Deep Green: Color Me Jealous with Bonus Content

by Melody Carlson

  Shawna’s brows lifted slightly. She’d been hooked. “No, what news?”

  “Well,” Ashley drawled as if the word had three syllables. “Ms. Brookes put Lucy Farrell on the squad today.”

  Now Shawna visibly brightened. “Really?” She took a sip of her drink. “So is that backstabbing little tramp history now?”

  I saw Ashley glance over to where I was sitting, and Shawna’s gaze quickly followed, but I was already out of the car. Sore foot or not, I wasn’t going to take that kind of abuse sitting down.

  “Did you have something to say to me?” I hobbled over to stand next to Ashley, hoping she’d protect me if Shawna got out of hand. Not that she would. Shawna may be a lot of things, but she’s not a physical bully.

  Shawna just tossed me a look that suggested I wasn’t worthy of her attention. “Too bad, Jordan. But with your messed up foot and all, you shouldn’t have expected to remain on the squad. It’s not like we can afford to have cripples out there leading cheers.”

  “Lucy isn’t replacing Jordan,” said Ashley.

  Shawna’s eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”

  “She’s replacing you.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure.”

  “Ms. Brookes has been trying to reach you all day, Shawna. She finally got your mom at work.”

  “Are you serious?” Shawna looked stressed now.

  Ashley just nodded.

  Then Shawna used a word that Ms. Brookes would not have approved of, jumped in her car, and squealed out of the parking lot.

  Ashley just shrugged. “Well, at least she knows.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Can we go home now?”

  If all this had happened a few weeks ago, or even a week ago, I would’ve been ecstatic—over the moon with joy. But today I just felt tired and slightly confused.

  After a quiet dinner with my family, I called Kara.

  “How are you doing?” she asked in a cheerful voice.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I tried to hook up with you at school, but every time I saw you, you were surrounded by friends. It’s like you were some kind of celebrity or something today. What’s up?”

  “Didn’t Edgar tell you?”

  She laughed. “Well, he told me that Amber had been setting everyone straight about what really happened.”

  “Which reminds me,” I said. “How did the truth first start coming to the surface, Kara? When Amber came to my house, she had already heard the rumor.”

  “Well, it’s not really like spreading a rumor when you’re telling the truth,” said Kara. “Edgar just happened to tell the truth to the right people, and it took off like any other sort of rumor.”

  “I owe him one.”

  “Yeah, me too. But what’s going on with you today? You sound kind of bummed.”

  “I think I’m a little dazed and confused.”

  So I told her about my mixed feelings for Shawna and how I didn’t want to let God down by acting like a jerk.

  “That’s because you need to forgive her,” said Kara as if that should make perfect sense.

  “Forgive her?” I repeated. “Forgive Shawna?”

  “Yeah.”

  “After all the crud she’s put me through? Even today. You should’ve heard what she said to me at the store, Kara. It was bad.”

  “I’m sure it was. She probably hates your guts, considering all that’s gone down.”

  “But it was her fault.” I knew I sounded just like my friends now.

  “I’m sure it was,” agreed Kara. “That’s not the point.”

  “What is the point?”

  Kara sighed. “I know this is a lot for you to take in, Jordan. I mean, you only gave your heart to God yesterday. But just bear with me, okay?”

  “Okay.” I leaned back on my bed, perching my cast-bound foot on a pillow.

  “Well, the thing is, Jesus forgives us, right?”

  “Right,” I said. “He cleans up our messes like Little Cat Z.”

  “Yeah, right. I can see I’m going to have to read that book.”

  “I think Tommy’s still got a copy,” I teased. “I’ll bet he’d loan it to you.”

  “Thanks. Anyway, in the same way that Jesus forgives us—while we’re total messes—that’s how he wants us to forgive other people too.”

  “Oh.” Now, to be honest, this struck a familiar chord, like maybe I’d heard this same thing in church one time, although I usually never paid too much attention in church.

  “Yeah. And it’s not easy. Remember what I told you the other day about Bree?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, today she made off with my Doc Marten boots.”

  “Are her feet your size now?”

  “Apparently.” Kara’s voice sounded a bit strained. “So, even as I’m telling you that you need to forgive Shawna, I’m wanting to strangle my little sister. And she’s my own flesh and blood, for crying out loud.”

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I guess I’ll have to ask God to help me.”

  “Oh.”

  “That’s probably what you should do too, Jordan.”

  “But what if it doesn’t work? Like, what will you do if Bree keeps taking your clothes?”

  “I’m not sure. I keep imagining all of my clothes disappearing from my closet and showing up in Bree’s. I’ll probably end up going to school wearing a sheet someday.”

  “Everyone would probably think you’d joined a cult,” I teased.

  “Maybe that’s how those kinds of things get started in the first place.”

  We both laughed and then said goodbye.

  I actually considered getting down on my knees right then, thinking perhaps that was the proper way to pray, but my foot was really throbbing.

  “Do you mind if I pray flat on my back, God?” I began. And I didn’t get the impression that he minded, so I continued.

  First I asked him to help me become a better person, and then I asked him to help me forgive Shawna. I admitted that I didn’t really feel like forgiving her, but I didn’t want to make any more messes either.

  Before I could say “amen,” I had fallen asleep. Somehow I don’t think God minded that either.

  twenty-two

  “ISN’T IT GREAT THAT LUCY IS ALMOST THE SAME SIZE AS SHAWNA?” asked Jenny as we gathered at the foot of the bleachers before the first basketball game of the season. Lucy had on Shawna’s old uniform along with an enormous smile. I could sense her excitement about being the newest member of the squad. I remembered how I’d once felt like that. Had it only been a few months ago?

  Respecting Ms. Brookes’ policy, I was also wearing my uniform, although I felt a little awkward and out of place with my giant “club foot,” as Ashley had taken to calling it. But the girls had wrapped stripes of red and blue crepe paper around my crutches, complete with these funky miniature pom-poms tied to the sides. I didn’t feel too bad about hanging out on the sidelines tonight.

  “I’d like to know how Ms. Brookes got Shawna to give up her uniform,” I said, glancing nervously around the gym that was slowly filling up. I wondered if Shawna would show up, or if she did, whether she might pull some kind of revenge stunt. I’d started watching my backside after what she’d said the other day in the parking lot.

  “Yeah,” said Ashley. “I can just imagine Shawna saying, ‘Oh, sure, you can have my uniform, but not until you pry it out of my cold dead hands.’”

  Everyone laughed.

  Lucy wasn’t doing too badly, considering she’d only been to two practices so far. And it seemed she was taking my advice about staying on the end of the line and stepping out and just clapping and smiling when she didn’t quite remember the routine. I felt sorry for her but knew she’d get the hang of it before too long.

  In a way, I think I almost enjoyed being slightly incapacitated, since it allowed me to relax a little and actually focus on the basketball game—or, more accurately, on Timothy.

  He had finally spok
en to me today. It was toward the end of lunch when he came over and asked me if I could use some help putting away my tray. Ashley winked at me, as if to say, “Go girl,” and I accepted his offer.

  “I’ve been wanting to talk to you, Jordan,” he said as he dumped the tray onto the heap. “Got a minute?”

  I nodded and followed his lead to a table on the perimeter of the cafeteria.

  “How’s your foot?” he asked with a concerned look.

  “It’s not hurting too much right now.”

  “That’s good.”

  We sat down on either side of a small table, and I just looked at him. He seemed slightly stressed.

  “How’re you doing?” I asked.

  He shrugged but said nothing, and we both just sat there in silence for a couple of very long seconds.

  Finally I couldn’t take it. “Hey, I thought you wanted to talk to me.”

  The corners of his lips curved up into what was almost a smile. “Yeah. Sorry. Mostly I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for acting like such a total jerk with you these last few weeks.”

  Now I shrugged. “Hey, we’ve all been acting pretty lame lately.”

  “I guess. But I also wanted to tell you that I am totally finished with Shawna. I don’t even know why I stayed with her as long as I did. Our relationship was pretty messed up.”

  I nodded.

  “And I guess I was just hoping that you and I could be, well, maybe we could be friends again, Jordan. I know you’ve been through a lot and you probably need some time to think about this. But I really do like you. You’re fun to be with and you’re easy to talk to. I think about you a lot. And, well, it seems like we never really got a fair shot at being together. I can see now how Shawna was always messing with us.”

  “She didn’t want to let you go.” I frowned. “She may not want to let you go now.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, that’s probably true. But I am cutting her off completely, cold turkey. Believe me, I have absolutely no interest in that girl, especially after the moronic stunt she pulled with you and Brett last week. I mean, how low did she plan to go?”

  “Do you think she’ll do anything else?”

  “I don’t see the point. I told her in no uncertain terms that we were finished, history, done.”

  “That’s probably good.”

  “Yeah. I’d rather not have a girlfriend at all than have someone like her. She was making me crazy with her pranks, not to mention how it’s been hurting my game. And I really need to stay focused right now, Jordan. There’s a chance I might pick up a small scholarship if the team goes to state this year.”

  “That’s cool.”

  He smiled now. “And you seem like the kind of girl who gets that, like you’d be supportive of me and not mess with my mind all the time.”

  I smiled, a familiar warm rush running through me. “Yeah. I think you’re a great ball player, Timothy. In fact, I’m really looking forward to seeing you play tonight.”

  His eyes brightened. “Really?”

  “Oh, yeah!”

  “Cool.” Then he reached across the table as if to take my hand, but then we simply shook like we’d reached some sort of business agreement. “Friends?” he asked with his charming smile.

  “You bet.”

  Of course, I knew that he was probably thinking more than just “friends,” but I appreciated his willingness to take this thing slowly. After everything that had transpired this fall, it felt like we all needed a little breather. And I can totally understand his need to stay focused on his game too. But as I stood at the foot of the bleachers, playing the crippled but enthusiastic cheerleader, I stayed focused on him.

  Not only did we win our game but Timothy scored twenty-eight points, and we solidly whupped Franklin 53–40. I cheered so loudly that I was slightly hoarse by the time we all went out for pizza to celebrate our first victory of the season.

  “You need a ride home?” Timothy asked me as the party started breaking up.

  I’d come with Ashley but overheard her offering Brett a ride home and figured she’d probably appreciate it if I caught a ride with someone else. “Sure,” I told him. “I’ll let Ashley know.”

  I saw her brows lift as I told her. “See,” she said, “I told you it was just a matter of time before you two were back together.”

  “We’re not back together,” I told her. “We’re just friends and he’s just giving me a ride.”

  “Yeah, whatever.” She winked at me. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  I rolled my eyes at her and held up a crutch as if to remind her that she was talking to a poor crippled girl now. “Yeah, you bet.”

  We mostly talked about the game as we rode home, but Timothy turned off the engine when he got to my house. He turned around in his seat to face me. Then, playing with my hair, he told me that he still remembered that day when his dad caught us at the park.

  I felt my cheeks growing warm and was glad it was dark enough that he couldn’t see I was embarrassed. “Well, that’d be pretty hard to reenact,” I told him lightly. “I mean, with this cast on my foot and all.” I laughed. “I can’t see myself climbing in and out of your backseat.”

  He laughed too. “No, I wasn’t suggesting that.” Then he leaned toward me for a kiss. I leaned toward him, and soon we were kissing. And even though it felt good to have his lips pressed against mine, I felt something else too—uncomfortable. Finally, I pushed him away and caught my breath.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  I didn’t know what to say. “It’s my stupid foot,” I told him. “It’s really starting to throb.” Now this wasn’t untrue, but that wasn’t what was actually bothering me either.

  “Oh,” he said, and I could sense the disappointment in his voice. “You should probably go inside, huh?”

  “Yeah, probably.”

  “I wanted to ask you something first, Jordie.”

  “Sure. What?”

  “Do you think you’d like to go to the Winter Dance with me next Saturday?”

  I smiled and then remembered my foot. “Well, I wouldn’t be much good on the dance floor.”

  “That’s okay. I’m not that crazy about dancing anyway.” He grinned. “Your foot will give me the perfect excuse to just sit around and hang out.”

  “Okay,” I told him. “That sounds like fun.”

  “Cool.”

  Then he went around and opened the door and helped me out of the car. I’ve noticed that his manners have improved since I broke my foot. He used to just let me climb out of the car on my own. Then he walked me to the front door and kissed me again. Not just a goodnight peck either. He was kissing me so intently that he didn’t even seem to notice when the window shade lifted slightly and someone in my family peeked at us.

  “I need to go inside,” I told him as I pushed him away. “Goodnight.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. See ya.”

  Thankfully it was only Leah playing spy tonight. “Hot date?” she asked as I made my way inside.

  “Yeah, thanks for being such a snoop,” I told her.

  “Well, I thought it might’ve been a burglar, and Mom and Dad already went to bed.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Cute crutches.” She flipped one of the pom-poms.

  “Thanks.” I dropped my bag on a chair.

  “Need any help getting upstairs?”

  “Thanks, but I can handle it.” I’d gotten pretty good at going up and down stairs on crutches.

  “Are you okay, Jordan?”

  I turned and looked at her. “Huh?”

  “I don’t know, you just seem different. Kind of bummed or something.”

  I shook my head. “I think I’m just tired.”

  “Oh.”

  So I slowly made my way upstairs and finally, alone in my room, flopped down across my bed and wondered what was bugging me. It was kind of like that Little Cat Z thing again. Not a voice exactly but just this feeling that something was wrong.


  “What is it?” I wondered. Then I prayed that if God was really trying to tell me something, I’d be able to hear him and understand it. But nothing really seemed to be coming to me, although I did suspect that it had to do with Timothy. Still, I felt too exhausted to figure it out tonight. Maybe God would help me to figure it out tomorrow. It took all the energy I had just to get out of my uniform and ready for bed. But before I went to sleep I prayed and asked God to show me what it was that he wanted me to do about Timothy.

  On one hand, I thought it was kind of cool that Timothy and I were finally getting together—for real this time. And I wondered if perhaps God had done that for me. But on the other hand, I felt a little uneasy about the whole thing. Part of me felt like I couldn’t really trust Timothy. But I didn’t know where that was coming from.

  twenty-three

  KARA DROPPED BY THE NEXT MORNING. I’D BEEN FEELING KIND OF BAD that I hadn’t talked to her much lately, especially after how great she and Edgar had been after my accident.

  “What’s up?” I asked when she unexpectedly popped into the kitchen, where I was slowly munching down a bowl of Frosted Flakes.

  “I was just out riding my bike and thought I’d stop in and say hi,” she told me. “Your mom was loading some stuff into her truck and said to just let myself in.”

  “Want some?” I held up the cereal box.

  She grinned. “Sure.”

  “You know where to find things,” I said, remembering how she practically used to live at my house, back when we’d been best friends.

  “So how’s it going?” she asked as she sat down with her bowl of cereal.

  Even though she’s not much of a sports enthusiast, I filled her in on last night’s victory. “It was a great way to start the season.”

  “Cool.”

  “And then Timothy brought me home,” I said, kind of just leaving that statement to hang in the air. I’m not even sure why.

  “Oh.” She looked slightly troubled by this.

  “And he invited me to the Winter Dance.”

  “Oh.”

  “That’s all you can say, Kara?” I studied her closely. “Oh?”

  “Well.”

  “Oh and well.” I shook my head. “Quite the little conversationalist.”