Fighting For Our Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  My mouth goes dry. “Arrested for what?”

  “For some prank on Harvey’s house.”

  I end the call and press my dad’s name on my phone. My call goes to voicemail. “Dad, next time you arrest my ex-husband, maybe you want to give me a heads up so I’m a little better prepared to deal with the sight of him as he’s sitting in my damn bar!” I press end again and lean my head against the wall. That’s when the tears start flowing… tears that I haven’t cried in a long-time stream down my face in frustration, longing and pure heartache.

  7

  Ajay

  Of all my dumb luck I would pick the one place where Whiskey works. Not that I had many options to choose from but still, why did I have to run into her here? Why not the park or the bank or when I’m walking down the street and she’s walking toward me looking like she doesn’t have a care in the world? Why did I have to see her at all? Why couldn’t she be someplace else? Why couldn’t I? The pain, regret, confusion, anger, and the need to fucking pull her in my arms and tell her how sorry I am for what I did is overwhelming. And she’s standing here, watching me like I’m supposed to say something profound and I’ve got nothing. I can’t even get the words “hi” or “hello” to go from my brain to my lips. I only want to say her name and when I move my mouth to form the letters, I’m reminded of what she feels like when she’s under me, how much passion she has and how she used to make love to me with every part of her being. Then I’m back to the beginning, trying to say “hi” because that seems like the logical thing to say.

  Whiskey jerks her head up as Elle steps by her and places a black duffel bag on the table which I slide onto my seat. My clothes. Elle doesn’t have to tell me I’m not leaving with her; I know I can’t, but having the proof in front of my face really hurts. I don’t understand why Foster is being like this. I mean I do… it’s revenge… but come on. He’s going to ruin my career. I glance at Elle and simultaneously want to strangle her for showing up at the wrong time and hug her for making this incredibly awkward moment less uncomfortable.

  “What can I get you to drink?” Whiskey’s voice lacks the confidence I know she has. Me being here is upsetting her, that much I can tell by the way her lips pucker. I know she’s biting the inside of her cheek right now. What I don’t know is whether she’s about to scream or cry. I want to get up and leave, to find some motel on the edge of town and drink myself into a stupor so I can forget having seen her and put all of today behind me.

  “Whiskey,” her name finally comes tumbling out of my mouth.

  “You’re not drinking,” Elle snaps.

  I shake my head and point to the one time love of my life. “That’s her name.”

  “Sorry, my name’s Jamie. I’ll send your waitress over in a minute to get your order.” Whiskey storms off, giving me an opportunity to watch her until she disappears behind a door. She looks the same, except for the time lapse that comes with aging. Her breasts are fuller, and she has curves. Curves I’ve never seen on her. My Whiskey girl grew up and I wasn’t here to see her transform from a teenager into a fully-fledged, smoking hot woman.

  “Who names their daughter Whiskey?” Elle asks as she looks at the menu.

  “Her name’s actually Jameson, named after her dad. Sheriff Jameson Foster.”

  Elle drops her menu and slowly turns to look over her shoulder and back at me. “That’s the Sheriff’s daughter?”

  I don’t say anything.

  Elle reaches across the table and smacks me upside my head. I deserve it. “What is wrong with you? Didn’t your father ever teach you not to mess around with the Sheriff’s daughter?”

  I crack half a smile. Aside from everyone in Bailey who knows me, Quinn is the only person I’ve told about my parents. It’s not something I like talking about. The only people who ever made me feel like I belong were the Fosters, and I turned my back on them without another thought. I avoid answering Elle’s question. My life story is for another time and any other place.

  “Did you ever perform here? I like the ambience.” There’s a dance floor, currently covered by tables. In the side room, there used to be an arcade and dart machines. Bailey’s used to hold some serious dart competitions when I lived here. Makes me wonder if they still do or if things have changed.

  “No, I was too young or not good enough. I tried a couple of times, but the guys who played here just shooed me away. Our prom was here though, the house band played. It was quite the party,” I laugh. Nothing like having a dry prom in a bar. Good thing for Whiskey and me, I always had the right provisions.

  “Small towns, I get it,” she says. “Our prom was held in our gym.”

  “Who’d you go with?”

  “Ben. Noah came home and took Peyton. We had a good time.” She studies the menu instead of looking at me. I like her boyfriend, Ben. He seems like a good guy and completely in love with Elle, which seems to make her happy.

  “What’s good here?” she asks.

  Shrugging, I pull the menu from the condiment stand and look it over. “It’s been a while since I’ve eaten here.”

  “I suppose pub food is all the same,” she sighs. I’m waiting for her to deliver the blow, to give me the kiss off. I figure this is my last meal for a bit so I might as well enjoy it. When the waitress appears, I’m saddened to see that it’s not Whiskey even though I knew it wouldn’t be. Honestly, I was hoping she’d come back and poison me, put me out of my misery.

  “Hi y’all, I’m Mary and I’ll be your waitress. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

  “We’ll have waters, please,” Elle says for the both us. Mary looks from me to her and back to me with a bit of confusion on her face. I know for a fact not many women order for men around these parts, and I have a feeling if things were a bit different Elle wouldn’t have taken it upon herself to speak for me either.

  “We have a full bar and ten—”

  “We’re okay, but thanks,” Elle says, smiling at Mary. She nods and heads toward the bar. I can’t take my eyes off her, even though I’m not really staring at her. I’m waiting for Whiskey to reappear so I can see her, so I can refresh every memory of her. She’s always been my weakness. The one person who knew every single secret, never judged me for where I came from, and who could bring me to my knees with one look. One, single solitary look that could reduce me to mush.

  “Ex of yours?”

  “Wife,” I say without thinking.

  Elle’s eyes are sharp and boring into me when I look to see why she didn’t respond.

  “You’re married? Anything else you want to tell me while I’m sitting here? I really don’t like surprises, Ajay, and ever since we left Wilmington you’ve inadvertently dropped a few on all of us.”

  Mary comes toward us with two glasses of water, setting each one in front of us. “Are you ready to order?”

  “I’m going to have the turkey club,” Elle requests.

  “Fries or chips?”

  “Is it possible for me to get a side salad?”

  Mary nods. “Of course.” She lists the dressings and Elle chooses Italian.

  “And for you?” Mary directs her question to me.

  “I’ll have the same thing.” I’m not hungry, at least not anymore. I’m tempted to head to the back and talk to Whiskey. There are words that need to be said, but I know they won’t come out so I don’t bother. When she asked me what was going on years ago, all I could do was shake my head so she handed me the papers and I signed because I needed her to have a better life. Following a wannabe rock star around from bar to bar was no life for her. It wasn’t the life I wanted her to have. She deserved someone better than me.

  Elle sighs heavily grabbing my attention. “Wife?”

  “Ex, but yeah. High school sweetheart. We were stupid and young. Didn’t last.”

  “Looked like she was pissed off when I sat down.”

  “I was a jerk to her in the end.”

  “And she’s the person who actually commi
tted the vandalism that you’re being charged with?”

  I nod.

  “Well, this will be easy. I’ll have Saul subpoena her and this mess will all be over.”

  “No,” I tell her adamantly.

  “What do you mean, no? Ajay, we have a tour to get back to and right now you can’t leave the damn county.”

  “I know and I’m sorry. If I could change—”

  “You can. It’s simple.” Her phone dings, taking the focus off me. While she’s answering whatever message she received, I’m back to watching the bar, waiting for any sight of Whiskey. I tell myself that if she comes out, I’m going to talk to her. I’m going to apologize and tell her that I’ll be out of town as soon as possible. I’m going to tell her that I didn’t mean to interrupt her life and that once I’m gone, she’ll never have to see me again.

  “Okay, let’s talk about the tour. My dad said he would cover for you this week, so we don’t have to cancel our shows. I think it’s important to the band that they continue to get the exposure from the tour. Our sales are up, and we have four songs in the top one-hundred… bad press in this case isn’t going to help us.”

  Hearing that Harrison James is going to take my place hurts. I think I would be okay with some nobody sitting behind my kit, but Harrison is a different story. I’m embarrassed by this, but I’m appreciative. I don’t want the band to suffer because of my misfortune. It’s not their fault I made some bad decisions along the way.

  She looks at me, but before I can say anything, Mary arrives with our food and two fresh waters. I haven’t even touched mine yet, but she takes it away anyway. I pick at my food, and with one taste I know I’m not going to be able to eat. I lean forward and rest my elbows on the table.

  “Am I out of the band?”

  “What? No. This is a hiccup, Ajay. We’ve all done stupid shit in our lives, unfortunately you just pissed off the wrong person and it caught up with you. Had we known, we could’ve directed the bus around the county to avoid this. This really just seems like a set-up.”

  I laugh and push the pickle spear around on my plate. “Some people hold grudges, I guess.”

  “Right, well it is what it is. I’m assuming you’ll stay at your parents?”

  My parents… I don’t even remember what they look like, that’s how long it’s been. If it wasn’t for my grandma, I would’ve ended up in the system. When she died, the Fosters opened their door for me, as well as a few of my other friends. I couch surfed so I wouldn’t wear out my welcome.

  “Yeah,” I lie. I don’t have a place to stay. The motel on the county line is a possibility if it’s still there. I can be the guy sitting in the 1970’s metal and nylon weaved chair, sipping on a Bud Light while wearing my t-shirt and boxers, making me every motel cliché out there. Maybe I’ll go back to jail and hang out with my buddy, Eddie, because that sounds better than any of my other options right now.

  Elle continues to eat while answering emails and texts. She takes another call while we sit there, and never once asks why I haven’t touched my food. When Mary checks to see if we need anything else, I tell her no, and she’s back moments later with our check and a box for my food.

  “Need a ride to your parents?”

  “It’s not far from here, I’ll walk.” Technically that’s not a lie. The house I used to live in is about a block away. Not sure who lives there now, not since my grandma died.

  “You gonna need a car?”

  I shake my head. “Nah, it’s only a few days and I’m sure I can call Sheriff Foster if I need a ride someplace.” I laugh but she scowls.

  “Not funny. I’ll call you later and see how things are going.” She gives me air kisses, drops money on the table for the bill, and leaves.

  Nope, it’s not, but the alternative of telling her about my life is worse. Elle pays for the check and tells me she’ll check in tomorrow. She leaves me sitting in the booth to drown my sorrows in my untouched water and boxed food.

  8

  Jamie

  It’s a rare occasion for me to call out sick. Normally, I can manage with a sniffle, a cough or whatnot. Nothing really keeps me down since I get my flu shot like clockwork… nothing except for the sight of Ajay Ballard. Telling the staff that I’m taking the rest of the day off not only stunned them, but left a few scratching their heads, wondering how they’re going to manage without me.

  Coping, it’s what we do when we hit a bump in the road. We ride the wave and move on, waiting for the next obstacle to step in front of us. We hope that we’re better prepared or can handle the challenge. Preparation for whatever life throws your way is key. It’s one thing to know your ex is back in town and planning on stopping by your work, but it’s something else entirely when you’re taken by surprise. No preparation means you stumble to find your words. Words that have been festering in your mind for years, things you always thought you’d say to him when you saw him again. I always thought that when Ajay and I crossed paths again, I’d punch him in the face, and maybe even spit on him. Okay, the spitting is a bit much, but in my mind I’m a mafia princess and that seems like the right thing to do to an enemy because that’s what Ajay is to me, the enemy. He’s from the other side, the wrong side. The side that wasn’t raised right or with respect for others. The side that I completely fell in love with the first time I met him. Thinking that and remembering how I used to feel makes me want to go back to Bailey’s and punch him in the face for good measure. Just so he knows I mean business.

  Would he care? Probably not. Maybe? I don’t know. He seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t or couldn’t. Was he tongued tied because his perfect girlfriend — or wife — was sitting across from him? She was very matter of fact, telling him that he wasn’t drinking. I found that comical. She has his balls in a vise and I want to applaud her, but I’d be afraid the real me would show up and I can’t have that. The wall I have up is there for a reason and needs to stay there. At least for my own sanity.

  My house is quiet as I stand in the dimly lit living room. The voices inside my head are screaming. One telling me to go find Ajay and talk to him, find out why he left the way he did. The other part of me is saying, “Who cares? What’s done is done. The past is the past and we should move on.” I could be the bigger person, strike up a conversation and ask him how things are. Ask about his new family and whether he has… No, I don’t want to know. I don’t want to him to know that I still care about him. He doesn’t deserve my thoughts or the tears that are leaking from my eyes.

  Even though Ajay has never been to my house, it feels like he’s everywhere. I can see him sitting on my couch with his arm causally draped over the back cushion with his right ankle resting on his other knee. He’s wearing a hat and a flannel. His jeans are worn in and he tells me that he needs to buy a couple of new pairs and wants to know if I want to go for a ride. I say “yes”, because I’ve always told him yes, and then Evelyn walks in and Ajay’s pissed. No, he’s not angry. He’s hurt because she’s not his and because I was with someone else.

  He has to be okay with that.

  He left me.

  He chose a different life.

  I don’t even know why I’m thinking about him meeting Evelyn. There’s no need and I can’t imagine we will ever be in the same spot as him. Besides, once his legal issue is taken care of, I’ll never have to see him again.

  I finally move from my spot by the door and into my dining room where I sit down with a heavy sigh. Pulling my phone from my pocket, Fletcher’s name is the third down my list. I press his number and wait for his secretary to answer. Fletcher’s that guy, the one who won’t answer his cell phone while at work because he’s afraid of giving off a bad impression. I know other lawyers that he works with get irritated with him, but I respect him for sticking to his guns. Nothing worse than being on your personal phone while your work phone is ringing.

  “Prineville County.”

  “Hi, LouAnn it’s Jamie.

  “Oh honey,
you just missed your father. Do you want me to see if I can get him on the radio?”

  The benefit, or maybe it’s a drawback, of living in a small town is that there’s one person who knows everything and for us that’s LouAnn Jerrish. She’s worked for the county since she graduated high school some eons ago and is the main operator. Chances are, if you call to talk to the police, a district attorney or need some information, you’ll get her.

  “No, ma’am, I’m calling for Fletcher. Is he free?”

  “One moment, sugar.” She puts me on hold. Normally, I don’t mind the elevator music that plays while I have to wait, but today, it’s just prolonging the inevitable.

  “Fletcher Oakes,” he says into the phone.

  “How long did you know?”

  He sighs. “Hey, Jamie.”

  “Don’t ‘hey, Jamie’ me, Fletch. How long?”

  He pauses, likely wondering how he’s going to get out of this. “Let me call you back.” He hangs up and before I can even register frustration about it, my cell phone rings. “Tell me about your day,” he says.

  “Fletcher, I don’t have time for this.”

  “Well you need to humor me until I’m outside and across the street.”

  “Oh,” I say as I realize what he’s doing. “Today was shitty. Everything started off great though. Evelyn was happy until I told her she couldn’t drive to school.” He laughs. He’s a damn good uncle to my girl but right now I want to strangle him. “I closed last night so opening was easy until…”

  “Until Ajay Ballard walked back into your life?”

  “Fletcher, how long?”

  “This morning, when I arrived at work. There was a file on my desk and an emergency hearing.”

  “Why? What did he do?”

  “That’s just it, Jamie. He didn’t do anything that I’ve ever prosecuted before, but Harvey and your dad are pissed. Harvey has me looking at case law for misdemeanors that allow for jail time. I’m completely stumped here, and your dad, he didn’t want him out of jail.”