Peace in My View

by C. L. Rosado

  “What’s that smile about?” he inquires.

  “I was just thinking about you without your clothes on,” I say where only he can hear. This puts an even bigger smile on his handsome face. It’s good to see because I know he is stressed with me leaving and his mom being in the hospital. He doesn’t deal well with stress, so this smile is a very good thing. Looking like he just won a million bucks, he says,

  “God woman, don’t say stuff like that, or I’m gonna have you strung up in some utility closet in this very hospital, not caring if we get caught.”

  “You wouldn’t”

  “In a heartbeat. Try me. I mean it’s not where I would choose for our first time, but after last night, I’m wound up tight.” I just laugh, and he shakes his head. “ You better get going, or I might not be able to part with you. Let me walk you out.” Once outside, Gentry places his hands on my cheeks and gives me an earth-shattering kiss that makes me weak in the knees,

  “Something to think about while you are away,” he tells me leaning back and releasing my boneless body. If not for my truck holding me up, I would no doubt be in a heap on the ground. “ Hurry back, Sunshine, ” he says placing one last kiss on my forehead and helping me into my truck.

  “See ya soon, Cowboy.”

  By the time I reach my parents’ house in Fort Worth, I have thought about turning around about 100 times. Once I get inside and my mom has me in her arms, I’m glad I didn’t. I missed her so much.

  “Where’s Dad?”

  “He is probably asleep in his chair. Supper is almost finished. Go see him while I finish up,” she says shooing me towards the living room. I climb up in his old chair with him, and snuggle into his side.

  “Hey, Pumpkin, how are you?”

  “I’m good. I just need some advice from Mom,” I tell him, laying my head on his chest.

  “ Oh, ‘bout what?” he asked.

  “Well… did Mom tell you I’ve met a boy?”

  “She did.”

  “He wants me to marry him, Dad, but we haven’t known each other long.”

  “Well, kiddo, the amount of time you’ve known someone doesn’t matter as much as one might think. I knew I loved your Mom the first time I ever kissed her.” I didn’t know that. My parents weren’t very affectionate in front of people, including me. They didn’t tell everyone about their love story. “We did wait a year before we got married. We were just kids though, barely out of high school.”

  “So you believe in love at first kiss?” I ask with a smile.

  “I do… what I can’t believe is my daughter has a marriage prospect, and I haven’t met him! Nor has he asked me if he could marry my daughter.”

  “Dad, this is the 21st century.” Is he for real?

  “I know it. Guess being a man takes less effort these days.”

  “You are just set in your ways, Dad. Gentry is a good man.”

  “We shall see… we shall see…”

  Bill Tate is a man of few smart ass words, but the ones he has aren’t sugar-coated. Dad and I catch up for a bit more before dinner with no more talk about marriage and men, though. I’ve missed him. I didn’t realize how much.

  After dinner, I help my mom clean up while dad watches something on T.V. . Having most of it done, mom signals for me to have a seat. She cuts us both a slice of apple pie and tops it off with a scoop of homemade vanilla ice cream. I have been dying to have some ever since I saw Dad get his. My mom was always a fantastic cook, and everything she ever baked made my mouth water. Mom places mine in front of me and sits beside me at the bar.

  “So, what’s going on with my girl? What is so important that you have graced us with your presence?” she inquires.

  “Well, we’ve talked about Gentry…”.

  “Oh, Ari, are you here to tell me I’m gonna be a grandma?” she starts clapping her hands and I start shaking my head.

  “God, No. I’m no where near ready for a baby, Mom. Plus we would have to have had sex in order for me to get pregnant.” She looks disappointed and is now wearing a pout instead of the earlier smile she was sporting.

  “Oh, well what is it then? It must be something big. I would’ve said marriage, but you're not wearing a ring.”

  “ Well, remember I told you his mom was dying of cancer? She told me she thinks it would be great if we got married right away. Her dying wish is to see her only child get married,” I explain.

  “ Honey, that’s… Wow, what did Gentry say?”

  “ He said, —“Let’s do it”— He told me I’m it for him, and that no amount of time would change that. He wants to get married right away.”

  “ Wow, I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say. Do you want to marry him? When you think about your future is it him you see there with you?”

  “ I can’t see anyone else. Here is the thing though. We have known each other, at tops, four months. We haven’t even done the deed, and we are together more often than not.” I mean, what 25-year-old isn’t trying to jump in bed with his girlfriend. I know he has a lot going on, and he was definitely down before I left. I just can’t help but feel something is off.

  “ Ariana Paige, you sound like a horny, teenaged boy. How do you feel about the man? Sex is only part of a relationship.”

  “ Mom, I’ve told you how I feel.” We have talked about Gentry so many times over these past few months.

  “ What have I always told you? Huh? Follow your dreams. Let your heart guide you. Everything else will catch up.” She has told me this in every instance of my life. Any big decision, this is the advise. Ugh.

  “ You make it sound so easy, Mom. He hasn’t even really asked me though. You were supposed to be my voice of reason in all this. I guess I get my cynicism from Dad.” Now, I’m just whining.

  “ I guess so, Honey. Let me ask you this. If Eleanor hadn’t brought it up, if she weren’t dying, and Gentry had proposed after only four months, would you say yes?” she questions.

  Would all that have made a difference? Was the real problem that he hadn’t proposed? Gentry was everything I didn’t know I wanted. My photography had always been the only thing I needed. I had never been in a serious relationship. Most guys didn’t make the cut. Aside from my parents Liv was the only constant in my life. People just weren’t permanent. With all the moving around, I never had solid relationships with anyone not until Liv when we had moved to Whisper.

  Most guys I dated screwed up some how after only a few dates. I had such a busy life that I didn’t really have time to slow down long enough to worry about love. Gentry and I didn’t have the traditional dating experience, though. We met, and our lives were instantly intertwined. He makes me crave more, though. When I’m with him, I would sometimes rather look at him than any landscape or horizon. How many times had I thought about turning around on my way here? I missed him already, and it had only been hours since I last saw him.

  “I’m not sure, Mom. I still think it’s too soon, but I do know this for certain, I don’t wanna let him go.”

  Chapter 19

  Gentry

  Momma had to spend the next two nights in the hospital. The doctor wanted to be sure she was in the clear and not struggling to breath. While she was in the hospital, I spoke with one of the social workers that comes in to talk with families when their loved one is dealing with cancer. She suggested I write Momma a letter to let her know how much I loved her and any other thing that may help bring me peace. She also suggested I find a support group. I knew she was just trying to help, but damn, it was all a lot to take in. I wish I had begged Ari to stay. I needed her to step back and see where she wanted this to go with us, though. I couldn't help but feel like a weak man. I needed to be stronger, for my momma and for Ari. What woman wants a weak man?

  Ariana would be coming back from her parents today. I can’t wait to see her. I have been stir crazy without her here. I haven’t gotten anything done. We hadn’t gone more than a few hours together since the Bea ordeal when she shut me out for da
ys. Thank God we haven’t had to see Bea at Andy’s or anywhere in town for that matter. Liv had heard she moved out of town. It’s a good thing, too, because it’s a small town, and I didn’t need Ariana having that constant reminder of what a douche I was, a reminder of how much I didn’t deserve her. I’m not sure how to make her understand that while I don’t deserve her, that I could not imagine my life without her. I needed her. I craved her, especially now that I have had her naked in my bed. Yeah, that was on continuous replay for three excruciating days. Ever since I found out my mom was sick, I have felt guilty even thinking about having sex, afraid that I would lose her that much quicker if I gave in. I never thought that Ariana would be stressing about us not taking things to the physical level. Of course, when I did get her naked, Momma has to be rushed to the hospital. What the hell am I supposed to think? I know it’s stupid. I mean who thinks their sex life determines whether or not their parents live or die? I just don’t know how to explain to Ari my fears. If anyone will understand though, it should be her. If I explain it to her, maybe she will see that I do want her. Man, do I want her… I’m just scared that wanting her will cost me my momma.

  “Hey, Man, What’s up?” Peck questions pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Not much. I’m just cleaning stalls and shoveling manure. Killin’ time until Ari returns.” I have been doing anything and everything, today trying to make the hours pass and as fast as possible.

  “Dude, when’s she supposed to be back? Maybe you should get a shower. You reek,” he tells me with raised brows holding his nose. I take a big whiff and choke on my own stench. We both start laughing.

  “Reckon you're right. I will get on that as soon as I'm done scooping the poop.”

  “Alright then. I’ll leave you to it. I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat with your fine-ass cousin. That girl can eat, and she knows all the best places in this Podunk town. I don’t know how she stays so tiny.” I didn’t know either. Liv could put away the food. I also didn’t have any idea what she was gonna do once Peck headed home in a couple of weeks, and she returned to work.

  It was almost 7 P.M. before Ari made it out to the ranch. I was just sitting on the porch swing with the dogs lying at my feet when her truck came up the drive. I felt like I had been waiting years to see that white ford. I startled the dogs with my quick movements, almost busting my ass trying to get to her. I don’t think I have ever needed to see someone so much in my life. As soon as she has her truck in park, I was opening the door and digging her out of her seat and into my arms. Wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck, I kiss her with everything I have, trying to convey exactly how much I want her and need her—Jason Aldean is on her radio singing “Tonight Looks Good On You,” and I couldn't agree more— She looks like a country goddess with her cut off shorts and cowboy boots. I love when she wears her boots.

  “I guess it’s safe to say you missed me,” she says pulling back to look at me. Her smile is contagious, and I can’t help but return it. I spin her around a couple of times before she is smacking my shoulder. “You’re gonna make me puke.”

  “I missed you so damn much, Sunshine,” I tell her before stealing a kiss. Mmmm cinnamon— she always taste like cinnamon— I slip my tongue in her mouth and swipe her gum.

  She smacks me again before berating me for it. Several minutes have passed before I finally allow her to shut off her truck, and we head up to the house. Of course, the first thing she wants to do is visit Momma. I watch as she makes her way across the bedroom, slipping off her boots and crawling on to the bed with Momma. I feel a tight squeeze in my chest—yeah, this woman has totally stolen my heart—how is it someone waltzes in unexpectedly and changes your whole world?

  “Eleanor, how are you feeling? Did they take good care of you while I was away?” Ari questioned while getting comfortable and snuggling up next to Momma. I can’t help but be a bit jealous of my sick mother. I can’t wait to have Ari snuggled up to me. I’m hoping she will stay and watch a movie with me. Maybe I can even talk her into a sleep over.

  “Not too bad. Glad to be home in my own bed. I finally got some sleep last night without a nurse coming in every few hours,” she tells her. Ari’s eyebrows pull together in confusion. She is wondering why I didn't tell her that momma had to stay in the hospital until yesterday. I didn't want to worry her. She shoots me a look that says I’m in big trouble. I just smile. She looks hella cute when she is mad.

  “Well, I’m sorry I wasn’t here. I didn’t realize you would be in the hospital for more than the one night.”

  “No worries, Honey. Gentry stayed with me both nights, and I had lots of visitors.”

  “Good deal.”

  Momma, Ari, and I visit for what seems like forever before momma grows tired, and we leave her to get some rest. No sooner do I get Momma’s door closed, Ari is spinning around with her hands on her hips and a pointed look on her face. Yup, I’m in big trouble. Why the hell didn’t I tell her again?

  “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me she was in the hospital for two days,” she chastises me. I hold my hands up and say,

  “God, Woman. I didn’t wanna worry you. You needed the break from here,” I try to explain, while guiding her away from the door. I don’t need a lecture from Momma later.

  “Oh my God, you make it sound bad when you say it that way. I didn’t need a break. I needed some clarity.”

  I wrap her up in my arms and look down into those emerald green eyes I love so much,

  “And…Did you get it?” I ask.

  “I… did?” the way she says it she makes it sound more like a question. What the…

  “You don’t seem so sure.”

  “Well, I got to thinking about, it and I think I could possibly marry you… If you… you know… asked me like a man that wants to marry a woman would ask. I know I may sound like a brat, but dadgummit.”

  She is so cute. I thought that might be part of the problem. It’s why I had Liv help me pick out a ring. “Wait here…”. I rush to my room. I had every intention of making it special, but what the hell. I grab the ring box from my top drawer and run back down to the living room. When I’m in front of her, I steal a quick kiss and drop down on one knee.

  “ Ariana Paige, you came into my life at the worst possible time. You didn’t have to stick around when shit hit the fan, but ya did. Every man wants a woman that his momma will love, and you're the absolute best for me and my momma. I’d still love ya, though, even if she didn’t.” I watch her with tears streaming down her face, hand over mouth. I’m thinkin' these are all good signs so I continue. “I can’t live without you, Woman. It’s like the song says, ‘You are my sunshine.’ Ariana. You bring peace to my soul, sunshine to my darkest days, and relief to my pain. You stir everything within me every time I look into those gorgeous eyes. Marry me. Make me the happiest man in the world,” waiting for her answer is pure torture. “Please,” I beg.

  “Yes, of course, I will marry you, Sorry, I was zoned out on that rock,” she explains while she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet. I slide the ring on her finger, and she jumps in my arms and wraps those sexy legs around my waist for the second time tonight.

  “You kill me with your zoning out, Woman.” I tell her before kissing the life out of her.

  Chapter 20

  Ariana

  Oh my word, I never expected him to have a ring. Oh my God. I’m getting married. I’m gonna be Mrs. Gentry Sloan. OMG I have to call Liv.

  “Gentry, I have to call Liv, Omg, we should tell your mom. Oh wow, this ring is amazing…”. I take a pic with my phone and send it to Liv.

  “We can tell Momma in the morning,” Gentry informs me in a husky voice. Stopping me in my tracks, he makes slow and steady strides towards me. “I have missed you like the moon misses the sun, destined to chase it till the end of time.” When he reaches me, he dips low and takes a hold of the back of my thighs, lifting me while guiding each leg around his waist. The look in his eyes
relays unspoken words of need. With a few more steps, he has my back against the wall in the living room. Hands are everywhere as we get reacquainted. I’m a little nervous and excited— Nervous we will yet again be interrupted and excited that maybe we won’t. Kissing away our hunger isn’t gonna work this time, I’m afraid. When Gentry moves from kissing my lips to my neck, he loves my neck. I ask a bit breathy,

  “Where is Mona?” He pulls back and searches my eyes, almost as if he is trying to figure out where he is.

  “ I don’t want you to stop. I just don’t want to be interrupted or embarrassed.” He helps me to get my feet on the ground and takes hold of my hand,

  “ This was not the plan for tonight. I have so much I need to say. It can wait. I need you right now.” He drags me along with him up the stairs and to his bedroom. I can’t help the smile that is spread across my face. I would’ve told him days ago I would be his wife if I would have known I would get this impulsive version of my cool, calm, and collective man.

  Letting go of my hand and placing his on the small of my back, he ushers me in his room, shutting and locking the door behind him. Gentry had transformed into a man on a mission. He was naked and undressing me with the speed of man, seeking out his last meal. I didn’t care. I was more than ready to be that meal. Sweeping me up once again and laying me on his bed, I was finally back where I had longed to be for three insufferable days. Looking down at me with hooded eyes, he says,

  “Kissing you is always a good thing, but this… making love to my soon-to-be-wife is gonna be so much better than that.” Nipping at my ear he says in a hushed tone, “I love the taste of you.”