An Unlikely Proposal

by Toni Shiloh

  He sighed and glanced toward the doorway. “Because it was mutually beneficial. She gets health insurance, and I get help with the kids.”

  “Wow. I don’t even know what to say.”

  That would not work. He needed help. “I prayed about it.”

  “And...”

  And what? Sometimes he didn’t trust the response. Not for any fault on the Lord’s. Never that. But he didn’t trust himself. How much was he projecting in a prayer, and how much was he not listening? Sometimes, he got in the seasons of listing his needs without taking the time to be still and hear. He never knew if he should keep praying or when to believe he received an answer.

  Omar rubbed his forehead. “I thought it was the right thing to do. The girls are laughing more than ever.”

  “And you? How are you adjusting?”

  “I’m conflicted.”

  “Before we go any further, let’s pray.”

  Omar bowed his head as Zeke prayed. He thanked the Lord for bringing Zeke to mind, who was currently working on a theology degree at night. During the day, Zeke made cold calls for the sales department he worked in, and on the weekend, he worked the sound booth at church.

  “Okay.” Zeke cleared his throat. “What’s going on?”

  “I...” Omar glanced at the doorway one more time then lowered his voice just in case. “I think I’m starting to have feelings for Trinity.”

  “What do you mean? Like feelings, feelings?”

  He cleared his throat. “Yes. Being around her brings me a peace I haven’t felt in a long time. And suddenly I’m concerned about her happiness.” He shook his head. “I’m not saying this right. I’ve always cared about her happiness, but now I want to be the one who makes her happy.”

  His heart stopped. No, no, no. He couldn’t walk down the love path again.

  “Has that ever happened before? I mean before y’all married?”

  “Never.” Then again, there was that one summer. “Wait.”

  “You thought of something?”

  “Yeah. The summer we turned sixteen. I had a little crush on her.”

  “Why didn’t you act on it?”

  “She was my best friend and I didn’t want to ruin that. Then Christine moved here that fall and the rest was history.”

  “What’s preventing you from acting on it now?”

  “What if I fall in love with her and she dies? Diabetes has fatal complications. I can’t lose another wife, Zeke. Losing Christine crushed me. There are days I can function and others where the reminder of grief hits me anew. Not to mention the guilt of feeling like I’m forgetting Christine.”

  “That’s a lot, man. Let’s take it one by one. Trinity’s been a diabetic for a long time. I’m not saying it would happen, but how do you think you’d handle it if y’all were just friends and she passed away?”

  “Badly. But honestly, I’ve always expected her to live to an old age. Only now that I’ve said I do, it’s like my brain is intent on reminding me what happens when your heart gets entangled in the love-’til-death. It’s a whole different level.” And he couldn’t risk going through that depth of heartache again.

  “That is true.” Zeke paused. “God doesn’t want us to live in fear, Omar.”

  “I know that in my head.” He closed his eyes, gripping the cell.

  “Then continue seeking God every day until your heart catches up.”

  And wasn’t that what he was afraid of? But Zeke was trying, so the least Omar could do was thank him. “Appreciate you taking the time for me, man.”

  “Anytime. I’ll be praying for you.”

  “Thanks.” Omar hung up and stared at the phone, unsure of what to do next.

  Chapter Eleven

  “Hey, Mama.” Trinity moved aside so her mother could cross the threshold.

  Her mom kissed her cheek. “How are you, sweetie?” She pulled back, peering up into Trinity’s eyes.

  Sometimes their height difference seemed stark, and other times Trinity forgot she was taller. “I’m good.” And confused.

  Last night’s swing excursion had left her feeling a little discombobulated. Only she couldn’t confess that to her mother who was probably already worried about Trinity’s marriage. She hadn’t forgotten the disbelief her mother voiced when the subject first came up. Trinity closed the door and motioned for her mother to make herself comfortable.

  “Where are those precious girls?” Her mom clapped her hands together, a look of glee brightening her face.

  Trinity grinned. “Eating a snack.”

  Her mother walked alongside her as they headed for the kitchen.

  “Aw,” her mom murmured.

  Joy happily munched on her food as Faith daintily ate each morsel, folding her hands in her lap while chewing.

  “Hey, girls, say hi to my mama.”

  Joy waved, bits of banana flinging in the air with the exuberant movement.

  “Miz Davis your mama?” Faith’s eyebrows shot up, making her dark eyes appear bigger.

  “Of course she is. Don’t you remember going to her house to play on the swing?” Trinity sat down at the same time her mom did.

  Faith vigorously nodded her head. “Then your mama our grandma?”

  “Uh...” She threw a panicked look at her mom. Omar knew how her mother felt about the girls, but Trinity hadn’t actually asked what the girls should call her. She’d been too busy working through the scenes of the tire swing last night.

  A hint of something special had filled the night air as they’d taken turns swinging. It was almost like they’d stood on the precipice of something bigger. But that was silly to think, right? Besides, she had plummeted to earth long ago. Jason had shattered her heart beyond repair. Surely no one wanted the mere pieces that remained. And even if they did, she couldn’t risk her heart turning into confetti of heartbreak.

  “I would love to be your grandma.” Her mom leaned forward, a huge smile on her face.

  Trinity pulled out of her thoughts and took in Faith’s beaming face and her mom’s joy. At least she could give her heart to these girls.

  “Trin-ty?”

  “Yes, Joy?” She grabbed a wet wipe and began cleaning her stepdaughter’s hands.

  “You my mama?” Joy pointed to her chest, her big brown eyes staring up at her.

  Trinity’s breath hitched. Why hadn’t she and Omar discussed all the potential changes marriage would bring and what those would mean to the girls? It was one thing to cross a bridge when one came to it, quite another to be alone and having to test the rickety wood herself. Should she say yes and tell them to call her...what exactly?

  Lord God, please give me some wisdom here.

  Her mother squeezed her hand underneath the table.

  She could go with the basics. “Well, see, since I’m married to your daddy, that makes me your stepmom. Remember?”

  “What’s step?” Faith asked.

  Oh boy. Trinity wanted to say it meant technically she wasn’t their mom, but how did one explain that to a two-and three-year-old?

  “It means,” her mother interjected, “that Trinity will always be here for you and will be your parent like your daddy.”

  Mom to the rescue. She wanted to hug her in gratitude.

  “Can we call you Mommy?” Faith asked.

  Yes, please. She would love that. “Would you like to?” Her voice came out calm despite the mental cartwheels she was doing. Wait. Would Omar flip out? He hadn’t handled the rearranged furniture well. What would he think about this? He had to know she would never want to replace Christine.

  Joy nodded and Faith paused, a look of concentration on her face. Finally, she gave a shrug of the shoulder. But something told Trinity Faith wasn’t as blasé as she portrayed.

  “How about we ask your daddy what he thinks when he comes ho
me. Okay?”

  “’Kay,” the girls chimed.

  Phew. Crisis averted.

  Although she’d still have to broach the subject with Omar. The idea made her grimace inwardly. That impending conversation was sure to be difficult. But at least she’d ensured he wouldn’t come home to hear the girls calling her Mommy or some other variation.

  Good thing he’s on shift.

  Fortunately, the rest of the day went by without any further deep conversations or disasters. As she stared up at the ceiling that night, Trinity couldn’t help but replay Joy’s request for her to be their mom.

  Lord, I want that. I want them to feel like they’re blessed to have me because they’ve undoubtedly enriched my life. I want to see them grow into wonderful young ladies, and eventually fall in love.

  Hopefully their love stories would be better than hers—jilted at the altar and now a bride in name only. She didn’t want that for Faith and Joy, but was there even such a thing as true love? Trinity shook her head. Obviously, there was. Her parents were nearing forty years of marriage. Not to mention the forever kind of love Omar had had with Christine.

  And a teeny, tiny part of her wanted that. Enough already. You do not want to be in love! Remember standing at the altar all alone? Everyone staring at you with pitying expressions?

  It had been beyond mortifying. Her heart had shattered in full view of family and friends, and not to mention the guests that sat on Jason’s side of the church, wondering where he was. His mother had been horrified but no more so than Trinity. Thankfully her parents and Omar had been there to shelter her from the fallout. Her mama had sent the guests on their way while Jalissa had wiped away her tears.

  Dealing with the caterers and the other businesses that had a hand in making her day perfect had been an extra nightmare. But compared to how big a hit her self-esteem had taken, paying a wedding baker for a cake she didn’t eat had been nothing.

  Thankfully, Omar had been there for her—would always be there for her. That didn’t mean she needed to be foolish and fall in love with her best friend. She shook her head. No, the best thing to do would be to remain his friend and be the best stepmom to his girls. She had to be there for Omar this time.

  If only she could see how the impending “mommy” conversation would go tomorrow. Maybe if she made Omar a big lunch. A full stomach would help the discussion waters be placid versus a class five rapid. All she would need to do was figure out how to broach the subject.

  Lord, I pray You’ll guide me in the conversation and soften Omar’s heart. Please help him be honest if he’s not ready for me to be their mom in name. She bit her lip, trying to decide if she had any other requests. Lord, I would also like Your help with my emotions. I feel like a seesaw going back and forth between attraction and dread. If I could just settle on one... Not that she wanted to dread love. More like she needed to be okay if it didn’t happen.

  Like she was before they’d had midnight swing rides and deep stares.

  * * *

  Omar opened the front door and took in a whiff of what smelled like barbecue chicken and French fries. Trinity walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, greeting him with a smile.

  “Hey, Trin.” Omar moved to sit down on the couch, rotating his neck to work out the kinks. He’d slept wrong on his neck during his shift.

  “Hey, there. I made you some lunch.” She gestured back toward the kitchen. “That is, if you want to eat right now.”

  Trinity always made sure he had something to eat when he came home. He appreciated that more than he could say. “Yes, that sounds good.” He offered a smile and what looked like relief flashed in her eyes.

  Was she nervous about something? Before he could ask, Trinity asked him about his shift as they took their seats at the kitchen table.

  “It was quiet.”

  “That’s a good thing, right?”

  He made a meh motion with his head. “It makes for a slow night.” He never wanted a fire, but sometimes the empty hours loomed before him. Gave him too much time to think.

  “And that’s bad?”

  “Not bad, just boring.” But he didn’t want to focus on himself. “What about you and the girls? Did you have a boring time?” He grinned, already knowing the answer.

  “Well, actually,” she paused, “the girls asked if they could call me Mommy.”

  His head jerked up. “What?”

  The world froze as Trinity’s words penetrated his terror-induced brain fog.

  She licked her lips in a nervous fashion. “The girls asked yesterday when my mom was over. It started off with them wondering if she was their grandma now. Then they wanted to know about moms and what a stepmom was. Our conversation just naturally ended up there.” She shrugged as if it was simply matter-of-fact.

  Maybe to her it had been. But his kids calling her Mommy was so much more.

  He stared down at his plate, trying to choke down the bite that had turned to ash in his mouth. His emotions were so overwhelming, he wasn’t exactly sure how to sort them out. He wanted the girls to have a motherly influence. It was one of the positives of this marriage of convenience. But would Christine fade from their life in the process?

  Omar dragged in a breath and focused his gaze on Trinity. “I see.”

  “And...is that okay? Are you okay?” She cracked her knuckles, all the while biting her lip as she studied him.

  He honestly didn’t know. The logical side of his brain thought it made perfect sense and he was happy the girls felt close enough to Trinity to want that type of relationship. And the other half kept saying What about Christine?

  “I’m not sure what to say, Trin.” His voice was low as he struggled to keep his tone even, devoid of emotion.

  Her brow creased. “Look, I know this is a tough conversation. I’ve been praying about it since they brought it up, and I told the girls I’d talk to you about it first.”

  “I appreciate that.” However, his tone contradicted his words a little bit.

  He was floored. Didn’t all his past conversations about their mom matter? He’d shared pictures of how beautiful Christine was with each pregnancy. Told the girls how much she loved them. Did none of that hold weight?

  Trinity reached out and squeezed his hand. “Omar, it’s okay for you to say no. I don’t mind being Miss T or simply Trinity to them. It’s who I’ve always been, and it is my name.”

  He gave a half smile at her attempted joke, then drew in a breath to bolster himself. “And part of marrying me was getting a family of your own.” Which meant he had to figure out how to adjust to the change, to live in the present.

  But wow does it hurt, Lord.

  “Yes, but nothing has to change at your expense. I don’t want them calling me Mommy if it’s going to bring the Oscar or Eeyore out in you.”

  A real laugh fell from his lips. “Already watching too many kids shows, huh?”

  “Oh, believe me. I can reference them and sing their theme songs as well.”

  “Hey, some of them are catchy.”

  She shook her head. “Ear worms.”

  “I want to say yes.” He rubbed a hand down his face.

  “But?”

  “I feel raw right now.”

  “Understandable.” She withdrew her hand, a sympathetic smile on her face. “Maybe we should just eat and change the subject for now.”

  But he couldn’t. Trinity had dropped a major bomb, and he wanted to retreat and think about it. Pick apart the details and nuances to examine it under his mental microscope.

  “Trin-ty!”

  The sound of Joy calling for her warmed his heart. If she had said Mommy would it have ached or been bittersweet? He watched his wife walk out of the room to get his daughter.

  His wife. He gulped. If he thought of her only as his best friend, would that keep his heart from
becoming entangled? Keep it safe in case the worst ever happened?

  Lord God, what do I do? My mind’s a jumble of thoughts. The girls calling Trinity Mommy. Me thinking of her as my wife.

  What he really needed to focus on right now was the mommy situation.

  Can I really deny my daughters the chance to call someone Mom? To forge that relationship and let it guide them through the years?

  Their arrangement to marry and Trinity’s desire to protect herself from hurt again meant she’d never have children of her own to call her Mommy. Was it fair to rob the rest of Trinity’s life of the pleasure of having kids and all that came with them, including the honorary title?

  Wow. When he thought about all the ramifications, it seemed selfish to say no. If he’d been divorced, that would have been a different conversation. Being a widower came with the tricky balance of honoring his late wife and making room for the new one.

  Only he didn’t want his acceptance to remove Christine’s place in the girls’ life. She’d always put their family first, and now thanks to a seal from the state of Texas, Trinity was in that circle. Which meant she was family and the girls’ new mom.

  He sighed. Okay, Lord, I get it. He needed to graciously accept the changes. Please help me do that. Because right now, he didn’t feel the strength to do so.

  “Daddy!”

  Joy jumped into his arms, and he kissed her chubby cheek. “How’s my girl?”

  “Good.”

  “How come you’re up?”

  “Not sweepy.”

  “She went down at eleven thirty.” Trinity’s voice came from behind him.

  An hour and a half wasn’t bad for a nap. “Do you want to go to the water park?” He looked over Joy’s head to peek at Trinity, who nodded in agreement as she ate her lunch.

  “Yay.” Joy placed her hands on his face. “Daddy happy?”

  He’d get there. “Is Joy?” He gently placed his forehead against hers.

  “Yes. Mommy?” She pointed to Trinity.

  His heart pounded in his chest. “Yes, Trinity’s your mommy.” His voice trailed off in a choked whisper as he struggled to keep his eyes from leaking his emotions.