Fighting For Our Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Oh wow, is that weird?” I ask them.

  Both say no.

  “So, you guys are best friends, bandmates and now fathers-in-law to each other’s children?”

  “Yeah, pretty much,” Liam says. “When I first moved to Los Angeles, I was paired with Harrison for the group. We just clicked. We’re family, right along with JD. He’s married to my wife’s other best friend, Jenna, who you haven’t met yet. They have a daughter, Eden, who competes in surfing competitions, so she travels with her a lot.”

  “Wow, this is band thing is a crazy dynamic. I remember Elle talking about the band becoming your family when we first started out.”

  “It’s important because you spend so much time with each other that when there are wives or husbands, as well as children, it’s invaluable to keep everyone included in everything, to make sure everyone feels involved in the decisions the band makes,” Harrison tells me.

  “What do you mean?” I ask him.

  But it’s Liam who answers. “If Harrison needs time off to tend to something, the band takes the time off. We put rehearsing on hold when Peyton and Noah got married, and when football season starts, we all go to my son’s games as a family. We put real life in front of fantasy. I didn’t always and almost lost the love of my life as a result.”

  I listen to everything that they’re telling me and begin to wonder if I’ll have an opportunity like this or if Whiskey’s going to be adamant about following through with the divorce. If she is, I’ll give her whatever she asks for because that’s the least I can do, even though she got us into this mess.

  The plane moves slowly down the tarmac and comes to a stop. The aviation clerk tells us we can go outside now, and just as we open the door, Quinn comes barreling toward us.

  “Oh good, you haven’t left.”

  “Everything all right?” Harrison asks him.

  “Yeah, just gonna hitch a ride south. I thought Ajay could use some support and Nola’s at her parents so she’s going to drive up and meet us there.”

  I pat him on the back. “Thanks, man.” I don’t even know if I need help but the fact that he’s here means the world to me. Quinn and I make our way out to the plane and board, leaving the guys behind.

  “How is 4225 West getting to the next stop?”

  Quinn laughs. “This isn’t their plane. My dad rented this for you so you can spend time with your girl.”

  “Are you serious?”

  Quinn buckles himself into the seat. I choose to sit across the aisle and opposite him so we can continue to talk.

  “If my dad hadn’t, Liam would’ve. He’s a sucker for a good love story.”

  I look out the tiny window to see if they’re still in the lobby but can’t really see anything but blobs. Leaning back, I close my eyes and think of Whiskey, and how hard I’m going to have to work when I get back to Bailey.

  At some point, I fall asleep and jostle awake when the plane lands. I look out the window to try and figure out where we are to no avail.

  “We’re in Wilmington,” Quinn tells me. “Nola is meeting us here with a car rental.”

  “Oh cool, I appreciate the ride to Bailey.”

  He laughs and pulls his bag from the overhead compartment. “I sort of told Nola what’s going on, and she’s determined to be a matchmaker or something.”

  “What do you mean?” I follow Quinn off the plane and down the stairs. We follow another aviation clerk into their lobby, where Nola’s waiting for us. Well, technically, she’s waiting for Quinn. I’m just the third wheel.

  “Hey, Nola,” I wave at her once Quinn’s done hogging her attention.

  She dangles a set of keys in front of me. “Your rental.”

  “Um, thanks.”

  “You can thank me after you see what I picked out.” She takes me by the arm and leads us outside and right to a brand new matte black Wrangler that only has a bikini top.

  “Whoa.”

  “Right?” she says, “I hope she likes going topless.”

  Quinn and I pause and look at each other, waiting for Nola to realize what she just said. She’s opening the back door when she looks at us and asks what we’re doing.

  “Babe, do you know what you just said?”

  She smiles. “I do, now let’s go!”

  * * *

  When the sun rises the next morning, I’m already up, showered and dressed. I’ve had a nasty tasting cup of coffee that I brewed myself, and paced the floor of my room with my phone in my hand, waiting for an appropriate time to call Whiskey. I had planned to do it last night when we got into town, but after stopping for dinner, visiting multiple antique stores, and driving along the coast, we didn’t pull into Bailey until after sundown. I thought about calling Whiskey then, but figured she was at work. The thought of going over and seeing her played heavily on my mind as well, but I don’t want to get in her way. I know I have my work cut out for me today, trying to convince her to take a day off from work. I don’t know her financial situation and realize it might not be so easy for her to be carefree with me but I’m determined to try. Plus, being the manager at Bailey’s Bar and Grill May make it difficult for her to take any time off.

  As soon as the clock turns to eight, I press her name on my phone. I know it’s still early, but I’m eager to hear her voice and desperate to see her.

  “Ajay,” she croaks into the receiver and instantly the image of her in bed, wearing nothing but my t-shirt, comes to mind. I close my eyes and wish not only that I was there, but that I could think of anything else because those thoughts will only get me into trouble.

  “I’m sorry that I woke you.”

  “No you’re not,” she says. I chuckle because she’s right.

  “I wanted to let you know that I’m in town.”

  “I know.”

  “You do?” I open the door and stand on the balcony, wondering if she lives nearby and saw me.

  “Mhm… Dhara. She’s a huge fan and she saw one of your band members. I assumed he was with you.”

  “Ah, yes. That would be Quinn, which brings me to the reason why I’m calling. His girlfriend is with him and I’m wondering if you’d like to go to the beach with us today. I realize you probably have to work—”

  “I’ll go,” she says interrupting me. “Can I meet you at Bailey’s in an hour?”

  “I can pick you up.”

  “No, I have to stop there for a few minutes so it’s just easier if I meet you there.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you in an hour.”

  “Okay,” she says, hanging up. I don’t want to question why it was so easy to get her to agree, but there’s a lingering thought in the back of my mind that this conversation will probably be the only part of my day that will actually be easy. Of course, I want to believe she wants to spend time with me, but this is likely the last thing she wants to do. The rational part of me realizes she’s only spending time with me because she has to.

  I send a text to Quinn, telling him that Whiskey said ‘yes’. He responds, saying that Nola has already gone to the store, the cooler is packed, and that they’re ready to leave whenever I am.

  I think I love Quinn’s girlfriend. At first, when he told me he had let her know what was going on, I was a little upset. But she’s his person, and she’s trying to help me get my person so who am I to complain? If I’m successful, I’m going to have to do something special for Nola.

  The hour goes by painfully slowly. I convince Quinn and Nola that we have to leave fifteen minutes early to drive across the street. I’m pretty sure they’re humoring me when they both just smile and plays along with my insanity. While we wait for Whiskey, Nola plays with the radio, telling me that she’s going to control the music from the backseat. Honestly, I don’t mind because it’s one less thing I have to worry about while driving.

  I’m standing next to the Wrangler when Whiskey comes into the parking lot, she stops and starts for a moment before approaching.

  “Is this yours?”
>
  “It’s a rental,” I tell her. “But I might have to buy one because it’s fun as hell.”

  She looks at Quinn and Nola, who waves. “Let me introduce you. Quinn James and Nola Boone, meet Jamie.”

  They shake hands. “It’s nice to meet you,” Nola says. “I’m excited you could come. Spending the day with these guys by myself isn’t always fun, if you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah I imagine it’s all shop talk or moody brooding.”

  Quinn and I both hang our heads. “Things could be worse, we could talk about video games all day,” I tell the girls.

  “In which case I would take your credit card and go shopping,” Whiskey fires back. I know she’s joking but I like that idea a lot.

  Even though the doors are off, I walk Whiskey to the passenger side of the Wrangler and wait until she’s situated before going back to the driver’s side. I’m completely mesmerized by the way she swiftly puts her hair up and checks herself in the mirror.

  “What time do you have to be back?”

  “I don’t,” she says. “We should go before all the good spots are taken.”

  I do as she suggests. As I drive through town, Nola and Whiskey chat. It’s easy when there’s minimal wind and I like that I can hear them. I decide to take the back roads to the coast because it makes the drive slightly longer but more amenable to having a conversation. Once we’re out of town, Nola turns on the music. Through the rear-view mirror, I see Quinn scoff at what’s playing on the radio. I want to turn it off or tell her to play something different until I check out Whiskey, she’s singing right along to Dana’s voice.

  “You know this song?” I ask her as we come to an intersection. Thankfully, we’re the only car there at the moment so I use this opportunity to talk to her.

  She nods. “Yeah, it’s on the radio a lot. Let me guess, you know the singer?”

  “This is my band,” I say with a chuckle. I watch as her face morphs into something that I can only describe as embarrassment. I lean toward her, my lips close to her ear. “Don’t hide from me, Whiskey.”

  “I’m not,” she says quietly.

  She turns and looks at me. She’s so close that I could kiss her. I want to kiss her, but I pull away. “I love that you know our songs. It means a lot to me.” I reach for her hand, intending to give it a quick squeeze, but she holds onto it for some reason and there’s no way I’m letting go.

  20

  Jamie

  What the fuck am I doing? Why can’t I ever say “no” to this guy? Why is it that when he touches me, my whole body ignites in flames? My skin aches for his touch even though the burns he left behind years ago haven’t healed. How stupid can I be? How much more of this traitorous behavior will I be able to withstand before I finally force myself to stay away from him.

  The problem is, I don’t have an answer. He called this morning and I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough to go see him. The rational side of me knows I shouldn’t feel this way. I should want to see Logan. I should’ve called him and asked him to come back down after he had to make an emergency trip back to base last night. He should be my priority, but even he knows our relationship isn’t going anywhere, and I hate that. I hate that both of us became so comfortable that we stopped trying somewhere along the way and instead developed an amazing friendship with partial benefits. Yesterday, when he left, we didn’t reach for each other, we didn’t declare our love for one another. We said “goodbye” at the door and I immediately went to check my phone to see if the guy next to me had called or texted. He hadn’t. But I wanted him to. I wanted to tell him about running into Evelyn’s father and how much I hate him. How everything that he did to me was nothing compared to what her father did. How the man who gave me my daughter is the worst kind of man to walk the earth.

  I should’ve said all of this to Logan, but I didn’t. Instead, I want to tell Ajay. But then again, I don’t. I want to keep him shut out of my life. I want him to leave, to never come back. And yet I want him to love me like he used to and fall in love with Evelyn, too. I want him to choose love, a life with me and my daughter, and at the same time I want him to disappear from my life all together.

  I have so many fucked up thoughts that while I’m looking at him, as we’re stopped at this four-way intersection with his friends in the backseat, all I want to do is climb over the console and feel him deep inside of me. I want to feel the same way I used to when he’d make love to me, to know what it’s like again to be so consumed with love that merely being near him isn’t enough. Because I need more… I yearn for more. He wouldn’t say “no”. He might tell me to wait until we get to the beach though, and I would. I’d wait because loving him was the best part of my life until he left, and I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive him for that.

  A car honks but I’m too busy looking at Ajay to know which direction it’s coming from, and I don’t care to find out because the only thing that matters right now is watching him. He tears his eyes away and pulls forward. The moment is gone but not likely forgotten, at least not by me.

  I shouldn’t be here. I should’ve never answered the phone this morning, and when I dropped Evelyn off at my parents, I should’ve heeded my father’s words over my mother’s. They’re like night and day when it comes to Ajay. My dad is adamant that I stay as far away as possible while my mother is pushing me toward him. She believes in the notion that everyone has one true love and knows that Ajay is mine. There was a time in my life when I believed the same. Last week, I would’ve said he wasn’t. This week, I’m not so sure.

  Ajay pulls into the first open parking spot that we come to. The four of us slide out of the Wrangler and walk to the back. The guys try to carry everything, but Nola and I take the bags, blankets, and the umbrellas from them. Ajay leads the way. He loves this beach, always has. This was our go to spot when we were growing up. We had many picnics, dates, make out sessions and even sex here. I want to be mad that he brought his friends here, a place that was special to us, but I’m not because some of our best moments were spent here and that makes me smile. Ajay is trying to make me happy.

  While Quinn sets up the umbrellas, Nola and I lay out the blankets and Ajay digs in the sand.

  “What are you doing?” I ask him.

  “Fire pit,” he says without looking up. I stand there watching him for a moment until he glances up. “Are you working tonight?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, stupidly.

  Ajay motions for me to come to him and I do. Damn traitorous body of mine. Once I’m close, his palm is instantly touching my bare hip and once again, I find myself on fire and ready to rip my clothes off for him.

  “Let’s just see how things go today, okay?” he asks, his voice incredibly sweet and caring. This is the only Ajay that I know. The one that told me a divorce would be best was not the man I fell in love with.

  “I mean, I do have to work but…” I stumble over my words, hating myself. I want to be strong, to show him that he has no effect on me, to show him that I’m immune to his charms, but I’m failing miserably. God, how do I love him and hate him at the same time?

  Ajay drops the shovel and places his other hand on my hip, pulling me closer, turning me slightly so that his back is facing his friends. “If you’re uncomfortable, don’t make excuses, just tell me and I’ll take you back. Don’t worry about Quinn and Nola, they’re just along for the ride. And don’t worry about me, Whiskey. My motives are clear… I want to spend time with you, but I know we’re not on the same page and I’m okay with that. I just need you to be honest with me and tell me when you’ve had enough of me, okay?”

  There will never be a time when I’ve had enough. I smile and nod, knowing I should step away, but I can’t muster the strength to do so. “Thanks, Ajay. I appreciate it.”

  He’s the one to step back first. Feeling awkward just standing there, I go back to help Nola, who’s setting up a foldable table, chairs, and a radio.

  “Do you do this a lot?” I
ask her.

  She stops and looks around, a big smile on her face. “No, but I’m used to having a house on the beach, so everything is always readily available.”

  I swallow hard at what she just said. “You live on the beach?”

  Her eyes go wide. “Oh gosh, no! Quinn’s parents live on the beach and when he’s not on tour or in the recording studio, we spend a lot of time there. He’s been teaching me how to surf. We do have a condo that overlooks the beach ourselves,” she says shyly.

  “It’s fine,” I tell her. “I’m sure he’s worked hard for it.”

  Nola grabs my hand and drags me back to the parking lot. Trudging through hot sand isn’t my favorite thing to do but I follow her anyway.

  “You’re sort of forceful,” I say to her as we reach the Wrangler.

  “It comes with the territory. I had to learn to stick up for myself, especially where Quinn’s sisters are concerned, not to mention the fans.”

  “My best friend is a fan, so I get it.”

  “Anyway, I wanted to tell you that Ajay works hard, too. The band is making waves and their popularity is growing.”

  “I know.”

  “Ajay lives with us,” she says. “You’re more than welcome to come visit anytime. Malibu is breathtaking.”

  “I’ve never left this area, other than a trip to Nashville and that didn’t turn out so well.”

  “I was the same way until I went to college in Idaho. After I graduated, I took a road trip to Cali, met Quinn, lost Quinn because I was stupid, and then came home with a broken heart.”

  “It doesn’t look broken now.”

  She looks out to where the guys are. I follow suit and see that they’re standing together, shirtless. Both are tan and perfectly fit with toned muscles and those mouthwatering hip lines that I know for a fact Ajay didn’t have when we were growing up. Granted, he was eighteen the last time I saw him and still a boy. Now he’s a man, a smoking hot, gorgeous man who’s making my mouth water. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I’m still in love with him or all of the tattoos, but I sure can picture myself memorizing each and every one of them.