Wandering

by Angela Koeller

Unrequited

  This is not your typical love story. Well, it sort of is. A typical unrequited love story, actually. Except for one big difference, which is me. I am a damned soul. Literally. More of a damned soul with perks since I’m not being burned for all of eternity. The top of the damned soul food chain in hell is kind of an errand boy for demons where they don’t eat your face at the end of the day. It’s a good gig, from a certain angle. So, what’s my job, exactly? They send me top side through secret doors all over the planet to kill people that have huge positive impacts on humanity. Kind of a scale-tipper for the evil side. Not even the big guy downstairs knows when the world’s going to end so he likes to have some contingency plans. How and why I got this gig is bit of a complicated story so we’re moving past it for now.

  You’re probably curious about a few details at this point. Some guy tells you there’s a love story and he kills people, I can understand why an eyebrow or two would pop. Girls like bad boys, don’t they? I’ve heard that said but I also have pretty much the worst luck on the planet so, no, she’s not into that. I wish. When I get sent to the surface, they give me a folder on the target and a time limit they expect me to accomplish the hit in and if I’m not back at the door by the end of that, they yank me back down. Why do they yank? Because it hurts and they can. The reason why this is considered the top of the damned chain is that there’s a certain level of freedom involved. As long as I get the hit done and get back to the door, the rest of the time is my own. After being in a flaming cell for a few decades, The Offer looks glorious. There are strings, of course, no deal could exist without them. But even the strings looked like a life-line. You know what they say about strings, though. They’re just long enough to hang yourself with.

  I was up topside doing a job. Or rather, waiting to start a job, so I was doing my usual stuff. Walking through parks, listening to birds, and there was no way that I was in a sleazy strip club shoving ones into Candy’s thong. Anyway, this guy approached me. He looked like either a bouncer or a mobster’s lemming so I was surprised when he seemed to have a brain.

  “I’ve seen you around town before.”

  “But I haven’t been here before. I’m just visiting a friend of mine.”

  “Got a name?” By this point, I was just hoping he wasn’t coming onto me because he really wasn’t my type. It’s not that he didn’t have boobs; I just prefer them on women. Weird, I know.

  “Terrance. You?” It’s not, though.

  “Hey, Terry, I’m Mike.” It wasn’t, though, but that’s not important. “I was just concerned because after I see you around, some bad shit starts going down.”

  Awesome. An observant muscle-head. A new species? “Really? That’s an odd coincidence.”

  “I would agree with the coincidence part if you weren’t packing.”

  “You’re good, but I’m also a part-time body guard with a permit for a concealed weapon. If you’d like to see it, I’m willing to show you.” At that point I slipped a hundred into Candy’s bra with a wink and a nod and she nodded back. And don’t glare at me. Multi-tasking is important. Back to Muscle-head Mike.

  “I believe you, for some reason.”

  I actually did have a magic piece of paper that would’ve looked like a permit if he had insisted. “So, tell me about this shit going down. Any places I should avoid?”

  And he started telling me about shootings and crashed charity dinners and a bombing, only one of which was my fault, by the way. But then Candy came over to bring me into the back since she was finished dancing.

  “Sorry, man, but I got to take this.” I said, though Mike’s sigh in response was a mystery.

  “Yeah, whatever.”

  So, I tried to make it look like Candy was dragging me into the back, but she wasn’t. I gave her another hundred and asked her to stay in the back for at least twenty minutes before I… kissed her and escaped through a window, since I knew Mike was at the back door.

  Since I didn’t know what else to do, I went back to my motel and went to sleep, trying to decide how to do the hit. They had to be different so they wouldn’t be connected. The people had nothing in common, since they had yet to achieve what goodness they would’ve been known for. I didn’t have anything against them. Work is work.

  All right, so I didn’t meet her that time. But it’s “Mike’s” fault I met her. His real name was Ryan and he’s a private investigator. He was hired to investigate the death of a woman I had killed. If she had lived, she would’ve played the markets until she was a billionaire and then divided it all into various charities, saving countless lives. Though I had left no concrete evidence at the scene, I failed in making it look like something random or accidental. Foul-play was the only logical conclusion. I had been punished for that. The pitchfork stereotype is untrue but that doesn’t mean the demons won’t use them just for a change of pace. Not my point. Whenever I would do hits in that area, he would find me somehow. Mostly at the club, *cough*, I mean park. Sometimes he had a partner with him, who he called Brutus, but his real name was Carl. I honestly don’t know why they bothered with the fake names. It’s not like I would see them around town with their families or anything. Sorry, I’ll get back to the point. You wanted to know about the woman.

  It was over a year until I had a hit in that area again. Ryan met me at the club, which was about the time when I guessed Candy was an informant. Too bad, I really liked her. At the time, I had thought he was on a date or something because he had a girl with him.

  “So, what’s you damned deal, Terry? “Mike” ruined our evening to come and talk to your stupid self.” Sass was something she wasn’t short on.

  “What do you mean? A single guy can’t come to a club without getting the third degree?” If it was a date, I was ready to be understanding, mostly because her sass turned my crank.

  “All guys that come here are pervs and low-lifes.”

  “What about your boyfriend? He’s a perv?” I laughed then, just to watch her eyes stab me.

  “He’s my stupid brother who I almost never see. Why’d he want to talk to you as soon as you hit town? You some sort of bad dude? Because you sure don’t look it.”

  Ryan was standing there watching the scene. “You let your baby sis do all the talking for ya, big guy?”

  He chuckled, “She does well enough. Answer her before she kicks you. You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

  “Fine. He thinks I bring trouble but I’m in town for an interview, that’s all.”

  “Not visiting your friend like before?”

  “Nope, he moved. But he said this was a good place to settle so I took an interview offer seriously that I might not have otherwise.”

  Her spice, which had mellowed, was back. “So, why come to this place?”

  “I was nervous. Trying to unwind a bit. But, if you’d rather, I could take you out to dinner instead.” Wow. Had that come out of my mouth?

  “Dude.” Muscle-head didn’t get it either.

  “Whoa. Why the hell would I go out with you? You perv.” Spitfire looked disgusted.

  “Hey, lady, you don’t know me. I could be a stand up guy for all you know.”

  “My name is not lady, it’s Rindae. And that is something you should have asked before you asked me out.”

  “But…”

  “Come on, “Mike.” This loser isn’t worth your time. He’s probably harmless.”

  They left and suddenly I wasn’t in the mood for Candy anymore. Weird.

  Before doing the job I was in town for, I bought some high tech bugs and bugged Ryan’s home, car, and office. I didn’t want him following me to any of my future jobs. No need to confirm any of his nagging suspicions. I was tempted to bug Rindae’s stuff too, but I restrained myself. She’d be back.

  Or, maybe she wouldn’t. Either way, it was a few more months until I had another errand in that part of the world. My friend this time was named Lola, but of course, that’s not the point. “Mike” found me, as usual, but I knew
when and where he was coming from, since he still hadn’t found the bugs.

  “Your sis not like me or something?”

  “Speaking of my sis, dude, why did you ask her out?”

  “That is an excellent question that I really would answer if I knew the answer myself.”

  Scoffing at me, he muttered, “Ya know, for some reason, I believe you.”

  “I wish I still thought it was funny. But that’s not why you’re here, is it? You still think I’m some sort of criminal catalyst.”

  “No, Ter, I think you’re just a regular criminal like all the rest.”

  I paused for a moment, considering Lola and my next best move. There was no good move so I went with the one that was safest for “Mike” since the pitchfork gang would consider him collateral damage. “Is this such a boring town that all visitors are considered suspect of something illegal?”

  “Of course not. Like I said the first time we met, it was all about the timing of your visits to our glorious city that raised concerns.” His phone rang, which delighted me because he answered it and stopped asking me stupid questions. “Hello? Yeah? Uh-huh. Yeah. I know I said that. We will. I’m meeting with that guy again. Ri. No no no no, Ri, don’t come here. Damnit.” He glared at me for some reason before murmuring to himself and ordering a drink from a passing waitress.

  “Sticking around, eh?”

  Grumbling some more, he spat, “I have to wait for Ri now. She had time for me and she’s nearby. If you ask her out again, I will punch your liver, if you haven’t drunk it away yet.”

  “Noted.”