by Zoey Kinsman
At five in the afternoon, I decided to quit for the day. She didn’t question me today and seemed happy for the break to go home and regroup. This was a big step, and possible advancement for her.
“I finally get to use all my training. What a great opportunity. I am really grateful, Anne.”
“You deserve the chance to prove yourself.”
“Wow, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but whatever it is, I’m rooting and cheering you on.”
We had transitioned back into friend mode.
“You’re a great cheerleader, and I’m lucky to have you by my side. Now, go on home. I’ve got a few papers to fill out, and then I’ll be gone, too.”
“Okay, I’ll wait for you and we can go down together.”
“I’d like that. Just hold on a few minutes and I’ll be done.”
Finishing up quickly, I went to meet her in the front office. She had changed into something different, more casual.
“You look great. Date?”
“Yep. He’s no Paul Wickham, but he is hot and cute. I just hope we have a nice time together.”
“Few men are Paul Wickham…”
My mind drifted off with that comment to his sweet gorgeous accepting face. It was exciting to be going home to him. Those were dangerous thoughts, even though I knew I was playing with fire. I could only hope not to get too burned.
“Anne, you seem to really have taken a liking to Paul. Is it more than just work?”
Oh, boy, maybe I was showing my feelings too openly. I needed to protect him and myself in the process. But did he really want or need my protection? Another question for later.
“Through our emails, I’ve come to see him as more than just the actor on a hit show. There appears to be more there.”
“That’s what I’ve been telling you!”
Laughing, I brushed off the topic. We were at the parking lot, so I quickly wished her a great evening and went to my car to head home to my own mystery man.
Curious to see what this day would bring, my speed of expectancy took me home to him.
* * * *
Pulling into my garage at the back, I passed his car parked out front. He was there.
“Hi honey, I’m home,” I intoned with a touch of playfulness.
“I’m in the kitchen. Come on in and see what I’ve got cooked up for us,” his voice bellowed back.
Walking into my kitchen, I saw him standing at my hardly used gas range stirring and mixing up some good smelling food. He was dressed in jeans and a tight tee, with an apron covering his front. If I could, I would have made love to him right there on that very spot where he stood. Real men do cook. He was cooking up a storm inside of me that wanted to swirl all over that beautiful cosmos that was him.
“It smells so good. Let me see.”
“Nope, not yet. You open that bottle of wine on the counter, and then sit yourself down and get ready to be served.”
Instead, I put my arms around him and rested my head on his back. “You’re yummy. I want you.” My hands nonchalantly slipped lower down his jeans, stroking his thighs, wanting to go there.
Turning around slowly with spoon in hand, he kissed me, all sexy-looking. “Later, silly woman, but first let me feed you.”
I hadn’t released my hold on him yet. “You’re no fun.” I pouted like a child in front of him, in jest of course.
“I am a ton of fun and you know it. By the way, pouting does not become you.”
“Play nice!”
“I always do.” Then he laughed at me right to my face.
“Okay, you win this round of wit, but we’ll be seeing who cracks who up first the next round.”
“Oh, so it’s a comedy competition that you want? I don’t do much comedy. I’m more of the romantic lead type of guy.”
“You’re so right. What was I thinking?” Feigning ignorance, I shook my head as if in disbelief.
“Would you please go sit down so I can serve you now, you know, all romantic-like?”
“Yes, please serve me, Paul. I love it when you serve it up…nice and hot, please, and thank you.”
“You had better stop with all the innuendo, or I might just have to fuck you right now here on the kitchen table.”
Part of me thought about how fun that idea might be. But then the part of me that was exhausted from the previous day’s activities with him and then a full day’s worth of work today thought better than to go on teasing. Knowing him, he would make good on it if I did push.
“I think I would really like to try your cooking right now.” My grin was full-on.
“You’re such a tease. Go sit and I’ll bring the food over.”
Not pushing it any further, I went to sit at the kitchen table that he had set and decorated with fresh flowers. It looked inviting. I recognized all the items as mine, but somehow, I had never put them together the way he had. Or was it that I had never actually entertained?
“Paul, how did you find everything so well? The table looks great.”
“Well, I guess your organized style actually does come in handy. I just had to open a few cupboards, and everything was there, laid out and organized perfectly, just like the control freak you are.”
I was going to ignore that last comment. Why open up that topic when we were having so much fun? And I was only in it for the fun and the experience, right?
Using one of my large glass serving platters, he filled it full of grilled chicken, veggies, and rice that wafted with spice scents that were Asian inspired. It looked impressive and filled the room with a sense of warmth and comfort.
A girl could get used to coming home to this.
Opening the bottle of wine that I had been tasked to do, he poured us both full glasses. Then he came to sit across from me at the table.
“Eat, eat…please, help yourself. I hope you like it. It’s healthy, and I hope tasty.”
Digging in, I helped myself to a large serving and was happy I did so. First, I was famished, and secondly, everything was just so delicious.
“Your chicken is so moist, and the veggies are steamed perfectly. I’ve always known that great actors are usually great cooks, too, but have never understood it.” I munched away vigorously as I made that observation.
“It’s the creative process thing. We see good cooking as a creative endeavor, and we always aim to please our audience. In this case, you are my audience.”
“Ah, so it’s a performance art as well. Now I get it. Seriously, this is so good. I can’t remember the last time I had a home cooked meal that I didn’t make. It’s such a treat. I’m grateful.”
He reached for my hand, and I gave it so easily to him. “You need never be grateful to me. It’s my pleasure to make you as happy as you make me.”
“How do I make you happy? It’s kind of reciprocal, no?”
“You fulfill me in ways I knew you would or hoped you would. You make me happy by being with me.”
Reaching for my glass, sipping on my wine and looking over the rim, I told him more truth. “I think you are more than I could have asked for. In the days since we’ve connected, you’ve made me look at life through a different lens.”
“I hope that’s good for you, because it’s good for me. I’m at peace. Before finding you, I felt like I was wandering without a definitive purpose. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I do love my work…my passion rests there. But sometimes I felt so empty. The work turned me on, but at night, alone with myself or friends or women, nothing turned me on.”
In a way he was a mirror, reflecting back my insides. It hurt bad.
Putting my glass back down on the table, I reached my hand for his now. “I’m so glad to be here right now, right here in your space. This is such a deep dive. Are you okay talking on this emotional plane with me?”
“We are speeding along together. We either crash and burn, or we navigate the curves and speed and get where we need to go to make this work.”
“You are a good driver, Paul. I�
�ve seen that literally, and it looks to be true emotionally as well. You know yourself well. At times, I think you know yourself better than I know my own self. I’m learning to be more open. At least I know I’m trying.”
“You’re just coming from a place of pain. I want to be the one that helps you make that final step in healing, in trusting and believing again.”
“Why? I still don’t get why you care so deeply so fast. Sorry if that sounds cynical, but man, I’ve been burned. I have to be careful. I hope you understand.”
“On a certain level, I get it, but at some point, you are just going to have to believe in the power of the universe. Maybe I’m just a guy who had a creepy crush on an older woman.”
I gave him the side-eye.
He went on. “I’m a big believer in things being meant to be. Like how I got my first role, how I was successful after failing, how I escaped the monster that was my father, and I really believe that I was put in your way at the right time to help you move past your abuses.”
A silence fell between us. I had no answer.
“What if I’m not ready?”
“You are, or you wouldn’t be here with me tonight.”
“And then what, Paul?”
“And then love.”
Silence enveloped us both once more.
“But I don’t even know your likes and dislikes. I want to know those.”
He started munching on his food again. “Ask away. I’m an open book for you to read.” How could he be so confident? How did he do that? He was so sure of who he was and why he was with me.
“Okay…let me see. Where to start? What’s your biggest regret?”
“That’s easy. We spoke of it, remember?”
“Oh, yes, it’s your mom. I’m sorry for bringing that back up.”
“It’s all right, Anne. Speaking of it only helps me further heal and be at peace. I can’t bring her back. What’s your biggest regret?”
“Probably that I didn’t get out of an abusive relationship sooner. That I somehow felt it was on me, that I was doing something wrong, or that maybe I could fix him. I should have known better. Reason was lost or clouded. So I regret that. I regret the wasted years and the fear…yeah, the fear was awful. I regret it.”
“Did he physically hurt you? I just read that he was abusive.” He grabbed my hand and held it close.
The divorce was messy. Some of it was on the Internet, and Paul had obviously researched and kept up on me. I grabbed his hand back and answered bravely now, having overcome some of the fear years prior.
“Most of the time he tried to tear me down emotionally. I was climbing up the ladder and he couldn’t handle it, so he would be so emotionally manipulative to put me down. If he put me down, he felt like the big man in the room. I was never good enough, pretty enough, talented enough, and there was never any recognition. My soul emptied itself of any value. I felt gutted.”
“How did you survive, love?”
“When he hit me for the first time, I left. I packed up my clothes, got in the car, emptied the bank account, and took a room at a hotel. The next morning before I did anything, I called a lawyer, got a restraining order by noon, and never looked back.”
“Did he try to stop you?”
“Oh, yeah, but I vowed to ruin his reputation if he stood in my way. I used my mind over his might. My mind had never failed me before, and I knew I could devise a way out. When I look back, it felt like I had had enough, and I just kept moving. It was the first time in a long time that I truly felt empowered. I knew he would try and come after my business, and I was brutal about it and wouldn’t let go. He had taken enough of me over the years.” Looking away now, I continued, “I did what I had to, and until now, had shut down my emotional engines, so to speak.”
Kissing my hands that rested in his now, he spoke so low and his voice deep with loving. “You, my beauty, are so talented and so utterly beautiful to me. If you give me the chance, I promise to never hurt you intentionally. I say intentionally because none of us are omnipotent and none of us are perfect. So if I slip or miss a beat, you’ll tell me, right?”
“That goes two ways.” I leaned in to kiss those hands that held me tight. “I know I can come off as tough sometimes, so you’ll have to remind me to tame that beast in me whose first instinct is to always protect.”
“Yes, my tough warrior, I will tame you in and out of the boudoir.” He laughed to lighten both our loads.
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
“It’s so good to see you smile. You know you have so much light in you when you smile.”
“You’re just a big flirt.”
I got up to clear the table and he followed me. Together we cleaned up the kitchen, joking and touching the entire time. And we made coffees. We took them to the front room to sit in front of my fireplace.
“Would you like to watch some TV or listen to music?”
“No, I think I would just like to sit here with my arm around you and share your company.”
How did this man know just the right thing to say at the right time? Or was I just fascinated by him, captured in his kindness and turned on by his physical being? He took me so far away from the everyday mundane.
“What are you thinking about?”
Turning my body toward him, I leaned in to kiss him and lose myself in his touch, in his mouth that spoke of his need and mine all at once. My arms found his shoulders and I held on tight. His found my middle and pulled me into him. I belonged.
Flames of heat rushed vividly before us. Bodies engulfed and ignited. Passion suddenly made for arms and legs tangled up, not knowing where each began and ended. Barely audible moans escaped us both as we feverishly decided what to do next.
“I have to have you now, my beauty…now.”
He lifted me so easily into his arms. Drifting away in the security of him, my body went limp, letting him take control of me and all my senses.
When we made it to the bedroom, gently and with an ease that took my breath away, he laid me down and came to rest next to me.
“I’m so wanting and yet so tired. You exhaust me, man.”
Lifting himself over me, his mouth found mine. “Shhh, don’t speak, just feel.”
Words disappeared. The world around us went dark with the desire that looked to express itself. Like a slow dance, he took control and led me through my universe and into his, two becoming one. I held onto him until he let me go. Yet, I followed him not knowing where we were going. Through kisses, wild touching, and groping for each other, he had undressed me naked. He had freed me, willingly waiting for his next move.
“Stay still, my beauty.”
I obeyed his every command.
He went down on me with an intense commitment to satisfaction. Feeling him between my legs, my knees bent to welcome him. He licked my lips solidly from top to bottom, almost touching my ass. Shuddering at first from the immense delight the light touch of his tongue brought, pleasure rung throughout my body and the anticipation of more was exciting. But he didn’t dive in. No, his tongue expertly found its way in, slowly and deliberately enticing my sweet spot. Thumping and pounding out more exhilaration as if a concerto on a piano, he made me reach crescendos of pure ecstasy. Resounding whimpers escaped me. Moans burst forth into the night air, letting him know my deep gratification. Fists clenched the bed sheets as if they would rescue me from boundless pleasure.
“Oh, my God, Paul,” I whimpered now. “I can’t take it anymore.”
Urging me on, arching my back for release, he pulled me closer…No, it's too much…
Then he was at it again, the waves rose, and I heard myself begging for his entry. “Come be with me. I need you in me.”
Slicing me open with his hard rod, he came into me as the tides rushed onto the shore over and over, with the same power of those tides that had pulled us both into each other’s cosmos. It only took a few deep, long thrusts and we succumbed one to the other, shaking and trembling and holding on
, sweat joining us in unison.
Collapsed, lying next to me and with his head beside my own, I heard him murmur to himself, “Fuck, it’s so bloody intense.” Then he wrapped one arm over me and pulled me to his side. “Anne, it’s so intense, help me.”
Gently I moved into a sitting position and tried, but only succeeded with a little help from him, to maneuver his head and shoulders onto my lap, stroking his hair, his face, and massaging those shoulders to reassure him that he wasn’t alone.
“What is your deepest fear?” Knowing the answer to the question, I probed to see if he knew as well.
“Probably loss. I’m afraid I might lose myself and you. It’s taken me so long to be with someone where I actually gave a shit about them, where I actually cared about how they felt. It’s hard for me, because it’s not what I’m used to, you know?”
“You mean, it’s not just fucking?”
He looked away, because the admission was hard for him. “Yes…it’s more than fucking for me here with you. I feel things I have never felt before. Like I said, it’s so intense. Don’t get me wrong, the intense is fantastic. My orgasms are even stronger, and the feelings are like rockets taking off while I’m getting off. But, I’ve never been here before, and it’s really new for me. And then…”
“And then there is fear, right? You’re the same afraid as me that it might not last? There’s the unknown fear that we could crash and burn, right?”
“Yeah…exactly…I’ve never been this emotionally open either, and that is scary.”
Still stroking him, I replied, “Ah, thanks for your trust, babe. Trust is everything for me. But honestly, I can say don’t worry, but it’s really up to you and me to not let it go. I fight that battle in my head, too. I think though, in the end, time will tell. You might be sick of me tomorrow or the next day, so let’s just do this thing and let it play out. I get how fast it’s going. It scares the crap out of me, too. Maybe if we make some kind of deal, it’ll be easier for both of us if it doesn’t work out.”
“Wow, you’ve really thought about it, too.”
