Only Good With You
Page 17
A bottle of champagne and a tray of cheese and fresh sliced breads welcomed our arrival. We took them out to the deck, stuck the lounge chairs together, and made ready to watch the sunset as one. When the sky colors morphed into bright hues of pink, red, and then blue moving to black, the night air heralded a certain chill. He went in and brought out a blanket to cover us as he snuggled up next to me on my lounger. The distinct smoky smell of wood burning from rooms all around filled that night air with a sense of peace and tranquility. Squished together, just breathing in this good life together, nothing could have been better.
As he snuggled up into me, we wrapped ourselves tightly around each other. Combined body heat radiated, keeping us warm enough. Somehow together we had both rediscovered a child-like innocence that had been lost along the way. It was as if for the first time we could both just exhale and feel totally safe.
“When we are here like this, it’s as if there is no age difference. I just feel like the real me when I’m with you.”
“There is no age difference.”
“How can you say that?”
“Age is irrelevant here, because we’ve both lived many of the same experiences. And besides, don't you know people ‘wise beyond their years?’”
“Yes, but I've lived longer, therefore seen more.”
“There are people in their twenties who have lived more, experienced more, and probably know more than both of us. So how can you put an age on that?”
“Why do you have to be so wise?” His kisses were tender and ever so accepting.
We stayed in that position till we both drifted off into a restful sleep. When the chill turned into a cold night air, my shivering woke us both and we quickly went back into our suite to sit and warm ourselves in front of the fire. We finished off the bottle of champagne with no problem.
That night, after a light dinner, our love-making was more relaxed and laid back than it had ever been. There was no rush to finish. There were no homes or jobs demanding our attention. It was just the two of us discovering deeper dimensions of each other.
We were deliberately slower, using lotions and oils to intoxicate our senses. My hands ran long lengths along his firm body. Hands that had been soaked in rose and clary sage oil spoke their own language of love to him. Come to me; be mine for always as I am yours. Each muscle reached and flexed when touched, and then moved into a relaxed state of being.
With his eyes closed as if in a trance-like state, his body rose and fell with each advance and his need for me grew. But I did not acquiesce easily, waiting for that elusive peace to be with him. Ready, I got on top and took his bent up, hard member between my legs easily, slippery wetness waiting for him. He slipped into me as if searching for a safe harbor. Rocking it out slowly, sweating bodies in unison made our moans ache for a greater connection. He took control from me, firmly and quickly raising me up and down on his cock till we both needed the release to happen. With one thrust and then one last deep push, my world came undone. Leaning back, trusting and letting go, tremendous sensations rippled and erupted spontaneously, setting us both free. Moans of pleasure instantly turned into the rumblings of release, leaving us breathless, shattered.
When the panting subsided, gently, as if I were some kind of fragile china, he lifted me off him and laid me by his side. Happy to rest, we went under the covers and fell fast asleep, while the fire before us sparked and sputtered its flames brightly.
* * * *
The next sound I heard was his voice gently coaxing me to rise.
“C’mon, lazy bones, it’s time to rise and greet the day.”
“Why? I’m so enjoying my pillow and this comfy bed and your hot bod next to me…mmm.” I rolled over and away from him to emphasize my point.
But then he smacked my butt playfully and continued. “It’s too beautiful a day to waste in bed. We can do more in bed later, babycakes.”
“Oh, babycakes, I like that!”
He jumped out of bed and was into the shower quickly. I dragged myself up and followed slowly behind him. He was already in the shower when I moved in behind him. Putting my arms around his waist, I laid my head on his back. The warm water rain-shower trickled over us. It was so soothing and calming. He didn’t mind that I was invading his space. After a few minutes, my hands naturally found his beautiful cock ready and waiting. I took him from behind, all of him in my hands…full thrust and hard on. Fully spread and muscular, his arms were holding onto the walls for balance until he came.
His body relaxed after and he hung his head, letting the water wash over him. When he could speak again his words were simple. “Fuck, that was so good…so fucking good.” Then he turned and kissed me in gratitude for a job well done.
“My pleasure. I am only here to serve your every need.”
“Well then, woman, let’s get ready and have breakfast on the terrace overlooking the mountains and oceans, and take in some of the natural beauty surrounding us. However, the beauty here in this place is only eclipsed by your own natural beauty…my beauty.” His hand swept lovingly over my face and down my arm. He leaned in to kiss me tenderly as he spoke romantic words of one possessed by some powerful elixir that only love could formulate. His essence, forever imprinted on my lips, left me satisfied.
“Finish up and come out to the terrace. I’ll set up for us.” The air seemed still and unmoving when he left the room.
While I was getting ready, I heard him order room service. Everything was fresh, organic, green, and good-for-you food. I liked that we were eating healthy. It was one of the things I so liked about living in California. A healthy lifestyle for most was the norm. Yes, you could always get delicious junk food, but it was the easy accessibility of the healthy stuff that made it so inviting, that made it easy for one to live a balanced lifestyle. That’s what I told myself.
There were no televisions in the rooms, or Wi-Fi, so he had to make do with turning on the music made available to all guests. It was a choice of new age or new age music. He went for the new age music. Really, it did suit the place, inducing a sense of peace and relaxation, something I hadn’t felt in a long time.
From the room, I watched him on the terrace. Although a tall, big man, he possessed the grace of a dancer. His moves were fluid, graceful, and purposeful. He was always in total command of his body. Where I could stumble and bump into things, I didn’t think he ever would. And he was confident. That confidence he always talked about me possessing was mirrored in him. He knew life…he had grabbed it by the balls and was not letting go. He was not afraid either. He had made peace with his demons, and was in a very good place, it seemed. Had he come with baggage, I would have still been accepting. I wondered if he knew that.
Room service came and went. He called out to me to hurry up and join him.
“This all looks so great. I think I’m going to start with a cup of coffee and some fruit.”
The ocean’s expanse spread wide and never-ending before our eyes, all blue with rippling waters. Green mountains and landscapes framed the view. Scents of pine and eucalyptus welcomed us to nature’s glory, and only awesomeness enveloped all senses. The divine welcomed and showed us her true beauty.
“Paul, I think this is probably the most beautiful place on Earth…or at least one of them. I’ve never experienced such beauty and tranquility mixed together. It’s really hard to take it all in and describe it accurately.”
“I think you just did. It’s a special kind of calm beauty. I’m so glad we are here together.”
“Me, too. It gives me a chance to learn about you on a deeper level without having to rush off somewhere, or either one of us having to leave to take care of business.”
“Yes, I like being here alone against the world with my girlfriend.”
“Speaking of girlfriends, tell me about your past girlfriends. I want to know more about you and your history.
“Very subtle segue, Anne. Why, and what does it matter since all that really matters is us?”
“You’re not listening to me, obviously,” he announced as he laid thick butter and syrup on those fluffy gluten-free pancakes that looked yummy and smelled so bakery good.
“What have I missed? Please refresh my memory.”
“I told you, I liked to fuck, and then you came along to blow that, literally and figuratively.”
“Yep, I did blow that.” Laughter with him was always the easiest, but getting truth out of him was harder. “So, tell me about your last girlfriend that you liked to fuck.”
I had him stumped. He had to reveal some kind of information.
“Don’t you read the gossip magazines? My last relationship was all over the entertainment news. It surprises me how little of that side of the business you are aware of. And by the way, how did you end up at Comic Con?”
“Trish keeps me up to date on what she figures I need to know, and maybe you’re right that I should do more and know more about social media. So no, I don’t know about your last girlfriend, and I got to Comic Con because Trish begged me to go with her. She was on a mission to get me there. Now, spill it about your last girlfriend. What was said, and the truth…I want it all.”
I left out the part about how desperate Trish was to meet him on purpose. I didn’t want to embarrass her down the road if they met again.
“Okay, so here goes. My last girlfriend was Valerie McClure from the show. Do you know of her?”
I shook my head to affirm the negative.
“Yeah…we were supposedly together all of last year.”
“What does that mean? That tells me nothing.”
“It means that we fucked a lot, spent a lot of time together, and when the filming ended, I made no commitments.”
“That’s absolutely brutal.” My total dismay was written all over my face.
“Why was it brutal? I was honest with her and made it clear that I didn’t want to commit to anything more when she asked to move in together. Should I have strung her along? Would that have been honorable?”
The natural dick-prick side of him was showing. The one I rarely saw, thank God!
“So if I bore you or get on your bad side, you’ll be brutal with me, too?”
“You’re not playing fair. I didn’t love her. She was falling in love with me, and I couldn’t return the same level of affection. When she asked for more than I was prepared to give, it ended. That’s life, Anne. Why did you ask if you weren’t prepared to hear my truth?”
Popping another piece of sweet cantaloupe into my mouth, I gave myself time to think on that question. “I guess I asked because a part of me wants to know. They say history repeats itself. Do you think that’s true?”
“Yes, but love always rings true. You can’t make yourself love someone…you either do or don’t. You can fuck someone, have affection for them, but it doesn’t make for a great love affair or relationship.”
“So what are we? Are we an affair or relationship?”
“That’s what you got out of what I said?” He shook his head, disbelieving. “You know in your guts and soul what we are. We are destiny. How many times and ways do I need to say it?”
“Love commands you to say it as many as times as I need to hear it.” Checkmate!
“You’re good.” He pointed a finger at me and chuckled.
“You know I care for you deeply, baggage and all, as you do for me. I’ve shown you what lies in my baggage, I just wanted to know what you have that might need unpacking.”
“Probably Valerie, because I did feel like an asshole leaving her after spending so much time with her and working so closely together. But you can’t fake love. It’s not something you can act out, at least not for me unless it’s for film.”
“But there must have been some kind of feelings for her, or you wouldn’t have felt bad about breaking it off.”
“Yes, I admit that I did on some level really care. We shared a ton together, but I’m not going to sacrifice myself out of some kind of misplaced guilt. I didn’t love her. I cared deeply for her but didn’t love her. Does that satisfy your need to know?”
“Almost. What was she like?”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
I shook my head again.
“Ugh. She was nice, pretty, sweet, ‘blah blah blah’, deserved better than a prick.”
“Was she younger than you?”
“Yes…younger, and why does that matter?”
“Just curious. So what will it be like when you go back?”
“Probably awkward, but we are both professionals and will do our jobs. Are you feeling threatened by it? You shouldn’t. My heart only beats for you, know that.”
So this was the obvious point to end the topic. I’d gotten all the info I needed, but not all the understanding. Why did he stay in it for so long if he didn’t love her? Maybe he didn’t fully understand it himself.
“And you?”
“Huh?”
“What about you? What have you been doing since the divorce? I saw pics of you with other men.”
“Oh, my God! You are so funny, really. They were just dates to events. When I needed a date, I would call an industry colleague. I told you, I didn’t let anyone come in. I meant it. I would never lie to you about that.”
“I know you wouldn’t, but it’s just so hard to believe. I mean, when we connected sexually, you just knew so well…well, how to…well, you know. It’s not like you were out of practice or anything.”
Hysterical laughter escaped me. I held onto my stomach because the gut wrenching pain induced from laughing so hard was really hurting. I looked up to see his face all hurt and not processing why what he had said was so funny. After some gasps and a few failed attempts of trying to gather myself, I was finally able to answer him.
“It’s like riding a bike. It’s just intrinsic in your brain. And our connection felt real right from the start. I went with that. It was so natural to me. I’m happy to hear that it was for you, too.” A leftover giggle escaped me.
“I’m not being foolish. I know all of what you said, but can’t believe anyone would swear off sex for that long.”
“I waited for the good stuff to come, and here you are.”
“Hmmm, true.” He side-eyed me. I blew him a kiss.
“I had a ton to unpack. Trust was shattered. Bitterness tried to creep in. Self-doubt needed daily reassurance that I was good enough.” I looked away as usual, because these things were hard to admit. Yet, we had created such a safe place together that allowed me to express the pain and let it go.
“Hey beauty, please look at me. You never have to look away. You are beyond good enough. You are everything that has meaning and lights up my world.”
“You know, I am indeed a lucky woman, even though that brutal side of you kind of scares me, to be honest.”
“How about this…if I ever feel the brutal side of myself coming on, I’ll give you fair warning of when and why. Then you can take cover. Is that good?”
“Yes, that would be very good. It keeps me safe and gives me a chance to digest and process.”
“Would you do the same for me? What if you tire of me and want someone who can give you more?”
“I don’t ever need more, because you are everything. You are my most secret dreams answered.”
Then before I could finish my breakfast, he scooped me into his arms and took me back to our bed. The lovemaking was once more revealing, and unfolded layers of newfound depths of trust, exploration, and deeper treasures of love.
* * * *
“You know, we need to stop this.”
We were lying on top of the cushy hotel covers now, both looking at a new ceiling that could take us away or be our confidante. Blissfully happy from another wonderful sexy experience together, we didn’t move.
“What, stop making love together?” He couldn’t possibly mean that.
“No, of course not sex…I’ll never stop having sex with you. I mean we have to stop getting side tracked. It’s beautiful out today, and I had it all planned that we would hike a few trails and check out the property.”
“We can still do that. There’s plenty of time. But you need to feed me, because I didn’t eat breakfast and now I’m really hungry.”
“Okay, you get up first.”
“Okay, I’m getting up now.” My mind moved back to the terrace, but my body didn’t.
“Ugh…I guess I have to do everything for us.”
He got up, lifted me off the bed, slung me over his shoulder, and carried me back to the terrace as I was busy laughing my ass off, which he then smacked for good measure.
We ate, hiked, walked, and discovered the joy that laid itself at our feet, making its presence known, pulsing gently through body and soul. Holding hands, staying close, then running ahead and playing catch me, our childish spirits felt as if they were free to roam once more.
At night we dined on the best the resort had to offer, and watched the moon rise while we stood on the terrace, our bodies intertwined out of a need to be close and out of want to just exist for each other.
The days and nights were filled with happiness.
One day we travelled the route to Monterey, then the next day to Carmel. The sun beat on the windows of his SUV, and we reflected back the light and heat to each other. Our smiles were immense. We walked and explored, talked about what we liked and disliked, learning what we had in common and respecting where we differed. The issues weren’t huge, just nuanced.
Surprisingly, we even had an honest discussion on what he called my “preconceived need for Spanx.” He made it very clear that he thought it was all silly and in my head, and that I needed to work on a better body image for myself. How progressive! My response was that it was hard to keep up, especially in L.A. He thought I had no need to keep up…that baffled him. He liked me fine and that was all that counted, according to him. This was all coming from Mr. Well-Built. I argued the point with him to no avail. If I would do a few crunches, the problem that plagued me would be fixed, according to him. I had to decide whether to be flattered by his acceptance or tormented that he thought a few crunches could fix everything. But I appreciated that we could literally discuss any topic, and openly.