by Fifi Flowers
“Jade…”
“Please don’t say a word. I’m going to go see Norma, get some sketching done, then I’m going to have dinner with my delusional friend later. I’m driving her to the airport tomorrow morning, and then I’ll get busy working in the afternoon.” Turning, I walked out with my head up, and didn’t look back.
The day was long and my artwork was total crap. I had been away for almost a week and my painting mojo was apparently still on vacation. I couldn’t clear my mind. I kept seeing a certain damn cowboy. I sketched, I ripped up the sheet, I started again—the cycle repeated itself until I decided to try another technique I had learned in a design class.
Opening a box of crayons, I randomly scribbled. Lots of colors ran all over the page. Don’t think. Don’t think. Just swirl. Just loop. Let the sensation of nothingness. Freedom. Guide your flow. Usually it worked. However, when I stopped and looked at what I had haphazardly created, hundreds of little fairy flowers greeted me. Our Columbine tent haunted me!
Part of me wanted to tear the parchment paper into a million teeny tiny pieces, colorful confetti. But it was so beautiful. It truly was. So stunning that I sat back and let tears of joy… sadness flow down my cheeks. So many feelings prompted a hardy cry. How was I going to get through this mess? Things didn’t feel like they were going to be so easy to mend or avoid. He had really hurt me with the latest brush off. I had thought whatever ran him away from me the first time was solved when he kissed me earlier. Apparently, not. And I was back to wondering what it was about his cabin porch—or me being too close to his house—that worried him so?
I wished in that moment, I was finished with my paintings. I wished that I could get on a plane with Lark and fly away. That wasn’t true. The truth was that I wished to run into his arms. I wished to stay with Sage forever. I wished that he felt the same. I hated to admit it, but I was head over heels in love with him. And I was crushed that he wanted me as far away from his private space as possible. That signaled no future in my book.
Giving up, I put my supplies in my pack, closed my pad of paper, and walked to the stable. Inside my storage area, I stuffed my wasted day creations away, then went to the horseback riding office and volunteered my services. I spent the rest of the day taking a few trips up and down the rocky hills on my favorite mule, Mister Chips, with different groups. Being the caboose I was allowed to take my time, no rushing. I enjoyed every element of nature that said hello to me. It seemed to be giving me a pep talk.
By the time, I wrapped up my last ride of the day, I saw Lark and went to join her. She had a big smile on her face and I comfortably greeted her joyfully. I was going to exhibit a new person. I was going to get on with things after she left. I was going to love my surroundings. I was going to let nature continue to invigorate me. Get on with your life, Jade. You can do this. You can do anything. You are loved by so many. You don’t need to try to make a certain cowboy love you.
“Someone looks very happy,” Lark said as she wrapped her arm around my neck and pulled me close into her side.
“I could say the same about you, I see glowing skin. So did one horseman overcome the other horseman?”
“Ha! Ha! I understand your double meaning, Miss Smarty Pants. And the answer is no. It was fun and damn is that boy hung like the thing he rides between those muscular thighs. But no, damn it! I’m doomed!”
“You’re not doomed.”
“You don’t understand.”
“I think I do.”
“Ohh… you do have that look. That yummy horseman got to you too. I didn’t see that gleam in your eyes at the resort. What happened while I was riding the long ranger?”
I shook my head and we both laughed, deciding to give up on talking about men. Focusing on ourselves, we enjoyed the kitchen’s special fish dish and a good bottle of Pinard Vineyard wine. The white wine was very familiar to me from my time staying at their farmhouse. I was thankful that the grape nectar wasn’t unappealing to me as we toasted to our friendship.
Ending her week’s stay, we had to say goodbye too soon for both of us. Hugging at the airport and promising to keep in touch by phone, she took to the sky, and I drove back to my defunct ranch romance.
Like Lark, my days on the property were numbered. I buckled down over the next week and worked on several pieces at the same time. I had thought about staying all the way to the end of the summer when Norma told me about the festivities for the end of the season party. A big picnic carnival to thank employees before preparing the ranch for the cooler months. And to say goodbye to part of the staff as guests were sporadic during the fall and winter.
But seeing as things had become a bit uncomfortable on our roller coaster ride of a romance, I decided to wrap up the painting gig as soon as I could.
Sitting drinking coffee one morning, that was turning my stomach, I looked around, and suddenly envisioned what would be perfect on the walls. Abandoning my half eaten breakfast, I hurried to my workroom in the stable that was getting fuller every day with my art work, and less with my supplies. With a packed bag of pencils, pens, paints and brushes along with a large sketch pad filled with heavyweight paper, I headed over to the greenhouses. I had sketched the outside garden area and the structures, but I had never ventured inside for a peek.
Inside my eyes danced around. It was incredible, truly beautiful. Besides the different vegetation growing abundantly, goldfish ponds and fountains added charm to the environment of each greenhouse. There was so much to take in and everything was so colorful that my imagination began to run wild. It looked like the perfect place for a colony of magical fairies to live. Perhaps my train of thought was heavily influenced by the various shades of Columbine flowers that appeared in each of the three buildings.
Why had he not shown me this part of the ranch? Was I invading another one of his personal spaces that I shouldn’t have? I couldn’t tear myself away. I couldn’t leave. Somehow I felt so close to the true him inside the warm glass rooms. I felt secure and at home. The feelings were strange and yet inviting at the same time.
Picking a cozy spot, I sat down, opened my bag and pad. Sketching flowed freely from me for the first time in the last week. One after another, my pencils and brushes moved over several sheets of paper swiftly as if they had come alive. Leaning against a large clay pot, I looked over all that I had created. Pleased with what I had finally been able to accomplish, I closed my eyes and smiled reveling in a warm feeling. One that was coming from deep in my heart, making me feel loved.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Sage
Up early, I got my chores done, had breakfast and taught a few of the kids some roping techniques. Then I went up the mountain with a couple of guys and extra horses to bring down some guests that were camping in our meadow tents. Seeing our tent again, my chest tightened so much that it was actually painful. Fuck! I’m too young to have a heart attack, right? I must have looked as bad as I felt clutching my reins with one hand and my chest with the other, since the next thing I heard was Wayne up next to me asking if I was alright. Snapped out of a stare, I nodded my head. “You guys okay to finish up?” I yelled out to all of them and they gave me thumbs up. “Great,” I said, turning my horse around, heading down the hill. I had to talk to Jade.
Back at the lodge in record time, I went in search of her. Looking at the lobby clock above the front desk, I figured she was probably about to come in for lunch. I waited for about a half hour, but she never arrived. She was nowhere in sight, so I went to ask Norma if she knew where I could find her. As per usual, she was behind the desk working on the computer with a headset on, talking to what sounded like someone in the kitchen. The food selections she was rattling off made my stomach growl.
I waved my hand in front of her face, trying to get her attention. “Hey Norma, where’s Jade?” I asked when she removed the headset from one of her ears.
“You leave that girl alone,” she snapped back at me immediately.
“Woah, what did I do
?” I almost stumbled, moving backwards with my hands up.
“It’s not what you’ve done. It’s what you haven’t done. That girl loves you and you, stubborn ass, love her too!” Norma didn’t miss a thing. She was right. “I was just ordering her lunch, and was going to take it to her when you interrupted me.”
“Well, tell me where she is and I’ll get it to her. I could use some lunch myself.”
“She went to the greenhouse. She’s changed her mind about what paintings should hang in the dining room. She grabbed her supply bag, sketch pad and headed off a few hours ago.”
“Thanks.” I kissed her cheek with a smile, and she grabbed hold of my arm tightly before I could get away.
“You better think before you act. I see how you feel about her. One more slip up and she will be gone forever. Remember the winters get mighty cold up here.”
Smiling, off I went to the kitchen and gathered up enough for two. Carrying a basket filled with goodies, I headed off in search of Jade in one of the greenhouses. Along the way, my thoughts turned into more of a pep talk based on the scolding I received from a wise woman earlier. She set me straight and I could no longer deny it. I needed to stop pushing her away. When I gazed at my cowgirl…
I saw my future.
I saw her surrounded by our children.
I saw her sitting beside me forever.
She was like no other woman I had ever met. She was truly unique and wonderful and going to be mine, if I didn’t blow it again. Finding her in a sunny spot asleep confirmed my feelings. My chest actually hurt even worse than earlier. Rubbing it, I looked over several sketches that were spread out around her. Some she had added a little color to, they were all beautiful, but not as beautiful as Jade was, sleeping there propped up against a large garden pot.
“Hey, how long have you been staring at me?” a groggy voice asked.
“For a few minutes. Sorry, I woke you.”
“It’s okay. I find myself taking a lot of naps lately. I guess, this lazy afternoon ranch life has rubbed off on me.” She laughed shyly. Something I had never seen… heard before. Like she was a bit nervous around me, I didn’t like it. “Is that fried chicken I smell? I’m starving.”
Thank God I came bearing delicious treats, it seemed to perk her up. “Yes, along with potato salad and freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.”
“No fruit?!” she tsked at me.
“No need, I have red, ripe strawberries growing in one of these greenhouses.”
“Well, in that case, I forgive you. However, not for long if you don’t break open that basket you’re carrying.” She laughed more boldly, I loved it.
Sitting quietly, I observed her every move. Was it possible that she got prettier every time I looked at her? I had it bad! It wasn’t going to fade. What I was feeling was real and intense. What I thought was love once, didn’t even compare. I love Jade, there was no bones about it. I’m in love with her. I think she feels the same or she did until my chicken shit behavior. No more, if she still wants me, if she loves me… if she doesn’t… I’ll try to convince her. Say something idiot, do something, feed her, but stop staring at her like a lovesick puppy.
Shaking my head, I stopped staring, and finally opened my mouth as I began to remove the contents of the basket. “Sorry to make you wait.” I filled a paper plate with a little of everything and handed it to her, “For you, Ma’am.”
“Ma’am? Really? Do you see new wrinkles on my face? It’s true, I have been in the sun quite a bit.” She looked adorable wrinkling up her nose and squinting her pale green eyes.
“Sorry, Miss. You’re definitely not old. You’re absolutely gorgeous and I love the little freckles across your nose and cheeks. The sun has kissed you,” I said moving closer to her. Close enough that I was able to sprinkle her little dots with chaste kisses. She closed her eyes and leaned into my lips.
When I pulled back to chuckle, she thanked me, and dove into her food. So cute, but man could that cowgirl eat. “Hungry?”
“Starving! But then again, I’m always excited to eat the food they make in the kitchen. So yummy! Fresh! I may never leave…” She stilled for a minute as if she was waiting for my reaction. She probably expected me to get up and run, I didn’t. I just continued to eat and look at her. Finally, she turned her attention back to a fried chicken leg, “Delicious.” I laughed as she shook the piece of fowl at me.
“So you were painting in here I see?” I gestured to her creations.
“Yes, as I sat in the dining room earlier, eating incredibly, delicious blueberry pancakes with apricot jam on them, it hit me; the greenhouse! Bam! Vegetables. Herbs. Perfect for the dining room walls! I hurried to finish my extremely satisfying breakfast, then headed out here. I hope that’s okay with you?”
“Yes, I like your thinking. I’m not sure I would like the combination of blueberries and apricots, but your paintings sound right on track.”
“Hey! Don’t knock it until you try it. Anyhow, I had never walked through these buildings. Very impressive, I love the colorful peppers, cucumbers, squash, tomatoes, onions, cantaloupes, watermelon, strawberries, and all the varieties of lettuces. And the herbs, I’m guessing they’re basil, cilantro, dill, parsley, mint, chives, garlic, oregano, thyme, sage and rosemary.” She was making it very hard not to smile at her enthusiasm and how wildly she flipped her fork from her mouth and gestured around. “I love, love, love your greenhouses. Wow! You’ve done a spectacular job with them.”
“Very good on herbs,” I smirked, narrowing my eyes at her. “There are a few others that aren’t labeled, nice list.” I nodded my head in the direction of one of her scribbled drawings that she seemed to be reading from.
She giggled following my eyes, “You caught me, but seriously, what you’ve built… created in here is breathtaking!”
“It’s a passion. I like to feed my guests fresh, pesticide free produce. I have been trying several items. There’s been some hits, as well as misses. Knowing when to plant, how long gestation will take as the weather warms. You can only fool with Mother Nature so much. The climate is tricky even with indoor gardening.”
“Speaking of garden items, where are those strawberries you promised me?”
“Where are you putting all this food?” She playfully patted her belly and I laughed wishing to place my lips on the hint of skin that she flashed me. I shook my head. “Are you interested in other berries?” I asked, standing up and getting my bearings before going off to gather what she desired.
“I’ll try whatever you’ve grown.” I was just about to have her accompany me, but I really needed to step away, to clear my mind. Otherwise, I was about to pounce on her and make her submit to me. Make her call me Mr. Cowboy while she rode me or I drove her over the edge and beyond, orgasm after orgasm. Not that I truly thought that she would mind, however I thought it may be best to work my way back into her good graces before I worked my way back into her panties.
Back with a small bucket of rinsed berries, I dumped them on the tablecloth we had been using as a make shift table. “Good?” I asked and she nodded while clapping her hands with a smile on her face. “Dig in.”
At my words, she started to reach forward then stopped. “What’s so special about these greenhouses? And please tell me the truth, are you upset that I came in here without your permission?”
I shook my head, then opened my heart to her, tearing down the wall that I had built to keep me safe until I found what Hank had. I had to stop denying it. Actually, I had no choice, I needed to relieve the ache inside of me. My body and soul was telling me it longed for Jade.
“I told you that I fell in love with a farm girl in college. Well, I was wrong, I thought it was love. Feeling like I do right now, I’m sure it wasn’t a valid statement. Maybe it was just different, I don’t know. Sorry, I’m rambling, I’m a bit nervous.”
“You don’t have to be nervous with me. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.” She touched my wrist as
she spoke, then removed it when I began to speak again.
“All through college I thought she was definitely the one for me. The closer it got toward graduation, I became more focused on agricultural farming and decided to stay a year longer. I changed my major. I was certain that it was the right path and scrapped moving on to veterinarian school. I loved working with animals, but I lost the passion for it. She lost her passion for me, or whatever she felt for me. The doctor title sounded better to her than farmer.”
“Did you ever bring her to the ranch?” Those words were more than just a mere question, I saw the pleading in her eyes as if she was willing me to say, “no.” Not to mention, her body’s antsy movements as I took too long to answer her. Mesmerized by her I had hesitated, not intentionally, but I couldn’t help it, observing her was one of my favorite pastimes.
With my answer, “no,” she seemed relieved, and I instantly wanted to take her into my arms. But she needed to hear the whole story and I needed to tell it. “She went home every summer to her country club lifestyle unbeknownst to me. We were worlds apart, but I didn’t know it. I thought she was a farm girl. However, she was just a girl whose parents owned horses on their fancy plantation in the South.” I was quiet before throwing out the final stab to my young heart. “I’m not sure I ever knew her at all. I don’t think she cared about me ever, the way I felt about her. The worst part was finding out that she had been pregnant with our baby, and terminated it after hearing my farming revelation.”
“Oh my God, that’s horrible,” her hand went to her chest as if she felt the pain too. “How did you find out? Did she tell you? Did you confront her?” Her hand touched me again, caressed my arm, as she waited for my answers. I liked feeling her touch.
“Apparently, her mother talked her into it at her graduation, saying that their family married doctors and lawyers, not poor farmers. And one of my friends told me that she saw her at the school clinic. When I asked her, she didn’t deny it either. She said she was making arrangements. She told me she wanted a different lifestyle. She wasn’t about to sponge off her parents because we couldn’t afford to raise a baby while I was off trying to cultivate organic crops in some god forsaken place. It wasn’t pleasant. In the end, it was her body, I couldn’t make her keep our baby.”
