Silver Linings

by Debbie Macomber

“I can’t.”

  “I’ll find someone else to finish what you started,” I said. “It shouldn’t be difficult.”

  “I can’t leave you like this,” he said. His voice was so low it was nearly inaudible. “It’s going to kill me to leave you, no matter when I go.”

  “Then why are you doing this?” I demanded.

  As I expected, he didn’t answer me.

  “Is whatever it is that’s driving you away so terrible you can’t tell me?”

  Again, he had no answer for me.

  I bit into my lower lip, fearing I wasn’t going to be able to hold back the tears for much longer. It infuriated me that Mark Taylor could reduce me to this emotional level.

  Mark sighed and forced me to turn around and face him. The instant I did, he wrapped me in his arms and clung to me as if he was holding on to my very life.

  My arms remained dangling at my sides. I refused to let my guard down, refused to give him the power to hurt me any more than he already had. But the longer he held me the more difficult it became not to put my arms around him.

  “You have to know I love you,” he said.

  He released me and took one small step in retreat. I lowered my eyes, unable to look at him. Mark cupped my face, his callused hands rough against my soft skin.

  “Jo Marie,” he said, his voice strong and sure. “If you remember nothing else, remember this. I will always love you.”

  I tried to turn my head, discounting his words because his actions said otherwise. “If you love me so much you wouldn’t do this.”

  He braced his forehead against mine.

  “Go love some other woman,” I urged. “Because, frankly, your love hurts too much.”

  “I can’t.”

  I fully intended to break away, but he stopped me, tilting my head up to receive his kiss. It’d been three weeks since Mark declared his feelings for me. Three weeks in which he’d jumped through hoops in order to ignore me. It was almost as if being in close proximity to me was unbearable for him. He went to great lengths to avoid any association with me. In that same time the most physical contact we’d had was a hug, and that had happened just before he announced he was moving away from Cedar Cove.

  I stood perfectly still as his lips descended to mine. I hadn’t been kissed or held since Paul left for a tour in Afghanistan. Even now I wasn’t convinced I was capable of feeling any response from another man’s touch.

  It didn’t take two seconds to discover I was wrong.

  Mark’s kiss went through me like a laser. I didn’t want to feel anything, but I couldn’t help myself. I groaned, or maybe it was Mark who groaned. Perhaps we both did at the same time. My arms came around him and my fingers tangled in the small hairs at the base of his neck.

  His kisses were urgent, fierce, as if he was desperate, as if he’d held himself in check for so long that when the dam broke, he was unable to control his pent-up longing and need another minute.

  The intensity of his kisses nearly caused me to stumble backward. I might have, if not for the edge of the sink pressing against the small of my back.

  “Jo Marie,” he whispered, “Oh no…no…this shouldn’t be happening.” He interrupted himself by kissing me again with that same urgency. He held me so close and so tight I found it difficult to breathe.

  I clung to him, too, hoping he’d have a change of heart now that he’d held and kissed me with such abandon.

  When he tore his lips from mine, his breathing was harsh and heavy. He hung his head, refusing to look at me, and then slowly, gently, he eased me away. He wanted to pull back more, but I wouldn’t let him. My arms circled his waist and I hung on to him, afraid that once he let me go I would lose him forever.

  For a long time we held on to each other.

  Even then I knew.

  Nothing had changed.

  Mark had made up his mind, and kissing me, holding me, declaring his love, made no difference. The anger was gone now, replaced with a brooding sense of sadness. I dropped my arms and stepped back.

  Mark maintained contact. “I’ll finish the gazebo,” he said.

  I nodded.

  “I finish what I start.”

  I wanted to challenge him and say he wasn’t finishing what he’d started with me. Earlier, in anger, I’d accused him of being cruel. I hadn’t meant it, and had spoken from my own pain. But now I realized how right I’d been. Mark Taylor was cruel in both word and deed.

  “I’d give anything if things were different,” he added.

  I bit back a sarcastic reply. This was territory we’d already covered.

  “How much longer will you be here?” I asked, without letting any emotion leak into my voice.

  “I hope to finish today.”

  That wasn’t what I was asking, but I didn’t want to explain further.

  “If the weather holds.”

  “And then?”

  “And then I’m leaving.”

  “That soon?” I swallowed against the painful knot in my throat.

  He nodded.

  As Coco and Katie exited the Bremerton ferry, Coco noticed how quiet her friend had gotten. It went without saying that Katie’s head was full of James. All those uncomfortable questions about forgiveness were a dead giveaway. Her friend had never been able to forget James. He’d been her first love. Breaking it off with him had nearly destroyed her. Now here they were, both of them, ready to face the past, as painful as that was.

  Coco was caught up in her thoughts as they rounded the curve that would take them past the lighthouse and into Cedar Cove. After her parents moved to Chicago, she’d avoided her hometown. It’d been four or five years now since she’d been back. Funny how everything seemed the same and yet it all felt so different. She looked up and down Harbor Street, and while several of the signs above the shops had changed, it remained basically the same. The hair salon was next to the flower shop and several restaurants. The library and totem pole could be seen in the distance.

  “There’s the marina,” Coco squealed. “Do you remember when Sally was messing around after graduation and fell into the water?”

  Katie smiled. “Sort of.”

  “Sort of? How could you forget? She completely lost it! Who knew the pastor’s daughter had such a foul mouth?”

  “Do you have the address for the inn?” Katie asked.

  “Address?” Coco repeated. “I know where it is. It’s the B-and-B the Frelingers once owned.”

  “Frelingers? Who are the Frelingers? I thought you said the inn was named after the owner?”

  “New owner.”

  “Oh.”

  Coco made a right-hand turn and started up the steep hill, turning right again. A large sign hung out in front of the driveway announcing The Inn at Rose Harbor. Coco turned and drove down the long driveway and an immediate sense of homecoming filled her.

  “Wow,” she said involuntarily. “I don’t remember it looking quite like this.” The three-story structure was breathtaking with its wraparound porch and large rose garden. A gazebo looked like a new addition. A sign hung from a rope stretched across the gazebo’s opening read WET PAINT. A profusion of roses bloomed in the attached garden, red and yellow, white and pink.

  “I don’t know that I’ve been here,” Katie said, but she, too, seemed to be in awe.

  Coco parked in one of the allotted spaces. She climbed out of the car and stood, studying the B&B with her hands braced against her hips. “The new owner has had a lot of work done. I don’t remember this place being so beautiful or nearly this big.”

  Katie joined her and then walked around to the back of the car. Coco released the trunk latch and got out both their suitcases and set them down on the gravel.

  The front door opened and a woman who didn’t look much older than Coco stepped onto the wide porch. She was joined by a midsize dog, who wagged his tail in greeting.

  “Welcome to Rose Harbor,” she said, and while she smiled Coco noticed that the warmth she exuded didn’t qui
te reach her eyes. “I’m Jo Marie Rose.”

  “Hi,” Coco answered, hauling her suitcase toward the front porch.

  “Come inside,” Jo Marie invited. “We’ll fill out the necessary paperwork and then I’ll take you to your rooms.”

  “That would be great.”

  “You must be Kellie and Katie,” Jo Marie said, as they made their way up the porch, lifting their suitcases.

  “Kellie’s my given name,” Coco explained, “but most people call me Coco.”

  “You’re both here for your class reunion?”

  “That’s us.”

  “Once we get settled, Katie and I are going to make a run over to the high school.”

  “We are?” Katie looked surprised.

  “Sure, why not? I’d like to see if any of our old teachers are still around. It’ll be fun.”

  “The only teacher I remember is Mr. Kloster.”

  And Coco knew why. The math teacher’s aide had been James, and Mr. Kloster had been the one who asked James to tutor Katie. That had been the start of everything for her friend.

  They finished the paperwork in short order and Jo Marie saw them to their rooms. Coco wasn’t sure why she’d suggested they stop by the school. It’d been an impulsive idea, especially when she couldn’t be at the high school and not remember how Ryan Temple had humiliated her.

  It had all started in October of her senior year. Coco remembered that afternoon as clearly as if it had taken place just last week, instead of more than ten years ago.

  She’d been practicing with the other members from the drill team. The wind whipped bronze and gold leaves across the carefully manicured grass. The football field had been especially prepared by the maintenance staff before Friday night’s big game.

  Even the small details remained vivid in her mind. She recalled the opposing team they were set to play. Tacoma. Funny how a small detail like that would linger in her mind. Tacoma High School had a much larger student population to draw players from, but Cedar Cove had a secret weapon.

  Ryan Temple.

  He was their ultratalented quarterback. A slight knee injury had kept him off the field for the first few weeks of the season, but now he was back, and according to rumors floating around the school, he was in excellent shape.

  Coco was part of the drill team that was scheduled to perform at halftime during the game on Friday night. Living in a small town had several advantages. For one, the entire community supported high school sports. The stands at every home game were filled to bursting with students and faculty members along with family and friends and those looking for entertainment and a little excitement to add to their weekend.

  The drill team’s uniforms were standard fare, but Coco had come up with a design that changed boring into ingenious. By tucking up one edge of the pleated skirt and adding a huge madras flower, she changed the entire look. When she’d showed her fellow team members her idea, everyone had been enthusiastic.

  Coco loved clothes. As a teenager she’d lived and breathed fashion and spent copious amounts of time poring over magazines and books, studying the different looks, gathering ideas she hoped to sew one day herself. She dreamed of the day her own line of clothing would be displayed on a New York runway.

  She found it interesting and funny how dreams have a way of morphing in different directions. Life had taken her down a different path, but one that was equally challenging and exciting.

  It was that Thursday afternoon before Friday’s game when Ryan first sought her out after practice.

  The football team had been on the field, and the drill team had gone over their routine in the gymnasium several times while waiting for the field to become available.

  The boys had headed to the locker room to shower when the drill team started toward the grassy field. At some point the two groups intersected.

  Coco heard her name called and stopped to look around.

  It was Ryan.

  “Coco,” he called again. “Hold up.”

  Her friends flew past her. Coco was struck dumb in front of Ryan, hardly knowing what to think. He held his football helmet under his arm and his maroon-and-gold uniform showed several grass stains.

  “Hi,” he said, looking a bit sheepish.

  “Hi.” His eyes were the most amazing color of emerald green. Coco wasn’t sure she’d even noticed his eyes before. His hair was a deep, rich shade of auburn. He had a small scar just above his left eye, directly below his thick brow.

  “I’ve been wanting to say hi.”

  This information completely tongue-tied her. This inability to speak wasn’t normal for her. Coco had an outgoing personality and made friends easily. That said, it wasn’t every day that the cutest and most popular boy in school sought her out. She managed to swallow without choking, which was something of a feat, considering how nervous she was. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” he returned, and dazzled her with his smile. He kicked at the dirt with the toe of his shoe. “You going to the dance after the game?”

  “Me?” She pressed her hand to her chest and felt her pounding heart.

  He grinned, making his eyes sparkle all the brighter. “Yeah, you.”

  “I guess.” She’d been working hard on the drill team’s uniforms, and Coco hadn’t given the dance much thought.

  Ryan’s smile widened. “Great, then I’ll see you there.”

  “Sure.” A one-word reply was all she could manage.

  “See ya,” Ryan said, and took off in a trot after his teammates.

  “See ya,” she called out after him.

  It took Coco several minutes to realize that Ryan Temple had as good as asked her out on a date.

  As soon as Coco joined her friends on the field, they pelted her with questions.

  “What did Ryan want?” Josie Sharp asked.

  Coco wasn’t sure what to say. “He said he’d wanted to say hi.”

  “Hi? That’s it?”

  Coco nodded.

  The team members formed a circle around her. “Wow.”

  “You were talking for longer than that,” Laurie Burke insisted.

  “He asked if I’ll be at the dance after the game.”

  A shocked silence followed, one mingled with disbelief and awe. “He asked about the dance?” Josie whispered, as if Ryan had fallen to one knee and proposed marriage.

  How dramatic they’d all been. It made Coco want to roll her eyes in retrospect.

  “What did you tell him?”

  “What do you think she told him?” Brittany Coolidge barked. “Of course Coco’s going to the dance.”

  “I’m going, too,” Ruthie said, and several others chimed in.

  Friday night, the drill team’s routine was flawless, but the talk was all about the updated uniforms. Coco received lots of compliments. The Cedar Cove Wolves pulled out a win, due to a last-minute touchdown pass by Ryan Temple.

  The dance was in full swing by the time Ryan arrived with other members of the football team. As soon as he stepped into the gymnasium, he paused and searched the crowd.

  Coco watched as his gaze fell upon her. It felt as if Coco’s heart was going to break into song. It took restraint not to raise her hand to her heart as if that would hold back the excitement that bubbled up from the very tips of her toes.

  Ryan started across the floor and was stopped several times along the way by friends and schoolmates wanting to congratulate him on the Hail Mary pass that saved the game. Coco remained frozen to the spot, afraid if she moved he would look elsewhere for a dance partner.

  When he was able to break away, Ryan sauntered up to her. The music swirled around them. For a long moment all he did was look at her. And she at him. Coco was afraid to breathe, sure if she did the spell would be broken.

  After a long moment, he smiled. “Hi.” Just the way he said it made it sound as if he’d been waiting all day for just this moment. She knew she had.

  “Great game.” Her mouth felt dry, which made it difficult to speak. />
  “Thanks.” He looked away briefly, as if uncomfortable with compliments. “Awesome routine.”

  “You saw it?” This surprised Coco.

  “Only the last few minutes. Coach kept us in the locker room longer than I would have liked, so I was only able to see the end. You looked great.”

  Coco was sure she must have blushed.

  “The new uniforms look hot. Someone said you thought up the flower.”

  She shrugged off his praise. “I enjoy doing stuff like that.”

  “So I heard.”

  The comment implied that he’d asked about her around school—otherwise how would he know? Okay, someone might have casually mentioned it.

  “Would you like to dance?” he asked, glancing over his shoulder at the couples on the floor. They were playing one of Coco’s favorite songs.

  “Okay.”

  He reached for her hand and led her onto the dance floor. It might have been her imagination, but it felt like they were walking through the middle of the Red Sea. A pathway immediately opened up for them as couples scooted aside in order for Coco and Ryan to walk to the middle of the polished wooden floor.

  Coco felt like every eye in the room was on the two of them. The fact that Ryan had sought her out in such a public way on the football field yesterday and again at the dance didn’t go unnoticed.

  They danced every dance for the rest of the evening, and when the dance ended Ryan offered to drive Coco home.

  “Thanks, but I came with a few of my friends,” she said regretfully.

  Ryan looked disappointed. “You sure?”

  She nodded. It didn’t seem right to abandon Josie, Natalie, and Laurie just because she had what they might consider a better offer. Besides, everything was happening too fast. “I appreciate you asking.”

  “What are you up to tomorrow?” He didn’t seem inclined to drop it there.

  Coco’s heart sank. “We’re driving over to see my grandmother in Yakima. It’s her seventieth birthday and the whole family is getting together to celebrate.”

  “You won’t be back Saturday night?”

  She shook her head. “No, we’re staying over with my aunt and uncle.” Coco wished with all her heart that her grandmother had been born a different time of the year.