Never Too Late

by Julie Blair

  Jamie seemed fine, too, much to her relief. At moments her brow furrowed, but then the moment would pass and she’d pull herself back with a smile. She seemed not only less stressed but softer, like she’d settled something within herself. Their friendship was on solid ground, a bittersweet blessing. The memory of those two precious kisses had pushed Carla far beyond convincing herself she’d ever be in love with anyone but Jamie. She’d called Vanessa and ended things.

  She folded her arms as a burst of nervousness swept through her about dinner tonight with Jamie. It was a nice gesture, but she had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t a date. Carla attributed the new openness from Jamie to their clearing the air, getting the old feelings out in the open so they could move on to really being friends. But at times she caught Jamie looking at her with an intensity that set her heart fluttering and confused her.

  “Shall I go get Jamie?” Sara asked.

  “No.” Carla set the bowl on the table. “I’ll get her.”

  “Your ten minutes are up.” Jamie’s eyes were closed and she looked sinfully relaxed on the couch, her feet propped on the coffee table.

  “I was letting it thaw out.” Jamie held up her hand. “Wanna warm it up for me?”

  Carla’s heart skipped a beat. Jamie had been teasing her all week in a way that seemed flirtatious, but she must be mistaken. “How’s it feel?”

  “Good.” Jamie wiggled her fingers. She tossed the ice pack on the coffee table and got up.

  The back door opened and a woman hollered for Jamie. Carla was almost to the door when someone plowed into her. “Ow,” she said, holding her right temple and clutching the doorframe, trying to regain her balance.

  Jamie grabbed Carla’s waist and steadied her. “Are you all right?”

  “I think so.” Carla rubbed her temple. It hurt. The staff crowded into the hallway, a medley of worried faces.

  “Jamie, what the hell’s going on? You ignore my calls and—”

  Carla stared. Sheryl? No, it couldn’t be. She knew Jamie?

  “What!” Sheryl stared at her and her expression raced from shock to anger. She whirled on Jamie, who looked just as shocked. “Do you know who this is?”

  “Sheryl—” Jamie stepped in front of Carla.

  “This is that woman with the lesbian daughter. What’s she doing here?”

  Carla stared from Sheryl to Jamie, her mouth open. “I work here.” She stepped away from Jamie as she reached a shattering conclusion.

  “Work here?” Sheryl’s voice rose as she stepped around Jamie and got in Carla’s face. “You’re a liar. Jamie would never hire you after what you did to me.”

  “Sheryl, stop it!”

  “You’re just a loudmouth bitch who can’t control her daughter.”

  “Sheryl!” Jamie held Sheryl’s shoulders and backed her toward the desk.

  Carla bolted out the back door of the clinic, afraid her legs would give out as the pieces fell into place with heartbreaking clarity. That high-handed, homophobic woman was Jamie’s partner. How was that possible and why hadn’t Jamie told her? Anger followed close on the heels of the shock.

  It wasn’t until she reached her car that she realized she didn’t have her car keys. I’ll walk home before I’ll go back in there. She was halfway across the parking lot when a hand grasped her arm. Yanking free, she whirled around.

  “Are you all right?” Sara asked, concern and understanding on her face.

  “Yes. No. I need my car keys.” Carla folded her arms. Her head hurt and she couldn’t stop trembling.

  “Carla—”

  “Please, Sara?”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Carla paced, trying to ignore the raised voices coming through the open window. She felt ambushed, unsure of everything she thought she knew about Jamie. Sheryl’s identity explained some things but left too many unanswered questions. As soon as Sara rushed back with her keys, she was in her car and out of the parking lot, tears blurring her vision. Why had Jamie deceived her?

  *

  “You hired that bitch?” Sheryl’s voice was venomous.

  “Yes. No. She’s not a bitch. Arrgh.” Jamie ran her hands through her hair and tugged. “It’s none of your business.”

  “How dare you hire the woman who cost me my promotion!” Sheryl glared at her with hard eyes.

  Had she ever seen real warmth, real love in them? Jamie started for the door. She had to get to Carla.

  “Don’t walk away from me.” Sheryl grabbed her arm, the red nails a stark contrast to Jamie’s white shirt. “You cancelled my credit cards. Do you know how embarrassed I was yesterday at Macy’s?”

  Jamie stared at her. Credit cards? This was about credit cards? “They’re my credit cards, and you’re on your own.” Sheryl’s face drained of anger and filled with surprise. “You better look for a place to live. Maybe your…friend…will let you move in with him.” Jamie wanted to laugh as surprise transformed to anger again. Did Sheryl’s emotional spectrum even include love?

  “Please, Jamie,” Sheryl pleaded. “It’s just a misunderstanding. We can work it out. You don’t want to walk out on ten years, do you?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “I admit I made a mistake, but please don’t punish me.” Sheryl’s eyes filled with tears.

  “I have to go.” When Jamie got to the parking lot, Carla was pulling out. She bent over, hands on her thighs, and dropped her head. Damn it, I should have told her.

  “Can I help?” Sara asked, coming up next to her.

  “Is she all right?”

  “Physically, yes. But she’s pretty upset, Jamie. Go after her. Don and I will cover your patients.”

  Jamie sprinted to her office and took her car keys from the drawer, ignoring Sheryl’s tears and pleas. She’d cared for the wrong woman for too long. Please, forgive me, she repeated, as she drove to Carla’s.

  Chapter Thirty-three

  Jamie walked up the flagstone path, her heart pounding like a teenager on her first date. Would Carla understand? She rang the doorbell and waited, rolling up the sleeves on her shirt, arranging her hair with her fingers. Her breath caught when Carla appeared in the doorway. She was responsible for the bruised expression and the red, puffy eyes. “Can I come in?”

  “Why aren’t you at work?”

  “You’re more important to me than anything.” Jamie searched Carla’s face for the love she needed to see. Her stomach tightened at the guarded expression. She had to fix this. The rest of her life depended on it.

  “Not important enough to tell me the truth?” The hurt made her voice sound flat.

  “I’m so sorry, Carla. I need to explain. Can I please come in?” Carla didn’t move or say anything, and Jamie was afraid any hope of a future with her would end right here. “I’m not losing you. Not again. Not over this.” She walked past Carla. Melissa’s voice was coming from the stereo and she hoped it was a good sign. She stood in the entry and reached for Carla’s hands, but she crossed her arms.

  Jamie stepped close enough that her breasts touched Carla’s arms, close enough to smell the perfume she loved. “I messed up. I should have told you, but when you first told me the story I was too embarrassed. And then I just didn’t know how. I was afraid you’d think less of me or, worse, you’d leave.” Jamie held Carla’s arms. “I love you.”

  “You let her say awful things to me.” Carla backed up, pulling a Kleenex from her pocket and wiping her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let it come to such an awful confrontation. I planned to tell you tonight at dinner. And I was going to tell you I moved out—”

  “How could you be with someone like that?” Carla marched through the living room.

  “Because I got lost, Carla.” Jamie followed her as fear tensed her stomach. What if Carla wouldn’t forgive her? “Ever since that night—”

  “She’s a bully…homophobic…egotistical…” Carla stopped at the open doors to the patio.

  Jamie scoot
ed in front of Carla and squeezed her shoulders. “I. Left. Her.” Was Carla’s gaze softening? “I moved out Monday night.”

  “You left her? Why?”

  Jamie wiped tears off Carla’s cheeks with her thumbs. “Because I’m in love with you. I fell in love with you that night—”

  “But…you’re not…you’ve changed, Jamie. I don’t know what to think.”

  “Carla, I lost track of who I was. Until you came back into my life and made me remember that night—the carefree fun, the passion that neither of us expected…” Jamie searched for the words that would open the future she wanted by closing the past she didn’t. Carla’s eyes were softer but her arms were still crossed. Was it too late?

  “I forgot about my dreams. I confused love with loyalty and responsibility and forgot about happiness. I was on autopilot, I guess.” Jamie shook her head as the path to her unhappiness became clear. “It started with my father. I should never have agreed to the clinic. But I loved and respected him, and I couldn’t disappoint him. After a while that became the way I handled everything. I stopped feeling my own unhappiness. So it was easy to do the same with Sheryl—let her dreams become more important than mine, take care of her without expecting her to support me.” Carla’s eyes showed some of the understanding Jamie desperately needed.

  “I kept trying to please people who never cared about my dreams, never supported me or loved me for who I am, only for what I could give them. I can’t live that way anymore. I fell in love with you that night—real and powerful and full of hope, and then it was gone before I could grab onto it. I want us to have the happy ending we both wanted. Every day for the rest of my life I want you,” she whispered against Carla’s lips. She held her breath as she waited for Carla to determine her future.

  Carla closed her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. “Say it again.”

  “I love you with all my heart.”

  “Promise you’ll never break my heart or lie to me again.” Carla opened her eyes, the smile tempered by a tentative look.

  Jamie kissed away tears as she rubbed her palm over Carla’s chest. “I’ll take very good care of this heart.” She caressed the inside of Carla’s breast. “And what’s over it.”

  Carla crossed her arms again. “Out and proud isn’t just a phrase to me, Jamie. I’ve believed in it since watching you live it that night. Sheryl…giving Lissa and Steph a hard time—”

  “I never should have stood by as if it wasn’t my concern. Talk about a lack of backbone. I’m so sorry.” Jamie would give anything never to have put that hurt in Carla’s eyes.

  “I won’t hide who I am—not in public, not in your office.”

  “I don’t want you to.”

  “You work too much.”

  “I’ll work less.”

  “Vacations?”

  “Absolutely. As many as you want.”

  “And…do you even wear tank tops any more?” Carla’s voice was husky.

  Jamie traced her hand down Carla’s abdomen. The muscles tightened under her fingers. “I’ll wear one every day.”

  “I want more nights like that.” Carla’s eyes sparked with desire and her lips parted.

  “I was just getting warmed up.” Jamie pulled Carla’s blouse from the skirt and slid her hand up soft skin to her breast encased in the satiny bra. She moaned as she cupped it and rolled Carla’s nipple between her fingers. “Anything else?”

  “No…ahh…” Carla leaned into Jamie’s hand. “Maybe one more thing…”

  Jamie kissed from her ear to the base of her throat and sucked gently as she caressed Carla’s other breast.

  “Could you do something about the pressure between my legs?”

  Jamie groaned as she backed Carla to the couch and fell on top of her as gently as possible. Her mind was fuzzy with need as she fastened her mouth to Carla’s, and their tongues danced against each other. Carla’s fingers tugged on her shirt as she worked her hand inside Carla’s bra and massaged the soft flesh that filled her palm. Moans escaped, but she wasn’t sure if they were hers or Carla’s.

  “Damn your buttons. Help me,” Carla said, her voice as impatient as her fingers. “I never forgot how it felt to touch you,” she whispered.

  Jamie slid Carla’s fingers aside as she worked her buttons open. Carla’s hand slid inside, and her palm rubbed back and forth from one breast to the other, making both nipples painfully hard. “God,” Jamie rasped, afraid she’d explode. Her clit clenched dangerously, and she shifted away from Carla’s thigh. Not yet.

  Jamie stroked Carla’s knee, then under her skirt along her thigh. Her mouth found Carla’s again, and she kissed her hard and deep, making up for all the lost years. She played her fingers over Carla’s panties, teasing her until she groaned, then slipped inside, spreading the wetness. Her fingers were at Carla’s opening when her mouth was suddenly empty.

  “No…wait.” Carla placed her palm against Jamie’s cheek as she tried to sit up. “Jamie? Honey, look at me.”

  “What?” Jamie couldn’t focus on Carla’s words. The pressure in her center was climbing to critical levels again, and all she could think about was how badly she wanted Carla.

  “I want to take a bath with you. I want our first time together to be—”

  “Special.” Jamie groaned as she lifted off Carla and tried to turn her lust down to a simmer. She didn’t want their first time to be a heated groping on the couch, either. “Bedroom,” she said, as she stood and extended her hand.

  Carla giggled. “We look like a couple of oversexed teenagers making out in the backseat of their parents’ car.”

  “How would you know about that? I thought you were a nice Southern girl?”

  “Not so nice.” Carla plastered Jamie to the wall and proved her point with a kiss so passionate Jamie’s legs gave out. Carla’s arm around her waist kept her up as they stumbled down the hallway, bumping against the wall as they kissed their way to the bedroom.

  Jamie opened her eyes when Carla’s lips left hers. “Wow.” The space was so intimate it took Jamie’s breath away.

  “You like it?”

  “It’s beautiful.” Jamie walked arm in arm with Carla to the canopy bed they’d looked at. A bedspread embroidered like a sunset in shades of peach, lavender, and pink lay over ivory sheets. Pillows were piled against the headboard, and Jamie rubbed her palm over one. “Guess we can’t toss these on the floor like in that hotel.” She wasn’t teasing. The room and what was going to happen in it made her tremble.

  Carla took Jamie’s hand. “Nervous?”

  Jamie nodded. Carla’s accent was more pronounced, and it slowed her down as if she were back in the heat and heaviness of that long-ago trip to the South. She’d never been back to Atlanta, had never gone to another women’s music festival. She felt disoriented as missing pieces of her past searched for their counterparts in this moment.

  “Me, too,” Carla said, squeezing her hand.

  Jamie swallowed hard as she wrapped her arm around Carla’s waist. “We’re really going to do this, aren’t we?” She knew she would remember this night as clearly as she had that night in Atlanta.

  “Well, I guess we could wait another—”

  “No. If we wait much longer something’s going to explode.” Jamie’s body was consumed with a need she hadn’t felt in twenty years.

  *

  Carla led Jamie to the bathroom. She lit white candles along the edge of the Jacuzzi tub as it filled and then sat on the edge, holding out her hand. Jamie was rooted in the doorway, hands in her pockets, staring at the tub, a sweet smile softening her face. “Come here, honey.” Her heart was bursting with joy, and the tingly feeling was having its way with her. She felt young and vibrant—a woman free to love and be loved in the only way that had ever fulfilled her yearnings for passion.

  Carla slipped off Jamie’s shirt and bra with trembling fingers. Candlelight flickered across Jamie’s face. Carla traced her finger around the edge of her areola and the flesh puckered.
With a last look at Jamie’s flushed face she took her breast into her mouth and circled her nipple with her tongue. She wrapped her arms around Jamie’s waist, holding her up as she feasted on her breast, sucking on it, then tracing her tongue around her nipple, then sucking on it again.

  Carla wanted to laugh and cry and sing as she released Jamie’s breast. She hadn’t had a woman’s flesh in her mouth since that night, but the softness was etched in her memory. With Jamie’s eyes locked on hers, dark and steamy, she stood and slid her blouse off her shoulders and then her bra. Her breasts felt mercifully free and painfully full. Her nipples ached for contact, and she stepped forward until they met Jamie’s. She closed her eyes at the sensuality of the contact. Shivers went through. She had no more experience making love to a woman now than she had twenty years ago, but she’d made love to Jamie a hundred times in her mind. She reached for a clip to pull her hair back.

  “Leave it loose.” Jamie sifted her fingers through it, her eyes full of the love Carla had ached to see for so long.

  Carla turned off the faucet, and they watched each other as the rest of their clothing was discarded in a pile at their feet. She held out her hand and they stepped into the tub together, moving into the positions they’d taken that night. “Tell me what you remember.” She wrapped Jamie’s arms across her stomach and leaned her head back on her shoulder.

  They shared stories of that night and played much as they had—scooping soap bubbles over each other, washing each other. By unspoken consent they let passion swirl around them but not consume them. When the memories settled, Carla stood up and stepped out of the tub, then extended her hand to Jamie.

  Water dripped from Jamie’s body as she wrapped the towel around herself, and Carla wanted to lick each drop. She ran a brush through her hair, lifting it away from her shoulders. In the mirror she saw Jamie’s eyes fastened on her, tears sliding down her cheeks.