by Toni Shiloh
Omar studied her. “Please, talk to me. We’ve always been able to share.”
And wasn’t that the crux of it? She couldn’t get advice from her best friend because she’d fallen in love with him. She needed to deflect, but how? “I can’t believe how badly injured you were, Omar.”
Her heart would not have recovered if she’d lost him.
“But I’m on the mend with no lasting damage.” He offered a smile as if to ease her worries.
“But you’ll return to work and run right into another burning building.”
Lines deepened farther. “Of course I will. It’s my job, Trinity.”
“And that’s the problem.” Among many, but the only one she was willing to focus on.
“My job?” His jaw dropped.
“It could kill you.” But not as much as being silent was hurting her.
“Lots of things can—”
She spared him a look, asking him with one glance to be serious.
His lips flattened. “I’d never want to hurt you like that. But what else can I do? I was made to be a firefighter but the thought of hurting you like Jason...”
“Jason never had the power you do.” She squeezed her eyes tight at the admission. At what the words meant.
Omar laid a hand on her forearm. “What do you mean by that?”
She peered at him. “Can we just forget I said that? Talk about something else? Or better yet, let’s talk tomorrow.” When she could get a better grip on her emotions.
“I know things have been a little weird between us, Trinity, but please, level with me.” He folded his arms across his chest. “Tell me what’s bothering you. Be honest.”
“You!” she shouted. “The thought of you rejecting me. That’s what hurts.” She hated the pain in her voice, but more, the words that hung between them.
She wasn’t ready to confess her feelings, hadn’t built her armor back up or erased her fear enough to have this conversation.
Omar shifted. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
Her breath shuddered and tears sprang to her eyes. “I shouldn’t have to tell you what to say. Weren’t you the one talking about honesty?”
He dipped his head, shoulders slumped.
This was it. He didn’t love her.
She’d always be his friend, but right now, she wanted to be his wife. A real wife. “I’ll be at my mom’s house.”
* * *
At her words, a piercing ache ripped through his insides. “For how long?”
Surely, she was coming back. She only needed a breather and not a permanent change of residence like he feared.
“Until...” Her voice got soft and she shrugged.
He should have said what he’d wanted when she mentioned being rejected. That it was the last thing on his mind to do. How much he loved her. But instead, he’d frozen as his mind played over the fact that death was a possibility in his job, as she’d pointed out. That he could try to save another and lose his own life, making her a widow.
Hurting her in a way he’d never want to.
Why was life so complicated?
He wanted nothing more than to live happily ever after with his best friend, the woman who’d melted his heart and brought light back into his life—into his children’s lives. Faith and Joy had blossomed under Trinity’s love, but as cheesy as it sounded, so had he.
She let out a long sigh, full of heartache. “I’ll be back before dinner, Omar.”
He gulped. “Okay.”
She strolled away from the rocking chair and down the steps, headed for her parents’ house. He watched as she knocked on their door, feeling like a part of him was missing. Trinity wanted more than he could give. He didn’t want to be selfish in love, but sacrificial. And surely, thinking of only himself and how she made him feel while disregarding the real hurt he could bring her by dying was wrong.
He was no longer scared of losing his heart to Trinity. It had already happened. With every bout of laughter and joy she’d brought into the home, his walls had crumbled and his heart had beat with joy once more. But if he were to die, to leave her, she’d suffer the same fate he had. The one that Rock was going through.
If you could have seen that Christine would die when she did, would that have stopped you from asking her out?
Rock’s words reverberated in his mind. All this week, Omar had asked himself the question, mulled it over in his head. He finally understood why he’d had such a tough time answering it. For Omar, it was a no. Knowing Christine would pass wouldn’t have prevented him from pursuing her or living the life they’d created. It was one that had blessed him immensely.
But he couldn’t make that decision for Trinity. She deserved a choice, and by marrying for convenience, he’d taken that option away from her. They’d agreed they’d stay married and not even think divorce.
But she still has the option to love.
Did she? Did they still have an opportunity to make a go of their relationship the way God had intended? With love the source of all their actions? By not admitting his feelings, was he taking away another choice?
God, show me what to do. If I tell her I love her now, will she believe me?
Because he’d essentially rejected her when he’d stayed mute.
“Daddy? Mommy?”
Omar looked at the baby monitor. Sounded like Faith was awake, which meant he’d have to figure out what to say to Trinity later. Hopefully he could straighten out the mess he’d created by the time she came back.
Chapter Twenty
Trinity sat quietly as her dad watched the baseball game. It was nice hearing the normal sounds of announcers and her dad periodically interrupting their dialogue to argue or state his own opinion. His antics while watching a game had always amused her. Today, however, it barely broke through her thoughts of Omar and his silence.
What do you want me to say?
She wanted a declaration of love. One that would say they were in this together and she didn’t have to fear his rejection because she had his heart. Some variation of the poetic declarations that came in all of her favorite rom-coms.
Obviously life wasn’t a movie, but it would make it so much easier if she knew a happily-ever-after was in store for her. Instead, she had to garner strength to go back into that house knowing Omar didn’t feel about her the way she felt about him.
Her head dropped onto her knees and she exhaled. Exhaustion weighed her down from fighting her thoughts and emotions. Her heart felt tattered and bruised beyond repair.
How do I go on, Lord? How do I act as if my heart isn’t breaking?
She didn’t want the girls to see any difference between her and Omar. It was so very important that they knew they were loved and that the house was filled with happiness for them. Except she’d messed it all up by falling in love. Why couldn’t she have just stayed in the friend lane?
“You’re thinking awfully hard over there, baby girl.”
Trinity sniffed. “Sorry, Dad. I didn’t think you’d hear my thoughts over the game.” She tried for a smile but knew it fell short.
“You and your husband have a fight?”
She shook her head.
“Then what’s got you so upset?”
“I love Omar.” She blew out a sigh as sad as a deflated balloon.
Her dad’s rumble of laughter drew her head around. She was pretty sure a fly could zoom right on into her mouth judging by the shock jolting through her body. “Why is that so funny?”
“Baby girl, you act like I have no clue as to who you are. How you think.” He speared her with a raised eyebrow. “Come on now.”
“But that doesn’t explain why you’d laugh.”
“I knew your plans would get a good dose of reality.” He winked. “That’s why I’m laughing. Any time a person thinks they can co
ntrol a situation and dictate the narrative, I simply shake my head and chuckle a bit.”
“Daddy.”
“What?” He smiled. “You can’t be surprised that your heart would be the first to wreck your plans.”
Maybe he saw the writing on the wall, but the shock was very much real for Trinity. “I am surprised.”
“You know I was friends with your mother before we dated, right?”
She nodded, remembering the stories her parents had shared with her over the years. She’d always thought it was so dreamy they’d been friends and that their romance developed into more.
“But Omar had Christine.”
“It’s man who puts a limit on love, thinking if you’ve had one shot that there are no more blessings in store. I’m sure Omar thought Christine would be his one and only. Again, that’s man planning and God showing us reality.”
She shook her head. “Omar doesn’t love me.”
“Baby girl, you can’t believe that.”
“It’s true. He told me.”
“He said I don’t love you?”
Well, no, but his silence spoke volumes. Hadn’t it? “He didn’t say those exact words.” Her mind stuttered on that realization. Did it mean anything?
“Well, what did he say?”
“Nothing, Dad. Nothing.” Her breath hitched as the memory brought a fresh wave of pain.
“Maybe he’s being just as cautious as you. Y’all’ve been through a lot. Tends to make a person think before rushing in. Often think too much, if you ask me.”
Trinity bit her lip, mulling her father’s words over in her mind. Had she been too cautious? Too hesitant when she should have acted a little braver, bolder? Was Omar wondering those same things?
“How can you just make the switch? I’ve been so intent on protecting myself. I don’t know how to just let that all go and figure out when it’s time to be brave.”
“Simple—trust in what God’s doing in your life. You’re so different today than you were when Jason abandoned you. Surely you see that, baby girl?”
She did. But how much of that was her wanting to be healed versus actually being healed.
“Get out of your head, Trinity Young, and trust your heart. God’s been healing you and I believe He’s blessed you with a real chance at a life of love. There’s been no pretense between you and Omar. Y’all knew what you were getting into.” Her father chuckled again. “As much as a person can guess at.”
“True. I didn’t expect to fall in love.”
“A God blessing for sure.”
She smiled at her dad. She’d been looking at it all wrong. Thinking she had to keep her heart safe from hurt. Thinking that falling in love with Omar was the wrong thing to do. When all the while God wanted to give her a gift.
“What do I do now, Dad?”
He reached over and squeezed her hand. “Go home and enjoy your blessings.”
She could certainly do that, but something told Trinity she needed to do just a little bit more than that. Maybe a declaration could happen after all.
* * *
Dinner had been tense. Omar had hoped to talk to Trinity while they readied the girls for bedtime, but Faith and Joy had both been intent on chatting about the latest Disney movie. Now that the house was silent as his girls slept, he fully intended on begging Trinity to talk to him. Only it looked like she’d disappeared.
A peek out front showed the front porch devoid of her presence, and the backyard was empty as well. He didn’t think she’d retire so early, but maybe the stress of the day had exhausted her. He’d thought about knocking on her door, but a sense to be still and wait pricked his insides.
He didn’t know if the feeling was a prodding of the Holy Spirit, but he would heed the thought and continue to lie in his room while praying for his marriage. Praying extra never hurt and could only help them.
Sometimes he marveled at how Trinity had become so much more than his best friend. They’d always been able to talk and understand one another beyond words, which was probably why the silence between them got under his skin so badly. He needed to know they would be okay. That they could move forward, together, as a family and as true husband and wife.
He closed his eyes, willing his mind to shut off. Perhaps if he gave in to sleep, joy would be waiting for him in the morning like the psalmist proclaimed. His cell phone chirped with an incoming text. He grabbed it off the nightstand, unlocking it with a swipe and hitting the text icon. His mouth dropped in shock as he saw a notification from Trinity.
Meet me at the tire swing.
Omar shot up, stopping to wince as his ribs protested the sharp movement. He blew out a breath as the pain eased, then stood at a more sedate pace. He slid his feet into flip-flops and headed downstairs. Thankfully he always slept in a T-shirt and exercise shorts. He never knew when the girls would wake up and need him in the middle of the night.
The text had to mean Trinity was finally ready to talk, right? Maybe now he could share all that was on his heart and prove to her he had the words. The right words that would hopefully change their relationship for the better.
He paused at the front door, saying a quick prayer before opening it and stepping outside. He should have grabbed one of the baby monitors, but maybe Trinity had thought of that already. The shock of her text had pushed it from his mind and, he had to admit, he was a bit too impatient to run upstairs now to get one.
Omar walked down the porch steps and headed next door toward the tire swing. He looked up and his steps slowed to a stop at the sight before him. The tree had been wrapped in white lights, and their glow beckoned him, urging his feet forward once more. His eyes flitted to the vision beside the tree, where Trinity stood in the red dress she’d worn to the justice of the peace. His breath suspended as his heart hammered in his chest.
This was a good thing, right? Right, Lord?
He gulped and closed the distance between them.
“Hi.” Her smile was tentative, and her eyes squinted with nerves.
“Hey.” Omar cleared his throat. “What’s all this?” He gestured to the lights, his brain on autopilot as his thoughts went strangely quiet.
“Well, the swing has always been special to us.” She peeked at him and then rushed on. “So, I figured this was the best place for me to say what I have to say.”
He slid his hands into his pockets, hoping to hide the anxiety that had his stomach knotted up tighter than a box of electronic cords. “Go ahead.”
“Omar, I’m sorry.” Her lips turned downward. “I should have never shut you out like I did. You kept asking me to talk to you, and I just couldn’t. I let fear keep me quiet and keep me from saying what I needed to say.” Her shoulders rose and misery filled her eyes.
“Hey.” He stepped forward. “There’s nothing to forgive. I was doing the same thing. And you still said more than I could.” He squeezed her hand.
“Really? You’re not upset?” she whispered.
“You know I can’t stay mad at you. You’re my best friend.” And hopefully would be more.
“Forever?”
“Forever.”
Her lips tipped in a smile and his heart hammered as he waited. Did she have more to say? She wouldn’t light up their swing for a mere apology, would she?
Trinity exhaled a shaky breath, her lips quirking to the side. “There’s one more thing.”
“Just one?” And was it the big one? The one he’d been praying for since lying under the collapsed roofing?
“Yes, hopefully it’s better than the apology.”
“Well then, I’m all ears.” Although it felt like the sound of his heartbeat had taken over that sense.
She smiled and closed the distance between them, winding her arms around his neck. Slowly the tension drained from his shoulders as her scent wrapped around them. He laid his
forehead against hers. This. Right now, in this moment, he didn’t care what else she wanted to say. He was just happy to have her in his arms, hoping that meant she’d let him into her heart.
Omar cupped her waist, and his eyes slid closed. Their feet shifted and he began to sway to the imaginary music.
“Why are we dancing?” she asked softly.
“Just seemed like a natural thing to do.” He shrugged. “That and I’m happy you’re in my arms.”
“It’s where I want to be.”
“Do you?”
“Always.”
He nuzzled the side of her neck, loving the lightness that filled his heart.
“You’re distracting me.”
Omar chuckled. “From what?”
“The last thing I wanted to tell you.”
“I’m still listening.”
“Are you?” she whispered in his ear.
“I am.”
“Then hear this, Omar Young. I love you. Yesterday. Today. And tomorrow.”
“Thank You, God,” he breathed. “I love you too.”
She halted, pulling back. “You do?”
He chuckled. “I figured this light display meant you knew.”
“No. It’s my declaration.” She grinned, a dimple flashing with pleasure. “I mean, I’d hoped.”
“Well, rest assured. I love you, pretty much have known since after the accident.” He brushed her braids behind her shoulder. “I was just too scared to say anything.”
She groaned. “How much time have we wasted because we gave in to fear?”
“Too much.”
“And you’re not afraid now?” She eyed him. “You didn’t seem to know what to say earlier.”
He hunched up a shoulder. “My mind was processing a little slowly.” He cupped her face. “But it’s not now. I love you, Trinity. And not as just a friend either.”
She grinned. “As a husband loves his wife?”
“Exactly.”
“Perfect.” A thoughtful look came into her gaze. “Omar, I just want you to know that if fear rises up once more, if it knocks on my door, I won’t let it rule me.”
