by Zoey Kinsman
“You know we are not here to materialistically care for each other, but to see if we can spiritually care.”
“I just want you near me, and if that means making your life easier then let me help.”
“No. Like you, I’ve worked too hard to get where I’m at. I like being self-sufficient and not having to let a man hurt me to stay afloat. I fought to get away to be free. I won’t be shackled again.”
Getting up and moving away gave me the space to contemplate what I had let slip out of me so easily. He didn’t deserve it, but it was my own real and honest truth. No man would keep me again.
Looking out at the beautiful view over the darkened hills, lights twinkled brightly, giving hope of good things around. On a night like this, he came up from behind me to hold me close and rest his head on my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry…please forgive me. I’m just so greedy with wanting you close. Please forgive me. I don’t want to keep you caged. You’re my beauty. Be my beautiful butterfly…fly if you must, but come back to me…come back.”
“Yes…we promised to walk together. I don’t break promises…do you?”
His arms tightened even tighter around me, and my body fell back into him, my head resting on the soft tuft of blond chest hair, so soft and inviting.
“Never with you…I’m only good with you. I’m addicted, remember?”
“It would serve you well to remember that I’m addicted, too.”
Turning myself, I melted back into his reassuring arms, then said, “How about we make a deal then, because you know I’m good with making deals, right?”
“Um, yes, I know you are good with deals, but what did you have in mind?”
“Well, if you’re not ready to let go, how about you drive me home and then spend the night at my place?”
Like an excited kid who had just been granted one wish, he jumped back and screamed out, “Deal!” He stuck out his hand to shake on it. I took it willingly and he kissed mine to seal the so-called deal. “We just need to stop at my place for a quick change of clothes and we’ll be good. Okay?”
“Yes, but let’s move it now.” I smacked his ass and he saluted me again. What a kid!
I really didn’t get his fascination with me, but I didn’t want to get it just now. It was too much fun, and I’d learned lately that fun was a rare commodity you couldn’t always come by easily. He brought it, I liked it, and something in me, like him, was not letting it go either. It seemed I had acquired the same fascination for him.
Chapter 5
Making it out of the hotel in good time, we rushed to his place to pick up some fresh clothing, over to the local organic market to pick up some salads and fresh bread as a dinner, and finally back home to my place. After such a relaxing and fun day, the evening was contrasted by frenzied energy.
Opening my front door with him standing behind, we entered. He followed me to the kitchen, where we put the groceries down.
“Maybe I should have said ‘Enter at your own risk’ when you came in,” and gave him a cute little smirk.
He reached for me at the counter and kissed me lightly on the lips. “Ah, it’s a risk I would gladly take any day.”
“You’re silly. C’mon, I’ll take you on a bit of a tour.” My place wasn’t big, but it wasn’t small either. It had enough room for me and if another wanted to stay. We walked around together, and he noted how perfectly decorated and in place everything was, and how minimalist, too. I let him know that I didn’t like things complicated, but rather laid out and organized. There were clean sharp modern lines in most places, yet touched by color so as not to be antiseptic in feel.
When we got to my bedroom, he paused and then asked, “Anne, do you think you did your place so minimalistic because you don’t like the messy and complicated? Does it have to do with your past?”
“Yes, most likely. Keep it all out front where I can see it and deal with it. Keep it simple. That became my new motto.”
“Wow, what an amazing closet, so organized. I should get you to do mine.” He started to laugh, and then realized that it might be quite frightening for someone to be so organized.
By his face I could see it scared him a bit. “It’s a way for me to keep control over that which I really can’t control.”
He just nodded and then held me close. “You know, what we have is very messy and very complicated and very real. I’m not changing or letting go of that. And I will never hurt you. Please don’t be afraid.”
“I’m not afraid of you. I’m afraid that life will get in the way, and if needed then I can fall back on my routines to see me through again.”
We were sitting together on the edge of the bed now.
“But can’t we just see where it goes before dooming it?”
“Yes, we’ve said this so many times in our whirlwind of a romance. I’m not quite sure what it is. But you have to know that our lives are very different, and that will eventually get in the way.”
“Not if we deal with it together. Like here and now, where you offered this compromise tonight. We can continue to do that.”
My voice softened. “Yes, we will work on it for sure. Now, please come to bed, because you have totally exhausted me today in a very, very, and let me say very good way.” Rubbing his arm gently with my fingers, I smiled, and he agreed. “Are you hungry? We can go have our salads first if you like.”
“Yeah, I actually am really hungry. Let’s do that, and then I can take you to bed again.”
“You mean we eat and then sleep, right?” My hand touched his face now and he turned, looking at me, inquiring regarding my intentions. “Yes, eat and sleep.”
“Okay, party pooper, let’s go eat and then sleep.” Taking my hand, he led us to the kitchen. It was after ten in the evening now, and I knew I needed to get to bed soon.
I set up to eat at the counter and we munched away on our greens and fresh bread. Quick decaf coffees on the Keurig accompanied the meal, and we were good.
“I like this.”
I smiled at him. “You know, you are the first male I’ve let sleep over in my home.”
“How long have you lived here?”
“Like I said, it’s been ten years. I bought this place after the divorce.”
“Wow…I still can’t believe I’m your first. But thank you, Anne, for letting me in. I’m sincerely honored.” He touched my hand as he spoke the words.
“Somehow, I just knew you’d be the one, and you’ve made me feel safe enough to let someone in.”
“That goes two ways, you know.”
This man knew how to make me smile from the inside out.
After cleaning up from the meal, we made our way back to my bedroom. As I started to undress, I let him know, “I’m going to have a bath to relax before bed. I’ll only be twenty minutes.”
“Can I join you?”
Naked now, I pressed myself against him and expressed my delight at the thought of having him near me again.
I took his hand and led him in to my rather spacious bathroom. Although stark white, there were reassuring touches of color in the warm mats on the floor and the flowers in a vase on the counter. I filled the bath full of warm water and some aromatherapy oils.
Moving naked, he made to get in first. His obvious erection was standing hard as a rock. With a natural ease, that big wide frame of his gracefully slid in first. The sight of him made me freeze in that one spot with sheer appreciation.
His hand reached and called for me to follow. I did, and sat with my back right up against him, letting the water wash over us both.
“This is so very nice…so very nice, Paul. I want to stay here for always with you.” Oh, God, did I just say that? What did forever mean to him? Did I use the wrong words that might freak him out and want to make him run?
His hands spoke to me. They grabbed hold of my breasts and played with my hard, pink nipples, urging them to respond to his lust, urging them to feel our bond. He was making me come alive again in
his arms. I leaned back further and felt him pressing his power between my legs. Naturally and without reserve, I sat on it to make it easier for him. Slowly he moved me up and down that powerful shaft while playing fiercely now with my breasts.
“Paul, I don’t think I can. I’m so sore.”
“I’ll be very gentle, my beauty.”
His hot breath was running down my neck, electrifying me from top to bottom. Currents of desire made me only want to come in his arms again. The lavender smells of the bath encircled us and called for expression.
Then his hands reached around and down into the depths of my pussy to touch and feel my need.
“Yes…I can feel you…I can feel you…more please.”
As he pounded his pleasure into me, quivering spasms set me free once more and I was his now, lost in him and his own beat. Wild and crazy, I let myself go up and down furiously on him till I felt his own quivering and wild release. Grunts of built up and released pleasure called out from his being.
“Fuck. What you do to me, woman. Fuck…it’s so fucking intense.”
Resting back on him now, the only answer that came was, “I feel the same.”
Kissing my wet, chilled neck, he whispered, “Time to sleep, my beauty.”
He braced himself on the edges of the tub and lifted himself up, again ever so gracefully. Then he bent to lift me up next to him. Following was easy. I watched him get out and get some towels for us.
“Come, my love.” He extended his hand to me, and I took it and moved out of the tub into his awaiting, warm toweled embrace. “Mmmm, you’re so yummy and divine.”
He wiped me dry then went to do the same for himself, letting me watch and enjoy the view. Throwing the towels into the basket by the door, we walked naked, satisfied, back to my bed. I threw the covers back and jumped in. Patting the bed next to me, I motioned for him to join me. With his own satisfied smile, he came in very close, wrapping us both up in his toned arms. I let mine slip around him. In a flash, he threw the covers back over us.
We lay still together and shuffled off to sleep from contentment. All through the dark stillness of night we held each other tight. When the sun finally signaled morning and the rebirth of another day full of possibilities, we awoke to face each other.
“Nice…this is so nice.” He rubbed his eyes and let go of me for the first time in hours to stretch his body out.
Refreshed by the sleep, I moved slowly to look at the alarm clock. I was good, but still felt tinges of tiredness. I guessed I needed more stamina to keep up with him. That made me chuckle to myself. I thought I had done pretty well, all things considered. We had done it four times in one day and I hadn’t dropped dead. I’d say that was good.
“What are you thinking about?”
“I’m thinking that if we get up and grab some smoothies quickly, I’ll have time to make it to the gym and a class.”
“Ohhh, so you want to be looking good for me now?” He was patting my ass as he said that.
“Do you need me to look better for you?”
“No, you’re perfect as you are, so do it for you. Be healthy and well for you, because I will care no matter what.” He tried to kiss me, but I shooed him away with that bad breath of his.
“No, you don’t, our mouths stink.” Laughing off his last remark was easier than looking below the meaning of his statement.
I rolled over him, ran to the bathroom, and locked the door behind me. Looking in the mirror, I saw a happy woman smiling back, who looked younger than her years. My long blonde, highlighted hair was disheveled from the bliss of torrid lovemaking. My breasts, with that umph, appeared younger and firmer in that instance. The tummy controlled by briefs looked only to be one of an experienced warrior. My own long legs of someone around five feet, six inches tall were strong and smooth, sculptured from many morning workouts. Not bad at all. In that mirror staring back at me, I saw what my lover had seen when he looked at me. Joy filled my belly and filled my soul. Someone finally saw me as me. I held on to that precious gift, hoping never to experience loss again, to be sold out.
Yeah, there was a core of cynicism, but Grumpy Cat sat still and purred from her perch, enjoying this moment in time.
Washing quickly, I stuck my hair up, got my gym bag out, and got ready to go.
“My turn, gorgeous,” he said from the doorway, awaiting his turn in the bathroom.
I didn’t want to touch his body as he passed me on the way into the bathroom for fear of wanting him all over again. My heart could bear it, but my body couldn’t. Some work, rest, and down time were required.
I waited for him in the kitchen with keys in hand, homemade smoothies ready in bottles for each. I hoped he liked my concoction of various fruits, nuts, protein powder, almond milk, and peanut butter. I put straws in them in case he wanted to drink and drive.
His scent alerted me that he was nearby, and when I looked out, I saw him standing once more at the doorway watching me.
Like a magnet, I was drawn over into his space. “Oh, hold me, gorgeous man. I miss you already.”
“No need to miss me. You go do you and I’ll do me, and then tonight, if you give me a key, I’ll be here waiting with dinner and drinks. We can pick up where we left off and keep the journey going.”
Getting my spare key out of the kitchen drawer, I gave it to him, along with the alarm code. Like a locomotive, this thing was hurling faster and faster forward, and this time I wasn’t protesting. Somewhere along the line, I had climbed aboard.
We left together. Before he climbed into his car we shared one last passionate kiss and embrace. It had to suffice for the rest of the day.
“See you later, beauty.”
“Have a good one.” I waved and made off for my own car.
I blasted the music and sang along as I made my way into the gym and then into work. Giving myself a break from the thought process of it all, I let the goodness surround me and believed in the magic.
* * * *
Trish was waiting for me as always.
“Anne, there is something so different about you. What’s going on? Spill it. Come on.”
“No, nothing is different, honestly. I’m just happy I caught up on Saturday and now we’re ready for today. Bring it on.” I smiled at her with a sudden surge of gratitude in my eyes beaming in her direction. Maybe it was really time to think about giving her more responsibility. What if another agency came along and snatched her up from under me? I’d be sunk without her. I’d recover, but it would be brutal. Hmmm, I would have to start to think of succession plans.
“Okay, I’ll bring it on,” she laughed, because I didn’t think she’d ever heard me say that before.
“You know Trish, I would like, in a month or two from now, to sit down with you and talk about you taking on more responsibility, and of course more pay to reflect that. Are you interested?”
Her mouth dropped open from near shock.
“Trish? You okay? C’mon girl, you know you are ready to do more and make more.”
She didn’t move, but I could see the tears begin to well up in her eyes.
“Don’t cry, silly. Anything you get, you’ll have earned. You’re good. Believe in yourself.”
She came around to hug me tight. I hugged her back after my own initial shock.
“Yes Anne, I would very much like to stay here with you and do more, learn more, and grow with the agency.”
“Well then, let’s plan a dinner out to talk plans.”
“Amazing! I’ll check your calendar and email you some dates. Sound good?”
“Yes, that’s great.”
As I headed into my office, I felt her gaze on me wondering what had the heck was going on with me. Looking back, I just winked at her. Even more perplexed now, she headed back to her own desk to sit down and make sense of it all.
It amused me that it had taken Paul to help me figure out that Trish needed to and should play a bigger part in my business. He’d helped me see that I didn’t
need to go it alone.
Sitting down and opening up my computer and waiting for it to load, memories flooded my brain. Would I ever be able to focus again? God, this man made me feel so like a giddy girl experiencing her first love. Maybe in truth, he was my first real love. Then Grumpy Cat reminded me that was yet to be proven.
When the computer came on and I went to check email to start my work, my phone pinged. Looking over quickly to see if it was important, his name came up. It was him.
Control lost, I immediately opened the message. He wanted to know if I had any food allergies, and if I’d accompany him to a work related promotional event in a couple of days. Smooth. He just snuck that controversial ask in there like nothing.
Like many business decisions I had previously made, I knew to wait a few minutes, even hours if needed, for insight to come.
I put the phone down and waited. But instead of sitting there, I did start my day, returning correspondence, writing rejection letters with a touch of kindness, since it was a brutal business, and sent out contracts. There were calls to be made to publishers and their teams to work on my authors’ needs. Yeah, I dove right into it. I didn’t want to stop and think on how far and fast he was willing to take this relationship.
In a few hours, I wrote him back to let him know that I had no specific food allergies and that I wasn’t big on spicy food. Then I added that we could talk about the event tonight. I signed off with heart eyes and kissy faces.
Then I went back to the other big decisions. My mind fuzzed up by his wonderful distractions, I called Trish in to assist.
“The time to start is now. I’m going to run stories and authors by you that you’ve read alongside me, and you’re going to help me decide their fate. You ready?”
Shock still covered her face, but she took out her notepad like a woman ready to step-up and play in the big leagues. Yeah, this was right.
We spent hours discussing and arguing over the merits of other’s work. Who would get the thumbs up and who would be crushed by a polite no thank-you. She seemed to relish every moment of dissecting the written words and quality of work.
