Take A Look At Me Now

by Miranda Dickinson

  ‘EVA!’ I screamed over the rainstorm, running towards the steps where the bird woman had fed her charges. As I neared them, it became clear that they were deserted. Frantically I scanned each step, remembering how small Eva was, how easy she would be to miss. But it was empty. Wiping the rain from my eyes I stared at the cathedral in disbelief, trying hard to catch my breath. I’d been so certain she would be here … If there was no sign of her in the hotel and none out here, where was she?

  ‘Eva!’ I called out again, but the only reply came from the drops of rain hammering down on the entrance to the famous cathedral. I began to ascend the steps slowly, lowering my handbag to my side as the freezing rain soaked into my hair and ran down my face and neck. At the top of the staircase a wide, black and white chequered tiled floor passed beneath giant dark shadows from the Corinthian columns. Gaining some shelter from the rain, I found my mobile and saw three missed calls from Max. What was I going to say to him? I had summoned him to a red herring – and what if my interference had caused a dangerous delay to the real search for his daughter?

  A bus drove past on the road, its bright headlights casting new, temporary moving shadows across the carved stone columns. I followed their trajectory to the furthest end of the chequered floor.

  And that’s when I saw it.

  A tiny huddled shape was hiding in the deep shadow of the final column, barely perceptible in the unnatural glow of floodlights. My heart was about to explode out of my chest as I sped across the tiles.

  ‘Eva!’

  The bundle didn’t move and as I neared it I could see Eva’s head bowed onto her knees, her little arms wrapped around her legs as she sat against the enormous column. I fell to my knees beside her, throwing my arms around her shivering body and pulling her close to me.

  ‘It’s OK, baby, you’re safe now. I’m here.’

  ‘Nell …’ she wailed, her voice tiny, terrified.

  ‘Shh, I’ve got you.’

  Slowly, she unfurled her body, wrapping her cold arms around my neck as she sobbed and I shifted position until I was sitting against the column with Eva on my lap, wrapping my coat around us and cradling her head against my shoulder.

  ‘I was scared, Nell.’

  ‘I know you were. Why did you run away, honey?’

  She raised her head and stared at me, a pitiful expression on her face. ‘You and Daddy were fighting. You said you didn’t love me …’

  ‘No, darling, you know I love you. You’re my superstar.’

  ‘I didn’t think you did. And Dad shouted at me for running away.’

  I brushed the dark curls of her soaked hair back from her forehead. ‘I’m sure he didn’t.’

  ‘He did. He was angry because you ran away, too.’

  My heart sank to the cold stone floor beneath us. Eva had heard me say the situation wasn’t enough and she believed that I was talking about her – that she wasn’t good enough for me to love her. It crushed me to think I might have said something that could damage her self-esteem.

  ‘When you ran away, why did you come here?’ I asked.

  ‘I wanted to find her. The bird lady. I thought Daddy and you didn’t want me but I knew she would. She feeds the birds, so she could look after me.’ Her face crumpled. ‘But I couldn’t find her.’

  ‘Eva! Nell!’ Max’s distant voice travelled through the rain.

  ‘Over here! On the top step!’ I yelled back, hugging Eva. ‘Hey, your daddy’s here.’

  Fear shone in her dark eyes. ‘He’s gonna be mad …’

  ‘No, he won’t be. He’s been very worried about you.’

  ‘He’s going to be sad again, isn’t he?’

  ‘He’ll be very happy to see you.’

  ‘He’ll be sad. He’s been sad for a long time. Until today, when you came. He smiled again when you came in. And then you had a fight.’

  I couldn’t speak then, the gravity of her words too much to take in.

  ‘Eva!’ Max skidded across the black and white floor, flinging his arms around us both, his kisses falling on his daughter’s head as fast as the rain across St Paul’s Churchyard. His wet hair brushed my cheek as he kissed his little girl and I could feel the tension shaking his body as his arm encircled me.

  ‘I thought I’d lost you. I was so scared.’

  ‘I love you, Daddy.’

  ‘I love you, baby.’

  He raised his head, water dripping from his hair and running down his face. In the pale orange half-glow of the colonnaded entrance, his eyes were as dark as the shadows.

  ‘You found her.’

  I nodded, acutely aware of how little distance stood between us.

  ‘Thank you.’

  Eva twisted her head to look up at both of us and I smiled. ‘I’m just glad she’s OK.’

  His hand slid back to curl around my shoulder. ‘You found me, too.’

  ‘Max—’

  ‘Don’t let me go again.’

  I didn’t think, didn’t debate, didn’t plan. As his fingers travelled slowly up my spine, tangling in my hair at the nape of my neck and drawing me closer, I let instinct guide me. There, on the steps of St Paul’s Cathedral, I kissed Max Rossi. And my questions were blown away like birds taking flight to the furthest corners of London.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Welcome to Nell’s Place

  ‘Move it to the left a bit. No, left …’

  Vicky punched her hands onto her hips as she wobbled at the top of the stepladder. ‘It’s a Christmas tree, Nell. Not the bloody Eiffel Tower.’

  I gave her a sheepish smile. ‘Sorry Vix. I just want everything to be perfect.’

  ‘And it will be. If you stop acting like a neurotic psycho. OK, hand me that tinsel. I’m going in.’

  ‘Hey beautiful, the new sign looks great.’ Max strolled in from the street and slipped his arm around my waist, planting a warm kiss on my neck. ‘Mmm, I like Nell’s Place already …’

  ‘You’re filthy, Mr Rossi.’ Giggling, I moved my clipboard around his head to tick another item off my ever-present list. ‘Diner sign – done. Great. I can’t believe this is happening today.’

  ‘You’ve worked hard to make it happen,’ Vicky called from somewhere within the branches of the large, kitsch white plastic Christmas tree suspended by invisible thread from the ceiling.

  Max grinned. ‘She’s right. What else do I need to do?’

  ‘Stand there looking gorgeous,’ Vicky offered.

  ‘He’s here to help, Vix, not stand around to be ogled at.’

  ‘Well, that would help me …’

  I rolled my eyes. ‘Ignore my best friend. She’s a letch.’

  ‘Oh I dunno, I think she’s kinda cute.’

  ‘Ooh, I like your fella, Nell!’

  Ignoring my best friend’s outrageous flirtation with Max, I turned the page on my clipboard. There was so much left to do and barely half an hour until the official opening. So many decisions had been made about this place without me that during the last few days I was worried it wouldn’t feel like mine, that the compromises would have robbed me of any pride I could feel in this new venture. Up until this morning, when I’d stepped into the darkened diner and turned on the lights and it hit me: this was my diner.

  A shriek from the street was followed by Lizzie, breathless and clutching her sides. ‘I just had the shock of my life,’ she panted, giggling in between the gasps. ‘Have you seen the picture on the pavement outside? I thought I was going to fall down a ravine!’

  Max held his hand up in surrender. ‘Guilty.’

  ‘When did you do that?’ I asked him.

  ‘This morning. While you were arranging the kitchen.’

  ‘My own Max Rossi original outside my diner – lucky me!’ I wrapped my arms around him and kissed him. ‘I love you. I’m so glad you could be here.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be anywhere else. So, what next?’

  I checked my list. ‘Can you set up the coffee filters? I know it’s something
I’ll forget to do.’

  ‘I’m on it.’

  Lizzie linked arms with me. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Nervous.’ I’d woken at four that morning in a blind panic and written fifteen more items on my clipboard list. ‘I almost had heart failure about napkins this morning.’

  ‘You were born to run your own diner,’ my cousin reassured me.

  ‘Of course, it isn’t my diner.’

  ‘Yet. So what if you’re a tenant for the time being? It’s yours in every other respect. Name above the door, Nell Sullivan. That counts for a lot.’

  Today of all days it meant so much to have my friends around me. Vicky had been a star – and Greg even more so for looking after Ruby while she was here. She’d only taken a few days off from her new job, but I appreciated the gesture more than she knew. Fortuitous timing meant that Lizzie was here too – and that brought a much-needed boost to my confidence.

  As my friends prepared Nell’s Place for its first day of custom, I cast my gaze around the diner. This was the first day of my new adventure – and I was eager for it to begin. I thought back to the unlikely catalyst that had set this whole course of events into action: one lime-green sticky note. Had it not been for the questionable logic of my Council superiors and the guilty actions of my former flame, I would never have jumped on a plane with my redundancy cheque, never taken a chance on a city I’d never visited and never found the determination to make this dream a reality. As it turned out, I owed a great deal to Aidan Matthews and his lime-green guilt-trip. Which is why it was a shame he wasn’t here. One day I might tell him – when he was talking to me again, that is.

  Now I was standing in the diner I’d dreamed of, on opening day. And by the look of it, my new customers were eager to share it with me.

  ‘What time do you open?’ asked an old man, his head appearing around the front door. ‘We’re waiting, you know.’

  ‘Any minute now,’ I called back. ‘We’re just putting the final touches to everything.’

  ‘OK.’ He ducked his head back outside. ‘They’re not ready yet.’

  ‘What do you mean, they’re not ready yet?’ a woman’s voice retorted from the street outside. ‘Did you tell them we’re waiting?’

  ‘Yes, I told them we were waiting. How can I help it if they’re not ready yet?’ He reappeared, an apologetic look on his wrinkled face. ‘Forgive me, Nell. My wife wishes to know when you will be ready.’

  I exchanged looks with Lizzie. ‘Tell Esther she’s welcome to come and wait inside, Saul.’

  Clasping his hands together in gratitude, Mr Alfaro gave me a wink. ‘A thousand blessings on your head, Nell. Mazel tov.’

  I sighed. ‘So much for the big theatrical opening. Shall we just let everyone in?’

  ‘It’s your diner, Nell,’ Lizzie smiled.

  I grinned at the woman loading oranges into the orange juicing machine behind me. ‘Technically not mine.’

  ‘You do what you like, Nell,’ Annie Legado called back. ‘I’m delegating, remember?’

  I walked over to join her. ‘And you’re sure about this? I mean you could be sold up and relaxing on a Caribbean island by now.’

  ‘Nah. Selling is overrated. Owning property is the future. If this works out and you buy the diner from me in five years, who knows? I might expand – build my portfolio. I could be bigger than Donald Trump.’ Her half-smile stretched into a full beam. ‘I’m proud of you, kid. And I’m glad you suggested this.’

  ‘Nell! Can I take the orders?’ Eva shouted from behind the counter. ‘I’ll write real big so you can read it.’

  ‘You can help me, if you like.’

  ‘Cool!’

  The Alfaros were already settled at their favourite table. I could hear the buzz of voices from the line of customers beyond the door. It was time.

  I stood in the middle of the diner and raised my voice. ‘OK, is everyone ready?’

  ‘As we’ll ever be, boss,’ Laverne replied, walking through from the kitchen to take her place behind the counter. Karin and Dom leaned through the serving hatch to give me their thumbs-up.

  I looked down at the list on the clipboard. ‘I think everything is done …’

  ‘One more thing left to do,’ Max said, grabbing the clipboard from my hands, opening the front door and tossing it out onto Haight Street.

  ‘What did you do that for?’ I protested.

  My wonderful Max Rossi took both my hands and lifted them to his soft lips. ‘You don’t need that list. You have everything you need to succeed, right here.’

  I couldn’t argue with that. And so, with pride and emotion welling up within me, I looked around at the encouraging smiles of the people I loved, in the city I now called home.

  ‘Right then. I declare Nell’s Place open for business. Let them in!’

  THE END

  Five must-see films set in San Francisco*

  (*and why you should watch them …)

  1. The Five-Year Engagement (2012)

  I didn’t actually see this until Bob and I returned from San Francisco and when I watched it I sobbed. Sobbed. Because it features all the San Franciscan places I loved in glorious Technicolor®: the setting for Alex and Suzie’s wedding is The Palace of Fine Arts in The Presidio (Bob and I sat on a bench where the wedding scene happens); Tom proposes to Violet overlooking the Bay Bridge at night (the most beautiful setting, and where I set an important scene for Nell and Max in the book); and the final scene (I won’t give away the ending in case you haven’t seen it yet) takes place in Alamo Square Park, which I completely fell in love with because you can see the whole of San Francisco from the top of it. Watch it: you’ll love it!

  2. Mrs Doubtfire (1993)

  Why should you watch this film? Because it’s a classic. Because it has Robin Williams, Sally Field and Pierce Brosnan in it. But mostly because it has beautiful San Francisco in it. The city looks exactly like it does in the film – which is why it feels so familiar even if it’s the first time you’ve ever been there. One more thing: when Miranda Hillard gives Mrs Doubtfire her address on the phone as ‘2640 Steiner Street’, this is the actual address of the house used in the film. (I was so impressed by this fact – geek that I am – that I included it in Nell’s birthday treasure hunt organised by Lizzie in the book.)

  3. Serendipity (2001)

  OK, I confess, this is a bit of a cheat because everyone knows Serendipity mostly takes place in New York. But the scene where Lars proposes to Sara with the trail of rose petals and boxes-within-boxes is in San Francisco and I’m a big John Corbett fan. Also, that scene begins with Sara on a boat in the Bay looking back at San Francisco, which is a fabulous way to see the city. And even though you obviously want Sara to find Jonathan because Lars is a bit of an idiot, John Corbett is a beautiful man. The Defence rests, Your Honour …

  4. Heart & Souls (1993)

  This is another geeky choice, but well worth checking out. It’s a really sweet love story with a supernatural and retro twist and stars a very young Robert Downey Jr. He’s fantastic in the film (no surprises there) and the four ghosts he helps are brilliantly cast. One of the scenes was filmed in The Conservatory of Flowers in Golden Gate Park, which isn’t far from where I set Lizzie’s Haight-Ashbury home in the book. It’s A proper snuggle-in-front-of-the-telly-with-hot-chocolate, feel-good film.

  5. Monsters vs Aliens (2009)

  Yes, it’s an animated film – but even in computer-generated action sequences, San Francisco looks amazing. Even when aliens are trashing it. The Golden Gate Bridge as a setting for a battle is brilliant and while, thankfully, no such epic battles took place when Bob and I visited, there is something profoundly impressive about the bridge, no matter which angle you view it from. And I’m not surprised that aliens chose San Francisco to visit – they might be evil baddies but they have fantastic taste!

  My ten favourite places in San Francisco

  San Francisco is an incredible city and completely stole my heart
(you may have noticed this …). Here are my favourite places:

  Crissy Field, the Warming Hut and West Bluff – just an amazing place to be. Awesome views of the Golden Gate Bridge, the San Francisco Bay and the city in the distance and definitely my favourite place.

  Union Square – grab a coffee and just watch the world go by.

  Chinatown – wander around the streets and soak up the atmosphere.

  Alamo Square – the view from the top of the park is worth the scramble.

  Haight-Ashbury – kooky, colourful, friendly and unlike anywhere else.

  Golden Gate Park – you can easily spend hours here, with the Japanese Tea Garden, the California Academy of Sciences with its Planetarium, the Conservatory of Flowers and acres of beautifully maintained parkland.

  The San Francisco Ferry Building and The Embarcadero – a busy organic food market by day and the best place to see the lights of San Francisco and the Bay Bridge at night.

  Fisherman’s Wharf, Pier 39 and Ghirardelli Square – fun, brash, colourful and wonderful. Ride one of the vintage trams – including one from Blackpool – and say hello to the lazy sea lions at Pier 39.

  The Palace of Fine Arts in The Presidio – it’s a crazy building that looks as if it’s come straight out of Roman history and has to be seen to be believed.

  Market Street – great shops, a buzzing atmosphere and it’s fun to watch the cable cars being turned on the wooden turntable where Market Street meets the bottom of Powell Street.

  Bob’s Top Five Things to Eat in San Francisco

  When Bob and I went to San Francisco to research this book (and also for our delayed honeymoon!), I took a list of places I wanted to see for key scenes in the story – and Bob took a list of food. This therefore makes him the expert on all things foodie, so here are the top five things he recommends for noshing when you’re in the City by the Bay (and I agree with him):

  Cinnamon & Walnut French Toast (with sliced banana and warm maple syrup, dusted with icing sugar).