I Love My Chance (Nicole's Erotic Romance 3)

by Sabrina Lacey

  He leans to the window from the backseat. I’m bent down to eye level. “I’ll text you when I’m on my way.”

  I nod and blow him a kiss. “See you soon!”

  I watch the cab leave, thinking how lucky I am that I have another night with him. And soon he’ll be back to see my show. That’s only a month from now. That’ll fly by in no time. With a bounce in my step, I walk to the subway, pulling out my phone to text Jessica: Where are we going tonight?

  Jessica: Angel’s Share.

  Me: Perfect. I love that place. What time?

  Jessica: Early. ;)

  Me: So… 8:30, 9?

  Jessica: 8:30. Yessssssssss.

  Me: Done!

  I stop at the subway entrance to text Mark.

  Me: Angel’s Share bar. East Village. We’ll be there at 8:30.

  Mark: I’ll be there.

  Me: Have a great meeting!

  Mark: I miss you already.

  Me: Of course you do.

  Mark: ;)

  I dance down the steps to the C train to catch it to 4th Street, losing cell signal as I enter the depths. It’s Sunday, so there aren’t as many suits down here. The mish-mosh of people is as eclectic as a circle is round. Three boys dressed like wanna-be gangsters stand next to a modest dressed traditional Jewish family, the woman’s hair covered, her face makeup-free. Beside them are: a single red-haired woman with shopping bags, a young artist-type guy rocking out to headphones, two teenage girls giggling over pictures on their phone, and a stoic man who won’t meet anyone’s eyes – ever. A train loudly approaches us in no time, its headlamp illuminating the darkness, brighter by the second. I close my eyes and hold my breath as the wind whips around all of us New Yorkers. Inside I’m thinking, I love this crazy city. Miracles happen here.

  8:45 P.M.

  Amber, Jess and I all sit on the booth side of the table facing the small narrow room of Angel’s Share, with me on the far right end. We’re all facing the entrance. Chris and Josh are sitting opposite Jess and Amber. An empty seat waits in front of me. To our right is a beautiful painting of angels above the bar, its style that of the Italian paintings from Michelangelo’s time, kind of like it’s a section cut out from the Sistine Chapel. The two male bartenders – wearing all black, both Asian, both smiling – work incredibly fast, mixing great drinks for the very thirsty, easy-going East side crowd.

  Amber’s adorable and glowing, a cashmere blue sweater bringing out her eyes. Jess’s red hair is down too, but she’s wearing an all-black outfit that’s very striking on her. I’ve got a thigh-length, long-sleeved, purple dress on with high, gray boots, and a thick scarf. My hair is straight and shining, just as I’ve been wearing it since Michael and I stopped doing whatever it was we were doing. I kind of miss my natural hair, though. There’s something more me about it. Or the deeper side of me, anyway. Luckily I had a chance to take a much-needed nap before I got here. I’m very excited. I can’t get this smile off of my face!

  I want this moment to be perfect.

  Amber and I have Jess seated in between us. Since she can’t sit opposite us to see our faces like she normally prefers, we put her here. We teased her about it, of course. “You always get the best seat, Jess.” “Yeah, what makes you so special?” “Oh shut up.”

  “I’m so excited to meet your guy!” Jess squeals, tickling me. I laugh and push her away.

  Amber grins at Jess. “I already met him! Ha. Ha.”

  Jess squishes up her nose. “Bragger. Well, I was busy. Wasn’t I?” Jess looks to Chris and plays footsy with him under the table. He grabs her leg, making her smile. We’re all in a great mood and on our first drinks. It’s going to be a great night. Heart beating fast, I look down at my phone to see a text from Mark saying he’s on his way. Five minutes at the most.

  “He’s coming,” I announce, thrilled. Everyone smiles at me.

  Amber points. “Look at your face! I had something to do with this. I’m just saying.”

  Josh leans forward in a bow. “No. This was all me!” I give him a look and wink. It’s so nice how they’re all excited for me.

  As Amber, Jessica and I clink glasses, Chris and Josh go back to their conversation about architecture. Chis has been telling Josh about a structure he’s tearing down in SoHo to build a stronger, modern skyscraper in its place.

  I lean toward my girls. “Josh and Chris have a bromance.”

  Jess nods. “They love each other.”

  Amber whispers, “Love at first sight.”

  Both guys shoot us impatient glances. Josh wipes his dark hair away from his forehead, his green eyes narrowing.

  Chris says simply. “We heard that. We’re sitting right here.”

  Amber blows Josh at kiss. He catches it with his hand and lowers it to his lap. She kicks him under the table. He just laughs, sharing a look with Chris like he’s telling him guy-to-guy that the sex is amazing in their relationship. Thank God for that. Man were they fucked up. But that’s a whole other story. Just like Chris and Jess is a whole other story. Looking at them, I’m so happy for her finding a guy who makes her happy. But truth? I’m more happy for my friends now that I’m happy. Because the newest relationship… is mine.

  Holy shit. I’m in a relationship! I think. My stomach jumps around and twerks. Yes, I just said that.

  I don’t have to wait long because I see him now. He just strolled into the bar and is looking for me. Butterflies wiggle in my tummy. I can see by his expression that he’s excited, too. God, it feels good to meet someone who feels the same way you do. I stand up, wave my hand and catch his eye.

  At the same time, Chris is sharing a moment with Jess. She rises up to reach and touch the tip of his nose. “You’re so cute.” Chris bites at her finger.

  Amber waves at Mark, seeing him as I do. She whispers up to Jess, “He’s here! Look!”

  Jess looks up. She freezes.

  Mark sees Jess and his face jerks with confusion and surprise. His eyes dart between us.

  At the same time Jess and I say, “Mark!”

  Mine voice is happy – hers, freaked as hell. Jess looks like she’s about to lose her top.

  I ask her, “What’s going on? How do you know Mark?” I turn to Mark. “Mark? How do you know Jessica?”

  His mouth opens. He is so stunned, he can’t speak.

  Amber blurts out, “Oh my God. Mark is the guy from San Francisco!”

  We are all silent. As we process what she’s said.

  I look at Mark and he is melting, has no idea what to do. Jess falls into the booth and stares at the table. I choke out the only word I can, “No!”

  Mark stares at me, and then he locks eyes with Chris, who’s turned around and looking at him. Mark is seeing for the first time the guy Jess ditched him for. And I feel like I’m going to throw up all over my purple dress. I wore it because he got me the purple flowers. I wore it for him… the guy my best friend fucked last time he was in town. She’s the woman who I’ve been insanely jealous of. The woman who he spent most of the time with, inside. The woman who helped him get the courage to make his dream a reality. She is Jessica. My Jessica. My sister.

  Jess covers her face to hide from the hideousness of reality.

  Mark stands at the empty seat, looking helplessly from me to Jess, to Chris.

  “Do you want to sit down?” I choke.

  He hesitates, looking around the table, all eyes on him. Chris says, “Hi. I’m not sure what’s happening. I’m Chris. Jess’s boyfriend.”

  Mark forces a smile and holds out a hand. “Lucky man. Nice to meet you.” They shake hands. My mouth opens but no sounds come out.

  Josh stands up and reaches over, with his widest, smile. “Hey man. Good to see you again.”

  “Right. My jaw still hurts a little.”

  “Funny,” Josh laughs. They shake hands over Chris’s head.

  Mark sits and goes silent. Like the rest of us.

  Mark and I can’t look away from each other, weighing every
thing that this means. What keeps going through my head is, he said ‘lucky man’…does he still want her. Why did he have to say that? My heart is a dull thud twisting hard, like a dirty rag wrung out after cleaning a disgusting floor. All of the happiness and pride I felt has been robbed from me. The silence would be deafening if not for the crowded room. All six of us sit, saying nothing… like we’re waiting for someone to tell us what to do.

  Josh speaks first. “Umm… well…so, what brings you to New York, Mark? From San Francisco, I hear?”

  “I’m meeting investors.” His eyes fall on Jess. “To get funding for an app idea I have.”

  Jess looks at him in surprise, remembering their conversation. It’s apparent, how clear that memory is for her. Acid hits the back of my throat.

  “Excuse me.” I go to stand but Jess grabs my arm. I look at her, but she won’t meet my eyes.

  Amber blurts out, “So, have you guys been having fun?” Then she hears how much that’s asking for trouble, and puts her hands over her mouth like a child. “Oh God.”

  Josh comes to her rescue. “Amber just remembered she forgot to call her mom for her birthday.” He looks at her, purposefully. “You can call her now, babe.”

  She smiles weakly. “Thanks. Yeah. It’s awful how forgetful I am.”

  Mark and I lock eyes. He says, “It’s been incredible. A surprise.”

  My stomach jumps into my throat. I’m so grateful to him for saying that! But Jess’s body goes rigid next to mine.

  Jess looks to Chris. “Honey, what were you saying about the skyscraper you’re building?” It’s clear to everyone, including Chris that she’s trying to show how important he is. This childish maneuver doesn’t impress any of us. But Jess’s face is rock hard and chilling to look at. She is pissed.

  Chris blinks and picks up his beer. He meets my eyes momentarily. “Mark… did you date Jess… or something? What’s going on?”

  Amber, who was gulping wine, spits it all over Josh, a crystal-colored cascade of mortification.

  Jess blurts, “Oh God.”

  Josh calmly picks up a napkin to wipe off his face. Jess bursts into a fit of panic-giggles. Amber stands to wipe the table, the candle, and her boyfriend’s hair. I bust up laughing, too. Amber starts giggling and soon the three of us are losing our shit, none of us even knowing why. Mark and Chris watch like they’re on the outside of a zoo cage, looking in at the monkeys. We’re a mess.

  Chris steels himself. “Guessed I asked the right question.”

  Mark says, “No. I didn’t date her.”

  Jess explodes with a fresh burst of laughter, guffawing outrageously. But the way she does it and the way he said that, stops me cold. He didn’t date her. No, he didn’t. Her recognition laughter very clearly says all they did was fuck.

  My heart stops beating and my eyes go cold. I straighten up, smoothing my hair self-consciously. I look at the table seeing only an image of Mark and Jessica having sex. Her red hair flying. His arms around her body. His beautiful, warm eyes looking at her… the way they looked at me. My eyes start to tear up and I stand.

  “Excuse me.”

  Mark stands and tries to touch my arm as I pass him. I throw him a quick look that screams, don’t even think about it. I race out of the bar. As soon as I crash out onto the sidewalk, I gulp for air, feeling the world spinning around me, images of Mark and Jessica banging each other, everywhere. Against that lamppost. Against that window. On this sidewalk. EVERYWHERE.

  He bursts out of the door behind me. “Nicole!”

  I face him. “Did you shower with her? Did you take her back to your hotel? Did you guys go to Central Park? Oh no, wait… you barely went outside. You were too busy fucking.”

  He shakes his head. “Nicole, don’t. Please stop.”

  “Oh my God. I can’t believe this is how this went tonight” I cover my face with my hands.

  “Hey hey hey. I don’t want you thinking those things! I didn’t shower with her. I swear I didn’t. None of the things we did… ”

  Jess bursts out of the door. “So, you moved on, quickly,” she spits at Mark.

  Mark stares at her. “Me? You’re already in a relationship!”

  I look from one to the other of them. “This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

  Mark flips around and reaches out for me.

  I jump back. “No! Don’t.” He reels back, hurt by the sharpness of my tongue. I turn to her. “I didn’t know, Jess! This is not a betrayal. It’s not like what happened with David!” She looks at me, not sure what to believe.

  “It’s just so weird, Nicole. How did you --”

  “I met him through Amber. She was at --”

  Mark interrupts us, getting angry. “Stop talking about me like I’m not here!”

  Jess rushes to me. I hug her. “Promise me you didn’t know,” she whispers in my hair.

  I shake my head, “No! No – ask Amber! Neither of us knew!”

  Mark explodes under the hurt and frustration of being on the outside. He can’t believe what he’s seeing. This is so far from what he thought would happen tonight, too. “Wait! Now just wait. This isn’t fair. I didn’t plan this. Do you think I planned this?”

  I pull away from Jess and stand next to her. “I hadn’t even thought of that, Mark. Why would you say that?”

  Jess mutters, “People usually say what they’ve done. You can only think it if you’ve done it.”

  He stares at me, crushed. He looks to Jess. She scowls at him.

  “Jessica, don’t look at me like that. This isn’t fair. You dumped me! And we barely even know each other. Why are you acting so jealous?”

  Jess announces, wide-eyed, “We were going to go out Friday night! The night you guys met, apparently!”

  My head jerks to look at her, stunned.

  Mark helplessly shakes his head, his face falling as he sees where this is going. “Don’t do that to her, Jess.”

  Jess glares at him. “I’m not doing anything.”

  “You didn’t even answer my email for two days! And then you said… you know what you said.”

  I throw up both my hands. “This is so crazy!” I turn, rushing away as Jess and Mark argue behind me.

  Amber crashes out of the bar. “Josh has Chris hostage! What’s happening???!! NICO!!!”

  This isn’t how this was supposed to go. I was finally supposed to be happy. I was supposed to have my friends meet a great man. They’ve met their own great men – why do I get the shitty luck of meeting someone my best friend got to FIRST? My heart is pounding and my feet are numb in these boots as I break into a run.

  Suddenly, slamming the pavement behind me, I hear faster, running footsteps gaining on me. “Nicole! NICOLE!!!” I take off faster but just like in the park, his longer legs have the advantage. He reaches me, grabs for me, searching my eyes for hope that isn’t there.

  “I need room to breathe, Mark! I can’t breathe. Please.” I break down crying, tears falling fast and hard, my chest hurting so much!

  He grabs both my arms. “Nicole! Listen to me. Please. You know what I told you is the truth. The way I feel about you is so much more than what I felt for her! It doesn’t matter that it’s Jessica. The facts are still the same. You know this. You felt it… you feel it… too!”

  I sob, “It does matter that it’s Jessica. I told you. She’s my family.”

  He’s terrified, like he already knows. “What are you saying?”

  It’s so much harder to say it than it is to think it. A headache rips into my temples. I reach up and take his face in my hands, look into his eyes, longing for him to understand. “I’m saying we aren’t going to happen, Mark. Jessica and Amber – those girls – they’re everything to me! I feel sooooo strongly for you… I almost think I…”

  “Say it,” he croaks.

  But I can’t. I can’t say it. Instead I close my eyes and shake my head. I lean up and kiss him. His arms go around me. They hold me so tight. He returns my goodb
ye kiss with more passion than we should. We release each other and he looks at me one last time. My eyes quickly dart down the street where Jess is staring at us, hurting. Amber is beside her, holding her hand. The sight of them there, and him here – and the fact that they can never come together – makes the pain in my soul unbearable.

  “If I have to choose, I have to choose her.” With fresh tears blurring my vision, I look at Mark. The warmth that is always present in his eyes has vanished.

  There’s a knot in his throat. “I understand.” He puts his hand to his forehead, thinking and trying to gather himself, pick up the pieces and know what to say or do next. He’s choking back tears. “Um… I’m still going to bring the investors to the gallery opening, if that’s okay. I would love to work with you on this, if you think you can. If you don’t, I understand. God, this is so hard.”

  I forgot all about the show, the investors. The idea of seeing him again and not being able to touch him is horrible. But I can’t say no. I will not turn away his dream. “Of course. Yes, of course. Maybe…” I strain to finish the sentence. “…maybe that’s why we were drawn to each other.” I don’t believe a word of it.

  His lips twist in pain. “Don’t. God. Don’t say that.” He holds his hand up and turns, walking away down the street. I don’t watch him. I trudge back to my girlfriends. Amber looks so sad. She knows what happened with Michael. She knows how good it was for me to find a guy like Mark. He helped save her relationship, after all. She also knows how broken the betrayal of David made Jessica, that there’s no getting around the fact that the one man who helped start Jessica healing is the one man I had a two-day bed-bender with.

  I meet Jess’s eyes. She is just as lost as I am.

  “Nicole.”

  “I know,” I say, coldly, steeling myself against my pain.

  “It’s just too weird,” she says.

  “It’s more than weird. It’s impossible.” I take a deep breath, shaking my head, my hands going up to wipe my cheeks. They both come in to hug me. I wrap my arms around them and hold them tight.