Silver Linings

by Debbie Macomber

  With the radio playing, Katie hummed along to the music as she peeled the apples. At first she didn’t hear the doorbell, thinking it was part of the song. It rang a second and third time before she realized someone was outside her door.

  Setting aside the knife, she dried her hands on her apron and called out, “Coming.” She checked the peephole before she turned the lock.

  Emily, James’s Emily, stood in the hallway outside her apartment.

  Her immediate thought was that something terrible had happened to James and Emily had come to tell her personally.

  “Emily,” she said, throwing open the door.

  The other woman looked apologetic. “I’m so sorry to show up unexpectedly like this. I took a chance you’d be home…I realize I probably should have called first.”

  “Don’t apologize. Please come inside.”

  The other woman continued to look uncertain as she entered Katie’s apartment. Her heart was racing and she had to know. “Is everything all right with James? Has there been an accident?”

  “As of last week James is perfectly healthy, as far as I know.”

  The implication was that Emily hadn’t seen him in that time. Clearly something had happened and Katie was fairly certain that Emily was about to tell her what it was.

  “Please sit down. Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Water?” Katie realized she sounded like a waitress in a diner, but she was nervous and unable to hide it.

  “Nothing, thank you.” Emily took a seat on the sofa. She looked pale and weary, as if she hadn’t slept well in quite some time.

  Katie removed the apron and set it in the kitchen and then joined the other woman.

  “I interrupted you,” Emily said, looking into the kitchen with the bowl of half-peeled apples and pie plates lined up on the counter.

  “I was baking pies for Thanksgiving,” she said. “Coco and her family invited me. You met Coco, didn’t you?”

  Emily shook her head. “I don’t think so…I might have. I met a lot of people the night of the reunion.”

  “It was a bit overwhelming, wasn’t it?” Katie said gently.

  Emily stared down at her hands.

  The room went silent and Katie waited for Emily to speak. It went without saying that Emily hadn’t come to pay a social visit. Clearly, she had something she wanted to say, and Katie didn’t feel the need to rush her now that she knew James wasn’t in physical danger.

  “Everything changed for James and me following the reunion,” Emily said, glancing up but only briefly.

  “I take it whatever changed wasn’t for the good?”

  “No, it was just the opposite.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’d like to say it was all James, but it wasn’t.” Emily straightened and offered Katie a feeble smile. “I changed after that night, too.”

  “Oh?” Katie wasn’t sure what to say, but her training as a social worker had taught her to let people talk and explain matters at their own speed, especially in difficult circumstances, which this seemed to be. She had questions, lots of them, but she was patient enough to know the answers would come.

  “That time with you in the cafeteria opened my eyes to a lot of things,” Emily said, and paused as if she needed a few moments to compose herself before continuing. “I know what it is to love someone to the point that you feel your life isn’t worth living if you can’t be with that one person.”

  “I’m better now,” Katie whispered, wanting to assure Emily that she’d moved forward since that night. “I’ve actually been dating a great guy.”

  “Do you love him?” Emily asked, pinning her with her gaze.

  Katie knew she had to be honest. Emily would see through any lie far too easily. “No.”

  She smiled as if she was proud of Katie for telling the truth.

  “He’s a good person,” Katie rushed to add. “He’s kind and thoughtful and he makes me laugh.”

  “And in time you’re convinced you’ll eventually come to genuinely care for him, right?”

  Katie hesitated before answering. “Yes,” she admitted. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”

  “I assumed the same thing when I agreed to marry James. We met just a few weeks before I got that card from Jayson telling me that his wife was pregnant. It took me a long time to understand why he sent it. Like you, I assumed he wanted to hurt me, but I know Jayson, and he would never do anything intentional to cause me more pain. It took me longer than it should have to realize it was his way of telling me I needed to find someone else to love.”

  “And then there was James.”

  “Yes. We dated for a while and like this man you’ve met—”

  “His name is Christian,” Katie supplied.

  “Like it’s been with you and Christian, we started slow and easy. We both came into this relationship with wounded hearts. It didn’t take me long to realize that James is a good, solid man. Like Christian he’s kind and thoughtful.”

  “Sensitive and caring,” Katie added.

  “That, too,” Emily concurred. “We dated for two years before we decided to get married.”

  “That long?” Katie asked.

  “We’re good friends.”

  Katie knew what a good friend James could be, too. “He told you about me, you said, but he never mentioned me by name?”

  “All I ever knew was that he’d once loved with his whole heart and the relationship had ended. He didn’t fill in the details and there was a reason for that.”

  “Oh?”

  “There was no need to bring up the past for either of us. The relationships were over. I never gave James any of the details about Jayson and me, either. We were both determined to put the past behind us and look to the future…to start again, so to speak.”

  Katie had done her best to do the same. “I know what you mean. I burned some of James’s letters. He wrote me, you see, almost every day for months on end…his letters were heart-wrenching. Even though they tore me apart, they were filled with love, too…but they’re gone now.”

  “You saved the letters until just recently.” Emily said this as if she understood.

  “Every one of them in a box.”

  “And since the reunion you’ve destroyed them,” she whispered, and sounded saddened by this news.

  “It took several weeks…there were a few I held on to…fifteen in total. I couldn’t bring myself to burn those. I was convinced that if I got rid of the letters it would be a physical sign that the relationship was completely over. The two of you were engaged, and more than anything I wished you happiness.”

  Emily smiled, but it was one that revealed more pain. “I…know. I loved…love Jayson enough to want him to be happy, too. He was close to his parents, especially his mother, and marrying me would have done irreparable harm to their relationship. I couldn’t do that to him or to her. His mother never understood how much I admired and loved her.” Tears filled her eyes and she quickly blinked them away.

  Katie hardly knew what to say.

  “Like I said, things changed between James and me following the reunion.”

  Swallowing, Katie waited for the other woman to continue.

  “I realized you loved James the same way I love Jayson.”

  “Yes, but—”

  “And more important,” Emily said, cutting her off, “I discovered James was still in love with you.”

  Katie was unable to hold back a soft gasp. She shook her head several times, discounting the other woman’s words. “I’m sure you’re wrong. He could hardly look at me; he made it abundantly clear that whatever we once shared is over, dead.”

  Emily responded with another of those sad smiles. “That was what he wanted you to believe. It isn’t true, Katie. He’s never been able to stop loving you.”

  The tightness in her chest moved upward and into her throat. Covering her face with both hands, Katie’s shoulders shook. Bending over, she pressed her forehead against her knees and waited for the swe
ll of emotion to pass. She couldn’t quite let herself believe what she was hearing.

  “I came to tell you I broke off our engagement,” Emily whispered. “James and I won’t be getting married.”

  “Oh no,” Katie cried.

  “It was the right thing to do,” Emily insisted, reaching out and briefly squeezing Katie’s hand. “James and I could have gone through with our wedding plans, but we each would have been accepting less than what we deserve.”

  Slowly, gathering her composure, Katie straightened. “And James? How did he react when you told him…what did he…” she started, unable to get out the full question.

  “He wasn’t surprised. At least he didn’t act like he was. It was almost as if he’d been expecting it. To be fair, he did try to talk me into keeping the engagement ring and postponing the wedding while we sorted through all this.”

  “That seems sensible.”

  “No,” Emily countered. “Nothing is going to change. Deep down James recognized it, too, only he didn’t want to admit it.”

  “That was a week ago?”

  “Yes. This last weekend we told our families we were calling off the wedding.”

  Katie could only imagine the disappointment James’s parents must have felt.

  “I wanted to do it together as a couple, but James said it would go better with his family if he went alone. My parents didn’t take the news well. They want me to be happy, but unfortunately, they seem to believe that will only happen when I’m married and have a child. What they don’t understand is that getting married when it’s not the right person doesn’t accomplish anything.”

  “What happens now?” Katie asked, knowing how painful and difficult the last few months must have been for this woman.

  “I…I don’t know what the future holds for me. It isn’t necessary that I do. As for James’s future, I believe that’s up to you,” she said.

  “Up to me?” she repeated.

  “If you still love James, and I know you do, then you will need to let him know.”

  “James already knows how I feel about him. I couldn’t have made it any more clear.”

  “You won’t go talk to him?” Emily’s gaze probed hers.

  Katie shook her head. “I can’t. At the reunion I asked him to hear me out, and he agreed with the stipulation that I not contact him ever again. I think it’s his choice to make now.”

  Emily continued to stare at her. “Are you telling me after all this you’re going to actually let pride stand in your way?”

  Katie gave one short laugh. “This isn’t pride, Emily. I came to the reunion with my heart on my sleeve. I wanted nothing more than to explain why I had been forced to break up with him when he left for college.”

  “James believes if you’d sincerely loved him, it wouldn’t have mattered what his parents thought, or anyone else,” Emily told her.

  Katie’s head came up. “So he talked about me following the reunion?”

  She nodded. “We had what was quite possibly our first honest conversation, baring our souls to each other. He told me everything. He was so badly hurt by what happened between you, but you already know that. I think he was so hurt, he couldn’t see your point of view. You were both teenagers and you didn’t have the support of family! You knew what it would be like for James if he lost that himself and didn’t want him to suffer what you had.”

  Emily understood her situation far better than James ever had.

  “I promised not to contact him, but it’s more than that, Emily. James has held on to his anger. The only way I can be convinced that he is truly over the past is if he came to me.”

  “Katie…”

  She held up her hand, stopping her. “I don’t know that a relationship from this point forward would survive with that resentment and anger hanging between us.”

  Emily took a few minutes to absorb this before she slowly nodded. “I understand.”

  “What about you?” Katie asked.

  Emily shrugged as if to say she would let the future take care of itself. “I can’t say. I teach first grade and love my job. I’d found contentment before I met James, and I think I can again.” She stood then, as if the reason for her visit had been accomplished.

  “The last time we met, you asked me to love James for you. That deeply touched my heart. I want to give those words back to you. If you two can find your way to each other, I hope you’ll love James for me in a way I’ve never been able to do. Fill his life with laughter and joy. Give him children. We’d talked about starting a family—he’ll make a wonderful father one day.”

  Katie’s throat tightened and she nodded, and when she spoke it was through tears. “I don’t know if that’s possible, but I would love nothing more.”

  Thanksgiving morning I was up even earlier than usual. Within a matter of hours I’d be joining my parents for the traditional meal, taking the Southworth ferry into Seattle. The trip across Puget Sound from Southworth took less time than the ferry that left the Bremerton dock, and there would be less traffic from West Seattle.

  My mother always went out in a big way for Thanksgiving. I wasn’t concerned about leaving my guests unattended for the holiday—I’d only be away from the house for a few hours, and each guest had an individual key and their own holiday plans.

  Although I’d offered to bring a side dish or dessert to contribute to the dinner, my mother refused. She had been cooking for days and had more than enough.

  My mother was an excellent cook. Thanksgiving was her opportunity to show off her culinary and decorating skills. She loved this day and planned for it weeks in advance.

  As soon as breakfast was served I took Rover for his walk, and on the way back I stopped at the mailbox. I’d been busy and hadn’t collected yesterday’s mail. The first thing I noticed as I sorted through the bills and junk mail was a card with the return address from Yakima, Washington. It was from Maggie Porter. Maggie and Roy had stayed at the inn a few months back, and I remembered them well.

  The inn had provided its healing magic for the Porters. Maggie discovered she was pregnant, and apparently this pregnancy was unplanned, unexpected, and unwanted. Reading between the lines, I’d guessed that Roy believed there was a possibility that the child wasn’t his. Unlike what had happened with my two guests who’d been in town to attend their class reunion, Roy and Maggie had found their way back to each other during their time at the inn, and had left at peace.

  I slid open the card, happy to hear from Maggie.

  Thanksgiving 2015

  Dear Jo Marie,

  This year I’m taking time to count my blessings and wanted you to know that I will always treasure my time with you in Cedar Cove while staying at the Inn. Roy and I are doing well and our boys are growing like weeds and are eager to greet their baby sister.

  Yes, the ultrasound showed that Roy and I are having a girl. I can’t tell you how pleased and excited we are.

  Roy has been busy painting and decorating everything in the baby’s room the most lovely shade of light pink. Grace already has a complete layette from family and friends. I can already see how spoiled she’ll be.

  We decided to name her Grace Margaret Porter. Roy insisted she have my name as well, and we settled on the name Grace because she is a special gift God has given us to help strengthen our marriage and our commitment to each other. She’s an active baby, and I can tell she’s going to give her two older brothers a run for their money.

  When you see Mark, please let him know how much we love the cradle and how blessed we are to be the recipient of this treasure. I wrote him recently but his letter was returned. Apparently he’s moved??? It meant the world to Roy and me that Mark would give us such a beautiful piece of woodwork.

  I’m using the word blessed a lot, aren’t I? That’s because this is how I feel—so very blessed. Like I said, I’m in good health and have been well. For the most part, this has been an easy pregnancy. The truth is I’ve never felt happier, despite what we’ve bee
n through.

  Roy and I would like to return to The Inn at Rose Harbor, but probably not this year! I’ll send you a picture of Grace once she makes her debut.

  Thank you again, Jo Marie, for everything.

  Roy and Maggie Porter

  I returned the card to the envelope and started walking back to the house with Rover straining against his leash. Maggie’s words tugged at my heart.

  I remembered the talk Mark and Roy had had shortly after Mark had started work on the gazebo. I’d been at the side of the house, working in my garden. Neither man knew I was there. I hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on their conversation, but I couldn’t ignore it, either.

  Mark had been calm and reasonable with Roy, who was hotheaded and angry, convinced the only course of action was for him to divorce Maggie. His ire had been so strong that he could barely stand still.

  My respect for Mark grew by leaps and bounds that day, listening to him talk to Roy. Mark hadn’t argued with the other man nor had he tried to reason with him. Instead Mark had asked Roy a series of questions in what might have looked like a casual conversation. Those questions had helped Roy recognize for himself what his life and that of his children would be like without Maggie. In the end Roy had decided to do whatever it took to save his marriage. I really believed Maggie and Roy were together and happy in large part thanks to Mark.

  My thoughts were on Mark as Rover led the way back into the inn. My guests were all going out for the day, spending the holiday with extended family and friends. I was about to head out myself when a sudden thought hit me.

  The cradle.

  Mark had worked on that cradle for months, carving an intricate design into the headboard. I’d been shocked when he offered to give it to the Porters, who were little more than strangers. He could have sold the piece for hundreds of dollars. Perhaps more. It was a beautiful work of art.

  I never had understood why he’d build something for which he had no personal use. Really, it wasn’t any of my business. If Mark wanted to spend ridiculous amounts of time on something that hadn’t been commissioned, that was up to him.

  I thought back to my conversation with Bob Beldon, and what had prompted Mark to create such a beautiful cradle—he’d built it with the hope that one day he would be a father. That, at some time in the distant future, he would get married and have children of his own.