Find Me, Keep Me: A Let Me Go Novel (A Let Me Go series Book 3)

by L. L. Akers

  Her mouth was as soft as it looked. He drank her in, trying to quench his own burning desires with her lips, her tongue, and her mouth. He took his time, wanting to memorize every contour, every taste.

  She kissed him back wholeheartedly, and it soon changed from achingly slow, and hesitantly sensual, straight to hungry, desperate and passionate.

  Grayson’s hand closed around her hair, loosely catching it in his fingers, while the other hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her against him. He turned her and lifted her onto the counter, bringing her lips level with his. His hands found her hair again. He wrapped his fingers in the silky tendrils. She spread her legs and he took another step toward her, putting them closer. Very close. He felt her breasts against his chest, firm and soft at the same time.

  She sighed in his mouth. A whisper of a moan.

  He felt the pull of her. The kiss went deeper, and he answered her sigh with an involuntary moan of his own. He wanted to give in to his desires, pick her up, and carry her somewhere he could have her. Have all of her. But he couldn’t. This woman was a treasure...too good for the likes of him.

  What am I thinking?!

  Abruptly, he pulled away, dropping his hands from her, leaving her opened-mouthed in surprise, her eyes begging for something.

  Validation? An apology?

  Hell, he didn’t know. But he did know he’d screwed up.

  As he stared down at her, breathing heavily, she slowly raised her fingers to her lips, touching them as though she couldn’t believe he’d just kissed her.

  Her chest rose and fell rapidly, and he resisted caressing her hair while he mumbled an apology.

  Before she could answer, he turned and retreated. Back to the crofter.

  Alone.

  The way I’m supposed to be, he thought.

  25

  Olivia sat on the couch snuggled up with Ozzie, reading a romance novel—or trying to.

  She was irritated. While she normally loved reading, she could read at home. She wanted to be outside doing something. Maybe she should just pack up and take her book to the beach. Enjoy reading with the waves crashing in and the sun beating down on her. Any other day, she’d be happy to have that peaceful view and a good book. She knew she was just pouting.

  Everyone else had gone kayaking—without her. And after that they planned to ride to the country club and play some tennis. After being spurned by Grayson last night, it stung even more to be left behind.

  And...she’d looked forward to doing that on this trip; paddling through the tall reeds and cattails along the Cape Fear River that bordered the island, seeing the wildlife. The birds were said to be incredible here. They’d planned to venture further out and possibly pull up some sea lettuce—maybe taking a bite of it. She’d read somewhere you could eat it right out of the ocean.

  And her cute little tennis outfit! She, Emma and Gabby had all playfully picked out adorable pleated tennis-skirts and matching white tops, just like the ones they saw in the brochure.

  None of them really liked tennis—and they were terrible at it—but they’d have fun trying, and they’d look good doing it. Olivia didn’t usually try to dress to draw attention to herself, but she couldn’t resist when Gabby had suggested they dress like triplets. It would’ve been fun.

  She sighed and gave the book a guilty look. She’d been staring at the same page for ten minutes. She tossed it down and stared at her hands.

  I’m so stupid, she thought. How could I have forgotten to use pot-holders? Geesh! She definitely couldn’t hold paddles now, and probably not a tennis racquet, either. She didn’t want to get her bandages wet swimming at the country club pool, and definitely not in the ocean.

  Maybe tomorrow they’d be healed a little and she would leave them uncovered. The saltwater might be good for the burns anyway. She’d have to ride into the ferry landing—where she could get internet—and google it first.

  She jumped when the front door opened and Grayson walked through. Ozzie flew to the floor, barking ferociously. When he smelled Grayson, he stopped and whined, wagging his nub in a frenzy.

  Grayson jumped too, as though not expecting anyone to be home. His hair was tousled and his shirt and shorts wrinkled, as if he’d slept in them.

  The immediate blush on his face matched the one she felt heating up her own. After what seemed like minutes but was probably just seconds, he bent down and rubbed Ozzie. The dog flipped over, deliriously happy to see Grayson. So much for being a scary guard dog. Since meeting Grayson, he’d turned into a playful lap dog.

  He finally spoke. “What are you doing here? Thought you guys all left hours ago?”

  “They left. I can’t do anything with my hands.” She felt her lip stick out and sucked it back in, not wanting to look like a whiney-baby. She was a little old for pouting—at least when anyone was looking.

  Did they not ask him to go? She wondered. How rude. She’d have to talk to Dusty and Jake about that. Even if he did act like an ass to her, that was no reason for the guys to exclude him. They didn’t even know about it. Did they?

  Olivia squirmed on the couch when she realized he was staring at her bare legs. After the incident in the kitchen last night, she didn’t know where they stood. Or if there was a ‘they.’

  Maybe she’d been too forward? But he had started it. Or maybe she’d had bad breath...she had been eating shrimp and garlic. She’d agonized over that thought all night...how embarrassing.

  But she wasn’t going down that rabbit-hole again...the whys and what-ifs and trying to figure him out. And she wasn’t going to ask him, either, for goodness sake. If she made a big deal of it, he might, too. They might ruin Emma’s wedding. Maybe best to forget the kiss. At least for the next forty-eight hours.

  She pulled the kitschy afghan off the back of the couch and pulled it over her legs. “Burr. It’s cold in here. I need to turn the air down. You can probably catch them at the tennis courts. That’s where they were going after kayaking.”

  “Nah. I don’t do any sports. I prefer to watch them on TV with a bowl of popcorn and a cold beer.”

  Déjà vu. That was the same thing FindHerKeepHer had said when she’d mentioned the island having sports to him. Weird.

  And it surprised Olivia that Grayson didn’t play. Dusty had talked about learning to play yard-tennis on their back patch of grass. They hadn’t had fancy tennis courts where they grew up. She’d assumed that, being brothers, Grayson would have played with him.

  She realized Grayson was staring at her. When she didn’t respond, he said, “What? Most guys like to watch sports on TV. What’s wrong with that?”

  “Hmm,” she answered. “You won’t find anything on these TVs. The cable is out and Emma won’t let us call the rental company. She said we’re not here to watch TV. Can’t get a single channel.”

  Grayson looked thoughtful. “Huh. Guess that’s what the flyer really meant about being unplugged. No internet, no TV. Is there even a radio in this house?”

  “I don’t think so. Maybe that’s why time seems to go so slow here. The locals say Bald Head Island’s on turtle time.”

  Grayson scratched his goatee, as though in thought. “I’m going for a hike.”

  Olivia waited. When no invitation came to join him, she shrugged her shoulders and got up from the couch, moving toward the kitchen. Maybe he’d just leave. She didn’t want to get caught in the empty space of awkward conversation. There was definitely an elephant in the room that she didn’t think she could see past—and it must’ve been invisible to him, because he was acting like he didn’t even see it.

  Unbelievable. He kissed me last night. Pulled away. Stalked out the door without an explanation, and then stumbles in today and tells me he’s going on a hike? Knowing I’m bored and lonely? What? He wants me to ask if I can go?

  Not happening.

  “Okay,” she answered.

  Grayson gave her a small smile. “Okay, then. I was just gonna grab something to eat, and I need a showe
r first.”

  Images of Grayson, naked in the shower, flashed through her mind. She was hot before grabbing the afghan; now she was burning up. She looked away from him, afraid he could read her thoughts.

  He took a step toward her and raised his hand to scratch his head.

  Olivia flinched. A long ago memorized muscle movement from her days with Billy, her ex-husband.

  Grayson caught the flinch. Confusion and hurt flashed across his face. He slowly backed up a step. “Never mind. I’ll grab something when I get back.”

  Her face—and other parts—were on fire. Her brain too...caught between fear and desire. So confused. She turned and walked into the kitchen, avoiding him. Ozzie followed her. He followed everybody into the kitchen.

  “I’m almost finished putting together some food for everyone. You want to eat with us when you get back?” It’s the right thing to do to ask him. He is a part of the group, after all. Just act normal...

  Grayson shrugged his shoulders. “Okay. Sounds good. I’ll be back in hour or so.”

  “Works for me,” she answered in a curt voice from the kitchen, where she was standing in front of the refrigerator, freezer door open and blowing in her face. Please don’t let him walk in here, she thought.

  The front door clicked shut and she breathed in relief. Maybe I’ll just eat ice, she thought.

  She crunched the ice while feeling the cool air from the freezer across her face. Once the flames stopped licking up her body, she attempted to sort out her brain.

  Grayson wanted her. She knew he did... no one could kiss like he had and not want. And she wanted him, too. One tiny bump in the road and her doubts and fears were trying to creep up and make her forget her new resolve to move on with her life.

  She pursed her lips. She wasn’t backsliding now. She was committed. If she backed down from Grayson, she may never get the courage to allow someone in again. She might be alone forever.

  Or... maybe things would work out with FindHerKeepHer when she got home?

  But that was a gamble. If she let her fears and insecurities keep her from Grayson, she knew they’d continue to grow until she was paralyzed again, unable to even consider a relationship. Even with FindHerKeepHer.

  At least with Grayson, I’m seeing the full package, not just some disembodied line of text behind a wall of glass; possibly hiding major flaws; dangerous flaws.

  Aren’t I?

  She shut the freezer door and rolled her eyes at herself. Of course she was seeing the full package... Grayson wouldn’t hurt her—not physically anyway. Dusty would never have brought him here if there was even a slight chance of him causing harm to her, or anyone else.

  And those eyes. Those mysterious sea-gray eyes.

  Yeah, he was the whole package if one could overlook his wishy-washiness. If not for his sometimes gruff nature, and his lack of follow-through, he’d be perfect. Maybe he just needed a push.

  Or maybe it’s me...not him? Maybe he’s truly not interested, and I’m just trying to make something out of a whole lot of nothing? Maybe it’s that simple? He. Doesn’t. Like. Me.

  “God, Ozzie!” she yelled, startling the dog. She blew out a frustrated breath and walked back to the couch, flopping down in defeat.

  “I’m sorry. It’s not you, boy. C’mere,” she said, patting her leg and laying down. Ozzie jumped up and she snuggled him next to her, his big body nearly as long as hers. She buried her face in his long hair.

  “You like me just fine, don’t you? Who needs a man?” she whispered to him. He gently batted a big paw at her, stopping just short of her face and laying it gently on her cheek.

  “Awww...you big sweet boy. Who needs to risk more rejection? More pain? I can get all the love I need from you, right?”

  Ozzie surprised her by jumping down and sitting beside the door.

  “I just took you out a little while ago...” she mumbled to him. “Come on, get back up here.” She patted the couch and closed her eyes. Maybe just a ten minute cat-nap. She felt drained from the five-minute adrenalin rush from Grayson being too close.

  A long whine echoed through the room. She opened her eyes to see Ozzie sitting on his hind quarters with his front paws in the air, begging.

  “You don’t have to pee. You want to go with him, don’t you? I’ll remember that the next time you want to snuggle, traitor.”

  She pulled herself up.

  “Okay. You talked me into it. But you’re gonna have to wait a few minutes. If we’re going after him, we’re not going empty-handed.”

  26

  Olivia laughed at Grayson, pleasantly surprised at his sudden playful impishness.

  She was glad she’d put aside her pride. Ozzie really did need a good long walk. Plus, she couldn’t deny she wanted another chance to be alone with Grayson; see if it went anywhere...even if he couldn’t step up and admit the same to her.

  She’d been nervous when she’d left carrying a picnic basket, following Ozzie—she felt like Dorothy, off to see the wizard. And she had no way to know where Grayson had taken off to. The sign marking the entrance to the protected forest reserve wasn’t far though, and she’d hoped that’s where he went. If not, she was going to look like a fool carrying a full basket of food back into the house later.

  Ozzie had no such worries, though. The moment they’d walked out of the beach house, he’d put his nose to the ground and followed Grayson’s scent straight into the forest, down the trail, and right up to where he was now: standing inside a tree—to Olivia’s amazement.

  He seemed sincerely glad she and Ozzie were there; and a little more than happy to see she’d brought food, too.

  But he wouldn’t get out of the darn tree! With plenty of room for two, he seemed even more out of character when he tried to convince her to come inside.

  As much as she’d have loved to get in there with him, she wasn’t about to crawl into that tree. She stood with her hands on her hips. “No way, Grayson. I’m not getting inside. There’s probably an animal—or bugs—that live in there.”

  Grayson had found the tree that the brochure talked about. It was 316 centimeters in girth; the largest tree Olivia had ever seen in real life. And it was partially hollow. He had crawled into the hole on the side of the trunk and stood up, peeking out of a knothole higher up, perfectly positioned for his smiling face. He looked like a tree gnome—or a very sexy wood-sprite.

  She liked this side of him. The forest certainly looked enchanted with the Spanish moss draped throughout, and it seemed to work its magic, turning Grayson from a gruff man into a roguish boy.

  “Come out of there! Let’s see the rest,” she insisted. “This place is incredible.”

  He reluctantly crawled out of the tree, a little subdued now, and continued through the woods with her, keeping a safe distance between them. But neither of them could hide their delight at the beauty around them.

  Olivia turned to him again, pointing up into the trees. “Look! Yellow Warblers and Painted Buntings”

  She was thrilled. She stood with her face pointed up, spinning dizzily with her arms in the air, watching the feathered fowl take flight upon the loud intrusion to their home.

  The dense maritime woods had it all. Around nearly every bend they saw some sort of wildlife amongst the oaks and palms. The giant oaks towered over everything, winding, hunching and bending, creating the effect of a large, bright green canopy stretched out above them.

  Sunlight filtered through the leaves and branches, allowing lush foliage to thrive everywhere. A thousand shades of green—a waterless green sea—nestled protectively inside its mother—the wet blue sea—that surrounded the outer barriers of the island.

  Palms mingled exotically, complementing the majestic oaks, and giving Olivia the feeling of being in a tropical jungle. Vines climbed everywhere, and ferns danced upon the forest floor.

  They walked along the trail, sometimes on packed dirt, and sometimes on the wooden plank boardwalks that meandered messily through the trees.r />
  Something caught Olivia’s eye and she crouched down. “Grayson, look at this! What are these?”

  He squatted down close to see what she was pointing at. It was three crabs. One standing off to itself, and two others facing off. They watched as they both waved an oversized claw.

  “Those are Fiddler Crabs,” he said. “See them wave their claws? They’re trying to intimidate each other...and attract that lady Fiddler there.”

  “Really?”

  Grayson nodded his head without taking his eyes off the little battle. “Yep. True story. Read about it before we got here.”

  The tiny male Fiddlers waved an oversized claw at each other as they shuffled in a similar dance, circling.

  She laughed and Grayson laughed with her.

  The crabs disappeared. All three! Burying themselves within the forest floor in a matter of seconds, displeased at their audience.

  Olivia and Grayson looked around, hoping to see more. When they turned toward each other, they came nose to nose. The smile slid from his face and Olivia froze. Within kissing distance—again.

  The forest faded around her until all she saw was his lips. Every nerve ending in her body spoke up. She leaned closer, silently begging him to finish what he’d started last night. Her heart pounded in anticipation.

  But the loud growl of Grayson’s stomach broke the spell, and he pulled away, rubbing his belly in mock embarrassment...or was it real embarrassment?

  A surge of unfamiliar emotion flooded Olivia. She stood up. “Want to eat?”

  He stood up, too. “Yeah. I’m starved.”

  Grayson stepped back to the tree and grabbed their picnic basket. He followed behind as Olivia led the way down the path, looking for the perfect spot.

  27

  “you did all this in thirty minutes?” Grayson asked through a mouthful of homemade southern potato salad.

  Olivia shrugged. “Not a big deal. I’d already made the chicken and potato salad earlier, in case anyone came home hungry. I threw the appetizers together while you showered.” She bit into a tomato-cucumber-cracker, topped with feta cheese and drizzled with raspberry vinaigrette.