“Rosmanda lives with me—my family, that is,” Levi said. “If you’d like to come back with me once I’m finished here, I can bring you along. There’s an extra room for tonight, and lots of good food.”
“Yah. Thank you.” Jonathan nodded eagerly.
They moved away from the other men.
“How come you didn’t write?” Levi asked. “I mean, before coming out. We could have prepared better.”
“I did.” Jonathan shrugged. “I never heard back. We . . . worried. I guess. I know you’re thinking that maybe she wasn’t keen on the visit if she didn’t reply, but we were all such good friends once upon a time, it’s hard to imagine that changing so much. We were in the same youth group.”
“Before you all got married,” Levi said.
“Yah, well . . . life does move on.” Jonathan smiled. “How is she? Is she doing all right?”
“As well as can be expected,” Levi said, and his mind went back to those slim wrists, the pale skin. She’d be a shadow of the girl they remembered. “The grief has been hard for her, I have to say.”
“It would be.” The other man nodded sympathetically.
“Did her father send you?” Levi asked. Something here wasn’t quite adding up.
“No, no . . . Not this time. He’s not well lately, and it isn’t right to burden him.”
It didn’t seem like checking on his daughter would be a burden, and that struck Levi as slightly strange . . . but how sick was Benjamin Graber? Mark Graber was of no relation to the Indiana Grabers, so he couldn’t give any insight, either.
“How is he doing? Is he worse than he was?” Levi asked, lowering his voice.
“No worse than usual lately, but he doesn’t have a lot of strength,” Jonathan replied. “We love our bishop in Morinville, and we’re grateful for him as long as the Lord allows him to serve us.”
“Yah, yah . . .” Levi nodded. That didn’t tell him much, and he found himself feeling protective of Rosmanda right now.
“If there’s bad news,” Levi began. “It might be better to break it gently. It’s been a rough time for her, and—”
“No, no bad news,” Jonathan said with a quick smile. “I promise you that. Just friends who care.”
“That’s good.” Levi nodded quickly. “Well, let me place my order here with Hans, and then I’ll take you back with me. I’d meant to eat here in town, but it seems like you’re pretty eager to see her, so—”
Jonathan pulled off his wet hat and shook it, then replaced it on his head. “Yah, it’s been a long day of travel. It would be nice to see her sooner rather than later. I’d feel better, at least.”
“And you might feel better to get in front of a wood stove and dry out,” Levi said.
A smile broke over Jonathan’s face. “Sure would.”
Was this man checking up on them, maybe? Making sure they were treating Rosmanda well? Had some rumors traveled back? Rosmanda was thin these days—had some mutual friend seen her and grown concerned? A married man didn’t just show up from her hometown without his wife asking to see a widow with no other reason than to say hello. It wouldn’t be proper.
Levi nodded. “Yah, we’d be happy to have you. It’s nice to see some of her people. Let me just place my order, then.”
“Yah, of course. I’ll just wait for you. Thank you, though. I’m glad to have found you like this.”
Jonathan had an easy smile and a friendly way about him, but Levi still felt a pang of uncertainty about the man. Maybe there was nothing wrong with this Jonathan Yoder at all, and he was feeling something as common as jealousy. Was it that another man might have claim to her in some way, even in the most casual sense, and that bothered him? He couldn’t be that kind of man. He wouldn’t be. Who was Levi to stand between Rosmanda and her friends from home? He’d bring her friend home and then step back. And at the very least, there would be one more person in the room to be a buffer between them.
Levi had to get things back to normal. It was one kiss. Hopefully, that was forgivable. because he couldn’t be the reason that Rosmanda lost any more peace of mind.
* * *
Miriam had planned a large supper that night, and Rosmanda had helped to get it all cooked and laid out on the table in time for Stephen to come inside alone. Rosmanda listened with breath bated for that second thud of boots, but it didn’t come.
“Levi has gone into town,” Stephen said. “It will be just us.”
She’d done it again . . . She’d followed that pounding of her heart, the rushing of her blood, and her mind had turned off, leaving her at the mercy of whatever it was she felt for Levi. All over again. She looked away, hoping that her feelings weren’t written all over her face.
“In this weather?” Miriam asked.
“He wanted to order the fencing,” Stephen said. “Miriam, he’s used to living on his own. It’s nice to have him home again, but he’s going to want a bit more freedom. He’s a grown man, after all.”
“I know. Of course.” Miriam forced a smile, but Rosmanda knew that this meal had been special—Miriam had made her son’s favorite. And Levi hadn’t come back to dinner because of that kiss.
Rosmanda uncovered a bowl of rolls and took her seat at the table between her daughters’ high chairs. She waited while Stephen and Miriam got settled, and for a moment it felt like old times—their sad winter of grief shared together without the complication of Levi’s presence.
“Let’s bow our heads for grace,” Stephen said, and Rosmanda bowed.
Rosmanda ate in silence while Stephen and Miriam chatted about that stallion that Levi had named Donkey, the calves being born, and whether or not they should buy a few more hens for the coop. Susanna and Hannah got their fingers messy with mashed potatoes, and Rosmanda choked back as much of the meal as she could, which didn’t turn out to be much. Her mind wasn’t on the delicious food, it was on that kiss.
Her in-laws ate at a leisurely pace, and Rosmanda attempted to get her daughters to eat some mashed potatoes and gravy, but most of it ended up on their faces and smeared across their bibs. They’d have their bottles later. They were still young for solid food, although some playing in their plates was the beginning of the process.
“I’m worried about Levi,” Miriam said, and Rosmanda’s attention returned to the conversation.
“He’s fine,” Stephen replied.
“Is he?” Miriam shook her head. “He won’t talk about the accident. I tried to talk with him earlier, and . . . Shouldn’t he talk about it?”
“Maybe he’d rather not,” Stephen said. “Not all men want to talk.”
Miriam sighed. “We should have tried harder to have him spend more time at home. I know he and Wayne were at odds, but we should have done more as their parents to mend fences.”
Rosmanda dropped her gaze. She should have done more as Wayne’s wife, for that matter.
“I’ll clean up,” Rosmanda said, rising, but as she did, she heard the rattle of a buggy pulling past the house.
“Rosmanda,” Miriam said gently. “There is no rush. You need to eat. For your girls, at the very least. You need your strength. If they get fussy, I’ll take care of them. But I’m asking you to sit here and eat a meal.”
“Yah, and eat a piece of pie afterward,” Stephen added sternly. She looked down the table at her father-in-law, and his expression softened. “Or two pieces. It’ll do you good. Get some meat on your bones.”
Miriam got up and looked out the window. “Yah, that’s Levi back. It’s early. I thought he’d said he’d eat out?”
“Maybe he changed his mind,” Stephen replied.
Miriam brightened. “Well, we certainly have food.”
So he’d come back . . . Rosmanda found her heart speeding up a little bit at the prospect. It had been good of him to go away for the day—it showed that he knew just how big of a mistake that kiss had been—but she still wanted to see him.
Was that her moral weakness shining through? Or just her nat
ural inclination toward the wrong kind of men? Her husband had been dead for half a year, and she was already having the same problems. She didn’t want to be this woman who allowed herself to get stirred up over a man she knew was wrong for her. She wanted to have strength and fortitude. She wanted her mind to be stronger than her desires. She had to be an example of the kind of woman she wanted her own daughters to be . . . wise, strong, good.
Whatever attraction she was feeling with Levi didn’t fit in with that. Maybe the others were right, and she’d be safest married off again.
Hannah and Susanna started to squirm in their seats, and Rosmanda took another big bite to finish off her plate of food and turned toward her babies. Miriam always offered to do more, but Rosmanda knew just how tired her mother-in-law was, especially when she gratefully allowed Levi to help out in her place so that she could get some rest. No, the offer was meant in kindness, but Rosmanda couldn’t continue being a burden on these people.
Rosmanda chewed as she went to get a cloth to wipe off those potato-covered hands, and as she turned back toward the table with the wet cloth, the side door opened and Levi came inside. She felt some heat in her cheeks, and she swallowed quickly—too quickly, because it felt like a lump moving down her chest. Levi smiled at his parents, and then his gaze landed on her for a couple of beats. He didn’t say anything, and she dropped her gaze, moving to wipe her daughters’ fingers.
“You’re back,” Miriam said with a smile. “Just in time. Everything is still on the table.”
“Yah, it smells great,” Levi said. The door shut behind him, and Rosmanda could see the form of another man behind him in the mudroom. A friend? “I brought someone home, Mamm.”
“There’s plenty of food,” Miriam said.
Rosmanda put her attention into wiping her daughters’ chubby faces, and when she glanced up, Levi’s friend stepped past him and into the kitchen, and for a heartbeat, she didn’t recognize him with the beard. But then her heart hammered to a stop, and the kitchen tilted and spun.
“I’m . . . a friend from Morinville,” Jonathan said, reaching out to shake Stephen’s hand.
“I’m Stephen Lapp—Morinville, you say? Rosmanda’s town?”
“Yah.” He turned toward Rosmanda and shot her an easy smile. “How are you? Sorry to surprise you like that. Do you need to sit down? You look a little pale.”
She did, in fact, need to sit, and Rosmanda sank into the chair next to her daughters. She sucked in a stabilizing breath as her mind spun to catch up.
“How did you find me?” she asked weakly.
“It’s the funniest story,” Jonathan said, and he chuckled in preparation for it. “I wrote you that letter, and I didn’t hear back. We were worried, you know. It had been so long since we saw you. Anyway, I took a bus out to Abundance, and the first place I started asking around for you, Levi here walked right in and said you lived with his family.”
“That sounds like providence to me,” Stephen said.
“That’s just what I said!” Jonathan smiled again. “And I’m glad to see you, Rosmanda. You look well.”
That wasn’t true. She didn’t look well, and she knew it. But he was lying in more than that. His easy smile, his talk of providence . . . he wasn’t acting like a man who’d just abandoned his family.
“Did you get his letter?” Miriam asked, turning toward Rosmanda. “Was that the one that came the other day?”
She smiled weakly. “Yes, but I didn’t answer because a visit wouldn’t have been convenient—”
“It’s no bother,” Miriam said. “Rosmanda, really. Your friends are our friends. If you’d only told me, we could have made plans.”
Jonathan wasn’t her friend in the strictest sense, and she’d made a mistake in communicating with him at all. Rosmanda looked at him hesitantly.
“Sit down and have something to eat,” Miriam said. “Both of you! You must be frozen from that rain tonight, and there is plenty of roast left.”
For the next few minutes Rosmanda cleaned her daughters’ places at the table, and then scooped them up in her arms, holding them close. She felt the threat in the room as palpably as if it were a snake winding around her ankles. She wanted her babies as far from this man as possible, and yet she was terrified to leave the room, unsure of what he’d say.
In the letter he’d said he was coming to declare his feelings for her—had he changed his mind?
“Rosmanda—”
She startled and found her mother-in-law at her side.
“Dear, are you all right?” Miriam asked.
“Yes,” Rosmanda said, forcing some brightness to her tone. “Surprised is all.”
“Let me get the girls washed up and start their bottles,” Miriam said. “Your friend has come a long way to see you, and I suspect he wants to be able to report back to your daet that you’re doing well. Spend a little time with him. He seems like a decent, married man who is very likely helping your father to find out how you are.”
Jonathan might be married, but he wasn’t decent, and Rosmanda could say nothing without giving herself away.
“Come to Mammi, little one,” Miriam said, holding her arms out for the girls. Susanna reached back, but Hannah clung to Rosmanda’s dress.
Miriam took Susanna in her arms, shifted her to one hip, and held out her other arm expectantly. Handing her babies over to let their grandmother help—it was the most reasonable thing in the world, but nothing tonight was reasonable. And her mother-in-law was right, albeit more right than she realized. Rosmanda needed to deal with Jonathan herself, and head-on. She needed to get rid of him before he did any damage to her reputation.
“Go to Mammi, Hannah,” Rosmanda said, kissing her daughter’s cheek. “Mamm will come soon to cuddle you, okay? Go with Mammi.”
Rosmanda unlatched Hannah’s grip, and as the baby started to wail, Miriam whisked them both up the stairs. Hannah’s cries subsided after a moment or two, and Miriam’s cheerful voice filtered down the stairs toward them. Her daughters were fine. Rosmanda steeled herself and turned toward the table where the men were talking amongst themselves.
“How long have you been married?” Stephen asked.
“Nine years now,” Jonathan said.
“He’s married to my older sister’s best friend,” Rosmanda cut in. “Her name is Mary, and she’s a good woman.”
Jonathan paused, eyeing her for a moment. Stephen shot Rosmanda a look of surprise.
“Rosmanda. The man was talking,” her father-in-law remonstrated.
Rosmanda pinched her lips shut. Yes, when the men spoke, the women stayed silent. What happened when the men lied?
“Rosmanda is right,” Jonathan said. “We all knew each other . . . rather well.”
Rosmanda picked up some empty plates and began to stack them at one end of the table.
“But I want to know about Rosmanda,” Jonathan said, turning toward her. “Your daughters are very sweet.”
“Thank you.” She reached for Levi’s plate this time, and when she looked up, she found his dark gaze locked on her face. But unlike his father, he wasn’t judging her tartness. He looked perplexed, and a little worried, and as she reached for the plate, his finger brushed against hers.
Rosmanda was tired of playing this game already. She didn’t want Jonathan under this roof tonight, and it would have to be his choice to leave, because her in-laws would hospitably host him otherwise.
“Jonathan, I assume that you want to speak with me about something,” Rosmanda said, wiping her hands on a cloth. “After coming all this way to see me . . .”
“I do, actually.” Jonathan glanced toward Stephen.
“Why don’t you go talk in the sitting room?” Stephen suggested.
Rosmanda shot her father-in-law a grateful smile, hoping to set everyone’s minds at ease.
“Thank you, Daet,” she said. “Jonathan, shall we?”
She was taking control of the situation in a rather unfeminine way, but she wasn’
t looking to impress Jonathan on her femininity. She wanted to chase him out. But all the same, she waited for him to go ahead of her into the sitting room, and she followed him at a polite distance. She’d find some way to explain herself to her father-in-law later, but she had to face the threat first.
“Daet, do you want some tea?” Levi asked, and Rosmanda glanced at Levi catching that same cautious, perplexed gaze following her.
Rosmanda didn’t hear her father-in-law’s response as she entered the sitting room. Jonathan stood on the opposite side, as far from the kitchen as he could get. Good—she didn’t want their conversation overheard, either.
“I got your letter,” Rosmanda said softly. “And the answer is no.”
“Rosie—” He reached for her, and she slapped his hand away. He recoiled, eyeing her with a mixture of anger and surprise.
“Don’t touch me,” she hissed. “You are married, Jonathan. What do you expect? You have five kinner! You have a life. I don’t know why you’d even come to me . . .”
“Rosmanda,” he said, but his tone was more cautious this time. “What we felt—it was real.”
“You married her, Jonathan.”
“I was forced—”
“You got her pregnant!” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “You lied to me! You told me that your engagement was a little too pure, that you felt more like a fond brother than anything else. But she was pregnant before you got married, and you know how that happened.”
Jonathan chewed the side of his cheek. “She should have stopped me.”
“Yah? Like I’m doing now?” Rosmanda stepped closer so that she could keep her voice low. “You need to leave.”
“Not yet,” he replied. “I’ve surprised you. You’re upset. But if I can’t tell you how I feel about you, at least, I think I’ll go crazy.”
“I don’t want you here. You came for me, and I’m not interested. Get out.” It seemed simple enough to her. He’d asked in his letter if she loved him still, and this was her answer.
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