by Sara Wolf
Speaking of Ranik, Miranda is walking towards me, pink hair ablaze in the pristine autumn sun. She shrugs her backpack onto the other shoulder and smirks.
“Hey there, genius.”
“Miranda,” I nod. “How have you been?”
“Better, now that Ranik ain’t a bitchy mess.”
“He was bitchy?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Miranda rolls her eyes. “And when he’s bitchy, he makes the house damn unliveable. Anyway, thanks for whatever you did. It cheered him up real quick.”
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Sure,” She laughs. “Whatever. I heard you invited him to the fair tonight. You know what you’re gonna wear yet?”
I shrug. “A dress? My mom bought me some –”
“Dress? From your Mom?” Miranda laughs. “Oh, c’mon, we can do better than that. Tonight’s special. You looked good in my stuff, you know. You should give it another try.”
“Really? You think so?”
“Of course!”
“It’s hard not to look incredibly sexy in black,” I agree. Miranda punches my shoulder.
“See? You get it. So it’s a deal. I’ll drop some of my stuff off at your dorm-room tonight, alright?”
“Yeah. That’d be great. Thanks, Miranda.”
“No problem,” She winks, and takes off across the quad.
***
I nervously sift through the pile of black, skull-patterned clothes Miranda dropped off for me. Charlotte’s gone for the night, so I have the dorm room to myself. I try on shirts, skirts, dresses, and finally settle on a black ruffle skirt and spaghetti strap top. It’s very not my style, but I feel like a change will be refreshing. Maybe it will get Theo’s attention.
I shake my head. He’ll notice me if he has half a brain. I look at myself in the mirror. My hair is in two braids, and my makeup is minimal, but I do put on lipgloss – Charlotte’s, and strawberry-flavored. With two black ribbons in my hair and a big jacket, my outfit is complete.
I stare at myself for a few minutes – my, how I’ve changed. What would the old me think of this new me, a me who’s confident, who smiles more? A me who isn’t afraid as she used to be of failing?
My phone buzzes, Ranik’s number on it.
yo, u ready princess? lets go
I smile at myself one last time in the mirror, grab my phone and wallet, and leave.
***
Ranik keeps glancing at me sideways as he drives. I finally laugh.
“Is there something on my face?”
He shakes his head, hand gripping the steering wheel harder. He’s wearing a blue flannel, and a pair of dark jeans. His grin is as crooked as his messy bangs.
“Nah. You just look…nice.”
“Thank you, good sir.”
“I just…” He pauses. “I’m just worried Theo ain’t gonna like it. He’s not gonna like you bringing me, either.”
“I already talked to him about it. He’s fine with it.”
“Really?” Ranik quirks a brow.
“Really.” I pat his hand on the clutch. “Besides, who cares what he thinks.”
He shoots me a disbelieving look. “Are you serious?”
“Yes.” I roll down the window, the cold air offsetting the beautiful, fiery sunset painting the city in shadow. The wind whips a few strands of hair over my face, and I revel in the feeling of it. “Tonight feels special.”
“It’s already special,” he says. “With you asking me out and all. Once in a lifetime miracle, pretty much.”
I smirk. “Don’t be stupid. You’ve earned it, after playing chauffer for Mom and I all last week.”
“Yanno, once you get past the raging bitch outer shell, she’s actually kinda tolerable. Sounds familiar.”
I flip him off and he laughs. The silence that follows is almost comforting, almost…normal, like there’s a semblance of peace between us. And there is. How can there not be? Ranik’s done nothing but help me, and be kind to me. At the beginning I wasn’t nice to him at all, but he’s been steadfast and gentle for our entire working relationship.
Working relationship? I think as he pulls into the fair parking lot. The silhouette a of fairy-light laden ferris wheel and a glittering roller coaster called THE DEVIL’S MOUTH stand out against the trees. The smell of hot, fried dough and crisp sugar is a nectar that lures us ever closer to the fair. The line is big, but not huge. Ranik gets in line for tickets, and I stand with him.
“I’ll pay,” I say automatically.
“What? No way,” he scoffs. “My treat.”
“You treated me to all those dinners, though! I have to pay you back somehow.”
“Oh, I’m sure you’ll think of a way,” He nudges me, pointing at a smooching couple against the fence.
“Gross,” I snap. “In your freaking dreams.”
He just chuckles and buys a string of tickets for the both of us. I take them begrudgingly, but Ranik doesn’t notice, scanning the crowd instead.
“When did they say they’d be here?”
“Around eight,” I answer. “But, c’mon. That’s a half-hour away. Let’s go kill some time with the rides.”
“When did you get so rebellious?” He laughs. “What happened to the punctual, never-budge-from-the-rules Alice we all know and love?”
I blush. “Shut up. You don’t love me.”
“I do,” His smile reaches his eyes, all the irreverent flippancy gone from his soft expression. I barely dare to breathe. But the seriousness isn’t real and it doesn’t last long, because he musses my hair up.
“Kidding, just kiddin’. Don’t look so sad. C’mon, rides it is. Just don’t make me go on the Spewer more than twice, okay?”
“I don’t know any of these,” I look around in awe. “Mom never let me go to a fair. You show me the ropes, teacher.”
An old couple overhears me, and giggles, shooting knowing glances at us. Ranik scratches his neck, embarrassed.
“Alright, alright. Just don’t call me that in public.”
I follow him through the games alley, where he shows me the rigged monstrosities such as the dart-balloon game, the milk-bottle ringtoss, and the goldfish scooping game. I observe the physics of each and inform him of the exact calculated probabilities of winning, but Ranik just laughs it off and plays dart-balloon anyway.
“If you could have any of those up there,” He motions at a row of stuffed animals. “Which one would you want?”
My eyes flicker over the red panda, but I set my lip stubbornly.
“None of them. They’re all googly-eyed.”
Ranik smirks and squints, throwing a dart that hits a 20 point balloon right in the middle. He throws another, and it misses the 20 point balloon, but lands on the ten point instead. Another, and it hits a twenty. The last one sails right past the tens and hits a last twenty, and the booth guy and I gape at each other.
“Do you even know how low the chances were of that happening?” I demand as Ranik picks out a stuffed animal. “The aerodynamics alone should’ve been enough to –”
He shoves the red panda in my hands.
“Ahh, stuff it.”
The pun falls dead between us. I stamp my foot.
“I don’t know whether I want to punch you for that, or laugh!” I snap. He laughs for the both of us.
A plate of funnel cake and two slushies later, and I’m sufficiently pumped full of enough sugar to consider a ride that’s taller than the merry-go-round. Ranik and I go on the Pharaoh, a massive centrifugal-force centered ride, and the thrill of feeling my stomach try to jump out of my mouth is almost enough to make me forget just how high up we are. When we get off, I notice the red nail marks on Ranik’s hand.
“Oh my god, are those from me?”
Ranik looks up from choosing another ride, and then looks down at his hand.
“Well, crap. I didn’t even notice you were grippin’ that hard. Heights make me hells nervous, too.”
“You’re bleeding,�
�� I whisper, and look wildly around. “Come on. We have to find a medical tent.”
He complains, but eventually he lets me drag him to a medical tent. They give us a few band-aids and I insist on applying a cream of Neosporin myself. As my finger runs over the cuts I made, Ranik’s fingers appear under my chin. He lifts it up, his gold-green eyes flickering with the warm lights of the carnival as they meet mine.
I try to break the tension with a too-high whisper.
“Y-You’re bleeding,” I say.
“And you’re beautiful,” He murmurs. “Fuck me, Alice, you’re so damn beautiful –”
“Alicceeee!” A cheery voice pierces between us as Grace, in a blue-green sundress and a cat beanie, runs up to the tent. “There you are! We’ve been looking all over for you!”
Theo walks up lazily behind her, in a sweater and a comfy-looking pair of jeans. His gold hair is brushed to the side, the sunset reflections making it look rosy. When he gets close enough, he nods coolly at Ranik, who nods back.
“Theo,” Ranik says. “Nice to see you. Try to leave some ladies for us mortal beings tonight, will ya?”
“He’s not a god or anything!” Grace pouts, grabbing his arm. “He’s just a big idiot.”
“I thought I was a ‘moron’,” Theo chuckles. Grace sniffs.
“Whatever! It’s the same thing. So, what ride did you guys wanna go on first?”
“Well, we got bored,” I say. “So we already tried the Pharaoh –”
Grace gives a dying screech. “Nooo! Ugh, you guys are so fucking lame.”
“We haven’t tried the Devil’s Mouth yet, though,” Ranik offers. “Figured if we were going to hell, more would make it merrier.”
“Devil’s Mouth it is, then,” Theo says. “Lead the way.”
Ranik and Grace skip ahead, while I hang back with Theo. He smiles at me.
“You certainly look…different tonight.”
“I borrowed a friend’s wardrobe,” I say. “I like it.”
“Oh. Well, if you like it, you work it, gurl.” He puts on an accent and snaps his fingers. I roll my eyes. Grace yells at us from the front of the line, waving with Ranik, but we can barely hear her over the din of the crowd. Theo shouts ‘what’ a lot, but Grace and Ranik finally give up and go into the same roller coaster seat. That leaves Theo and I. The line dwindles, filling up the coaster, until finally Theo and I are seated in the back. Together. I feel a soft butterfly start to beat in my stomach, but when I look over to Theo to make small talk, he’s just staring at the back of Grace’s head in the front with a horribly angry look on his face. His hands grip the bar in front of us with white knuckles.
“Um, Theo?” I ask. “Are you okay?”
“What?” He looks over at me, the anger almost completely disappearing. “Yeah, no, I’m fine. Just a little nervous.”
“It’s okay. I estimated the length of track from the top of the Pharaoh. This coaster can only last approximately forty-eight point three seconds, if we do two rounds.”
The coaster jolts to life, and I see Ranik turn around. He shoots me a terrified ‘oh shit we’re actually on a roller coaster called The Devil’s Mouth help me’ look. I give him a thumbs up, and he rolls his eyes in a ‘you ain’t very helpful way’.
And it’s then I lose my mind. And my funnel cake.
Having never been on a roller coaster before, I could only extrapolate what it would be like from knowing how fast cars travel. But I hadn’t taken into account the twists, and turns, and the upside down loop-de-loops. Ranik is yelling like a crazy maniac, Grace is screaming shrill and loud, and Theo is silently gripping the bar for dear life. I throw my hands up and whoop the entire way.
Dizzy, exhausted, yet pumped full of adrenaline, we decide another round is in order. Except Theo doesn’t want to go, and Grace won’t go on without him. So it’s just Ranik and I, in the very front seat. The ride worker lowers the bar over us, and Ranik smirks at me.
“You ready, Princess?”
I nudge his knee with mine.
“Affirmative.”
Chapter 11
The night sky grows deeper and darker, the stars glowing ever more brilliantly with the contrast. There’s no moon, but the lights of the fair are more than enough to see by. They practically blind us as the four of us stagger through the food court portion of the fair. Armed with nachos, corndogs, and frozen margaritas, we find a soft spot in the grass to collapse in.
Ranik takes the frozen margarita from me, and dumps it in a nearby trashcan.
“Heeyyy,” I groan. “What was that for?”
“You’ve had enough,” Ranik smirks as he sits back down next to me. “First time drinking, you gotta go slow.”
“But I like it,” I say. “And it likes me.”
“It’s not the only thing that likes you,” Grace singsongs. “Ranik’s been looking at your butt all night.”
“Nu-uh!” He defends eloquently. “Shut up!”
“Hey!” Theo stands up, that strange, sudden fury in his eyes again, amplified by the fact he’s been drinking, too. “Don’t you tell her to shut up, Ranik.”
Ranik stands, coolly shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Oh, give it a rest with the crusade against me, man,” he sighs. “It was six years ago. Can’t you just let one girl go? You’ve already got tons tripping over themselves to get at you.”
“You have…no idea,” Theo breathes heavily, balling his fist. “You took her from me, Ranik!”
“She left you, idiot,” Ranik snaps. “I didn’t take anything from you. She made her own decisions. Don’t blame that on me.”
“What the hell is going on?” Grace frowns. “Is this about that girl in high school, Theo? Was he….oh god, was Ranik the guy who slept with her?”
Theo flinches, and Ranik opens his mouth to defend himself when Theo throws a punch at his jaw. Ranik staggers, and as Theo goes for another punch I step in between them, pushing myself against Theo.
“Hey! Cut it out!”
“I’ve been trying to get past it all these years, but he just keeps coming back,” Theo shouts. “First Stacey, then Rachael. You even got to Alice, you slimy prick! But I won’t let you touch Grace. I won’t let you soil her like you’ve soiled the rest of them -”
Soiled.
My blood goes cold. Theo thinks I’m soiled.
I can’t blink faster than Ranik’s punch. Theo collapses, sprawled across the grass. Grace shrieks and kneels by him, and Theo gives a moan and tries to sit up. Ranik cracks his knuckles.
“You can punch me around,” He says. “You can get mad at me, insult me. But don’t you ever, ever fucking insult Alice, you piece of shit. Do you have any idea –” Ranik’s expression grows pained. “Do you have any idea how fuckin’ hard she’s worked to get you to notice her?”
“Ranik,” I breathe. “Please, stop.”
“What?” Theo spits. “What are you talking about?”
“You wanna know why I’ve ‘soiled’ her?” Ranik laughs. “Why we’ve been hanging out? It’s ‘cause she came to me. She came to me so I could make you like her.”
Grace and Theo both look at me, and I bury my head in my hands. Shame burns my cheeks up in an instant.
“Is that…is that true, Alice?” Theo asks. I nod, unable to deny anything more. “But why him? Why Ranik?”
“Yeah, Princess,” Ranik urges. “Why me? Why not just go to Theo and tell him how you feel? Why pick dirty, angry, ugly me over this golden piece of manmeat over here, huh?”
His word sting more than a slap across my face. Grace helps Theo up, and they limp over to a picnic table a few meters away.
“Why would you ask a reject like me for help,” Ranik presses. “When you could have any guy in school teach you anything you want for free? I guess you just pitied me, huh? You saw me at that pool party and you thought, ‘damn, he looks pathetic, I bet he’d do anything for me’.”
“No, that’s not what I –”
“Because
I would, you know. Do anything for you.”
The confession is abrupt and yanks my heart around in my chest. Grace and Theo move from the picnic table towards the medical tent, and I would watch them go but I can’t, not when my eyes are transfixed to Ranik’s sincere, molten hazel ones. I can’t breathe. I try to stand but I wobble, the margarita making it so hard to even sit upright. But I somehow manage to catapult to my feet and stumble off, away from Ranik. Away from the sincerity in his eyes.
Confusion swirls in my mind, a huge tornado of doubt and uncertainty. I faintly hear Ranik shouting my name, but I keep running between striped tents and food carts.
I love Theo. At least, that’s what I thought. Theo was the most beautiful, intelligent boy I’d met in my life, and the only one who’d ever thought I was tolerable. Most boys were intimidated by me, or called me names. But not Theo. He was the only one with the potential to like me for who I was.
Then came Ranik.
Ranik, just as beautiful as Theo but more savagely so, with his cigarettes and leather jackets. Not smart at school, but smart in a different way, a streetwise way. At first I dismissed him because of his reputation, but during our lessons he treated me with such patience, such gentleness. Introducing someone like me to the world of dating was insanely difficult, but Ranik didn’t bat an eyelash. He went to great lengths to set up lessons, to offer his best wisdom and advice, to help me whenever he could.
That one lesson muddled everything. I muddled everything. He’d kept his end of the bargain, never once making a move on me, but my thirst for learning possessed me better than any ghost, making me push boundaries that shouldn’t have been pushed. Or should they? Was it really just learning I was after? Was I so brave and insistent all because I wanted to learn? Or was it more than that? Was it the sight of Ranik’s lean hips under his shirt, the loneliness in his eyes? Was it his laugh, so bright and jovial even when he was hurting? Was it the way he treated me – for all intents and purposes – like a princess? Was it the kisses, the touching, the sight of him with other women who I could never measure up to?
