by Sara Wolf
It was all of those things.
“Alice!” Ranik finally catches up to me, and I look around. My feet have taken me to a hill overlooking the fair, with a lone pine tree on it. It’s peaceful up here. Ranik is out of breath, his eyes almost wounded.
“I’m sorry,” He pants. “I’m sorry I said all that crap. I didn’t mean, I didn’t mean to-”
“No matter how well we get along,” I start. “It wouldn’t work. You’d never want to be tied down to just one woman, and I’d never be able to give you the…to give you the sex you want. Experienced sex. Good sex. I can’t give you that. I don’t even know what it is. I’m too inexperienced to ever be with someone like you, Ranik. And I, I told you – I want love. And you told me you aren’t capable of love, so…so it wouldn’t work. It would never work, no matter how much we like each other.”
I realize my words have devolved to sobs only faintly.
“We have nothing to offer each other, except laughter and friendship.” A strange force twists my heart in my chest, compressing it painfully. “If we weren’t so different, we could’ve been very good, I think. I’m sorry. It’s over, I don’t need your lessons anymore. I don’t need you. You should be free to go, to be with whoever you want. You’re free.”
Ranik furrows his brows. “Why would I wanna be free?”
I hug myself, trying to stop the tears. Ranik moves like he wants to hug me, but holds back for some reason.
“Listen,” He urges gently. “There’s still time. You can go back to Theo, and tell him how you feel yourself. For real. I know I fucked it up, but he really does like you. He’d give you another chance. You have another chance to be happy.”
“I don’t – I don’t want –”
I clutch at my own chest, and Ranik finally gives in, hugging me close.
“Hey, hey, shhhh. It’s okay. Don’t make more worry for yourself.”
“How can I not? When you – when you told me all that stuff at your apartment, about wanting me to be happy –” I look up at him. “I want Theo to be happy because I love him. And you – you want me to be happy because…because –”
“Princess, c’mon,” Ranik pushes back, holding my shoulders. “Just get down to the medical tent already.”
“I’m not r-ready.”
“Nobody’s ever ready,” His chuckle is soft. “But I believe in you. You’ve come a long-ass way, and I’m proud as shit. Any guy would be lucky as sin to have you.”
My twisted heart twists a little too far, and something in it fractures. The pain is instant.
“Hey, whoa, are you okay?” Ranik quickly puts his arms back around me to steady me. “You went crazy white all of a sudden –”
“Why?” I murmur against his neck. “Why did you agree to help me all those weeks ago? Was it for the grades?”
“Well, yeah.” He says. My chest sinks until he resumes talking. “That’s what it was, at first. I needed good grades and pronto. But then –”
His voice chokes off, and he holds me at arms length, his smile bright.
“Look, go on and find Theo, okay. You’ve worked real fuckin’ hard for this moment. Don’t want you to waste it up here with me.”
“But then what?” I ask softly. Ranik’s eyes flash dangerously, but his smile just gets bigger as he nudges me towards the fair again.
“Go on, Princess.”
I plant my feet and whirl around.
“But then what?” I repeat sternly. “Finish your sentence.”
Ranik’s eyes darken. “There ain’t time for that, just get on over there before Grace –”
“I will. I’ll go to the tent and confess to him the moment you finish your sentence.”
Ranik’s hands make fists, and his face drains to white.
“I-It was nothin’,” He stammers. “Forget about it.”
“Stop being cagey!”
“Stop bein’ weird!” he fires back. “I just blurted it, okay? Nothing deep or meaningful behind it! It ain’t important. It ain’t as important as what you gotta do, okay? And once you talk to Theo, it won’t be important at all. So jus’ drop it and go.”
“Then say it now,” I demand. “I want to know. I won’t leave until you do.”
“Fine,” He snorts. “Then I’ll leave.”
He gets four steps before I put my body between him and the fair, all my determined pride slipping away to a plea.
“Please,” I look up at him. “Please, Ranik. What were you going to say?”
Ranik’s face contorts subtly with some internal war in his mind. His fists tighten more, and just as I brace myself for him to shove me aside and leave, he leans in and kisses me. It’s like no other kiss he’s taught me before – the intensity makes it hard to breathe, and his lips gently beg and plead for more skin, more heat, more time. When I try to pull away his hands cup my face and hold me there, captive to his ministrations as he works his lips along my jawline, towards my tender neck, and up to my ear.
“But then,” He murmurs, hoarse. “Then I went crazy. I started thinkin’ about kissing you like people in love do. I started wantin’ to protect you, make you laugh. I started getting crazy jealous of Theo, of any guy you smiled at, ‘cause I wanted that smile pointed at me, too. I wanted you. I wanted your smarts and your dedication and your sweetness and your weird big words and shit, your body. I fucked girls just to try and get you outta my head, but it ain’t never worked. You were always the one I thought about when I came.”
He shakes his head.
“I started wantin’ to help. To make you happy, make you cum, and I got to do that a few times, so I’m real grateful. Guy like me got to make a girl like you happy. Hah. S’more than I deserve.”
He runs his hands slowly down my collarbone, my shoulders, my ribs, resting them on my hips and jerking them towards his own so we’re pressed hard against each other. My inhale is so sharp. Ranik just chuckles.
“I’m mean, aren’t I? Keepin’ you here when you’d rather be at the fair. Makin’ you kiss me instead of kissin’ Theo.” He lets go of my waist. “For what it’s worth, I’m real sorry, Princess. Sorry for not bein’ able to control my dumbass feelin’s.”
“Ranik –”
“Ah ah,” He wags a finger and motions to the fair. “You got shit to do. Go on.”
His words say go, but his forced smile says ‘stay’. Please stay. He’s hiding it as best he can, but I’ve known him for too long not to notice.
Theo is just down that hill, confused. I can finally tell him what I’ve been wanting to for months, now. Every dream and fantasy I’ve had about him is inches away from coming to life. But without Ranik, I would have learned what those fantasies even were.
I turn to Ranik and put on my best smile. “I want to stay here. If that’s alright with you.”
I away just in time for Ranik to pin me against the tree, his mouth hot and eager on my neck. He kisses every inch he can reach, but when he moves for my lips, I turn my face away and smirk.
“Please, Alice,” he groans. “Let me kiss you.”
“You already have,” I singsong. I gasp when he whirls me around and kisses me hard, my lips bruising under his passion.
“You like me?” He asks hoarsely, as if he’s barely daring to believe it himself.
“Is that so hard to believe? You’re kind, and clever,” I say. “And you make me laugh so much, always.”
His fist tightens, and I smile.
“You’ve been nothing but patient with me, with who I am. I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not with you. You know how I work, how I think, and you’re sweet and helpful and I think you’re very handsome and you’re the only one who’s ever liked me. The real me. Robot girl.”
She laughs, and squeezes my hand.
“I feel safe with you. I feel so comfortable around you. I learn so much, everyday, being with you. And you always…always say you want me to be happy. No one else has ever said that. But I know I’m not your type. I’m not good at
sex, I don’t’ know anything, and you deserve someone who is good and has a lot of experience, I think. I’m not interesting, or fun, or sexy, and you deserve a girl who is that and so much more.”
He leans in and kisses me, hard and fast.
“Oh Princess, you don’t worry about nothin’. You’re the greatest girl in the world, and I’m shit lucky to have found you. Or maybe you found me. Dunno. But you gotta trust me. You’re cute and pretty and gorgeous. And you’re sexy as hell.”
“But I don’t –”
His kiss this time is slow, achingly so.
“Sex ain’t all about experience, or bein’ good. I thought I taught you better than that. I’ve…I’ve wanted you for a real long time. And you know don’t give enough credit to those razor-sharp Wells instincts.”
Ranik’s hands roam over my clothes and under where they can, the brush of skin-against-skin filling me with a staticy thrill. I arch my back against his chest, my hips firmly against his crotch, and he lets out a low hiss and leans his forehead against mine, green-gold eyes hooded.
“There’s still time,” He pants. “Get outta here, now, while I still got a bit of control.”
I cup his cheek and kiss him my way, soft and slow. I snake my other hand down and rub against the rock-hard ridge in his jeans.
“No,” I say simply. “Everything I want is right here.”
I don’t know how, but between kisses we make it back to the car. And between more kisses, we make it back to his apartment. The second we’re inside and Ranik’s checked that it’s empty, he pounces on me, pinning me to the wall again. It seems to be his favorite position.
I fight back by sliding my hand down to his tented pants. Ranik gives a soft moan, the sound sending shivers through me. Ranik Mason is moaning because of my touch. It’s a heady and powerful realization. Before I can stop myself, I unzip his fly and pull all eight inches of him out, stroking slowly. He looks down, start at my hand as it works.
“Fuck,” He groans. “Oh fuck, Alice, it’s really you.”
I smile and kiss his neck. “It’s really me.”
His hips buck, eagerly pumping himself through my fingers. All his previous reticence is gone, replaced by a fevered wave of desire. How long had he been holding back? How hard had he worked to his passion for me, from me?
I sink to my knees and smile up at him, still stroking. His green eyes are hazy and look down at me with confusion.
“Come on,” I urge playfully. “Come closer.”
He doesn’t need to be told twice, repositioning his hips with my face. His throbbing cocks juts into my neck, and I laugh and kiss the head. Ranik’s flinching spasm is entirely from pleasure. The sweet must of him wafts up as I lick long lines down his sides, and back up again. His hand twines in my hair, the other bracing himself against the wall. I pepper him with little kisses, and then look up. Ranik’s face is enraptured, tilted towards the ceiling, but when he feels me stop he looks down. He’s silent for a moment, intently drinking the sight of me in. And what a sight I must be.
***
She’s the most gorgeous thing on Earth, and she’s on her knees in front of my cock. Her face is flushed, blue eyes sparkling, and that little smile on her lips pushes me past the boundary of painfully hard and into insanity. She’s happy. She’s enjoying herself on my cock. Alice Wells is with me, and happy about it.
I couldn’t ask for more.
“You look a-awfully please with yourself,” I manage right before she envelopes me in the tight, wet seal of her mouth. It takes everything in me not to start frantically face-fucking her right then and there.
And then it hits me.
This isn’t her night to pleasure me, nosir. It’s the other way around.
I push her away, and she shoots me a confused look as she stands. “Is something – something wrong?”
I pull my jacket and shirt off, and ease her jeans off of her. She laughs as I kiss my way up her thighs and belly, and end up looking into her eyes.
“I’d only want it one way with you, Alice wells. No bullshit. No games. No more girls. None ‘cept you. All of you. From your head to your toes and everything in-between. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
I blush, like what I’m sayin’ is too corny for me to stand. But it doesn’t last long, because Alice smiles up at me.
“I’d like that.”
And then it’s over. I sink my hands beneath her panties and open her, two fingers easing in effortlessly. She gives a soft sigh and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I unbuckle my jeans and let them fall, and she eagerly pulls my boxers down. We both laugh, but she’s not laughing when she sees the full sight of me, and she’s definitely not laughing when my cock rests at her entrance for a split-second, and then sinks deep inside her. She gasps, and I kiss her neck like I’m tryna keep her mind off of it.
“Sorry,” I murmur. “It might –”
“No, I know. It will hurt for but a moment. I’m adjusting very quickly.”
I pull back and smile at her, smoothing her golden hair from her forehead. I lean down and pull her shirt off, unclaspin’ her bra, and to take her mind away from the pain I play with her nipples. She writhes and moans, and when I lean down and suck one she practically bucks. My cock feels her move and I can’t help my achin’ groan.
“Princess, don’t –”
She smirks and bucks her hips again, and again, and my eyes feel like they’re gonna roll back in my skull.
“Call me Alice,” She insists.
“Alice,” I say, lost in relishin’ the incredible tight wetness of her.
“Again,” She demands, rolling her hips this way and that.
“Alice. Alice, Alice, Alice –” I freeze, and force myself through the haze of pleasure to take back control. I pin her hands above her head and smirk. “Nah. Tonight you’ll be saying mine name, Princess.”
My first thrust has her eyes goin’ wide, and the second makes her gasp.
“You okay?” I ask, nervous. I ain’t never been nervous with a girl, but every part of me wants to ravish her and keep her safe at the same time, and it’s confusin’ as hell.
“I’m f-fine,” Her head lolls back as I keep thrustin’. “More. Oh god, Ranik, please, more.”
“As ya wish,” I smirk, and kiss her pretty little mouth.
Epilogue
ONE MONTH LATER
Ranik Mason drives carefully, the exact opposite of what you’d expect from a tattooed, leather-jacket wearing guy like him. But in the narrow, crowded streets of San Francisco as we head towards the state prison, I’m grateful for his safe driving now more than ever.
Ranik shoots me a crooked smile, the sun play luminous havoc with his gold-green eyes.
“You nervous, Princess?”
I absently play with the package in my lap that says TO DAD. I nod.
“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.”
“Well, listen,” He starts. “All you gotta be worried about is any dudes named Hannibal. Don’t go near ‘em. Especially if they’re last name is Lector.”
I roll my eyes, and Ranik stops at a red light. The prison looms in the distance, all gray stone and intimidating height. That’s where my Dad’s been held for the last ten years. That’s where I’ll finally get to see him. My nerves are on the fritz.
Ranik must sense that I’m really worried, because he reaches out and entwines his fingers with mine, bringing them to his lips and kissing them.
“You’re gorgeous, Al. Don’t worry. He’ll see you and be so, so damn proud of the beautiful, amazin’, smart-as-sin girl you’ve become. I promise ya.”
“Is this a lesson on taking compliments?” I tease. Ranik laughs and musses up his hair.
“Only if you want lessons.”
“I do,” I say loftily. “But of a different kind.”
His eyes gleam wickedly. He pulls up to the prison curb, and leans over to kiss me.
“You come back soon, you hear? We’ve got a whole city to explore.”<
br />
“Do we? I just thought we were here to trash the hotel room.”
Ranik laughs. “I’ll be back for you in an hour. Go get ‘em.”
I get out and wave. When I can’t see him anymore, I swallow my nerves and walk up to the gate. A prison guard tips his hat at me.
“Evening, ma’am. You here for visiting hours?”
“Yes. Bernard Wells, if you please.”
“Ah, you’re his daughter, then. He talks a lot about you. We were wondering when you’d come visit.”
“I wasn’t ready until now,” I say. The guard nods.
“I understand that. Just glad you’re here at all.”
“It took a long time,” I glance back once at the road. “But all the best things do.”
Acknowledgments
~To my wonderful, beautiful, talented friends and comrades in writing; Sarah, Laura, and all my LBs. Thank you so much for everything you do.
~To the incredibly fantastic bunch of lady-authors who inspired me to go down this self-pub road; Kelli Maine, Katie Ashley, Emily Snow, and Michelle Valentine. You guys are so incredibly nice and supportive. Thank you a thousand times.
~To the fans: You are the most amazing, loveliest people I’ve ever had the joy to meet. Thank you for all your support and I hope to continue writing forever for you!
~To the community – you guys ROCK. Book bloggers, reviewers, tour organizers, you are all the bee’s fucking knees!
About the Author
Sara Wolf is the author of LOVELY VICIOUS, FEAR ME NOT, and the ARRANGED series. She’s addicted to the Vampire Diairies, loves chocolate and romantic angst, and can’t get enough of damaged heroes. For additional books, news, teasers, and giveaways, visit her at sarawolfbooks.blogspot.com or facebook.com/sara.wolf.3304
