Maelstrőm

by Michelle Love

  His voice sounded a million miles away…finally, Sarah let go and let the darkness come.

  Isaac drove until he was almost at her house and then killed the lights. He sat in the car for a moment, arguing with himself. This is so fucked up. He dropped his head into his hands but after a beat, got out of the car and walked the half mile or so to Sarah’s old house. When one of the coffee house regulars had told him that he saw Dan pick her up and drive off in the direction of the house, his heart had clenched with every emotion. There were no lights on at the front of the house but he could see light spilling out from the back door. The muscles in Isaac’s jaw clenched. He walked slowly around the side of the house but stopped when he saw the light in the living room. Dan was there, with Sarah. He couldn’t see her face but from Dan’s reaction, she was talking to him. About you, schmuck, he told himself. Isaac swallowed down the anger in him but couldn’t tear his eyes away. God…what he would give to turn back the clock, to tell Sarah about the kid right at the start. When Clare had told him she was pregnant, he had been straight with her. He would pay generously for the child’s support, give him a substantial trust fund – give Clare money for herself – but he didn’t want to be a part of her or the child’s life. When he saw the child – Billy - today, all he could think was – you should be Sarah’s child – Sarah’s and mine. The look on Sarah’s face when she realized the truth he would never forget. He’d broken her heart, her fragile trust. He gazed at her through the window, her back to him, the dark hair tangled down her back, the slumped shoulders telling him she was crying. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…

  Then Dan seemed to look straight at him. Isaac’s stomach lurched as he watched Sarah’s ex-husband smirk, reach out and stroke Sarah’s cheek tenderly, possessively. Isaac wanted to beat the shit out of him right there but the next moment his heart cracked open as Sarah lay down and Dan followed her, covering her body with his. Isaac lurched away from the scene but not before he saw Dan’s hands in her hair, his mouth against her skin. Isaac stumbled back to his car and sped back into town, blinded by pain. He stopped the car outside the Varsity and let the grief take over. He sobbed into his hands, not caring if anyone saw him

  Dan could have laughed out loud. The dumb billionaire had been sneaking around outside the window, watching them, and then the drug kicked in and Sarah had passed out into his arms. What it must have looked like! He’d played it up, kissing her, hiding the fact she was out cold. The anguish on Isaac’s face. Dan smiled. He listened to the faint sound of Isaac’s car starting and speeding away. Sarah was limp in his arms. He picked her up, kissing her gently and carried her up to his bed.

  For a time, he just sat with her, watching her then he returned to the living room. He picked up Sarah’s half empty mug of hot chocolate and took it into the kitchen. He washed it carefully, making sure the residue of the drug was gone. Ketamine. He smiled to himself. Everything had gone perfectly. It had been such a finely balanced plan but one he knew that if they pulled it off, it would feel victorious. It did. He grabbed his cell phone and texted Caroline. You did well. I won’t forget it.

  A second later. What now?

  So impatient but Dan grinned. Now I give you your greatest wish.

  He couldn’t wait for the next part.

  Caroline let the drape fall back over the window. She’d heard his car screech to a halt outside the Varsity. She watched Isaac Quinn sob and smiled. Enjoy your misery, you bastard. She rubbed her belly. The baby hadn’t been part of her plan but now it was coming. Caroline Jewell wasn’t used to feeling like this for someone else. Her baby. Dan’s baby. And the added bonus of the look on that bitch’s face when she’d announced her beloved husband’s love child to the whole coffee shop. The look on Quinn’s face. It had been almost as if she could hear his heart breaking. Caroline went into the kitchen and grabbed the bowl of popcorn from the microwave. She put a kernel in her mouth, rolling her tongue around the salt, feeling the nausea of pregnancy fade. Walking back into the living room, she pulled the curtain back again, sat down on the sill and watched as Isaac Quinn wept for his lost love.

  The incessant beeping of her cell phone broke through the heavy veil of sleep. Sarah, eyes closed, pawed about the bed trying to locate it and closed her hand around her purse. She opened her eyes and stared up at the familiar ceiling. For a second, she was discombobulated then she remembered and the pain flooded back.

  To distract herself, she flicked her phone on. Big mistake. Every text was from either Isaac begging her to talk to him or Molly, frantic, asking her if she was okay. She swung her legs over the side of the bed and pulled the robe on over her underwear.

  Sarah went downstairs and into the kitchen. Her eyes were wary when she saw Dan sitting at the table, reading the paper. He looked up and smiled.

  “Hey, look who’s up.” He stood and kissed her cheek. “How are you feeling?”

  She gave him a small smile. “Better. Dan, I don’t understand what…what time is it?” She looked out of the window at the dusk.

  He laughed and glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly nine p.m. Wednesday.”

  She sat down with a bump, astonished. “Wednesday?”

  He smiled and got up to pour her some coffee. “You were exhausted and I think you caught a virus. You threw up a few times. You didn’t want me to call a doctor so I just stayed here and looked after you.”

  She sipped the hot coffee. “Thank you, that was very kind. I don’t remember any of this.”

  She didn’t see the smirk on Dan’s face; when she looked up, his expression was one of concern.

  She tried to smile at him. “Dan, this is wrong…I shouldn’t be here. Of all places, I shouldn’t be here. I need to talk to Isaac. Need to sort this out one way or another.”

  Dan nodded. “As you wish.” She studied him, trying to gauge whether he was being genuine or not. He smiled at her. “Can I ask one favor?”

  “Of course.”

  He took a deep breath in. “Get well first, get strong. Spend the next couple of days with me. We’ll just talk things out. End things between us the way I should have handled it two years ago. I need closure, Sarah. Then go back and try and sort out what you want.”

  Sarah was bemused. This Dan…she’d never seen him like this. His wild swings in personality should concern her, she knew, but at this particular moment, she’d take this conciliatory, friendly version. It was one less battle to fight.

  “Okay,” she said slowly. “Deal. But I need to phone Isaac at least. And Molly. She’s probably going crazy. God…my clothes.”

  Dan smiled. “There’s some boxes with your stuff that you must have forgotten in your haste to get away from me – I mean – the house. They’re in the guest room.”

  She stood. “I guess I’ll go shower.” She hesitated before leaving the kitchen. “Thanks, Dan. I mean it, thanks for being…a friend.”

  He raised his coffee mug to her and she smiled.

  Upstairs, she found her clothes in the guest room – and saw that the bed was rumpled. So Dan had slept here. Sarah let out a huge sigh of relief. Thank God. She had been so out of it that she didn’t know how she got to bed – and if he had slept beside her. She was touched he hadn’t crossed that line.

  She showered, changed into an oversized t-shirt and washed out her underwear in the sink.

  Going into her old bedroom, she shut the door and grabbed her phone.

  Molly answered straight away. “Are you okay?”

  Even hearing her voice made Sarah want to cry. “I’m okay…I just got sick. Needed some space.”

  Molly let out a long breath. “Isaac’s staying here, with us. He’s a wreck, Sarah.”

  The tears did fall then. “Mols…I just…” A sob escaped.

  “Oh sweetheart.” Molly sounded upset. Sarah took a deep breath in.

  “Am I making too a big a deal of this?”

  “The fact your husband chose not to mention the child he had with his ex-wife? The child that’s s
till in diapers?” Her voice had a hard tone even though she’d lowered it. “No, Sarah, you have every right to be angry. After everything you’ve been through in your life, you thought Isaac was the steady rock you needed.”

  “But…” Sarah finished for her.

  “But yes, you need to talk. Don’t get me wrong, I want you two to sort out your problems and I might be mad as hell at Isaac but I do love him – because I know he loves you. Avoiding the issue isn’t helping. And, Sarah, what the hell are you thinking staying with Dan, of all people? Jesus…” Molly bit off her words.

  Sarah waited a moment before speaking softly. “Mols…Dan’s been…kind. Really kind.”

  Molly half laughed. “Sure we’re talking about the same Dan Bailey?”

  Sarah had to chuckle about that. “I know. He’s like how he was when we met.”

  Molly sighed. “That Dan didn’t last that long, remember? Just be careful. Look, I think I need to come see you and then we can work on getting you and Isaac in the same room. You need some time alone.” She lowered her voice again. “There’s a billionaire on my couch. Mike says that’s the start of a really bad reality t.v. show.”

  Sarah laughed. “I love you. Yes, come, in the morning. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “What shall I tell Isaac?”

  The mere sound of his name made her want to cry. “Tell him…we’ll talk soon. I can’t say more than that.”

  “That’s enough for now, sweetie. He’ll be glad to hear anything.”

  Sarah squeezed her eyes shut. “I love him, Mols, I just don’t know if I can forgive him.”

  Getting into bed a few minutes later, she heard Dan come up the stairs. She heard him pause outside her room, saw the shadow of his feet in the strip of light under the door. A second later the light went out and she heard the door to his room close. She let out the breath she’d been holding, realizing she’d been so tense all evening, her whole body ached. She stared up the ceiling trying to clear her mind. Molly’s words came back to her. You need some time alone. She realized then the feeling of release those words had given her. She loved Isaac and whatever their problems, they would sort them out. Tomorrow, she decided, tomorrow she would begin to change her life, to get back to who she wanted to be, not who everyone thought she was or thought she should be. What she was scared of becoming, terrified of becoming. A woman who ran away from her problems. A woman like her mother. She pushed that thought away as she let the hammering rain lull her into sleep.

  “Fucker wouldn’t let me see her.” Molly told him the moment she drove back from Sarah’s house. She’d driven to the house as soon as Mike left for work and had returned almost immediately, angry.

  “What?” Isaac, drawn, exhausted, wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. He hadn’t slept at all. Molly had seen him sobbing in his car outside the Varsity and had come to him, leading him gently into the house. She could think of nothing to say that would comfort him. He’d apologized over and over to her, told her the whole story, and berated himself for screwing up so badly.

  He’d lain on her couch for the last few nights, not wanting to go back to the apartment in the city – not without Sarah. He kept picturing Dan Bailey touching her and wanted to go back and punch the crap out of him. When he came into the kitchen that first morning, Mike and Molly had made him welcome, kept the talk light in front of their kids who stared at Isaac as if he were an alien. He knew he must look scary, he felt like crap. Mike had taken the kids with him when he left for work and Molly had volunteered to go talk to Sarah.

  Isaac got up, pushed the chair back. “I’m going over there.”

  Molly body-blocked him. “No. That’s a mistake. Sarah’s not ready to see you.”

  Isaac threw up his hands. “Then tell me what to do! I don’t know anymore. The one thing I want in this world is to see her, apologize, and get her back. Get back to our lives. Saul is covering for me again at work.”

  “Then go back to work. Make that part of your life run normally. Don’t mope. You’re Isaac Quinn, for the love of God. Let Sarah see that you’re keeping the fabric of your lives together. She’ll feel more inclined to come back to a life that hasn’t fallen into tatters.”

  Isaac gave her a warm smile. “Molly, I wish you had been my sister.”

  She rolled her eyes, flushing. “Lord god, I don’t need another brother.”

  “Where is Finn? I haven’t seen him since our wed…” He broke off. Molly rubbed his arm.

  “Finn’s regrouping. As should you. Go, get out of here. It’ll be okay in the end.”

  “You think?”

  “I know.”

  Sarah called Isaac three days later. They talked in halting voices, both scared to say what they really felt. They arranged to meet a day later, in the city, at a bar they both loved.

  When she saw him, so handsome in his dark suit, her stomach hurt. He looked tired, exhausted and she wanted to run into his arms. His smile when he saw her was wary but still the most beautiful thing to her.

  “Hey,” she said as he stood to greet her. Without speaking, he wrapped his arms around her and held her. God, it felt so good to be in his arms but Sarah made herself step out of the embrace. She smiled to soften the slight. “Let’s sit and talk, Iss.”

  She almost cried when his eyes lit up as she called him by her nickname for him. It had slipped out but it had felt right. He was her Iss, her partner, her love. He was a million miles from the billionaire businessman portrayed in the papers.

  “I missed you,” she said, “And I know I have no right to say that because I ran away. I’m sorry I didn’t give a chance to explain about…the child.”

  Isaac took her hand. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. It was my screw-up. Yes, the child, Billy, is mine, Clare didn’t tell me that she was pregnant until after he was born. I took a paternity test to confirm it. I told her I would support her and the child but that I had no intention of being in her life. It sounds heartless but…I had just met you. If I was going to have kids, I wanted them to be with you. I was selfish and stupid. Sarah, before you came along and showed me what was really important, I lived the life of a billionaire. Any problems went away with enough money thrown at them. Clare was one.”

  Sarah sucked in a deep breath. “I guess there’s a ton of stuff we didn’t know about each other.”

  Isaac smiled wryly. “Not true. You were always very open with me – about some painful, horrific stuff too. You deserved better.”

  She nodded. “You screwed up.”

  “I did and I’m sorry.”

  “Me too.”

  There was a long silence. Isaac looked down at his hands. “Sarah…are you and Dan..?”

  “God, no,” She interrupted, her tone one of horror. “No, definitely not. Isaac, I swear. Nothing happened between me and Dan.”

  She saw his shoulders relax and he smiled a little, but still he frowned.

  “Sarah, I have to ask. What the hell are you doing back there with him? After everything that’s happened?”

  Sarah shrugged. “I needed to be away. He was kind.” Then it hit her, the ridiculousness of her staying with her ex-husband – the same ex-husband who only weeks ago, she’d thought wanted to hurt her. She started to grin.

  “What am I doing?” She shook her head. “God, what a fucking mess.”

  He laughed. “Look, I’ve been an idiot most of my life. Time to grow up.”

  “Same here. Jeez.” She made a face and he laughed.

  He held her hand to his cheek and closed his eyes. “Sarah, for the next minute, I’m gonna say what I feel, no holds barred, because it’s killing me. I need to say it. Fuck the consequences.”

  He opened his eyes and met hers. She nodded, trembling. “Okay.”

  Isaac sighed. “I love you. I love you so fuckin” much. God, I’m so, so sorry for everything that I’ve done, that’s happened, because in a world that’s fair we should be together and hell, Sarah, I’d never let you go ag
ain. Ever. I’d spend every day trying to make you happy. So…” he faltered. “I don’t know any more ways I can express how much you mean to me. I could tell you I love you a million times and it wouldn’t come close.”

  She had tears in her eyes as she took his face in her hands. “You are the reason my heart beats, the reason I breathe in and out every day. You have been since the day you came into the Varsity.” She laughed but her eyes were serious. “Whatever’s has gone on between us before this moment, right here, right now I want you to know that I love you. I have always loved you, even when I’ve been so mad at you I could spit.”

  They both laughed then. “I’m serious…these past few months have been, damn, horrifying, sickening. But when I think of what we have all lost… …I won’t lose you, especially not over past mistakes. Please just…never lie to me about anything again, even if you think it will hurt, or scare, or anger me. Please. Promise me that and I’m yours.”

  “God, yes, I promise, Sarah, I promise…”

  He kissed her then, pouring every ounce of longing into the embrace. She pulled him closer wanting to sink into him, never let him go. Finally, gasping for breath, they broke apart. For the longest moment they just stared at each other.

  “Come home,” Isaac said softly. “Please. Let’s fix this together.”

  She shook her head. “Not yet. A couple more days. I don’t want to crap all over Dan’s goodwill and you need to see your kid.”

  “I…”

  She nodded. “You do. Meet him, see if you want him in your life. If you do, I will be there one hundred percent. It’s not his fault. For me, please. I know what it is to have a parent reject you. And I need to close things out with Dan. I know we’re living here now but I’d rather have him on my side than not, I still have to go to the island and see Molly.”

  She put her hand on his chest.

  “I will come back to you, Isaac, I will. But please, just for a few days, leave me to sort everything out here, tie up the loose ends. Go see your kid. You’ll hate yourself if you don’t. Then come back and I’ll be waiting.”