Cockney Orphan

by Carol Rivers

  The door to the front room was ajar. The argument was in full swing, the man’s voice raised, the woman’s scared and pleading.

  Ada came into view. The blow across her face was hard. She stumbled back, her red hair flying as she buckled and fell.

  Billy crept lightly along the landing. Then booted the door.

  Freddie Smith looked surprised. ‘What the fuck do you want?’

  ‘Call it a courtesy visit,’ Billy said as he helped Ada to her feet. ‘Courtesy to Ada.’

  She recoiled from him. ‘Christ, Billy, you shouldn’t be here.’

  ‘Go and wait downstairs.’

  ‘But, Billy—’

  ‘Do as I say.’ He gave her a gentle push through the door.

  ‘What the—’ Freddie Smith began until he got a fist in his stomach and, choking, staggered backward.

  ‘You set me up from the start.’ Billy rubbed his knuckles happily. Why had he never felt like this in the ring? He’d have won every fight if he’d felt the hate he felt now.

  ‘After this, you’re brown bread, Billy Marsh. I’ll be after your arse. There won’t be nowhere you can hide.’

  ‘I’m not even gonna try. It’s just you and me tonight, or haven’t you noticed?’

  Freddie Smith laughed. ‘You couldn’t fight your way out of a brown paper bag.’

  Billy nodded slowly. ‘I couldn’t agree more, pal. Wish I’d known that a year ago though, before you grabbed the chance to tuck me up. Still, now it’s my turn to have a little fun. But before I do, I’ll tell you this. You bother Ada or set foot on the island and I’m blowing the whistle on all them dodgy deals you’ve got carved out for yourself and your pals. Now, they ain’t gonna like the taste of their own shite, are they? Not them boys, Freddie. You’re gonna be carved into little slices and you know it.’

  The big man standing in front of him froze. ‘You wouldn’t dare!’

  ‘Try me.’ Billy gazed into the other man’s face, relishing his discomfort. Slowly he removed his jacket and the belt from his trousers. He didn’t want the bastard complaining it was an unfair fight. No, Freddie Smith was going down tonight and this time the odds weren’t stacked in his favour.

  Billy had always wondered what the killer instinct felt like. Now he knew. This was one reckoning he was going to look back on with pride.

  One fight he was definitely going to win.

  ‘Billy, what have you done?’ Ada was breathing rapidly as he hurried her along the street. She had been sitting at the bottom of the stairs when he found her, nursing her swollen cheek.

  ‘What I should have done a long time ago.’

  ‘He’ll come after us.’

  ‘No he won’t.’

  ‘Billy, I’m scared.’

  ‘Listen, Ada. Freddie Smith is yesterday’s news. Trust me.’

  ‘But all my things are in the flat.’

  ‘Have you got any money in your bag?’

  ‘A bit. My emergency fund.’

  ‘Well, this is an emergency. You can nip up the market and buy some other clothes tomorrow. Unless you want to go back there and mop him up off the floor.’

  ‘He’s not dead, is he?’

  Billy pushed her into a doorway. ‘Do you care if he is?’ he demanded breathlessly.

  ‘Oh, Gawd, Billy, don’t frighten me any more than I am.’

  ‘He’s not dead, but he won’t be walking a straight line for a while.’

  Ada gave a terrified sob. ‘I never meant for this to happen.’

  ‘Do you love him?’

  Her lips trembled. ‘I thought I did once. But not any more.’

  Billy felt a tightness relax in his chest. ‘Ada, this is your chance to be free. I’ve seen you bashed around like a football and treated like a tart. Is that the kind of life you want for yourself?’

  She began crying and Billy pulled her to him. He held her tight, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

  ‘Oh, Billy, you ain’t ’alf brave to do what you did.’

  ‘I should’ve done it a long time ago.’

  ‘Billy—’

  ‘Shh.’ He lifted her chin gently and kissed her. The tears ran in between their lips and into his mouth. He kissed her harder, the passion growing inside him.

  ‘Billy, oh Billy!’

  He ran his fingers up into her hair and felt the warmth of her, smelled the scent on her skin that made his body shudder. He was a fully grown man now, nigh on eighteen, yet his knees still trembled like they’d done at fourteen when he’d first ever fancied her. ‘Come on,’ he whispered, as he kissed her bruised cheek. ‘We’re going home.’

  ‘I‘ve not got a home to go to in case you’d forgotten.’

  He slid his hand around her waist as he urged her forward. ‘Despite me daft looks, I’ve got a very good memory indeed.’

  Connie was staring at Lucky’s little bed. In the darkness, she imagined him there, tucked under his eiderdown. She listened for the sounds of his breathing: the snuffles, the soft moans, the small arm flung sideways. And his voice when he came awake.

  ‘Con-Con?’

  ‘I’m here, darling.’

  She would leap out of bed and hold him in her arms. Then she’d tell him a story, stroke his soft blond hair and he’d drift off to sleep again. Many times she wondered if he’d been dreaming of the night when she’d found him. What had happened in the hours before? Had Rita been frightened of the bombing? Had her intuition told her to hide her baby? Could Lucky, in his baby mind, recall any of this?

  He’d had a proper name once. What was it? Would she ever see him again? The questions went on endlessly. Each morning she got up and went to work. Each night she came home, sat in the front room, sometimes with Mum and Dad, sometimes Kevin and Sylvie, occasionally Billy. The only change in routine was her fire-watching duties. Without Lucky to look after, she was now included in the fire-watching rota at Dalton’s. London was by no means safe from attack. Everyone was still expected to do their duty.

  Every night Connie climbed into bed and lay awake, no matter how tired she felt. The emptiness was growing inside her instead of disappearing. Lucky’s train and all his toys were tucked under the bed. Nan said she had given the government official some of his clothes and his little blue elephant. But it was what Nan hadn’t commented on that distressed her the most. Had he cried when he was taken away? He was a friendly child, but wary of strangers. In her mind, Connie imagined the worst. His eyes full of tears and his arms stretched out. She knew Nan didn’t want to talk about it. Nor did her mum and dad. They said it was better to look forward rather than back. She knew they meant well, but she didn’t want Lucky’s memory to die. He had been part of all their lives. And he was still part of hers.

  Tonight was no exception. Connie was more restless than ever. In three days’ time, Lucky would have lived at number thirty-three Kettle Street for three years. He had grown into a beautiful, affectionate, happy toddler. Now she would never take him to school and help him to read and write. Even her worries about Vic were eclipsed by her loss. She didn’t feel like Connie Marsh any more. She felt like an empty shell. Each day she went through the motions, but it was hard to act as though her world was normal.

  Connie turned over and faced the wall. She closed her eyes, praying for sleep. She had been trying hard to keep them closed when she heard the front door open. A few moments later she heard the stairs creak. A light touch on her shoulder made her jump.

  ‘Who’s that?’

  ‘Me, Billy.’ He sat on her bed. In the darkness she couldn’t see his smile but she knew he had one on his face. ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’

  ‘At this hour?’ She sat up.

  ‘I’ve got a person downstairs who wants to see you. She won’t come up, ’cos she’s frightened you’ll tell her to sling her hook.’

  Connie swallowed. ‘What are you talking about, Billy Marsh?’

  He leaned forward and his face caught the light. ‘Put on your glad rags and foll
ow me.’

  Connie was out of bed in five seconds flat.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  ‘Leave the light off, Con.’

  Connie gasped. ‘Ada? Is that you?’

  ‘Who do you think it is, silly cow.’

  ‘Now I know it’s you.’ She stepped forward in the darkness and the breath was almost knocked out of her as they collided.

  ‘Oh, Connie!’ Ada hugged her tight. For a moment they stood there, crying and laughing together.

  ‘Keep it down, girls, if you don’t want to wake everyone up,’ Billy said behind them.

  ‘That’s the pot calling the kettle black,’ Connie replied, gulping. ‘You’d better close that door.’

  ‘I’m off then. Goodnight, you two.’

  Ada let go of Connie. ‘Billy?’ She moved in the darkness towards him. ‘Thanks for tonight.’

  ‘Just make sure you stick to your guns now.’

  ‘I will. I’m never going back.’

  ‘Going back where?’ Connie whispered when they were alone. ‘And why are we standing in the dark? The blackout’s up, no one can see us outside.’

  ‘It’s what you can see inside that worries me,’ Ada said softly. ‘If you switch the light on, be prepared for a shock.’

  Connie put on the light. She took a sharp breath when she saw Ada’s black eye.

  ‘I warned you.’ Ada put a hand over her cheek.

  ‘What happened?’ Connie groaned.

  ‘There was a bit of a ding dong, and I got landed one. But Billy sorted it all out.’

  ‘A ding dong? Who with?’

  ‘Oh, Con, I’ve got so much to tell you. Let’s sit down and I’ll tell you everything.’ Ada caught her arm and pulled her to the couch. ‘I haven’t half missed you.’ They embraced and Connie inhaled Ada’s scent. She sat back, a look of surprise on her face. ‘I know where I smelled that before, it’s on my scarf, the one Billy bought me at Christmas. I never washed it because the smell’s so lovely.’

  ‘I sprinkled a bit of me perfume on it,’ Ada confessed. ‘Billy asked me to choose a present for you, so I went up to John Lewis’s and bought it ’specially.’

  ‘Billy never let on about anything.’

  ‘I made him promise not to.’

  ‘But why? Where have you been all this time?’

  ‘I shacked up with Freddie Smith, the bloke we saw in the pub that night we went to watch Billy. I lied to you about not seeing him again. We started going out and that was it.’

  ‘Is he why you left Wally?’

  ‘Yes and no. It was lots of things, really.’

  ‘You could have written to me.’

  ‘I was worried you’d try to talk me into coming back to Wally.’

  Connie frowned in confusion. ‘But we’re best friends, have been since we were kids. I thought we shared everything. Didn’t you think how worried I was about you?’

  Ada hung her head. ‘I knew you wouldn’t approve, see. And, anyway, I didn’t really have a plan. It just seemed exciting at the time to go off with Freddie and leave all my cares behind. Wally’s sister was getting on me tits and his mum had started to nag. Freddie was all flattery, telling me I was wasting myself on a chump like Wally who couldn’t even stand up to his own family. He was generous with money and bought me new clothes and perfume and anything I wanted really. Look at this dress, for instance, it cost a lot.’ She smoothed the skirt of her midnight blue dress under a little white bolero, then fingered the shimmering ivory pearls around her neck. Her red hair was still a lovely colour but her black eye was all shades of green and purple.

  ‘Clothes and possessions aren’t everything,’ Connie said gently.

  ‘I know, but they don’t ’alf help. You know how vain I am about my appearance. I just can’t help it.’

  Connie’s eyebrows shot up. ‘So is a black eye the height of fashion by any chance?’

  Ada giggled. ‘Don’t make me laugh, it hurts.’

  ‘No, it’s no laughing matter, that’s obvious. Why did he hit you?’

  Ada shrugged. ‘When he has one over the eight he gets a bit short tempered.’

  ‘In other words, he can’t take his drink and lashes out at women.’

  ‘I wouldn’t put it like that.’

  Connie looked at her friend helplessly. ‘Ada, I simply don’t understand. This isn’t the Ada I once knew, who wouldn’t have accepted such behaviour from any man. My God, if the situation was reversed and I was involved with a bully, you’d have gone up the wall.’

  ‘I know, I know! I hate blokes that are handy with their fists on women. I despise them. But I’m ashamed to say I liked the lifestyle he provided. I was given things I never had in my life before. I never had to lift a finger. All I’d do all day was dust a few things in this nice flat we lived in, down Limehouse, or go out shopping up West. I saved up and sent Mum over twenty quid.’

  ‘So you let a man beat you in exchange for money?’

  ‘It wasn’t like that,’ Ada replied defensively. ‘You might not believe this, but at first I thought it was true love.’

  ‘You always do,’ Connie reminded her friend gently. ‘Wally was the reason you parted company with your family, remember? And stayed on the island while it was being bombed to smithereens.’

  Ada nodded sadly. ‘It all changed when I moved in with Saint Jean. If he’d taken me out a bit more I could have swallowed on a lot. But he was content to sit around like we was an old married couple.’ Ada looked up under her long eyelashes, the right set being stuck down on her swollen cheek. ‘You know me, Con. I like a bit of excitement in life.’

  ‘So what happened to spoil this romantic interlude?’ Connie asked ruefully.

  ‘Your little brother, that’s what.’

  ‘Billy?’

  Ada nodded. ‘I knew what Freddie was doing to Billy and it made me sick. Freddie’s a fixer, that means a bloke that makes things happen for the big syndicates who’ve got a lot of money riding on fixed contests. They’ve no interest in the fighter personally, only the result, which is decided before the match. Billy was set up to lose from the start. In the end, all Freddie’s hopefuls turn into punch bags.’

  Connie sighed as she began to understand. ‘So that’s why Billy has decided to give up boxing. Now it makes sense. But how did Billy find out the truth?’

  ‘I told him. Though I might have thought twice if I’d known what Billy would do.’ She touched her face cautiously, wincing as her fingers pressed on the swelling. ‘When me and Freddie came home from this club, Billy was waiting and caught Freddie clobbering me. He gave Freddie the bashing of his life. I heard it all as I sat at the bottom of the stairs. Honest to God, Con, I was scared out of me wits.’ Ada giggled. ‘You should have seen your brother tonight, Con. He really stuck up for me. More than any bloke has ever done before.’

  ‘Well, if I’ve Billy to thank for you being here, then that’s all that matters. I was dead miserable when you left Dalton’s. I blamed myself for the row we had over Clint. You were right. He’s a really nice bloke who doesn’t deserve the cold shoulder.’

  Ada tried to look flirtatious with her one good eye. ‘Is he still on the scene?’

  Connie nodded. ‘He even played the trumpet at the Christmas party. You would have loved it. He can dance too.’ She went a little pink.

  Ada gasped. ‘Are you telling me Vic’s got competition?’

  ‘Course not.’

  ‘Where is Vic? Have you heard from him?’

  ‘He’s somewhere in Europe but I don’t know where.’

  ‘Oh, Con, you must have had a rotten time, what with—’ She stopped as she slid her arm around Connie’s shoulders. ‘Billy told me about Lucky. I can’t believe they would take him behind your back. Do you still miss him?’

  ‘Of course I do.’

  ‘Is there any chance of him coming back?’

  ‘Not unless I had enough money to pay a solicitor. Even then, Gilbert Tucker has rights over me. I try not to th
ink about Lucky but then I start worrying. Are they looking after him? Is he missing me? What if they can’t understand what he says? What if he doesn’t eat or gets ill? What if—’

  ‘Now, now,’ Ada soothed, squeezing Connie’s hand. ‘Kids are very resilient. I should know with me sisters. I used to look after them when I was younger and Mum worked. Don’t you remember when she was ill with TB one year and had to go into a sanatorium? I was only fourteen and had to look after them. I couldn’t go down the flicks with you on Saturday afternoons or anything. As for the girls, they bawled their eyes out for the first week, then got back to normal the next.’

  ‘Are you saying Lucky won’t miss me?’

  ‘No, I’m saying he’ll get accustomed to the change quicker than you will.’ She sat forward and looked into Connie’s face. ‘What I’m worried about is the weight you’ve lost. You don’t look up to much at all.’

  ‘It is the middle of the night you know.’

  ‘Talking of which, could I kip on your couch?’ Ada asked hopefully.

  Connie grinned. ‘You can sleep in Lucky’s bed if you like. It’s small, but you can curl up on it.’

  ‘Oh ta, Con.’ Ada stifled a yawn. ‘When we’re in bed you can tell me all your news,’ she whispered as they tiptoed out of the room.

  But when Ada’s head hit the pillow she was asleep in seconds. Connie lay awake, going over everything in her mind. There would be time enough tomorrow to catch up on their lives. Thank goodness it was Sunday.

  ‘You’re welcome to stay, Ada,’ Olive said after breakfast the next morning. ‘In fact, I’m glad of the company for Constance. She’s not been herself since you, er . . .’

  ‘Ran away,’ Ada said, going pink.

  ‘Thanks, Mrs Marsh. I’m really grateful. I feel awful about what I did. I didn’t realize how much I’d hurt other people.’

  Olive patted Ada’s hand. ‘How did you sleep on the cot bed?’

  ‘Like a log.’

  ‘I could always ask Nan for the loan of her put-u-up and leave it down here.’

  ‘No ta, Mrs M., I like being with Con.’

  Olive put on her hat and coat. ‘Me and Dad are going up to Christ Church for morning service. It’s not often we do, but there’s special prayers being held for our boys in the front line. You’re both welcome to join us if you want, but I should imagine you’ve a lot to talk over.’