Drawn to a Cowboy (Brother Duet #1)

by Fifi Flowers

  Up the next day with a throbbing head, too late for breakfast, I grabbed a cup a coffee and a dried out donut I found in the office area then went to saddle up my horse. Norma, Ginnylee and Jade were nowhere to be found. Just as well, I didn’t think my eyes could handle any more tears. Yes, waterworks had hit me too. Part emotion, part inebriation—I wasn’t a pretty drunk last night.

  Thinking a ride down to the lake was safe, I angled Hank’s horse, Cactus Joe, toward the water. A pretty, warm day, lots of people were out on the lake in kayaks, and on paddle boards. I liked the sight of a few boats with colorful sails, but the next view that struck me was more beautiful than anything on God’s great earth—Jade painting. She hadn’t seen me, so I pulled back on the reins and halted my horse. Slipping off of him, I took a seat and let him nibble some tall grass that always seemed to be their snack of choice out and about on the ranch. I didn’t figure she wanted to be disturbed as she was in an area I had never seen her before.

  I couldn’t see what she was painting, but I assumed it was something to do with the activities going on out on the lake. I could’ve cared less what was going on out there, watching her was like tuning into a marathon of your favorite show. I loved every minute until I saw her lean over and lose whatever she had consumed. I wanted to go to her, to help her, instead, I hung back and waited to see if she was in distress or just stressed. She seemed okay with it, simply wiping her mouth, taking a swig of water or something, as she went right back to painting. I hoped that I wasn’t causing her to be sick. I observed her for as long as I could without being noticed, unfortunately, I wasn’t paying attention to Cactus Joe until I saw him stroll into my picture of Jade. He blew my cover when he nudged her while she attempted to eat an apple he was keen to steal.

  I walked up to get him, “Sorry, about that. He has apple radar.” She laughed as she fed him her snack.

  “It’s okay. I know all about his thieving ways, don’t I, Joe.” He seemed to understand her words and was trying to lie, shaking his head. “Don’t you try to deny it or I won’t give you the other one in my bag.” Damn, I was jealous of him getting to nuzzle her. Reaching in her bag, sure enough, she presented him with another bright green apple. “That’s it, boy, no more.” He looked happy and thankful, and neighed at her.

  “Let me grab him and we’ll let you get back to work.”

  “I’m not really working, this is a gift for Clay from Norma. Their anniversary is coming up. She said he proposed by the water,” she smiled at me and turned back to her clipped paper.

  “I didn’t know that. Thanks for giving me a heads up.”

  Without looking at me, Jade spoke again, this time to me as her boss, and nothing more. “I have enough paintings for all of the cabins, tents and the lodge, and then some. The extra ones you can use for wherever you want. The ones that we already agreed upon, we’ll drop them off at the frame shop.”

  “Don’t worry about doing that, I can take care of them.”

  “Okay, well… I guess we can leave earlier…we’re leaving tomorrow morning.”

  And there it was, my heart burst in my chest. It took every ounce of strength for me not to sink to the ground on my knees as it felt as if my whole world had collapsed, exploded, ceased to exist. Which was true, without her in my life, everything was meaningless, empty. “I wish…” I stopped, thinking of the right words to say.

  She had her own all ready, and hit me with them, bravely looking at me, “Please don’t come to see me off. Let’s just say our goodbyes now. I really had a great time. This place is beautiful and don’t worry, it’s all yours. Carson… Hank knew how much you loved it, I see that love too. Once all of the results come in, if you need me to sign any paperwork, deeds, whatever—just send them my way. I will make sure that the twins never get their hands on the ranch.”

  “Jade, this is your ranch. I know you need to leave now, but I’ll take good care of it, it’ll be here for you anytime you want to come back to me… to it.”

  Shaking her head, tears slid down her beautiful face and I moved to take her in my arms. She moved her hands up in front of me, “Please don’t, as much as I would love to feel your arms around me, I just can’t let you do that.” Backing up, she added, “Take care of yourself,” then she turned back to her painting, shutting me out.

  Those were her last words. Take care of myself… myself… by myself. I wanted to move up behind her, touch her, smell her, kiss her, never let her out of my arms, but I knew too much had happened in the last couple days. I had to let her go. Let her work through all of the new information that had been thrown at her. I grabbed the reins around Cactus Joe and led him away before mounting him and riding off, away from the woman I loved.

  Staying away from her as she requested, I had food delivered and stayed in my cabin the rest of the day. I endured another night of shitty sleep, tossing and turning. It was over, I would never have her in my bed… my life again. And then the morning light came too soon and I watched as Jade and Ginnylee drove off in the distance and took my heart with them. There goes my life played out in my head.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Jade

  Off we went down the dirt road to the big open highway. The Jinxie and Jade road trip was underway. I couldn’t help but wish that we had taken several more over the years. That she had taken me along. I hated that she had a secret life that I knew nothing about. For years, I thought she was off on safari, surfing up and down the coast.

  I always thought my father was some surf dog or maybe even a punk rocker, that’s the music she seemed to gravitate to when I was a kid. Did she really like country western music, I wondered, and that wild stuff that she played too loud was a cover up? Did she really like Tex and Bonnie and Carson’s movies? I felt like I didn’t know her at all, I definitely didn’t know Hank’s Miss Ginnylee, or even Hank.

  Carson was a real life cowpoke like in his films. The only true off-screen country boy of their actor group, or at least Hank was a real cowboy. Maybe some of the others lived alternative lifestyles too. I felt uncertain about everything in my life. The only thing I knew was that what I was learning was eye opening. What more would develop? Part of me was afraid of what was coming next, afraid to hear anything more.

  “You’re awfully quiet. Letting that brain of yours work overtime?”

  I told her that I was just thinking that I didn’t know her very well. She assured me that I did know her. She was the same person that she’d always been. She said that the ranch let her live out her fantasy, her dream love life, nothing else. “I wasn’t a strong person at home with grandpa and grandma. Maybe I should’ve left home. Maybe we should’ve lived on our own, away from my parents.”

  I thought she was a brave person. She took off on road trips alone, after all. Or so I thought. She really only went from one secure home to another. No big adventures. “I’ve been a fraud, Jade, for years.”

  “You never really hurt anyone. It couldn’t have been easy to be so young and raising a kid. You had Tex and Bonnie to help you. They always let you be the mom. It wasn’t like we lived in the same house, just on the same property. You worked and made money, that’s commendable. You were never a spoiled Hollywood brat.”

  “I have to confess…” Oh no. What now? I stared at her as she drove, waiting, practically holding my breath. “Even though I told Carson that you weren’t his, he insisted on taking care of us. He told me if I didn’t let him have access to my bank account he would tell grandpa. I didn’t want to hurt their friendship, and I agreed to let him help us financially. He deposited monies up until he broke it off with me…” I felt terrible watching tears slide down her face. I knew she didn’t care about the money, I was sure that she would give anything to have him back. “I’m still so damn mad at him for pushing me away. I never got to say goodbye.”

  “Sorry, he did that to you. I never knew why he stopped coming around until we found out that he had died. Now that I know, I’m sure that he broke your heart.”


  My words opened up a whole can of worms that had Jinxie pulling over for me to take over driving for a while. Secured in the driver’s seat, I eased back on the road, and we were on our way again. Leaning back in the passenger seat with tissues in her hand, she told me a multitude of stories about her and Carson. And others about their double life as Ginnylee and Hank. Some of the stories included me. I hated hearing them and I loved hearing them all at once. We had done things over the years as a family without me even knowing that I had two caring parents at my side that both loved me.

  Listening to their long and drawn out saga, I thought of my brief connection with Sage. I found myself telling Jinxie how we met in a gas station and I went off with him, trustingly. That had her tsking at me, “Didn’t I teach you to never talk to strangers?” I laughed and continued our story that had highs and lows, more than I wished to relive. But was that true? Would I go back and do it all again? Yes, yes I would, even knowing that it would leave me aching everywhere. I felt so heavy, like I had an additional amount of weight sitting right on my heart. I would never get over him, he was in my heart to stay whether I wanted him there or not.

  “You can stay,” I heard her say as if my heart was singing out, crying out. “We can turn around, we’ve only been driving for a couple hours.”

  I shook my head and bit my lip at first. I didn’t want to cry. I needed to be strong, I had things to take care of, the right things for everybody, especially Sage. “No, I need to help him. We’ll go to LA, I’ll do the blood test and DNA. I don’t want him to take any chances, to lose the ranch. I want him to know that it’s his and that I would never take it from him, or try to change his home. Once we settle the uncertainty, we’ll go home…” Home. I felt at home at the ranch, but it wasn’t mine to claim, it was Sage’s. I never wanted him to feel like it wasn’t his by me being there. “We’ll go to the beach.” I didn’t feel like I could call that home either, I felt more lost than ever.

  “I was temporary to him,” I said under my breath as I bit the inside of my cheek.

  “He loves you. He told me that he would take care of the ranch for you until you were ready to return. I know he meant every word, he loves you and you love him.” I did, I couldn’t deny that and he had told me the same words about the ranch, but I couldn’t imagine going back, not yet—maybe never. Things had changed, I was a clause that could alter his feelings.

  “Only because he found out who I was… that I am the clause. He had to say that the ranch would be waiting for me. And he didn’t say I love you, Jade. Stay.”

  “And what if he did?”

  “Well, he didn’t. And I don’t know that I’d believe him. Did he say it because he really wants me or to ensure… does he really trust me? Would he worry that if we didn’t work out that he’d have to leave his home? I couldn’t live my life with him on pins and needles, worried about him not trusting me.”

  “You couldn’t take it from him. He knows that.”

  “But he’s a good man, he would give it up for Hank… Carson. He loved him like family. He would never want to do anything that he thought Hank wouldn’t approve.”

  “Hank loved him the same. I remember the first summer he came to work. He was a scrawny fifteen year old…” Hard to believe. I couldn’t imagine Sage as anything but the hunky specimen he was. He was solid muscle and so beautiful. “He only brought clothes to work; jeans, plaid long sleeve shirts, a thick, felt cowboy hat and boots.” She smiled and I could tell she was visualizing him, maybe her Hank, as well. “Anyway, by his third day of wearing totally inappropriate clothes during his down time, Hank took him into town and got him shorts, t-shirts, swim trunks, a properly vented, straw cowboy hat, and a special belt with a big silver buckle that he saw Sage admiring, and even a pair of flip flops. That boy was so darn cute.”

  I bet he was cute, scrawny or not. And if I had known Carson was my father, I would’ve met him when we were teens, or younger since he first came to the ranch at twelve years old. Maybe he would’ve been my first kiss. Why didn’t I ask to see photos of him? There must be pictures of him taken on the ranch. Pictures of Ginnylee and Hank together, too? They still seemed like two people I’d never met, even if they were technically my parents.

  “That boy insisted that Hank let him work off the things he had purchased for him. Hank, of course, told him a smaller amount than it actually was, and kept a tally of all the extra work that Sage did for him. When he thought that Sage would believe him, he showed him on paper that he had totaled the sum. Then unbeknownst to him, he sent Sage home at the end of the summer with everything he had earned, never deducting the amount for the items. The next summers he returned better prepared. He grew up a little more every year. He filled out, got facial hair—turned into a very handsome man. He always remained nice and respectful. He’s taken on a lot with the ranch.”

  “He loves it. He’s proud of what he has done with it and he should be. I don’t know what it was like before, but he told me that he is constantly trying to keep up with guest requests and the changing trends with other resorts in the area.”

  “He has taken it beyond what Hank had in place when he bought it. You’re right, he has to be very proud. Hank would be amazed and not, he knew what a fine young man he was… is… You need to go back to him. You two remind me of Ginnylee and Hank.” Funny to hear Jinxie talk about herself in third person, or about them as if they were fictional characters.

  “We’ll see,” I said, and wondered if they were other people to her too, a make-believe couple that was only real to Sage and others who were part of the ranch.

  Would I be able to go back to him?

  Would he want me back?

  Did he really love me?

  Switching off driving, Jinxie and I split the distance behind the wheel all the way to Los Angeles. Big changes appeared along the way: Mountains with high grass and wildflowers turned to flat land, rocks and desert. Crossing the Colorado River signaled the California border, and that we were a long way from home. Home. Again, I felt like I was running away from home, more so heading in a westward direction. Would there ever be a place that I truly felt at home?

  Straight into downtown LA we drove, through horrible traffic to check into a hotel for one night near the office of the entertainment attorney that handled Carson’s estate since taking over his own father’s practice. The next morning, Jinxie and I went to the law office of William Nicholas Granger III, before going to the designated laboratory for my testing. Seated in Nick Granger’s private office, he informed me that he could simply let Mr. Donovan know about the findings of the blood and DNA test while still protecting my privacy. I told him that I wanted everything out in the open. I wanted to make sure that Sage had all of my information. I signed documents releasing the full medical results to all parties concerned. I had nothing to hide. My main concern was that the ranch remained within Sage’s tight grip.

  Done, we were back on the road, heading south—beach bound. Entering through the iron compound gates two hours later, Tex and Bonnie greeted us with a menagerie of furry faces around their feet. Walking into their arms and having the mutts jumping on me was comforting. Maybe the beach would feel like home again. Inside our own bungalow, we dropped our stuff in our rooms. Part of my stuff; clothes and toiletries only, my art supplies were left behind.

  Before I left, I told Norma to use them for arts and crafts when kids visited. Most of my professional supplies had been used to complete my painting job. As I told Sage, I had completed enough for all of the cabins, tents, along with some for throughout the lodge. There were even more unframed in sketch pads in my stable space. I couldn’t bring any of those with me, too painful.

  After splashing some water on my face, I headed out, across the gravel path to the main house. Bonnie was cooking something that smelled heavenly. Man oh man, could that woman cook! Tex was sitting at the island talking to her. I looked around for Jinxie and saw her standing outside on the balcony watching the oc
ean. Was she planning her speech, I wondered just as she decided to join us.

  Seeing margarita glasses and a full pitcher ready to go, with extra shot glasses, I wondered, did Tex and Bonnie know that they were about to receive some interesting news? Or was it all just set out to celebrate both of us being in residence during the summer? Standing together, Bonnie poured each of us a full shot of Silver Patron and added lime wedges to the rim of all of them. Squeezing the lime into my mouth, I winced as my eyes shut, then I tipped the liquor down my throat. Burning it went down and within seconds I ran to the bathroom for it to come right back up. Damn! It was worse coming back up. No more for me, it appeared that I was going to be listening stone-cold sober to Jinxie’s revelations.

  It turned out a lot better than Jinxie or I envisioned. Tex and Bonnie hadn’t missed a thing, they always suspected that there was a romance going on. They had noticed all the bantering and flirting between the two of them. However, their suspicions were confirmed when Hank got sick. Jinxie’s eyes went wide and filled with tears as Tex spilled the beans. She thought she was going to be the one to confess but instead she sat listening, sad and stunned.

  “I’d never been so damn mad at that stubborn, ol’ son of bitch, as I was when he told me what he was doing to you.” Oh shit! Here it comes! “He had no right to push you away. He loved you and you loved him. Like it or not, you let your loved ones have closure. He should’ve let you be by his side. Asshole! I couldn’t talk him into it. I’m sorry, Virginia Lee.” I’d never heard him call her that ever. It was all surreal. “I should’ve taken you to him. Jade too.” I didn’t see that coming, neither did Jinxie, I realized, as she sobbed in Tex’s arms. I suddenly felt like I didn’t belong in the room. She needed to talk to her parents. She needed to tell her whole story. A tale she should have told over thirty years ago.