Bye-Bye Baby

by Morgana Phoenix

  Beth had never said as much, but it had always prickled her insecurities. Just as it had severely driven her crazy when she found out his best friend was a girl. She wasn’t proud of it, but for all her independence, Beth’s fear that he would leave her for someone prettier had always been a fragile thread between them. Until the night she caught Cora in his lap and that thread had snapped. Watching Dawn try and lure him now curdled something inside her, making Beth want to pull away and distance herself from the two, distance herself from the inevitable. He had found a replacement for her once, what was stopping him from doing it again? They weren’t even together this time. He was a free agent. He could have anyone. He could have someone from his town, someone who was accepted and loved by the people. He would realize that and he would leave her, just like James had left her and her father had left her. Leaving was what the men in her life did. Somehow, she was always replaceable for something better.

  “It’s been quiet,” Cole was saying when Beth thought to focus.

  He wasn’t looking at Dawn. He seemed genuinely interested in the menu board over the girl’s head, even though it hadn’t changed since Ma opened the diner back in the Stone Ages.

  “I think I want pie,” he decided with great affirmation. “Pie and coffee.”

  It was the same thing he always picked when they would make their stop at the diner during their walks. He would order coffee and pie. She would get coffee and cake. They would find a corner booth and snuggle before heading back home.

  Those memories, the feelings behind them, speared through her chest like a knife. It cut into her oxygen until she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. Her brain flashed a million different images as voices roared between her ears, screaming at her to leave, demanding to know why she was even there, insisting she was an idiot, a useless, worthless idiot with no sense. She didn’t belong there.

  “Beth?” Cole was watching her when she muffled the turmoil raging through her. “Cake?”

  It was such a simple question and the answer had always been yes, but the impact of it, the reality behind it, crashed into her like a two ton truck.

  “I can’t do this.”

  Cole blinked. “Do what? Order cake?”

  Panic wedged like a tight fist in her throat, stifling all speech process. She could only shake her head and edge toe to heel away from him. He caught on quickly when the gap between them extended.

  “Beth, wait—”

  “I’m sorry,” was all she could manage to wheeze before her flight or fight reflexes kicked in and she hurried from the diner.

  The icy winds slammed into her face the moment she was safely on the sidewalk. It crammed down her throat, up her jacket and stung her eyes. Her cheeks burned where the tears froze on her skin. She tried to scrub at them and only managed to scratch herself instead with her bandages.

  “Beth!” Cole jogged after her. His blue eyes seemed to glow in the pathetic lamplight. “What—?”

  “I can’t do this!” Her anxiety formed a white plume of smoke between them in a breathless rush. “I can’t just forget the last four years. I can’t pretend nothing happened. I can’t be the girl you remember. I can’t be her.”

  For several heartbeats, the only movement from him was the rise and fall of his shoulders, the slight flare in his nostrils as he regulated his breathing. His gaze was a steady force beating against her. There was so much there, so much she wasn’t sure she could face.

  “I don’t want her.” He said it so quietly she almost missed it. “I loved her. I will always love her, but she’s not the person you are right now and this version of you is the one I want.”

  Chapter Nine ~ Cole

  It was the alluring scent of coffee brewing that prodded Cole out of the most uncomfortable knot across the office sofa. He groaned along with every single one of his muscles as he forced them to unfurl and return to their normal length. His vision blurred as vertigo nearly took the floor out from under him.

  He staggered blindly to the door and threw himself through. The hallway swung. But nothing short of the apartment tearing in two and getting swallowed into the ground was going to stop him from getting as much of that magical brew into him as possible.

  Beth stood framed by the window, clad in nothing but a long, purple shirt and socks. Her hair was a tangled mess down her spine. A mug rested in the cupped palms of her wrapped hands and she was taking careful sips while watching the sun cut a gash in the horizon. The pale, predawn light cast a halo around her, drawing out the natural hints of auburn hidden throughout the dark curls. Even from a distance, he could smell her lavender scent. It was something so familiar¸ that no matter where he was, or what he was doing, the minute he caught weft of it, her face was the image it conjured.

  The boards beneath his feet creaked. The spell was shattered. The light behind her turned her into a silhouette when she faced him. But even then, it was impossible not to spot the sharp stiffening of her shoulders, or the sudden jerk of her entire body as if her brain couldn’t decide whether to run or stay.

  She stayed.

  He took that as a good sign.

  “Morning.”

  She unglued her feet from the hardwood and hurried to the counter. She set her cup down a bit awkwardly. Some of the coffee sloshed over the rim and soaked into her wrap, turning the salmon colored fabric a dull brown.

  Cole took a step towards her.

  “It’s okay.” She didn’t exactly run, but her posture shifted away from him. The gesture stung more than he cared to admit. “I’m going to be changing them anyway.”

  “How are they? Your hands,” he clarified when she glanced at him.

  “They’re all right.” She looked down at her hands. “I still can’t close them, but it doesn’t hurt when I touch things. I guess that means they’re getting better.”

  It shouldn’t have made him sad, but it did. Her getting better and finding a reason to leave before he had a chance to convince her to stay built an anxious fire deep in his belly.

  “That’s good,” he mumbled for lack of anything better.

  She continued to study her fingers. “I, uh, found the coffee.” Her head came up. The light from the window reflected off the surface of her eyes, reminding him of polished emeralds. “And the pop tarts, and apples and the bread.”

  “Good,” he said.

  “You didn’t have to do any of that.”

  Saying nothing, he moved around her and the counter to step into the kitchen. He let the silence deepen as he grabbed a mug and poured himself a cupful.

  How was it that since his declaration, the tension had somehow intensified? It had become so thick, he could cut it with a knife. Maybe it had been a fool’s errand. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her. But all he could think about was Lily telling him not all surprises were good and he had wanted to be honest, to let Beth know he was willing to fight for them. Instead, the only thing he’d accomplished was to push her away even more.

  “What did you want to do today?” he asked her with his back still turned.

  “Take a shower,” she said straight off the bat. The desperate way she said it made his lips curve around the rim of his mug. “Then maybe head over to see Lily and the girls?”

  Cole shot a glance towards the clock. “If we hurry, we might be able to catch them before Calla goes to school. But in case.” He reached for his phone and disconnected the charger from it. “You should call Lily and make sure she’ll be home.” He took the phone to Beth and set it down in front of her. “Since she started her studio, she’s impossible to keep track of.”

  Beth chuckled, but it was aimed at the phone. “I’m glad it’s working out for her.”

  So was he. If anyone deserved good in her life, it was Lily. Lord knew she’d had enough problems and somehow lived through all of them. Aside from her family, her pictures meant the world to her.

  “If you’re done your coffee, I’ll start your bath,” he said instead. “Then I’ll drop you off at Lily’
s.”

  She opened her mouth, possibly to thank him and that thought pissed the crap out of him. Her being polite and all grateful for things, when he would do so much more for her, infuriated him.

  He hurried out of the room without meeting her eyes.

  He was hiding in his office, straightening out his bed when Beth found him. Her gaze went from him to the futon and back with mild curiosity.

  “Why don’t you pull it open?” she wondered.

  Cole shook out the blanket he held and folded it in half twice. “The desk gets in the way.” He tossed the blanket down, set his pillow on top. “The room isn’t big enough.”

  She didn’t respond to that and he was out of things to fold.

  “I’m sorry I took your bed,” she said. “We can switch if you like. I’m smaller so the futon—”

  “We’re not switching,” he cut her off. “You’re not sleeping on a futon. This is fine.”

  Her mouth closed and he considered that the end of the conversation.

  “Okay, but wouldn’t it be easier—”

  “I said no!”

  Rather than quit, she pursed her lips and frowned at him. “It makes sense.”

  “What makes sense is getting you showered and dressed.”

  He slid around her and started for the bathroom. He noted she didn’t flinch away. He took that as a sign, as pathetic that as that was. At that point, he’d take anything.

  When the tub was filled with water and enough soap to hide as much of her body as possible, he stood and watched as she approached him. Her steps were hesitant, tense. But she made it all the way into the bathroom and only jumped slightly when he shut the door behind her.

  Just focus on her eyes! The voice in his head advised as it had every time he helped get her in, or out of her clothes. It was a safe place to fall into. It kept his hands and mind on track.

  That was what he did. He traced the contours of her eyes, the slight upturn at the corners and how perfectly proportioned they were on either side of her nose while dragging her shirt up her thighs. He counted her lashes as the material cleared her hips. He skimmed her finely arched eyebrows as it reached her midsection. He looked nowhere else, not even when the shirt passed over her head and slid down her arms.

  It was tossed to the corner and forgotten. A moment later, her panties followed.

  His breathing became tight and he blamed it on the steam rising off the water. He undid her wraps.

  “I tried not to make the water too hot,” he told her, needing to think of anything but how completely naked she was.

  “Okay.” Her voice sounded as thick as his.

  “But you should still keep your hands out,” he went on. “I’ll do the rest.”

  “Okay.” It was a barely perceptible croak.

  Settling both hands decently around her waist, he helped ease her into the tub. He kept his hands on her until she was fully seated and covered to the chin in bubbles. Her arms were draped over the sides and she leaned back.

  “I’ll do your hair first,” he told her, as he detached the showerhead off the wall. “Close your eyes.”

  It took longer than he expected to wash and rinse her hair. Most of that time was spent stalling, avoiding the inevitable. But when it was done, there was nothing left to do but grab a clean facecloth, lather it up in lavender scented body wash and set to work gently rubbing it over her face and down her neck. He changed course and scrubbed the back of her neck, the blades of her shoulders, and the length of her spine.

  “It’s okay,” she murmured when he faltered.

  It wasn’t okay. He had the mother of all boners and she was asking him to do her front. There was nothing okay about that. But to say no would only further make an awkward situation worse.

  Taking in a breath, he ventured upwards, following the curve of her spine to the slope of her shoulder. He didn’t let himself think. His hand traveled down, across her chest. He wondered if she felt the tremor, or if that was her when he passed over her breasts. Cole kept his eyes on the rim of the tub, on the faucet, on anything but her face, or his hand.

  They felt exactly like he remembered. Their weight filled his hand perfectly. Even through the cloth, the nipples were hard. A sound left one of them. Beth shifted and he wasn’t sure if it was forward or back. He decided not to linger. Just in case.

  He worked down her stomach, over one hip and along one leg and up the other to the junction. The breathy gasp wasn’t his. He was too busy grinding his teeth together. The sound made his cock twitch and his hand turn inward.

  It hadn’t been planned. Lord knew he’d done his damnedest to be a gentleman. He’d thought of everything from warts to baseball. But what the hell was a guy supposed to do when her thighs parted around his hand and her hot core was pressed into his palm?

  “Cole…” Her low whimper was the end of whatever resolve he had.

  “Damn it.”

  The cloth floated off somewhere in the water. There was nothing between him and her but a slick center and her heat. God, she was so hot, and maybe it was just a tub full of water, but damn she was wet.

  His fingers glided over smooth skin and neatly trimmed patch of hair. Folds were parted and he ran over the magical little bump that made her entire body jerk. Water rippled, rising over the porcelain walls and her. Her breasts rose over the bubbles, shiny with soap and dotted with stray bubbles. His gaze lingered on their dusky peaks, poking up with every ragged breath. Her knees broke the surface. Her legs parted. He was given complete freedom to end her suffering.

  His lips brushed her temple. His finger found the tight ring of her center and eased through.

  He groaned. “Jesus, baby.”

  She felt as inviting as she always had. Her walls shivered around the second finger. He worked up as far as his knuckles would allow and watched with dark hunger as she bowed under his hand. Blood welled in her lips under the tight wrench of her teeth. Her lashes were sooty fans splaying over flushed cheeks.

  “You’re so beautiful, Beth.”

  Her eyes fluttered open. Dark pupils extended across the forest of green. They locked with his and all he wanted was to taste her. But common sense prevailed.

  He pulled away and quickly rose to his feet. Her sound of confusion tore at him. It whipped at the beast he was fighting to restrain.

  “I can’t,” he murmured, whether it was to himself or her, he was uncertain. “I can’t keep touching you and wanting you and knowing that when it’s done, you’re going to push me away.” He reached for a towel. “Go ahead and call me selfish, but I want all of you, not just your body.”

  No words were exchanged between them, not while he dried her off, not when he helped her dress, not when he did her gauze and bundled her into his car and drove to Lily’s. Cole didn’t press her. Truth be told, he didn’t think he had anything else to say either. He’d told her exactly where he stood. She had yet to tell him a damn thing.

  Lily was outside when Cole pulled up to the house. She was bundled all the way to her eyes, sitting on the front steps next to another tiny, equally bundled person. And neither looked pleased.

  Cutting the engine and pocketing his keys, Cole hurried out of the car.

  “Lily?” He yanked open Beth’s door, helped her out with only half a mind on the task. But the moment she was out, he hurried to the pair by the house. “What happened? Calla?”

  The girl burrowed her face deeper into the folds of her arms, ignoring his concern.

  He looked to his best friend for answers.

  “Calla doesn’t want to go to school,” Lily said. “Which she is already late for.”

  “I’m not going back there!” Calla’s voice was muffled, but the words were clear. “I hate all those people.”

  “She won’t tell me,” Lily said when Cole shot her a questioning glance.

  He focused his attention on his daughter. “What happened, baby?”

  “Can you handle this?” Lily asked, already pushing to her feet. �
��I have to get Willa dressed and fed.”

  Cole waved her on. “Take Beth with you?”

  The other woman had come up and was standing at the bottom of the steps. Lily motioned for her to follow and the two disappeared inside.

  Cole took the spot Lily vacated. “Tell me what happened.”

  Calla said nothing.

  “I can’t help if you don’t tell me.”

  “They’re all jerks,” she said hotly. “I hate ‘em!”

  “Hate is a very powerful word, Calla. You shouldn’t use it unless you mean it.”

  Her head came up, her blue eyes shining with tears. “I mean it!”

  He gently brushed away a stray tear before it could freeze. “Tell me what happened. I’ll fix it. I promise.”

  Her tiny chin wobbled. “They said I wasn’t natural.”

  Cole frowned. “What? Who?”

  “Damon Comb.” She frowned as though the name tasted disgusting. “He said I was instuous.”

  Cole’s confusion only grew with every new clue. “What does that mean?”

  “I dunno!” Calla exclaimed. “But the other kids laughed. They started calling me a freak because you and mommy were friends. They said that wasn’t normal.”

  “What’s not normal about it?”

  She shrugged.

  “Baby, you do realize those kids are one too many straws short of a full barrel, right? None of the things they said to you make any sense.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” she mumbled. “I’m not going back.”

  “Well, you gotta go back. You need to finish your education, and when you’re rich and famous—”

  “They think it’s weird that you and mommy had me and then mommy and Uncle Sloan had Willa. They said it wasn’t right and that it was instuous.”

  “Incestuous!” Cole finally realized.

  “Yeah, that.”

  Cole sighed. “Calla, do you know what incestuous means?”

  She shook her head.

  “Your mommy and I are not related. She’s my best friend and I love her, but she’s not my family.”