Fighting For Our Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “She’s not yours, Ballard.”

  “Ever since I met her, I wish that she were. I regret ever leaving and want to make it up to Whiskey. I want to make things right.”

  He laughs. “I’ve never understood why you insist on calling her that, but I accidentally did it one night. I was comforting her and said it, boy did she let me have it.”

  “Sir, I would also like to ask for your permission to marry Jamie. I know I’m years late and we’re already married, but your permission is important to me… and I know Whiskey would love your blessing.”

  Foster stands there, not saying anything. With my luck, he’s probably going to tell me no. He’s been waiting for the day when he could tell me off.

  He inhales deeply and gathers himself. “You’re taking my girls away from me.”

  I sigh in return. I tell him about my house and the neighborhood, and how Evelyn has a playmate in Chandler. “Whiskey doesn’t have to work unless she wants to and when Evelyn isn’t in school, they can come here whenever they want. Or you and Mrs. Foster could visit, maybe even retire out there.”

  He shakes his head. “I’ve never been out that way.”

  “It’s much like here, just a bit cooler and not so humid.”

  “I have half the mind to tell you to pound sand and to forget about Jamie and Evelyn, but I know that’s not what my daughter wants. Tell me, does she know you’re here?”

  “No, sir. There are a few things I need to take care of before I see her and Evelyn, but I plan to tell her. I don’t want to keep secrets from her. I love her too much.”

  The sound of a door opening and closing has us turning around. Mrs. Foster is walking toward us with her arms crossed over her chest. “Dinner is ready. Are you joining us, Ajay?”

  I look from her to the Sheriff who nods slightly. “It’d be my pleasure.”

  She smiles and tells us not to be long. Once she’s out of ear shot, Mr. Foster speaks, “if I were to tell you no, that I don’t forgive you or that I don’t want Jamie to take Evelyn away, I’d lose my daughter. She loves you and only she knows why. It pains me to know my girls are leaving, that they’ll be three thousand miles away.”

  “It’s more like two thousand six hundred but who’s counting?” I shrug, realizing I should probably keep my comments to a minimum.

  Foster smirks and shakes his head. “Some things never change.”

  “A couple of things have, sir. I’m more responsible, I’m better off financially, and I’ve grown up a lot. I’m also more in love with Whiskey than I ever have been. This ninety-day sentence was a blessing in disguise. If it weren’t for Harvey being a tool, I wouldn’t be standing here right now. I should thank him, but Whiskey would have my balls.”

  Her father laughs and places his hand on my shoulder. “All I ask is that you don’t hurt either of them and when you and Jamie have your own child, you don’t forget about Evelyn.”

  “Never… I plan to adopt her. She’s going to know what it’s like to have a father and mother, something I’ve never known. And more importantly, when someone asks where her dad is, she can tell them instead of saying she doesn’t know. Believe me, it’s the worst feeling in the world when someone asks if my parents are proud of me or if they’ll be at a show. I don’t want Evelyn to ever experience that feeling again.”

  James Foster, the man who arrested me months ago, pulls me into his arms and squeezes me tightly. When he releases me, he steps away. “We best get inside, or the missus will have our heads for letting our food get cold.”

  “Does this mean you forgive me?” I hedge.

  “Hell no, it just means I’m giving you a second chance. And you better not screw it up this time, son,” he slaps the back of my shoulder and laughs as he walks toward the house.

  It’s a start. That’s what I tell myself.

  32

  Jamie

  Evelyn and I only spent a week in California, which was enough to realize that wherever Ajay is, is home, at least for me. Evelyn’s still on the fence about it all, but she’s giving up a lot leaving her grandparents behind. I wish I could tell her that moving is easy, but I’ve never had to pack up my stuff and move across country. I can’t promise her that she’ll make new friends, although I’m confident she will, or assure her that her teacher next year will be as nice as her kindergarten teacher. I can only hope and convey those feelings when we talk about our new adventure. She’s scared, but so am I. I’m scared that I’m making the wrong decision about moving forward with Ajay even though it feels right. I wish I could go back to the beginning of our ninety-day sentence and start all over. I’d force myself to spend every waking minute with him, to tell him the truth about Evelyn from the onset, to make sure that he understood what staying together meant. I’d use those beginning days to get to know him, understand his life and immerse myself in it. Right now, I’m getting the crash course of what it’s like to be with someone in a full-time band, and not a garage band that plays for a case of beer on a Saturday night. Those days of sitting on a milk crate and watching Ajay play were pretty amazing — I’m proud of what he’s accomplished, though part of me would give anything to go back and beg him not to leave for Nashville. Our lives would be different, but I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing.

  The sound of someone clearing their voice brings me back to my reality. I’m about to leave a job that has kept me financially afloat and the thought of being dependent on someone else has my stomach in knots. I look up to find my boss in the doorway. He’s come back from Florida to hire my replacement.

  “You look deep in thought, any chance you’re changing your mind?” he asks as he comes in and sits in the chair across from my desk, which is now technically his. He’s tan, probably from his many hours out on the golf course, making me look like a ghost compared to him.

  “I wish I could find a way to stay here and move.”

  “Me too, Jamie. I hate the idea of losing you.”

  I nod and choke back the lump in my throat. Everything about this job has been great and my boss has treated me fairly. He’s taught me a lot about being an adult and was there when Evelyn was born. He felt responsible, in a small way, since it was a convention he had taken me to where I met her sperm donor.

  “I have everything in order,” I hand him a manila folder containing my day-to-day activities, schedules for the staff, time off requests, and delivery schedules. “I hope my notes are detailed enough but if not, you, or whoever you have coming in to replace me, can always call me.”

  “What are you going to do when he goes on tour and leaves you home for months on end?”

  Worry my ass off for no reason because I know Ajay won’t do anything stupid. He won’t mess up what we’re trying to build. “Explore California, lay in the sun, and help take care of Chandler.”

  “His son from another relationship?”

  “No,” I tell him while shaking my head. “Chandler is the daughter of one of Ajay’s bandmates. They live next door and I told Keane that she can stay with Evelyn and me when they go on tour next or have a late night in the studio.”

  “And you’re okay being a stay at home wife?”

  “And mother,” I point out. “I can work if I want to but I don’t have to. Ajay said the decision is up to me. I think if I do, I’ll find something part-time because I want to make sure that Evelyn is adapting well and our life there isn’t about school and work. Besides, it’ll be a bit before the band goes on tour. Keane doesn’t want to tour during the school year because of Chandler and the band is going to start work on a new album soon.”

  My answers seem to appease him since he turns his attention to the folder. He opens it and thumbs through the pages, nodding and saying “uh huh” every so often. As I sit here, I feel like I’m facing a teacher with a final test, my fate in his hands. Do I pass or fail? Story of my life when I was in high school.

  He sets the file on my desk and sighs. “You’re going to be hard to replace.”


  “Thank you. That means a lot.”

  “I’m going to conduct some interviews today and would like for you to sit in on them, maybe tell the applicants about how you handle everything. Do you think of any of the current staff would make a good manager?”

  I shake my head slowly. It’s not that I don’t love my staff, I do, but every single one of them has something going on and they’re always missing work for some reason or the other. No one is committed beside the head chef and he only wants to cook.

  “Yeah, I didn’t think so when none of them applied for your job.” We stand at the same time and he waits for me to walk out of the office. He follows behind until we enter the kitchen and he heads off in another direction. Out front, the crowd is light and even though I know Ajay won’t be here until tomorrow, I can’t help but scan the faces for his. Tomorrow we’re going to withdraw the petition for our divorce. He offered to have his lawyer do it, but I thought it would mean more if we ripped the papers up together. It’s unnecessary but ceremonial… a life changing event.

  As soon as I see Fletcher walk in, I pull the tap for his beer. He sits down and sighs. We haven’t spoken much about me moving, but I gather the news isn’t sitting well with him. I set his pint down in front of him and rest my hands on the edge of the bar. “Where’s Dhara?”

  “Dunno, she had some meeting tonight.”

  “Is she meeting you later?”

  “Didn’t ask.”

  “Don’t lie to me, Fletch. I know you, you asked.”

  He shrugs, picks up his glass and takes a drink. “She’s out of sorts since you told us you’ve decided to move. I think she’s been trying to process the fact that she’s losing her best friend.”

  I lean forward and tilt my head slightly so he’s looking into my eyes. “You can’t give me a guilt trip here, Fletch. I’m doing exactly what you would do if Dhara decided to move. You’d follow her and you wouldn’t think twice about it.”

  “She hasn’t hurt me the way he hurt you.”

  “We grow from hurt. If I thought Ajay was going to do it again, I’d run the other way, but he won’t.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because, Fletcher… I’ve known him most of my life. I’ve seen him at his worst and now at his best, and he’s seen me at mine. We’re the not the same eighteen-year-old’s that don’t have a clue about being adults. We needed to grow up. It’s easy for me to see that now and to admit that getting married so young was a mistake.”

  “Aren’t you supposed to follow your heart and all that?”

  “Oh, Fletch. Are you following your heart? Have you told Dhara how you feel? Asked her out? You had the perfect opportunity while in Los Angeles, but you didn’t take it. Why not?”

  He shakes his head and turns his attention to his beer. I feel like a shit for bringing up Dhara, but he’s in the same boat as I used to be.

  “She doesn’t feel the same way.” He sets his empty pint glass down and pushes it toward me. I leave him there, with those words lingering in the air, while I pour him another and help a couple that just sat down.

  In the few minutes that I’m gone, I’m hoping life has smacked him in the head. “Have you asked her?”

  “Nope,” he says, drinking from his new glass.

  “So how do you know she doesn’t feel the same way?”

  He shrugs. “Has she said anything to you?”

  “We don’t sit around like school girls, giggling about boys. Those days went out the window after I had Evelyn. But it’s clear that she cares about you. She hasn’t dated anyone in a long time. She spends most of her free time with you if she isn’t with me. I would think that there’s something there. Tell me, where did you sleep last night?”

  “On her couch.”

  I shake my head and go check on my other patrons. They tie me up with a food order and a group of guys sit down at the bar, asking if I’ll put the baseball game on for them.

  When I finally get back to my friend, I ask him, “Do you want to order?”

  “My usual.” I put his order in and try to keep myself busy. Word is spreading that I’m leaving so people are asking questions and giving me words of encouragement. Of course, there are those few who are snubbing their noses up at me, but it doesn’t matter. People like Jolene Johnson-Johnson will always find a way to be negative about a situation when it’s a good thing for someone else. She was this way in high school and hasn’t changed much during adulthood. I’m not going to let people get me down. My happiness — and Evelyn’s — is far too important to me.

  I continue to work the bar, checking in on everyone and giving Fletcher some time to think. I know our dynamic is changing but the only other option is for me to stay, and that’s not possible. I want to be with Ajay. I want to grow our family and raise children together. Unfortunately, for that to happen, I need to move. Honestly, I’m looking forward to a fresh start with Ajay, in a place where people don’t know us as a couple, and there isn’t anyone around to give him the side eye for his previous actions.

  When I head back to check on Fletcher, he’s in the midst of taking a bite of his burger. I stand there and laugh at my impeccable timing. Contrary to popular belief, we are not trained to approach people while they’re eating.

  “Can I get you anything else?”

  He nods and wipes his face with his napkin. “Can you ask Dhara how she feels about me?”

  “You want me to do your dirty work?”

  “I’m afraid of ruining my friendship with her so I’m thinking if I have a little inside information before moving forward, I won’t look like a fool.”

  “And what if she doesn’t like you, Fletcher? Then what?”

  He sets his napkin down and grips the handle of his beer before looking me dead in my eyes. “Then, I move. I’ve been offered a spot in the DA’s office in Raleigh and I’m thinking about taking it.”

  My mouth drops open. “Fletch, that’s amazing and heartbreaking.”

  He drinks from his glass, finishing off his beer. “I’d like to give them a valid reason why I should stay here or else tell them I’m coming. I want her to come with me, but what type of friend follows another for a job transfer?”

  “None that I know of,” I say sadly.

  “So, if you wouldn’t mind asking her or snooping around, I’d know how to proceed.”

  I rush around the bar until I’m standing next to my friend and pull him into my arms. “I feel like all these life changes should’ve happened years ago, but they’re all happening now, and everything is moving so fast.” Fletcher hugs me tightly before releasing his grip.

  “Will you talk to her?”

  “I will, Fletch. I believe you’re supposed to be with each other so yeah, I’ll find out what I can.” I’ll have to work fast, but one way or another, it’ll happen.

  33

  Jamie

  I jolt awake, open my eyes slowly, and reach for my phone to look at time. My heart is racing, and I believe it’s from the loud bang that woke me. I turn my head slightly and look toward the window, not sure what I’m expecting to see, but anything would be better than thinking someone’s breaking in or lurking around the outside of my house. It’s just after seven and far too early for me to be awake, especially with Evelyn staying at my parents. I expected, or at least hoped, that Ajay would surprise me late last night but he didn’t. He called though, to tell me that he was going to be later than planned due to some band thing. I did my best to keep my voice steady and to not let him know that I was upset. If I’m going to have a life with him, I can’t let the little things bother me. He didn’t cancel, he is just going to be late, and it’s not like we had any major plans to do anything. He’s only coming to help me pack and drive the rental truck across the country. Absolutely nothing life altering or major, at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  The loud bang sounds again and again and my name is yelled. Now that I’m awake, I know it’s coming from my door, and the only person
who would do something like this is Dhara. “I’m going to kill her,” I mutter as I get out of bed. As I make my way through my house, I think of all the ways I can maim her and how I know Fletcher will forgive me for hurting the love of his life once I explain to him why.

  “What?” I screech as I open the door. My neighbor across the street is out. He’s bent over, retrieving his paper when his head snaps up. I wave, hoping to convey a sincere apology for my outburst before glaring at Dhara. “What in the hell do you want?”

  “We have appointments to get our hair done.”

  “Since when?” I ask as she side steps me to get into my house. “Come on in, I wasn’t sleeping or anything.”

  “You can sleep later,” she says as she makes her way to my bedroom. I follow her with the intent of going back to bed but find her rummaging through my closet.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Looking for a button up shirt.”

  “What for?”

  “For you. Hair, remember?”

  I roll my eyes and crawl back into bed. “You’re not making any sense. Can you please leave or just come lay next to me? I didn’t sleep well.”

  “Why not?” she asks loudly.

  “Ajay, he called, and I thought he was going to tell me he was in town, but he was calling to say he wouldn’t be here until later. My hopes were up and then down—”

  “And then you laid in bed looking at your ceiling thinking about all the terrible things he might have been doing, to which you proceeded to second guess yourself about all of your decisions?” She’s standing at the foot of my bed with a flannel shirt in her hand; she tosses it to me. I bring it to my nose and inhale. Little does she know that it’s Ajay’s. I took it from him when I left his house. I needed something of his to hold me over until I saw him again.

  Dhara sits down next to me. “Jamie, I love you. You’re my best friend. But I want you to hear me and absorb what I’m telling you. Ajay Ballard is head over heels in love with you. I promise you that those stupid little thoughts you’re having are very misplaced. That man will not do anything to intentionally hurt you ever again.”