Her Story

by Christina Casinelli

  Chapter 6

  When she opened her eyes, she had no idea where she was. She quickly realized, however, that her right wrist was handcuffed to the railing that ran along the side of her bed. Before her brain even had time to process the peeling wallpaper and generic framed pictures of fruit that hung on the wall, or the green curtain to her left that separated the beeping of her monitoring devices from those of the patient in the next bed over, a nurse ran in and immediately started fiddling with her monitor. “Oh good, you’re awake. Do you know where you are, hun?” she asked, with that soft calming voice she could only assume they taught all nurses before they unleashed them in hospitals across the country.

  “What happened?” she managed, slowly becoming conscious of how sore her entire body felt and how much discomfort murmuring even just those two words caused her.

  “Well dear, it appears you caused a bit of an accident,” the nurse explained. “You hit another car head-on, and…well, there are a few officers here that need to speak with you.” She nodded to her cuffed wrist as she said this. “I’ll give you a few minutes to get your bearings and I’ll send them in. You suffered a nasty concussion when the airbag deployed, but the good news is nothing is broken. Your nose is just a bit swollen and you’ll probably be sore for a few days. The doctors may want to keep you overnight though, for observation.”

  Before she could get any other words past her swollen lips, the nurse vanished as quickly as she materialized.

  The police were here… the police. And they wanted to ask her questions about what had happened… What had happened? She closed her eyes and before them flashed the image of that young girl caught in her headlights. Who just runs out in front of traffic like that? And then there were more headlights – this time they were barreling toward her… And then she had woken up here. Her head was pounding and her eyelids felt heavy. She wiggled her fingers and toes – just to be sure. The nurse had said nothing was broken – but who knew? Her toes rippled in waves under the blanket. She rotated both of her wrists slowly, an act slightly inhibited by the handcuffs. All she wanted was a cigarette.

  She heard the officers before she saw them. The heavy boots, the intermittent squawk of their radios, the low rumbles of voices she could only assume they thought made them more intimidating.

  “Ma’am – we just have a few questions to ask you.”

  “Well I have a question for you – why the fuck am I handcuffed to this bed?”

  “Well ma’am, the woman that was driving the car you hit died while in surgery. Now – we have a few questions to ask y-“

  “WHAT?!” She bolted straight up despite her body’s protest. “I-I-I wasn’t even going that fast. I didn’t even… that girl just came out of nowhere. I…what…” she was beginning to lose control of her voice. The monitors attached to her by a tangle of wires started beeping and shrieking, reflecting the swirl of blood and emotions pumping through her veins. Before she knew what was happening, the soft-voiced nurse was barreling into the room.

  “You need to leave,” she said, glaring at them, defending her patient.

  “Ma’am, we really need to –“ one of them started.

  “What is wrong with you? She’s not going anywhere – you’ve already made damn sure of that. She’s been in a terrible accident and she doesn’t need you in her face right now making it any worse. Now get out!” She watched them begrudgingly retreat, then turned to the nurse to thank her. “Don’t even worry about it honey,” she replied to her thankful eyes as she stuck a needle into her IV tubing. “You just relax. You need your rest. Is there anyone you want us to call?”

  “There’s no one to call,” she murmured before drifting off into the deepest sleep she’d experienced in quite a while.

  Chapter 7

  This time when she opened her eyes, the officer that had remained silent during their previous encounter sat in a generic hospital chair by her bedside, absentmindedly playing with his phone. Once he noticed her starting to stir, he quickly shoved his phone into his pocket and cleared his throat.

  “Ma’am, now, I don’t mean to upset you,” he said in a quiet, low voice. His accent was warm, unlike the harsh New England accent the other cop had assaulted her with earlier. “We just need to hear your side of the story. Accidents happen all the time; it’s our job to get the details from each individual and piece together what happened.”

  Perhaps his accent was southern? It was calming and comforting. She closed her eyes and massaged her left temple with her free hand. “Ok,” she said quietly.

  “Ok,” he repeated, flipping open his notebook. “Now just start from the beginning.”

  She took a deep breath. “Ok.” She swallowed, making a mental note to keep the trembling of her voice in check. “I was leaving the bar,” she started.

  “Were you drinking at all tonight, ma’am?” the office interjected.

  “No, no. I work at a bar downtown. Murphy’s. I was on my way home.”

  “Which is where?” She gave him her address off of Fruit Hill Ave. He nodded. “Ok – so you were on your way home.”

  “Yes. I was on my way home, driving down Pleasant Valley Parkway near the VA hospital. And this girl just cut out in front of me. I slammed on the brakes and swerved to avoid her and the only other thing I remember is seeing the headlights of the car in the other lane.”

  “What do you mean ‘cut out in front of you?’ Was she in a car, was she…”

  “No, no, no,” she cut him off. “This girl literally ran out in front of my car. Straight into the road. I-I have no idea where she came from. She wasn’t on the sidewalk, she didn’t come out of a house. She just ran right across the road and took off.”

  A look she couldn’t quite decipher crossed his face. “And around what time would you say this was?”

  “I-uh… It couldn’t have been any later than 10:30….” This response just further deepened the mysterious expression on his face. He quickly scribbled a page worth of notes, flipping the tiny pages so rapidly she thought he would tear them straight out of the book.

  “Can you describe this girl at all?” he asked.

  She closed her eyes. “I don’t know… I told you, she came out of nowhere… I think she was a brunette. She was wearing jeans and maybe a t-shirt?” He nodded and scribbled some more.

  Now it was time for him to pick her story apart. Which way on the street was she driving; could anyone verify what time had she left work; had she had any drugs or alcohol in her system and could this also be verified by her co-workers; could she tell him anything else about this mystery girl that ran across the road? She did her best to answer his questions, but all of the questions he was throwing at her, coupled with whatever sedative the nurse had given her was making it hard for her to concentrate. She assumed he was repeating his questions to try to get her to slip up on something she had previously said. She kept her answers short, and to the point, and after what felt like an eternity, the officer finally closed his notebook and stood to leave.

  “Alright ma’am – thank you very much for your time. We’ll be in touch if we need you to answer any more questions.”

  “Is that woman really dead?” she asked, her voicing inevitably cracking. She was actually subconsciously proud she had been able to keep everything under control all that time.

  The officer looked at the floor and then back at her, almost sheepishly. “She’s still in surgery, ma’am. My partner jumped the gun a bit on that one. Again, my apologies for upsetting you so much earlier. Like I said, accidents happen all the time. And from the sounds of things, this all could’ve been much worse.”

  She finally felt all of the muscles in her body relax as her head sank into the pillow, completely overcome with relief.

  “Um – then do you mind?” she asked, jingling the cuff holding her captive in the bed. He leaned over, not saying a word, and removed the cuffs from her wrist and the bed frame.

  “Just don’t go taking off now,” he said, the tone
of his voice somewhat playful, and she could’ve almost sworn she saw him smirk ever so slightly as he said it. She dismissed it as being a side effect of the drugs the nurse had used to sedate her and closed her eyes again.

  Chapter 8

  She had been ripped from a deep sleep by the unnerving, unfamiliar blare of the telephone on the nightstand beside her bed. The house phone rang so rarely now that she and Michael both had cellphones she almost didn’t recognize the sound. She sleepily picked up the receiver and mumbled “hello?”

  It was the phone call no mother ever wanted to receive. She had started throwing on clothes haphazardly – not bothering to take the time she normally did to ensure not a hair was out of place, nor a wrinkle showing.

  “Michael –for god’s sake Michael – wake up!” she shouted while flittering about their bedroom throwing every light on. He grunted and then jerked awake. “Linus just called, we need to get to the hospital right away!”

  “Wha…?” he inquired sleepily. She responded by chucking a pair of jeans and an old sweatshirt at him and ran downstairs to find her car keys. Normally she would have Michael drive at night. Not only was her eyesight not the greatest, but she firmly believed it was the chivalrous thing to do. Tonight she threw chivalry aside as she dashed out to the garage and started the car.

  “Michael – let’s go!” she commanded. It was a least a half an hour’s drive to the hospital, which by Rhode Island standards was nearly an eternity. He stumbled into the garage obediently, slamming the door to the kitchen behind him without even bothering to turn off the lights. He still had his shoes in his hands. He just stared at her blankly, the sleep slowly creeping from his eyes. “Michael! Now!” This last high pitch shriek jolted him and he jumped into the passenger seat.

  “What is going on?” he asked, strapping his seatbelt across his chest as she flew in reverse down the driveway.

  “Something horrible has happened to our little girl. Linus called from the hospital. There was some sort of accident. We have to get there right away.”

  “What about the…?”

  She cut him off. “All Linus knew was that she was in surgery….” Her knuckles were beginning to turn white as she tightened her grip on the steering wheel. She bit her lower lip and stared straight ahead at the dark suburban road. She wasn’t the best driver to begin with, but Michael knew better than to argue with her at a time like this, opting instead to keep his hands planted firmly against the dashboard in front of him and his breath held until they pulled into the parking lot of Women and Infant’s Hospital.

  Linus leapt up when he saw the two of them barreling into the waiting area. Rarely had he spent time alone with his in-laws. He almost didn’t know how to act around them without his wife at his side. Michael had always intimidated him; Linus could always tell Michael wasn’t his biggest fan. In fact, the last time these two men had spent any time alone was when Linus had asked for permission to marry Michael’s daughter. But now seeing them both standing there—looking to him for answers—he almost began to wish he hadn’t called them.

  “I-I-I’m sorry,” Linus stammered. “I didn’t mean to wake you up – it’s just so much more serious than they initially thought. I think. I don’t know. I-I-I…”

  “Linus, what the hell happened?!” Michael demanded, knowing whatever Linus had told his wife over the phone had gone in one ear and out the other as soon as she heard her pregnant daughter was in the hospital.

  “I’m not entirely sure, to be honest,” he replied, wringing his hands and looking at the floor. “I got a call from the hospital saying there had been an accident, and that my wife was here, and,” he paused to swallow hard, “and that they were bringing her into surgery.” He looked up. “They had been coming out and giving me updates, but I haven’t seen anyone in almost an hour.” He flopped helplessly onto the chair behind him. She took a seat next to him and patted him on the shoulder.

  Michael stormed over to the nearby reception station to, she could only assume, try to find out some more information.

  “She said she had errands to run,” Linus said, almost to himself. “I knew she’d been sneaking cigarettes, so I assumed she just wanted to drive around for a bit and smoke….” He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes. His words were coming out slowly, almost painfully. “The officers said they weren’t even going that fast. They weren’t on the highway… But the car hit her head on and… oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!” He began to rock back and forth, palms still firm against his face.

  “Now you stop that right now,” she said. “The last thing we need is you getting hysterical. We’re all here. We’re going to think positive thoughts. And any minute now a nurse is going to come through that door, and take us into a recovery room to see her. Alright?”

  “Alright,” Linus responded after a heavy silence sat between them for what felt like an eternity, not realizing that what she had said was more for her own good than it was for his.

  Michael slowly lowered himself into the chair next to his wife. “Well, all they’ll tell me is that she’s still in surgery. They’ll update us when they have something to update us about.”

  And so the waiting began.

  Chapter 9

  She just couldn’t stop staring at her. She had been standing there for what must have been hours. Michael was off with Linus. She vaguely heard them mumble something about going to get something to eat, or grabbing some coffee or something, and did she want anything? She just shook her head ‘no’ and continued to stand there and stare.

  A thick pane of glass separated her from the room that held her precious little angel. No one was allowed in to see her. The doctors told them she just wasn’t strong enough. So here she stood, behind this protective window, watching over her with a furrowed brow. What did she think was going to happen? Would her color suddenly brightened? Would her eyes open? Would she cry out in pain? And if so, would there be anything she could possibly do to comfort her? Would there be anything anyone could do?

  Others gathered around, coming and going, looking through the window, talking excitedly amongst themselves. She heard bits and pieces of their conversations, but none of what they said stuck; none of it mattered. All that mattered was that any minute now she was going to wake up, and the doctors would allow her to see her, and everything was going to be fine.

  Women, confined to wheelchairs, were pushed down the hallway by their partners; men wandered aimlessly by themselves, a variety of overwhelmed looks plastered across their faces; parents and grandparents, clutching each other’s hand, all shuffled up to the window and looked in. They scanned the rows of tiny humans, pointing and smiling and laughing and crying.

  “Which one is yours?” first-time parents asked one another.

  “Is this your first grandchild?”

  “Oh, she’s so precious!”

  “He looks just like his father.”

  It seemed as though those gathering were beginning to multiply. She couldn’t drown them out any longer, and their optimism and happiness began to overwhelm her. She remembered Michael wheeling her up to this very same floor, this very same window. They had stared at their little girl, but it wasn’t the same this time. Her eyes had been full of joy, her heart pounding with excitement, and admittedly a bit of nervousness. But Michael had held her hand as they watched their little girl kick her feet wildly before soothing herself with her own thumb placed firmly between her lips. They had chatted excitedly with the other new parents and new grandparents, and when she woke up in her room later, the nurses had wheeled her little girl right into the room next to her. She remembered laying on her side, gazing over at this tiny, amazing creature, and feeling the overwhelming sense of motherly love wash over her.

  She closed her eyes now, for the first time in what felt like days, holding on to that moment. Not the first time she saw her, no. That moment had been fleeting, and too confusing as the nurses rushed her away to check her vitals and clean her up. No, it had been tha
t moment in that tiny hospital room, where she knew she could stare into those eyes forever. Where she vowed to do everything she could to protect her little girl, to keep her safe, to ensure she too would become a mother one day and would share a moment as glorious as the one that had taken place in that very same hospital all those years ago.

  She felt a firm hand on her shoulder. Opening her eyes she turned around to see Michael standing there. She could tell by the look on his face that the news they had been waiting all night for wasn’t the news they’d been hoping to hear. She felt her knees buckle, but Michael grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to his chest, barely keeping her from hitting the floor. She heard the wails her body emitted but couldn’t control them, and quite frankly didn’t care to. The happy couples and families all gathered around the glass turned to look at them – to stare at them really. Michael didn’t shush her, or try to calm her – after 30 years of marriage he had learned this approach would only upset her further. The only thing he could do now is hold her, and try to hold himself together. Slowly he led her away from the nursery window – and the prying eyes – to a row of nearby chairs. He lowered her into one of the seats, and sat down beside her. She just stared at the floor and continued to sob. He sat there stoically, arm around her, waiting for her to come up for air. Tears had stopped falling from her eyes, but her chest continued to heave as she inhaled sharp, short breaths. He squeezed her shoulder tightly, and she turned to look at him. Her bright blue eyes looked empty. Even though she was looking right at him, he wasn’t quite sure she could see him.