by Toni Shiloh
Trinity nodded absentmindedly, focusing all of her attention on Omar. Her heart beat erratically as she waited to see how he felt. Finally, his eyes opened and searched the room, softening as they landed on her.
“Morning,” he mumbled.
“Morning. How are you feeling?”
“Like a house fell on me.”
She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry, so she shook her head instead. Trust him to make a joke. “Do you need some water?”
“Please.”
She grabbed the hospital mug with ounce markings and angled the straw toward his lips.
After taking a sip, he sighed. “That feels good.”
“You probably have medicine mouth on top of sleep mouth.”
“Attractive, huh?” He grinned, and her cheeks heated.
Since when did he flirt with her? She held in a sigh, remembering he was on narcotics. His feelings weren’t like hers. She bit her lip to keep the tears away.
“Hey, you okay?” Concern flashed in his eyes.
Her heart hurt, but she couldn’t tell him that. Instead, she kneaded her lower back, noting the physical pain she’d been experiencing. “Sore.”
“Lovely bed you had there, huh?”
“Five star.”
He chuckled but quickly breathed a hiss of pain.
She laid a hand on him. “I’m so sorry.” She shouldn’t have made a joke.
“It’s okay. I’m just sore too.” He wrapped his hand around hers and squeezed.
Warmth filled her heart, and she jerked her hand back. She shouldn’t feed into his kindness while he was on pain meds.
Trinity cleared her throat. “I was about to leave and grab a change of clothes.” She stared at the door, hating the way her insides were all twisted up.
“I’ll be here. I’m assuming the doc won’t let me leave today.”
“No. Jen, the nurse, said probably a couple more days in here.”
He nodded. “Could you bring the girls with you when you come back?”
And let them see him like this? It was already destroying what little hold she had on her emotions. What would it do to the girls? “Do you think it’s a good idea?”
“I do. They need to know I’m okay. Just sick. They’ll understand.”
She exhaled quietly. “Okay, I’ll bring them.”
Omar cupped the side of her face. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
The urge to lean into his touch flooded through her. But she couldn’t. This wasn’t real. He didn’t love her like she wanted him to. “I’m just fine.” And she would be as soon as she sobbed her guts out in the shower...or the car if she couldn’t hold them in that long.
Thankfully her parents had dropped it off for her. It would make for a fast getaway.
“All right.” He withdrew his hand.
Part of her wanted to grab it back. To hold on to it and him until...until he realized that them together, in love, was right. That their time was now, and love could last a lifetime. Only she knew Christine was his one and only. Despite the precautions she’d taken, hurt and rejection were a confession away. She needed to get out of her head and away from the man who made her feel way too much.
“I’ll be back soon.”
“I’ll be here.”
She fled the room, rushing down the hall, and praying for composure the entire time.
* * *
Omar held Faith close as she curled up against his uninjured side. Trinity had the great idea to let the girls lie with him on the hospital bed a bit with the promise of being still. She was afraid they’d jar him or accidentally hit his broken rib if she let them interact as usual.
He only wished he could convince Trinity to curl up next to him too but she had her armor on in full force. She probably thought he hadn’t noticed the distance she’d put between them, but she’d be wrong. From the moment she’d jerked away from him and rushed to “change”—like the hospital didn’t provide toiletries for loved ones. Plus, he knew her mother could have easily brought a change of clothes and the girls for a visit.
But he’d give her the space she wanted while he was laid up in the hospital. However, once he came home...that was a different story altogether. They needed to discuss why she felt the need to run. Were the emotions between them getting too real for her? Was she scared he wouldn’t return them?
Because his brush with death had revealed just how much he cared about Trinity. Only now, he was worried his desire to never hurt her would prove to be false. He was a firefighter. Danger was in the job description and if Trinity fell in love with him, would she one day bury him? Would he put her through the same kind of heartache that he’d already experienced in Christine’s passing?
Could he do that to her? Ask her to love him until death...not knowing if it would come sooner rather than later?
“My turn.” Joy wiggled in Trinity’s arms, pulling his attention from his thoughts and onto his children.
“Okay, baby.” He kissed Faith’s forehead. “Time to switch out, buttercup.”
“All right, Daddy.”
Trinity helped Faith down, and then placed Joy carefully by his side.
“Hi, Daddy,” Joy whispered.
Oh, how he loved his girls. Nothing could ease life’s aches more than a smile from a child. “Hey, baby girl. How you are?”
“Sad.”
“How come?”
“Cuz you hurt.” She looked at him, an exasperated look on her face better fit for an adult.
He held back a chuckle, though more for preventing pain than laughter.
“Where’s your booboo?”
“My ribs.” And lungs, but she probably wouldn’t understand that.
Joy kissed his cheek. “All better.”
His heart melted. Oh, Joy. His kids could be the highlight of his day when they weren’t driving him completely mad with toddler meltdowns.
After a few minutes of quiet, Joy sat up. “Mommy, you kiss Daddy and make it all better.”
Trinity ducked her head, peering at him beneath her lashes. What was she thinking? He wished he could ask her, but there was so much to sort. Instead, he shifted so she could lay a kiss on his cheek. She did so quickly and then stepped back, eyes roving around the room and looking everywhere but at him.
How complicated everything had become. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, to break the tension, but a knock on the doorjamb diverted his attention. Rock stood in the doorway, peering into the room.
“Rock, come on in.” He motioned for his father-in-law to enter.
“I don’t want to bother y’all.” He shuffled a few steps, his brow furrowed as if he’d disturbed them.
“Not at all.” Trinity gave Rock a side hug. “The girls and I were just stopping by to say hi.” She switched her attention to Omar. “How about I get the girls some l-u-n-c-h while you and Rock have a visit?”
“Thank you.”
“Sure.” She took the girls by the hand. “Let’s go find the cafeteria.”
“Will we come back?” Faith asked.
“After we have a snack or something, ’kay?”
The girls nodded and followed Trinity out of the room and down the hall.
Omar exhaled and looked at his father-in-law. “Have a seat, Rock.”
“How ya feeling?” Rock lowered himself stiffly into a chair.
“Sore. Better than yesterday.”
“I gotta admit, you put my ticker into a spin when I heard the news.”
Omar grimaced. “I’m so sorry.” He sighed. “I imagine a few people were nervous.” The guys from the firehouse had been down to check on him intermittently and Rider had been texting him every few hours to make sure he was okay.
The guy had his good moments.
“The prayer chain at church was a
ctivated, and I had a flood of calls at home. Everyone was happy to hear you’re doing better.”
“I certainly appreciated the prayers.” He stared at Rock, wondering if it was a good idea to ask his father-in-law’s advice on this particular subject.
Rock placed his folded-up hands on his stomach. “Something you want to talk about?”
“Maybe.” Omar stared at the empty doorway. Trinity would probably be a while with the girls. His gaze shifted back to his father-in-law. “I think I’m in love with Trinity.”
“You think?” Rock’s eyebrows hiked up.
Omar couldn’t determine the tone of his voice. “Should I not talk about her with you?”
“Depends on your intentions. Are you asking advice or just telling me how it is?”
“Advice, definitely. You’re one of the wisest people I know. I value your opinions and know you wouldn’t steer me wrong.”
Rock nodded. “Continue, then.”
Omar let out a breath, shifting to get more comfortable. “Getting injured kind of shifted my perspective. Had me thinking about how we started this marriage and where I’d like it to go.”
“Makes sense. Facing your mortality often does that.”
“That’s just it. I could die. I don’t mean now, but being a firefighter certainly raises my chances.”
Rock dipped his head. “And that concerns you?” At Omar’s nod, he continued. “In what way? You’ve always known the safety concerns.”
“Of course. Kind of hard not to when we run into burning buildings. But this time was different.”
“Were you worried about making Trinity a widow?”
“In the beginning, I fought against feeling that caring for Trinity was somehow a violation of my vows to Christine.”
Rock nodded. “I wondered if you felt that way. You seemed to put a lot of weight on being just her friend.”
Omar’s gaze shifted to the doorway. Still empty. “It was a struggle for a while. I had to reconcile that creating a new life didn’t mean I forgot her. Didn’t mean I wouldn’t make it a point for the girls to remember her.”
Rock’s eyes glazed over. “Very true. And you know I’ll make sure my grands know how much their mama loved them.”
Omar smiled.
“But continue on.” Rock motioned.
“When I was pinned under that roof, my feelings for Trinity kind of came front and center. But it wasn’t until I had time to lie here and think that I wondered about the future. How would she survive if I died? I’ve never wanted to hurt her. Jason’s abandonment caused so much pain in her life. I would never want to leave her in a similar state.”
“And what if you don’t? Hmm? Ever wonder what happens if y’all live to a ripe old age? Live long enough to see grandchildren and great-grandchildren? To see the legacy of your love?”
Omar swallowed. “But I could die, Rock. And so could she.”
“Sure could. And I could die tomorrow. Will that keep you from visiting me and doing life with me?”
“No. You’re my father-in-law. Like a second father to me.”
“I love you too, son.” Rock chuckled. “One thing I’ve learned living on earth is that I can’t control a single thing. I can’t prevent my loved ones from passing.” His eyes watered. “But what I can control are my own actions. How I love every person God’s placed in my life. How I share that love with the time He’s allotted me.”
Omar listened with care to the wisdom Rock was sharing. “But loving her affects more than just me, Rock.”
“Sure does. Shows your girls how a woman should be cherished. Shows the relationship of Christ and the church. Yep, your actions affect many.”
He had to resist the urge to chuckle. Rock knew what Omar had meant and of course put his wise twist on it.
“Let me ask you this, son.”
“Okay.”
“If you could have seen that Christine would die when she did, would that have stopped you from asking her out?”
Omar’s mouth dropped open in shock. Not what he’d imagined Rock would ask him in a million years.
His father-in-law rose, knees cracking with the movement. “Meditate on that a bit and then you’ll know what to do.” He softly patted Omar’s shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, ’kay?”
“Thanks, Rock.”
“Think nothing of it.”
But thinking was all Omar would be doing.
Chapter Nineteen
A week.
One week had passed since Omar had come home from the hospital to rest and recover from his accident. His recuperation had been nothing like Trinity had expected.
For one, she’d assumed there would be a massive amount of time spent waiting on him—bringing all his meals to his room, cleaning up after him, etc. Not that any of that was necessarily a bad thing. She wanted to help him. Needed to. If she couldn’t express her feelings with words, then certainly expressing them in deeds would alleviate the building pressure.
However, she hadn’t expected her emotions to vacillate between wanting to be closer and maintaining a distance that would shield her heart from potential hurt. Part of her wanted to shower Omar with love, and the other half kept waiting for him to reject her outright. Which, in a way, he had.
Omar had been more subdued this past week, keeping to himself, retiring to his room earlier than normal. Gone were the moments of playing video games or streaming a movie and talking. She’d been hoping the change was due to his injuries and the need for his body to heal. She couldn’t begrudge that necessity, but Trinity was starting to wonder if it was something else. Surely, he hadn’t figured out that she was in love with him. If he had and didn’t love her back, well, the thought was too painful to consider.
Trying to escape her thoughts, Trinity grabbed the baby monitor and a bottle of water. Maybe a bit of vitamin D would clear the cobwebs that were her thoughts. And since the girls were napping—Omar as well—there was nothing but peace and quiet surrounding her as the Texas sunshine beckoned from beyond the front porch awning. She inhaled, hoping to clear her mind, but it was no use.
She swallowed, remembering how Omar had made the kids laugh at lunchtime. She’d looked at him and love had overflowed from her heart. Watching the sweet moment between father and children had the words begging for release. Only the imagined look on his face had kept her silent. She’d cry if she said those three precious words and he assumed it was meant out of friendship and not a forever kind of love.
Just saying that in her mind made her heart hurt with the pain of rejection. She straightened her back, lifting her chin. Little movements to help her gather strength to be honest. To admit her feelings to Omar.
And just like that, a whoosh of fear filled her and raised the hair on her arms. Lord, I couldn’t stand it if he said he didn’t love me. He’s been my best friend for so long. The relationship has been the easiest, most natural thing in the world. But if I change the status quo and he runs away horrified, how will I cope?
Because there was really no place to hide in the house. It’s not like she could hide in the bathroom like other moms. She had to share it with Joy and Faith. The front porch was her only retreat. Texas sunshine and conversation with the Lord would have to help her beat the fear that breathed down her neck.
Lord, I just want to get through life with no drama. No upsets. Just a simple life. This fear is clawing at me, trying to drag me into darkness. I thought getting over Jason meant that I was whole once more.
But who was she fooling? Willingly entering a marriage of convenience to protect her heart was a sign she hadn’t overcome the fear of rejection. It was why she couldn’t admit to Omar the depth of her feelings. Why whenever he neared, her breath hitched, and an intense ache took up residence in her chest. Feeling had become too much.
Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,
neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
A tear slipped down her cheek as she recalled the sweet verse from Joshua. Their church Bible study group had printed the verse on their handouts last Sunday. It had been the verse of the day on her phone’s Bible app. In the past, Trinity had always recited it with a knowing smile of how good the Lord was—is. But knowing He was with her didn’t quell the fear this time.
Could she really be strong? Have courage? Not fear? Not be dismayed if Omar didn’t return her affections?
The call seemed too much to ask of a person. Especially since she sat here, trying to keep tears from falling and a sob from ripping free. She hurt. She ached. She feared.
Lord, can You help me?
“Trinity? You okay?”
She wiped her face and looked up at Omar, forcing her lips upward and faking a calm outward appearance she didn’t feel. “Hey. That was a fast nap.”
Not nearly long enough. Please don’t sit by me. It was getting hard to maintain her distance and not give in to the closeness her heart needed.
Omar eased his weight onto the porch swing cushion, angling toward her. “Couldn’t sleep. I feel tired, but my eyes refused to close.”
“I hate when that happens.” Lately, her mind had been intent on picturing Omar looking disgusted as she pledged her love. Definitely a reason to keep her eyes open at night.
“Hmm.” His eyes traced a path that mirrored the salt tracks down her face. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
The soothing tone of his voice touched her like a caress of the wind. Fight it. She couldn’t tell him how she felt, but when he acted concerned—no, was genuinely concerned—her heart had no defense.
Trinity needed to change the subject. “Do you want me to get you some pain meds? Maybe that will help the pain recede enough to get some rest.”
“I don’t hurt, Trin. But that’s beside the point. Why were you crying?” Frustration furrowed the lines in his forehead.
“Right, no meds.”
“Trinity.”
Her breath caught and another chip of her armor crumbled at her feet at the concern in his voice. “I...” She swallowed, hating the ache that filled her throat.
