dishcloth and stood back to admire my handiwork again.

  “You are totally on your way to being homeless-druggie-girl.” I strung the words together like Jen had done with Will.

  “Pretty-homeless-druggie-girl,” Jake tossed out. I smirked. He was so into her it was not even funny. I washed my hands in the sink.

  “All set?” Bill asked as he came in the kitchen carrying a huge duffel bag.

  Jen grabbed the clothes off the chair and left the room, giving Jake a wide berth. Will put down a rifle and a handgun on the table and took my hand.

  “Is she okay?” Will asked me.

  “I think so. She’s nervous, but she’s tough...” I trailed off.

  Out in the foyer, Derek was coming in and out of the door carrying weapons and stuff they thought we would need. I checked the backpack that had been our saving grace and took out my camera. I had examined it before I packed it, but I had to recheck it. It was almost an obsession. My pictures were going to be the evidence we needed. I had anxiety that I would screw it up.

  Jen came out of the bathroom. Her long blonde hair was matted and the clothes were humongous on her. She looked like a vagabond. Part two of the mission was accomplished. Bill gazed down at her shoes.

  “I think we might want to find her something else for her feet though.”

  I glance down at her silver Sperry sneakers with glittery shoelaces.

  “Um...yeah,” I agreed and rummaged through a closet in the hallway. There were a ton of shoes in all sizes. I picked a small pair of men’s running shoes. They’d still be too big, but they would have to do. I carried them outside and repeated my routine to dirty them up. I rubbed them around in the dirt and handed them to Jen. Jake handed her an extra pair of tube socks.

  “Wear two pairs; that will help with the size.”

  She nodded her head, but didn’t say thank you. She took the socks from him and sat in a chair in the living room.

  Bill and Derek were whispering in the corner and headed off into the kitchen. We all followed, although I felt my feet had turned to lead because they just didn’t want to move.