Silver Linings

by Debbie Macomber

  “Whatever you say.” I certainly wasn’t going to argue with him. I stepped over Rover, who’d curled into a tight ball, and handed Mark the check.

  “What’s this?” he asked, reading it over. His face was marred with a deep frown.

  I held my shoulders stiff. “It’s what I owe you for the gazebo.”

  “You don’t owe me a thing. The bill is already paid.” He had a disgruntled look I found achingly familiar.

  “Wrong. I didn’t pay you for the labor.”

  He returned to cleaning out his workshop. “Consider it a gift.”

  “Thanks, but no thanks.” My back was as straight as a telephone pole, letting him know I wasn’t backing down.

  “Okay, fine, if that’s the way you want it.” He folded the check in half and stuffed it inside his pocket. Turning around, he continued his packing, his back to me.

  “Let’s go, Rover,” I said, tugging on his leash.

  He didn’t budge.

  “Rover,” I tried again.

  He remained resolutely exactly as he was.

  I bent down to pick him up and for the first time since he’d come into my life he growled at me.

  “Rover,” I snapped in shock.

  Mark whirled around and looked as stunned as I did.

  “He’s never done that before.”

  Mark remained on the other side of the room, his hands in his back pockets. “It’s all right, boy,” he whispered. “You should go.”

  Rover didn’t look as if he intended to budge anytime soon. The only thing I could think to do was leave him. “I’ll come back later and collect him or you can drop him off on your way out of town,” I suggested.

  Mark nodded. “Okay.”

  I backed up a couple steps, scanning the workshop. I hesitated, my heart in my throat, unable to casually walk away.

  “Was there something else?”

  I lifted one shoulder. I’d grown accustomed to sharing a great deal of my life with Mark. Hardly a day passed when we didn’t talk. It had become habit to bounce ideas off him. “It’s nothing,” I said, accepting anew that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to bend his ear in the future.

  That satisfied him, or seemed to for a split second. “Something’s on your mind, so just say it.”

  “Okay, I will. It isn’t important and I don’t know why I even wanted to tell you this…I’ve agreed to attend a survivors’ support group meeting next week. It’s time I did…earlier today I had a long talk with my mother and she mentioned a few things that shook me up.”

  “Like what?”

  Mark tried to show indifference, but his attempt didn’t fool me. “She thinks it’s for the best that you’re moving away,” I told him.

  He arched his brows as though curious, so I continued. “She thinks I’ve used our friendship as insulation.”

  “As what?”

  “I’ve come to depend on you too much.” I felt my throat thickening. “She’s right, you know. I consider you my dearest friend…I’ve felt safe when you were close…I knew I could depend on you to help me and I became far too comfortable in my protected little world.”

  “Your mother’s right; it’s time I left so you can figure out things on your own.”

  I could have lied, but he would have seen through it. “I don’t see it that way. It hurts to let you go, Mark. I’m going to miss you so much.” My voice trembled as I struggled to keep from showing how emotional I felt.

  “It’s necessary.”

  “So you keep reminding me, although you refuse to tell me why.”

  “You’re not going to sit around and mope after I’m gone, are you?” His words were more challenge than question.

  “You’d like that, wouldn’t you?”

  The spark of humor that had leaked into his eyes disappeared. “No, Jo Marie, I wouldn’t. Attend those meetings; you’ll find them useful, and in helping others you might find some comfort yourself.”

  He was right and I knew it. “I’m going to do more than attend meetings,” I said, determined to prove that I wasn’t going to waste time longing for his return.

  “Good.”

  “I’m going out.”

  He’d turned away but quickly reversed motion. “Out? You mean you’re going to date again?”

  “Probably.”

  He let the possibility soak in. It seemed to take a long time for him to nod. “You should.”

  “That won’t bother you?” It was a ridiculous question and one best left unasked, but I couldn’t help myself.

  He emitted a low growl. “It’s going to bother the hell out of me.”

  I couldn’t restrain a smile if I’d tried. “Thank you for that. It soothes my ego.”

  “You’re beautiful, Jo Marie, and you have a lot to offer, so don’t cut yourself short and don’t take second best.”

  “What do you consider second best?”

  He shook his head, letting me know he had no intention of answering. “I’ll bring Rover by later this afternoon.”

  It came to me why then. “You consider yourself second best, don’t you?”

  Ignoring me, Mark continued about his business. “Like I said, I’ll bring Rover back later.”

  “In other words, it’s time for me to go.”

  “Exactly.”

  I chuckled softly. “Tell me how you really feel.”

  He straightened and whirled around to confront me, his look as dark and intense as I’ve ever seen him. “Just trust me on this.”

  He was wrong. I hungered to know what had driven him to this point, why he refused to let himself love me, but nothing I said or did made as much as a dent in his determination to go. I’d lost the will to fight him.

  “Don’t worry about Rover. I’ve got a couple of errands to run. I’ll leave him with you and be back in an hour or so. Does that work for you?”

  “Works fine. Are you ready to go yet?” he asked.

  “Ready,” I returned, and I was.

  The moment Cedar Cove High School came into sight, Katie was filled with nostalgia; the memories were a mixture of challenges and joys. Although she’d attended the high school only during her senior year, this building, the teachers, and the students had helped shape her into the woman she was now.

  Apparently, classes were about to be dismissed for the day, because a long line of yellow buses rolled into the parking lot. Coco was fortunate to find a parking spot in the visitors area. A bell rang in the distance and within seconds a flood of students surged out of the building in a tidal wave of youth.

  Katie and Coco climbed out of the car as the teens rushed past, seemingly oblivious to the two of them.

  Wide-eyed, Coco watched the swarm of bodies and slowly shook her head. “Were we ever that young?” she asked.

  Katie had been thinking the same thing. “We must have been,” she murmured, and while it didn’t seem like that long ago, it felt like it might have been a lifetime.

  “And we thought we were so smart.”

  Katie smiled. “Weren’t we?”

  “Not as smart as we are now,” Coco answered, moving out of the way so as not to be run over. From the urgency with which the crowd moved, one would suspect the school was on fire. “Makes me wonder what we’ll think at our twenty-year reunion. In another ten years some of our classmates will have kids attending here.”

  That seemed beyond the scope of possibility, and yet her friend was right. “I just hope that we’ll each have found the one by then.”

  “Me, too, and maybe have a kid or two. Who knows, by then we might even turn into regular soccer moms.”

  “Us?” Katie wasn’t catching the vision.

  “It’s a possibility.”

  Katie would like to be married one day, and she knew Coco felt the same way, too. Her longtime friend would be a loving mother. Coco dated quite a bit. She was fun and friendly, and people were naturally drawn to her, especially men. What Katie didn’t understand was why Coco never seemed to stay in relationships
for long. She suspected it had to do with what happened with Ryan Temple, but she’d never asked her directly. Coco bristled whenever the subject was mentioned.

  “You’ll be good with kids,” Katie told her.

  “Thanks.” Coco’s tone was flippant.

  “I mean it, Coco.”

  “I know you do.”

  Focusing her attention on her friend, Katie wanted to remind Coco that her chances would greatly improve if she’d be more open to getting serious with a man. Over the years Katie had watched the other woman leap from one casual relationship to another.

  It always started out promising. Coco would call her, rhapsodizing about the new man in her life and how perfect he was and how deeply in love she was. She’d be convinced he was the one, and that she was totally enraptured.

  That would last a month, maybe a bit longer, and then the next thing Katie heard, the love affair was over and Coco was ready to move on. When asked what had gone wrong, Coco never had a good answer. He wasn’t who she thought he was; it hadn’t worked out. Her excuses were vague and matter-of-fact, as if she should have known earlier she was chasing the wind.

  “You, too, right?” Coco asked, catching Katie’s look.

  “Sorry?”

  “You want children, right?” Coco pressed.

  “Oh yes.” Katie didn’t elaborate. Her own childhood had been dreadful. She wondered what would have become of her if not for her grandmother. Both her parents had been trapped in the web of alcohol and drugs that became stickier and messier with each passing year. Her father had disappeared before Katie had any memories of him, and her mother became involved in a series of dangerous relationships that invariably ended poorly. Katie’s grandmother had been the one constant in her life. It was after her Grandma Brenda died when she was twelve that Katie had been placed in foster homes, one after another.

  “You don’t date much, though,” Coco pointed out.

  “I date,” Katie insisted.

  “Just not often.”

  Katie hated to admit it, but what Coco said was true. She worked long hours on her caseload, which seemed to grow every year. She did what she could to help children, so many of whom reminded her of herself. She had a soft spot for children torn from their families. Sure, she went out now and again, but mostly with friends from the office. Unlike Coco, she wasn’t outgoing or as socially adept. For the most part she kept her own company.

  “Come on,” Coco said, starting to walk toward the school. “I want to check out my old locker.”

  “Do you think they still use the same lockers?”

  “Of course they do. Nothing ever changes.”

  Katie had been afraid of that. “I want to stop by the pool.”

  “Me, too. I wonder if anyone has beaten your record for the five-hundred-meter freestyle.”

  “I’m sure they have.” A part of her hoped her record held, however unlikely.

  The hallways remained crowded as students flowed toward the exits. The mass of humanity didn’t bother Coco, who wove her way through the throng with Katie following closely behind. She’d gone about twenty or thirty feet when she saw her old algebra teacher.

  “Mr. Kloster.” Katie said his name loud enough for him to hear.

  His gaze caught hers, and he paused. From the look, Katie knew he recognized her but couldn’t remember her name.

  She made her way over to him. “Katie,” she reminded him. “Katie Gilroy.”

  His eyes lit up with recognition. “Katie, my goodness, it’s been what…five or six years.”

  “Ten. Coco and I are in town for our class reunion.”

  “Ah, yes, I heard this was a reunion weekend,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”

  “You, too.”

  He paused and turned back. “Now that I think about it, the reunion organizers sent me an invitation to attend. Unfortunately, the wife and I had already made plans for this weekend.”

  Katie didn’t know what else to say.

  He frowned, and his brow formed three lines. “You were in the same class as James Harper, weren’t you?” he asked.

  Hearing his name so unexpectedly jarred her. “I was.” Apparently, Mr. Kloster had forgotten that he’d asked James to tutor her.

  “He was one of my star pupils,” he said and then added, “You remember the ones that show promise.”

  “Which means you wouldn’t have a clue who I am,” Coco teased.

  Mr. Kloster grinned and looked sheepish. “I remember you both.”

  “Sure you do.” Coco’s laugh was filled with good-natured sarcasm.

  “Maybe not your names,” the math teacher admitted, “but certainly your faces.” He checked his watch. “It was good seeing you. Enjoy your reunion.”

  They walked down the long hallway toward the commons, which was next to the cafeteria. As they came into the area Katie stopped, her gaze automatically drawn to the corner by the window where she’d once sat with James for her tutoring sessions.

  Coco went on a few feet before she realized Katie wasn’t with her. She turned back. “You okay?” she asked.

  “Of course.” It was a lie, and a big one. Her whole body had gone tense. “Do you remember the fight James got into over me?” she asked her friend. Most days he drove her, but certain mornings, he couldn’t.

  Coco looked unsure. “Sort of.”

  He’d been expelled from school for three days and his parents had been justifiably upset. Being James, he’d accepted responsibility and the ramifications without argument, but he hadn’t told his family what had led to the altercation.

  Brian O’Malley, one of the boys in their class, rode the same bus as Katie. A bully, he had relentlessly belittled Katie. He purposely bumped into her and made fun of her hair, her clothes, her grades, which admittedly weren’t the best, but then neither were Brian’s. She never seemed to be able to catch up with her classes.

  Katie chose to ignore his bullying, keeping her head lowered and pretending not to hear the hurtful things Brian said. He viewed her as weak and vulnerable and an easy target. Katie never knew who told James about Brian harassing her, but she suspected it was one of his friends. Brian was a good forty pounds bigger, but that hadn’t stopped James.

  James had confronted Brian after school. “I hear you’re on the same bus as Katie,” he’d said, walking into Brian’s personal space and glaring at him eye to eye.

  “What’s it to you?”

  “Lay off her. Understand?”

  Brian must have thought this challenge was some kind of joke. “You gonna make me?”

  “If I have to.”

  Within a matter of seconds the two boys went at it.

  Katie would never have known about the fight if she hadn’t been walking by. When she saw what was happening she instinctively knew James was fighting Brian for tormenting her.

  Horrified that James was about to be badly hurt, she’d cried out his name and raced down the grassy slope, slipping and sliding in an effort to intervene and break up the fight.

  James must have heard her small cry because he momentarily averted his attention. That was when Brian hit him square in the jaw. James crumpled like an accordion. Then Katie really panicked and threw down her books and raced to his side just as the bus driver arrived.

  Both boys were taken to the office for discipline by the dean of students. Katie followed and waited out in the hall, pacing back and forth, sick at the thought that James had been hurt defending her. James wasn’t a fighter. Brian, on the other hand, routinely got into brawls and was big and mean-spirited. Katie had dealt with others like him and learned the best thing she could do was ignore the taunts.

  By the time James stepped out of the office a large bruise had already formed on his jaw. Katie didn’t know what to do first, weep or shout at him for doing something so crazy.

  “Oh James,” she’d whispered, tears filling her eyes. She tried to blink them away, but it was useless.

  Wordlessly he stretched out his arm
and she’d immediately gone to him and buried her face in his chest, hugging him. For a long moment he simply held her close, leaving one arm dangling at his side.

  He must have felt her tears, because he kissed the top of her head and assured her he hadn’t been hurt that badly.

  “But you are,” she protested, raising her head and softly examining with the tips of her fingers the darkening bruise on the hard line of his jaw. The corner of his mouth was cut and blood had dried and crusted there.

  “I got in a few good slugs,” he’d told her with a certain amount of pride. He flexed his hands and she saw that his scraped knuckles were bruised and bleeding.

  “Why would you fight Brian?” she cried, caught in an emotional cocktail of anger and concern, fear and regret. Anger was winning out and she slapped his shoulder as hard as she could with her open palm, and then instantly felt guilty when he winced.

  James pressed his hand to his shoulder. “I couldn’t let anyone say those things to my girl, could I?”

  It was the first time he’d called her “my girl,” and that made her want to weep all the harder.

  “Your parents are going to hate me.”

  “The school contacted my mom and she said if I got in a fight with Brian O’Malley then I must have been provoked. Mr. Singer didn’t say it, but I know he agreed. Brian has a reputation.”

  “What’s going to happen to you?”

  “I’m suspended for three days.”

  Katie covered her mouth, dismayed on his behalf.

  “Come on,” James said, draping his arm around her shoulders. “I’ll drive you home.”

  From that point forward, no matter what, he always took her to and from school so that she wouldn’t have to ride the bus again.

  Katie never knew what James told his parents. Whatever it was, he’d kept her name out of it.

  —

  “You ready?” Coco asked.

  Katie stared at her blankly. “Sorry?”

  “I thought you wanted to go down to the swimming pool.”

  Pulled back into the present and out of her recollections, Katie nodded. “Right…the pool.”

  Coco led the way out of the high school cafeteria and down the steps to the building that housed the Olympic-size swimming pool that was shared with the community. “Being here brings back a lot of memories, doesn’t it?”