I angrily rub at my tears as I stride through the place and push out into the street. And here I was, thinking I was falling in love with him.
I pause as that thought runs through me. It scares me that it's true. I was on the way to falling in love with a man that doesn't even exist. I was falling for an act, a mirage. Something specifically crafted to attract me, but without any real substance.
I rub my face, taking a deep breath as I walk through the still crowded street lined with clubs.
Who did I think I was? I don't do things like this.
Maybe there's a lesson here.
Swallowing past the knot in my throat, I stop and look up to get my bearings. It's too far to walk all the way home from here. And I just can't face Mom right now, not with the way I feel, the way I look.
But my only other option is Grandmother's. Not a great option, but it beats facing Mom.
This is going to get ugly. But there's no way around it.
I walk quickly, staying to the large streets that still have traffic. I've learned more than one lesson tonight.
I make it to her building without incident this time and walk up to the doorman. "Ruby Devaux for my grandmother."
"Yes, of course!" he says with a smile, revealing the scanner. He's as pleasant as always as I go through the process. I manage to be polite as I can, though I'm nowhere near my best.
For a second, I worry that Grandmother will deny my entry for sneaking out. It wouldn't be out of character for her considering how she dealt with Mom. But she doesn't.
"You are welcome to enter."
"Thank you."
I walk inside and the elevator takes me up to Grandmother's apartment. It feels like months have passed since I was in this same elevator with Zane. But it's only been hours.
What a difference even that short amount of time can make. I feel like a completely different person.
When the elevator doors open, Grandmother is already waiting for me, her face tight. "Where have you been, young lady?" she demands as I walk out.
"I…"
And I immediately burst into tears.
Perfect.
"Oh my goodness! Are you alright?"
I hear genuine concern in her voice as she guides me into the apartment with an arm around my waist.
"You were right, Grandmother. About Zane," I say through my tears. "I was an idiot."
"Sit down," she says, bringing me over to the couch. "I'll go get some tea."
And she does.
For the first time since I've known her, she actually brings the tea over herself, along with a glass of water for me. I sip the water, the cool liquid soothing to my tight throat.
"Did he hurt you?" Grandmother asks in a low voice.
Yes. But not how she means it.
"No," I say, shaking my head. "I was just stupid."
"Hmm." She leans back on the couch next to me, sighing. "Ruby, I'd love to tell you that this man was an anomaly, that you just had the bad luck to run into him." She covers my hand with her own. "But I can't." I look up to meet her direct eyes. "This is what men are," she continues, her gaze sincere. "None of them are any different. Rich, poor, educated or not, old or young. All of that is just window dressing for the predators that they are. Each and every one will take advantage of you if you let them."
That seems like a pretty big generalization, but not one I feel up to criticizing in that moment. Not with the ache in my chest.
"I'm sorry I left without telling you," I say quietly, looking away. "It wasn't considerate of me."
She sighs, patting my hand. "You're young, my dear. The young are prone to making mistakes. And despite how it might seem to you, I do have your best interests in mind when I give you advice."
"I know," I whisper. And I think it's true. She does believe that she has my best interests in mind. It's just her views are so rigid.
"My dear, I think you should take my offer," she continues. "Get a good education, find a man that can keep you in the lifestyle you deserve. It is time to be practical about your decisions. You are no longer a child and the world will not grant you any leeway."
I want to ask when the world has ever granted me any leeway. Things have never been simple or easy. But I understand her point. And maybe she's right. Maybe I should listen to her.
And maybe Mom thinks so too, or why would she have sent me over here tonight? I've tried going in the other direction, but where has it gotten me? Even after only a few hours, it has ended in devastation.
I wish I could undo the last few hours, go back to the naive girl that was just worrying about her parents and college.
But I can't.
What I can do is modify my behavior now.
I set down the water glass and rub my hands on my jeans. "Alright, Grandmother." I turn to her. "I accept your offer. Thank you."
She smiles at me, squeezing my hand, a satisfied expression on her face. "You've made the right decision, my dear. You will see."
I nod, looking down at our joined hands. Hers is worn with age, her jewelry and manicure denoting her wealth and status. My smooth skin, empty fingers, and short nails are a stark contrast.
But I notice for the first time that the shape of our hands, the length of our fingers, even our nail beds have a familial similarity.
Is this my future? Will I be like her some day? And is that what I really want?
This might very well be the right decision for me. Still, even in that moment, I don't feel relief or excitement, but regret.
Regret for what could have been.
Chapter 12
Zane
"I can't."
"What do you mean you can't?" Slash says incredulously. "This is an amazing opportunity, man! Look, this is going to be the new shit on the street—everyone's going to want a hit. Consistently gets you high like nothing you've ever tried before and you're hooked after one dose. After the initial push, customers will be a given! Lucrative doesn't even begin to touch how big this is going to be." He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small bag of some silvery looking dust. "Look, I brought a sample for you to try before you decide to buy."
He grins, shaking the small bag.
I'm not even slightly tempted.
I shake my head, raking my fingers through my hair as I turn away. Yesterday, I would have jumped at this chance. Hell, I would have jumped at it just a few hours ago. Some new indulgence to sample, money to make. Business and pleasure wrapped in one.
Sounds like a good deal. Or it would have.
Now…
Now I've just seen myself through Ruby's eyes. And the picture wasn't pretty.
She doesn't even know the whole deal and I could already see the disgust, the hurt, the betrayal, the devastation in her eyes. It had made me feel about an inch tall.
Her reaction wasn't even wrong. Even as I saw her shutting down, pulling away, I couldn't come up with a good argument for her to stay, to give me a chance.
I didn't have one.
What I saw in her eyes was a reflection of who I actually am. How do you argue against the truth? All I could do was watch helplessly as she left in tears. Sobbing because she found out who I really was.
And for the first time in way too long, I saw who I'd become with a painful clarity, without any justification or anything to take the edge off. That man isn't who Ruby should be with. She was right to run away.
But I don't think that's who I want to be anymore.
"I can't," I repeat, turning to meet my friend's eyes. We've been through a lot together, done a lot together. He's like the brother I never had. "I don't think I want to do this anymore. Be this."
His eyes narrow and he crosses his arms. "What the hell are you talking about? Be what?" he demands. "Is this about the girl? Look man, we'll get you another just like her. Don't let some hot sex cloud your mind like this."
"I don't want another like her," I say, shaking my head. "I want her."
He shakes his head, disbelief clear on his face. "I ca
n't believe I'm hearing this," he mutters. "She's just a piece of ass man. A pretty one, but that's it. They're a dime a dozen for someone like you."
"Don't call her that," I growl, feeling the wolf rising inside me at that affront.
Even as I feel the anger, I know it's out of character. But I don't care. Ruby isn't just like every other girl. She isn't disposable.
Slash holds up his hands in mock surrender.
"Fine. Fine. But it doesn't matter if she's the world's most perfect woman, or that you want her so badly. From what I just saw, she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. Or did I read that whole situation wrong and she was running away to bake you some cookies?" I stay silent. He isn't wrong. His stance softens a little. "Look—don't try to be something you're not for someone who doesn't even want you. It's not worth it."
An expression flickers over his face, there and gone. Is he speaking from experience?
I shrug it off. It doesn't matter if he is.
I start pacing, my emotions in turmoil as I consider what he just said. Maybe Ruby won't want me even if I change. Maybe this is it. No redemption, no second chances.
But I don't want to give up. I need to at least try. I want her in my life.
And not just because of the physical, though God knows that's mind blowing enough. Her touch, her taste, her curves. Her natural responsiveness to my touch. I feel my cock twitching just thinking of what happened between us, the heat, the explosiveness of the encounter.
But it's more than that. I've had a lot of sex, and it's never been like this.
Even before I touched her, she drew me to her. Something about her, the goodness inside her. The purity of her spirit. I wanted to be closer, closer to that light that I don't usually see. Not with how I live my life.
And spending the night with her was nothing short of amazing. She was intelligent, funny, sweet. I felt like I was holding something worth keeping, something worth cherishing and protecting. Like I was holding something precious in my arms for the first time in a long time.
Maybe ever.
"I need to try," I say firmly, meeting Slash's eyes. "I want to be a better man for her. I don't want her to look at me like that."
Slash's jaw tightens and he lets his arms drop as he turns away. "Whatever, man. Call me when you shrug off whatever the fuck this girl has done to you," he mutters, the resignation and disgust his voice clear.
Well.
That's two people who've been disgusted with me tonight. For two very different things.
Must be some kind of record.
I don't stop Slash as he stalks out of the room, his shoulders tight. I meant what I said.
Sighing, I drop down on the couch, leaning forward to put my head in my hands. This whole situation is fucked. How did I meet the girl of my dreams and manage to screw it up so badly all in one night? That's fast work, even for me.
I rub at my eyes, feeling lost. Cut adrift. I haven't felt this empty before.
How am I going to be who Ruby needs me to be? And will changing even be enough at this point?
Have I completely ruined us?
Chapter 13
Ruby
"She's offering to pay for college."
Elle takes a sip of her soda as she considers me, the multicolored lights glinting off her blond hair, highlighting the pretty contours of her face.
"In exchange for?" she asks as she puts down her cup.
"How do you know she wants something?"
Yes, I'm feeling a tad defensive about this decision. I'm still not sure about it even though it felt like the right thing to do at the time.
Elle rolls her eyes. "I know that woman wouldn't spit on someone on fire if she didn't get anything out of it." She tilts her head to the side. "Of course, my opinion of her might be just a little colored by the fact that I know she doesn't like me," she admits.
I sigh. "No, you're right."
A shout goes up from the watching crowd and I glance over my shoulder to see the eight foot tall holographic rendering of some kind of ape-like creature beat its chest. Its slender, tentacled opponent is on the ground, still going through its death throes. The skinny winner thrusts his hands up in the air as his friends slap him on the back.
There are more than a few familiar faces in the crowd encircling the ring, talking and laughing about the fight as they eat and drink.
Maybe the arcade wasn't the best place to talk, but it's familiar and comforting. Even if it is loud. I could really do with some comfort lately.
"She's been pretty vague, but she says there are conditions," I continue as the noise level comes back to the steady buzz that's always going here. "One of them is going to Prince Herne's cotillion. And checking out the 'eligible bachelors' there. Because I need to make sure I catch a suitable husband." I rub my forehead, feeling a headache coming on. "God help me."
Elle chuckles. "Hmm. I guess that's not so bad. I mean, you could always pretend nobody was interested in you if you don't like anyone." She shrugs, picking up another fry and popping it into her mouth thoughtfully. "I would just worry what other conditions she might come up with once she has her hooks firmly in you."
She holds her hands up, curling her fingers into claws as she bares her teeth and hisses.
"She's not a monster," I say wryly. "And school is expensive."
"I'm not saying she's a monster," Elle says patiently. "Just that she's the controlling type and she has some very strict ideas about what's proper. I know you can agree on that." I nod. There's no arguing against that. "And there's a reason she and your mom aren't on the best of terms. I mean, look, it isn't like your mom isn't controlling too. But she has much more of a heart than dear old granny."
I open my mouth to make a rebuttal even though she's right, but she continues without giving me an opening.
"Look, I'm not saying don't take the deal," she says, leaning on the counter. "I'm just saying you need to watch your back. Because don't get it twisted here—your grandmother is always watching her own."
She's right. If there's one thing Grandmother is good at, it's making sure she's doing everything she can for herself.
I sigh, rubbing my eyes. I didn't sleep well last night.
"Yeah, you're probably right." I drop my hands, hearing the onlookers cheering behind me again, but not bothering to look back. It dies down. "Something else happened too," I add, wanting to get it off my chest.
"What?" Elle asks absently, scrolling through her messages on her HUD.
I clear my throat. No other way to say this. And I have no desire to tip toe around it.
"I kinda lost my virginity."
Her head whips around and she gapes at me, messages completely forgotten. "What?!" she almost shouts.
"Shh," I admonish, looking around nervously. "I don't want to put out an announcement to the world!"
She scoots her stool closer. "Nobody can hear anything in here unless they're right on top of us," she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Anyway, spill it! Talk!" She leans in, her eyes bright with curiosity. "Who was it? How was it? Oh my God, how big was it? You have to tell me everything!"
I smile slightly, but it fades again. "It was… nice." I tilt my head to the side. "More than nice," I admit. "And his name is Zane."
Assuming that also wasn't a lie. I bury the stab of pain.
"Nice? That's all I'm getting?" Elle demands, slapping her hand on the counter and shaking her head. "Give me more, woman! I'm dying here!"
I snort. "Yeah, I'm not giving you a play by play," I say wryly. "And I'm pretty sure I'll see you tomorrow looking as healthy as ever."
She pouts, taking another sip of her drink. "Serves you right if I did die. And don't think I wouldn't haunt you," she mutters. "Fine. You win. But what about this guy? Are you going to see him again?"
I feel the now familiar pang in my heart. Stupid.
"I don't think so. It wasn't that kind of thing."
Elle's sharp eyes take in my face and she nods.
"That's cool," she says easily. And I know she can tell I'm not happy about how things turned out. "You're a modern woman. It's just sex."
She's right. But it doesn't feel that way.
Technically, I guess it was a one night stand. But aren't those supposed to be uncomplicated?
"Yeah," I agree, knowing I must sound despondent. I'm not that good of an actress. "Just sex."
Elle wraps an arm around my shoulders in comfort. We sit there like that for a few minutes, neither of us speaking.
Elle breaks the silence.
"You want me to go knee this guy in the balls?" she asks conversationally.
I let out a surprised burst of laughter.
"No," I say, shaking my head, grinning. "But I appreciate the sentiment," I add, leaning into her.
"Alright. Just let me know if you change your mind," she says with a smile. "I've been practicing just in case a ball target appears."
"You're a dangerous girl, Elle."
She flips her hair over her shoulder. "It's part of my charm. Now. On to more important things. Do you have a dress for the cotillion?"
I chuckle. I can always count on Elle to make me feel better.
"Haven't thought about it," I admit. I've had other things on my mind. A dress just doesn't seem all that important. "But what about you? Are you going? I don't want to be hanging out there alone while Grandmother shoves me into every rich guy in a three feet radius."
I roll my eyes, already imagining it. I'm really not looking forward to this.
Elle shakes her head regretfully. "No," she says with a sigh. "My stepmother can't afford a third dress and invite."
I frown. Elle's stepmother is loaded. I sincerely doubt ten dresses and invites would even begin to strain her budget.
"That's bullshit," I comment. "She just doesn't want you showing up your asshole stepsisters."
Elle snorts out a laugh and shakes her head. "Doesn't matter why, really. The end result is the same. I'm still not going," she says glumly, straightening in her seat.
I can tell she's really disappointed about it. It irritates the hell out of me that her stepmother would be so petty about something like this. It isn't like Elle's absence will fool anyone into thinking her stepsisters are anything but small minded idiots. And it isn't fair that I'm forced to go when I don't want to while she can't go even though she obviously wants to.
Wolf_A Filthy Sweet Fairy Tale Romance Page 7
