~*~
I’m walking back to my truck when my phone rings. Aiden’s name flashes at me. “Hey, I’m on my way back.”
“No, go to the hospital!” Aiden yells all excited. For a second my heart freezes over. “Emma’s in labor. It’s time! Our little girl is coming!”
“I’m on my way, meet you there in a few minutes.” I run for my truck. I break some traffic laws on my way to the hospital, and when I get there I run to the waiting room.
I find Aiden where he’s walking a hole in the floor.
“How’s she doing? Shouldn’t you be in with her?” I ask, feeling a tinge of worry.
“Yeah, I’m heading in now. I was waiting for you. I’ve phoned mom and dad, but if you can phone Wyatt and Cole to let them know. I’ll let you know when something happens.” Aiden is consumed with excitement. He runs down the passage leaving me to phone.
I’ve just finished the call to Wyatt when Chloe walks in. She slumps down in a chair, looking frazzled.
“Hi,” is all she says, then she takes out her phone and stares at it.
“Hey.” What else can I say back? I didn’t expect to see her so soon.
I make the call to Cole, all the while steeling glances at Chloe. She just continues to stare at her phone.
When I’m done with the calls, I take the seat opposite her. A small smile graces her mouth.
“We’re you with Emma?” I ask to break the silence.
“Yeah, she’s doing great. I got a few photos of her before we left the house. She was so nervous, it took me all the way here to calm her down.”
“You brought her in?” I don’t know why I’m asking her such a stupid question but I regret it when she scowls darkly at me.
“Of course I brought her in. That’s why I’m here, to spend time with her and support her when the baby comes! Do you think I’ll be shagging around during the day?”
Whoa! I hold up my hands in surrender. “I was just askin’. Don’t go biting my head off.”
She huffs a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I just hate being out here instead of with her. She’s all I have.”
All the frustration I’ve been feeling simmers down, leaving me with a feeling of guilt. I keep forgetting Chloe only has Emma.
Chloe’s leg is doing a mile a minute, then she jumps up. “This waiting is going to be the end of me!”
I get up and reach for her, before my mind catches up with what I’m doing. I hug her tightly to me. The moment her body makes contact with mine and her arms go around my waist, I sigh my relief. She tucks her head under my chin, snuggling into me.
It feels so right to hold her, to comfort her. How can something that feels so right be wrong?
“Emma’s going to be just fine. She’s strong. Before you know it she’ll pop Laurie out and we’ll be a little life richer.”
Chloe wiggles out of my hold. “That’s so nice of them.” She ducks her face, trying to wipe her tears without me seeing. “To name her after Laurie. You must be so happy.” A breath shudders through Chloe, making my heart melt.
“It’s awesome of them to name her Laurie. Everyone is happy that Laurie’s memory will live on. Laurie would’ve been happy, too.” I take hold of Chloe’s chin and lift her face to mine. “Laurie will always be loved and live on in our hearts, but life goes on and I know she would want me to be happy.”
Chloe pulls away, shaking her head. “Not here. Let’s not get into it here. We can talk later.” She takes a seat, leaving me to pace the length of the waiting room, feeling all frustrated again.
~*~
Chapter Thirteen
The Civil Wars – Goodbye Girl
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgGoVG2MTWs
Chloe~
Four hours and nineteen minutes of worrying my arse off before Aiden lets us know the little missy decided to make her appearance. I just wish I could’ve been there with Emma.
I’ll have to get used to calling her Laurie and not thinking about what I could’ve had with Zac. Will that name forever remind me of what I threw away?
I try to steal a glance at Zac but he catches me, and locks those heavenly blues with mine.
“Yay, we’re an uncle and aunt,” I say with as much enthusiasm I can get in my voice. I need to try and make it right with Zac. If only we could be friends.
“You ready to be Laurie’s godmother?” he asks. Him just saying Laurie’s name brings a pang of loss to the surface. I need to remind myself he’s talking about the little miss that will be my goddaughter.
“I hope so,” I say honestly, “this is all new to me. I’m going to do my best to be there for Emma and the little miss.”
Zac’s stare gets even more intense. “Is that what you’re going to call her, little miss? You can’t even call her Laurie?”
I hate being called out. My eyes dart away from Zac’s and I get up. “I’m going to go look for a cuppa.” I rush from the waiting room to the cafeteria. Maybe having some coffee and a break from Zac will make me think more clearly. I know I have to talk to him but right now I don’t have the guts.
~*~
Zac has been at the house every night since Laurie’s birth. Four nights of watching him with her. The longing in me has only grown, especially after seeing how wonderful he is with her.
He hasn’t tried to get me alone, or to force the subject hanging like a dead weight in the air. I’m going home in three days. It feels numb in me thinking that I might leave without fixing things between us.
~*~
Three days left in the U.S. and I’m wracking my mind trying to come up with an idea to make things better with Zac. It feels like I have a bomb strapped to my arse, ticking off the precious seconds.
Two days to go! I’m drowning in an ocean of warring emotions. I’m busy packing my stuff. When I open the drawer next to the bed and see Big Ben and The Eiffel Tower, I slump down in the defeat. Will I ever enjoy sex again after being with Zac? Every time I look at my vibrators I start fantasizing over that night he made love to me.
~*~
I’m out of time. Guilt is nipping at my arse. I should’ve swallowed my pride and gone to him. What kind of person says such ugly things? I should at least have apologized.
My eyes scan the room one last time, making sure I didn’t forget anything. I walk to Laurie’s room, where I know I’ll find Emma. She’s sitting in the rocking chair, soothing Laurie after a feeding. She’s going to be a wonderful mother. I can see the love shining from her for the little miss.
“I’m all packed and ready to hit the road.” A lump pushes its way up my throat. “Aww hell, Sunshine, I’m going to miss you and the little miss so much.” I start to cry, unable to curb all the emotions I’m feeling. I take Laurie’s little newborn hand in mine and kiss it. “You look after your mum for me. When I come again I want you running around and keeping your mum fit.”
“I’m sure she will,” Emma’s eyes floods with tears, too.
It’s hard saying goodbye, harder than I thought it would be.
“You sure I shouldn’t come?” A look of guilt flashes in Emma’s eyes.
“I’m sure. I don’t want Laurie at the airport between all those people. It will be nutters to take her there. I’m fine with Aiden taking me, that way I can give him a heart-to-heart about taking care of my girls.”
I hug Emma close and then place a kiss on both her forehead and Laurie’s. “You know you’re going to be the best mum, right?”
“Thank you so much for coming to be with me,” she starts to sob, no longer able to keep the tears in. “I love you around the world and back.”
“Love you most.” I quickly walk out of the room as the first sob shudders through my chest. Too busy wiping the tears from my eyes, I walk into a mountain of muscle. Arms go tightly around me and the second I realize it’s Zac holding me, I crumble.
“I’m so bloody sorry, Zac!” I let the apology out on a cry. “I shouldn’t have said all those things to you. You’re really amazing and
will make some lucky lady so happy.”
I feel his breath stir my hair. “I still want that woman to be you,” his voice is raw with emotion. “I still think you can be her.”
His words only make me cry harder. I cling to his back, trying to memorize what it feels like to be in his arms.
Aiden clears his throat, getting our attention. “It’s time to go or you’ll be late booking’ in.”
“Just a sec,” I frame Zac’s face in my trembling hands and then look up into his eyes that are shimmering with unshed tears. “Thank you for being so kind and caring to me. You will never know how much that night means to me.” I place a hard kiss to his mouth. This time his lips are warm and soft beneath mine, not unyielding like they were the first time I kissed him.
“We would’ve been great together,” he murmurs, brushing a few strands of my hair from my face.
“I would’ve driven you nutters,” I say, laughter bubbling up my throat only to be squashed by a sob. “Please remember only our good times together. You really mean the world to me.” I let him go and walk right out of the house without looking back. It hurts too much.
~*~
Chapter Fourteen
Birdy – Skinny Love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg
Zac~
Chloe’s last words to me just keep spinning in my head, on a never-ending loop for the last two days. She cares about me too. In the end she said it, she admitted in her own way that she cares about me. If only she had done so sooner!
I can’t focus on any of my work I might as well check my emails. I delete the first three that are just spam, then I freeze with the mouse over a request from Chloe to accept her Google + invite. I’ll admit that I’ve been stalking her Facebook page since she left.
I accept her invitation and like a starved man I read through her profile. Fuck she looks hot on her photo, those deep brown eyes smiling up at me from the screen. I drink in her petite features for a good ten minutes.
I open a Google hangout screen, my fingers hover over the keyboard, not sure how to start the conversation.
‘Hope you’ve settled in and you’re not having too much fun.’ I read the words over three more times before I press enter. I drop my face to my hands. Damn, now I know how Aiden felt when Emma went back home.
~*~
Chloe only responds to my message later that night. Yeah, I know stalking the Google + hangout is ridiculous, but I can’t help it.
‘Hey, Mr. Crab! How’s my fellow godparent doing?’
My eyes zoom in on the word ‘my’. She referred to me as hers, not the context I would’ve like, but still hers.
I stare at the screen for a while before I type my response.
‘Doing well. Aiden is still on leave so I’m alone at work. Laurie has grown so much since you left.’ My fingers stop. Why the hell am I talking about anything but us? I press enter before I get the notion to delete it.
It shows Chloe is busy typing and my heart sets of in a flat spin.
She’s online! Right this minute she is looking at the same screen as me! Excitement stirs in my stomach.
When her message pops up, I devour it. ‘Glad you’re well. Emma’s been sending me pics of the little miss. She’s so bloody adorable. Wish I was there to see her grow up for myself.’
Dammit! I wish Chloe was here so I could hold her. I want to ask her why she doesn’t call Laurie by her name. I want to have that talk we never had!
I don’t type any of what I’m really feeling, but instead keep it light. I don’t want to scare her off.
‘Emma got her the cutest bear outfit. Did she send you a photo of Laurie dressed in it? She is so damn cute in it.’
I love my niece, but I’m running out of things to say about her and I don’t want to stop messaging with Chloe.
‘She did. I have it up as my background on my computer.’
Two seconds later … ‘I have to go, meeting with some friends for a night of fun. It was nice chatting with you. We should do it again.’
Again I stare at the screen, already feeling the sting of loss.
Be good. It’s all I manage to type. It shows that Chloe has gone offline already and that the message will be sent to her inbox.
I head straight to my bar. I need a strong drink after that hangout session.
~*~
Chapter Fifteen
Christina Perri – A Thousand Years
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9ayN39xmsI
Chloe~
I stare at the photo of Laurie laughing at me. I’m an idiot, I deserved to be laughed at. I lied about going out. The last thing I want to do is go out. I’ve been drowning myself in ice cream and chocolates, listening to all the sad music I could download since I got back to my one bedroom flat.
It’s hard to get back to my old fun self when it feels like I left half of me in America. When I close my eyes I see his blue ones. When I hug my pillow I fantasize it’s his chest I’m crying into.
Ugh … I’m a blubbering mess and it’s not even that time of the month.
I drag the box of chocolates closer and listlessly start to nibble on one. I open my Gmail account again and throw the rest of the chocolate at the screen when I see Zac’s message. Be good. I read the words over and over. If only he knew that he turned me into a bloody nun. Now that piece of information should make him happy.
I open a hangout screen for Emma.
‘I’m so bloody miserable, Sunshine. I can’t even enjoy chocolate anymore. I miss all of you so much.’
Lie. Lie. Lie. But I won’t admit to Emma that I’m a mess because of Zac. I’m too scared she’ll tell him.
I go to make myself a cuppa and when I come back there’s a message from Emma waiting for me.
‘Why not just admit you miss Zac. Talk to him. Make things right.’ I stick my tongue out at the screen. Emma knows me better than anyone, of course I can’t hide anything from her.
‘I have been talking to Zac. We’re fine. We’re friends like it should’ve been from the start.’
I grab another chocolate and take a bite out of it.
‘Friends my arse. You’re in love with him. You can’t be in love with your friend.’
I need to get off this topic. I chuck the chocolate to the side.
‘You can love your friends. I love you and Aiden.’
There that should tell her.
‘Are you telling me you love Zac? There is a huge difference between being in love and loving someone.’
“Bloody hell, Sunshine! Give it a break!”
‘The one is all flutter butterflies and the other is forever. If you love him then you have to admit you’re his forever girl.’ Her next message pops up before I can reply.
‘I love him like a friend. Drop it now.’
Seconds later… ‘You don’t have sex with your friends.’
‘Let’s move on to a better topic. How is my little miss doing?’ I drink all of my tea in one gulp wishing it was something stronger.
‘Aww … she does this curl thing with her toes when I put on her favorite program.’ Yeah, just like that the topic of Zac is forgotten. I should’ve mention Laurie sooner.
~*~
After I said bye to Emma I cleaned up all the half eaten chocolates. I decide to take a shower. Grabbing the shorts and t-shirt I sleep in my eyes fall on Big Ben.
“If only you were attached to Zac’s body, I’d shag the life out of you.” I sigh and go take the shower, trying to wash the frustration from my body.
I spend another night tossing and turning. I dress in my nurse’s uniform, but before I leave for work I can’t help but check my mails.
‘Have a nice day at work.’
Zac sent the message ten minutes earlier. I can kick my arse for not looking sooner. I could’ve caught him online.
“Yeah, and then you’d be late for work.”
‘Sweet dreams.’ As I press send I realize it’s midnight by Zac. Is he not sleeping
well, like me?
~*~
It’s been a long day and I’m burning to get back to my computer.
I kick off my shoes and head straight for my room. I switch on the computer and bite my thumbnail while I wait for my Gmail account to load.
There’s nothing. “What! Nooo … you’re supposed to message me again!” Disappointment settles heavy in my chest.
Jealous that I can’t see what Zac is doing, I start to think the worst of things. Maybe he’s gone out? What if he finds a woman that ends up being his forever girl?
I slump down on my bed, tears pricking my eyes. Grabbing my phone I go to my playlist and soon Richard Marx is singing ‘Right here waiting’.
I grab my pillow and start to sob my heart out as Richard’s sad words fill the room.
Seconds later I’m blubbering along to the song, sounding like a dying cat. “I hear the laughter, I taste the tears, but I can’t get near you now,” I end the verse on a hic-up.
Oh shit, I feel miserable.
~*~
Chapter Sixteen
Bon Iver – I can’t make you love me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MJio3s2wFI
Zac~
I’ve been constantly messaging with Chloe for the last two weeks. No, time did not fly, it fuckin’ leopard crawled by so slow, I’m about to lose my damn mind.
I’ve become addicted to our Google chats. I race home to get to my computer so we can talk.
Right now I’m sitting like the douchebag I am, waiting for Chloe to respond. It sucks, I know I’m a sucker for punishment, but I can’t go a day without talking to her.
Chloe’s response pop’s up. ‘Hi, my love. Had a busy day. How was yours? Did you catch any bad guys?’
My heart rate picks up. She started calling me her love exactly four days ago, right after I called her babe. It was innocent, I promise. She said she’s having chocolate ice cream for dinner and I joked back, saying, ‘Don’t be such a tease, babe.’ See, totally innocent.
Chloe: Tainted Ink Series Novella 1.5 (The Tainted Ink Series) Page 5
