by BL Mute
“Who said you’d be alone?”
“What, would you come with me? Take care of a baby that isn’t yours?” The words leave my mouth before I can think, and instant regret flows over me, but I don’t take it back.
“You know what, Charlie?” He starts pacing in front of me. “I put up with a lot of shit from you and bite my tongue, but you’re making it extremely difficult to do that right now.” He stops in front of me when the last word leaves his lips.
I let out a perverse laugh. “Is that supposed to scare me? Because it doesn’t. Do you not remember what I’ve been through—who I’ve dealt with? You can hate me all you want for speaking my mind, but that won’t stop me from doing it.”
His head slightly flinches back. “I don’t hate you.” He levels his eyes with mine and steps even closer, letting his warm breath skirt across my mouth. “Is that what you want, me to hate you? Is that what all of this is?”
Anger swells in my chest. How dare he try and call me out on something. Even more, how dare he make me question shit. Is he right? Maybe. Do I care? No. I reach out to strike him across the face, but he catches my arm before I can connect.
“Are we really going to do this again?” He looks to his hand clasped around mine with an almost smile.
“Fuck you, Lucas,” I spit.
Now he laughs. “I’ve tried, but you won’t let me.” He drops my hand with a shrug.
I tip my head, ready to question the sudden change, but he speaks before I can. “If you want to keep up the charade of hating me, I guess I’ll do the same. I think you’ve forgotten how ugly I can be.”
Again, I strike, but this time he doesn’t stop me. His head snaps to the side, and my hand stings with the impact, but I don’t let it show.
“Do it again,” he hisses.
“No.”
“No?” he questions.
“No,” I state again. I’m tired of being told what to do.
“Now that I want it, you don’t want to give it to me?” He presses his body into mine and snakes his arm around me. His palm lands on the base of my neck, then moves up to the back of my scalp. His fingers tangle into my hair as he leans down to whisper into my ear. “That isn’t fair, Flower.”
His hand falls as he steps away. “If you weren’t so fucking stubborn, you’d realize no matter what, I’ll be here for you. Wherever you go, I’ll be there.”
Heat flares inside me, coating all of my limbs, lessening the anger, then moves to my core. I want Lucas so bad—even when he’s probably the last person I should want. He was Teddy’s right hand, but he’s also the one protecting me. He’s never wronged me as bad as Teddy, but I’m still scared. What happens if we take it to the next level?
“Be there in what way?”
“In whatever way you need me.”
“What if I want you, Lucas?”
“You have me, Flower.”
I shake my head, then walk back to my bed and plop down. Thinking about it now, is this something I really want to do? My mind practically revolves around Teddy, but when Lucas is around, everything just disappears and it’s nothing but him.
All of the moments he and I have shared rush into my mind like a wave.
His face… Chin coated with the thinnest layer of dark stubble, with colorful tattoos crawling up his neck wrapped in a gold chain. His touch. How gentle his hands rake across my skin when he holds me like I’m glass and he’s scared to break me. His lips. So smooth and brutal all at once.
“What if I want you in more of a way than I have right now?” The words come out unsure. Exactly how I feel.
He steps closer to me and grips my chin between his thumb and pointer, bringing my eyes to his. “You have me.” He sinks to his knees and leans back on his heels. “I don’t think you understand how I feel about you, Charlotte.”
His manic behavior has evaporated, leaving behind the sweet Lucas. The one who holds me while I cry. The one who loves me.
I bite my lip, trying to hide my sad laugh. “I don’t think you even know how you feel about me.”
He tilts his head and lets his body sag. “I’d do anything for you, Charlie. I don’t see why that’s so hard to believe.”
“Because you’re not the first person to tell me that. I mean, look at us. We hardly know each other. The only thing we share is fucking grief.”
He inhales a deep breath, then stands. “I’m not him, Charlie. Period. When will you fucking see that?”
I stare up at him and weigh my words carefully. For so long I’ve wanted Lucas in every way, but now that I can have him, I’m scared. Plain and simple. So fucking terrified that he will hurt me the same way Teddy did. That all of his words are nothing more than lies.
“Prove it,” I state.
“How?” His brows furrow together.
“Make me forget him in all of the bad ways. Take the pain away.”
“You know I can’t do that,” he sighs. “I would have already done it if I could.”
“You can…” I trail off and lift my shirt over my head, then stand to meet him.
With shaky hands, I undo his tie and hold it in one hand as I move the other down to the button on his slacks. I try to push it through the hole, but his hand clasps over my fingers. “You don’t have to do this, Charlie. Not right now.”
I look up and stare into his eyes. His brown ones seem so sad—so unsure. “Please. Do this for me.”
I can see the conflict on his face, but I know he’ll give in. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I give him a soft smile and try to calm my suddenly shaking hands. “This isn’t hurting me, Lucas. This is taking the hurt away. I’d rather have these memories with you—I’d rather want them. Please.”
He nods. “You lead the way, then. Tell me what to do.”
I wet my lips and reach for his slacks again. I finally unbutton them, then pull the zipper down before moving back up to his shirt. One by one I open each button slowly, dragging my fingers over his skin in the process. Once his shirt is open, I push it down his slack arms and let it fall to the floor.
I have to remind myself this is Lucas. This isn’t Teddy.
I look at his body closer than I ever have before. I run the tips of my fingers over the inked black lines covering his stomach, then follow them to his chest, all the way to his neck. I tell myself over and over he isn’t Teddy and try to calm my nerves. As much as I’ve wanted this, now that it’s here, the only thing running through my mind is Teddy and the night he…
“Hey.” He hunches down and levels his eyes with mine. “We don’t have to do this.”
I shake my head. “I need this,” I all but plea.
His sorrow-filled eyes bore into mine with so many questions, and it practically eats me alive. I close my eyes for a moment and remind myself everything is in my control. I place the tie into my other hand, keeping one end secured in my other. Slowly I lift it up and place it over his eyes, then maneuver behind him and tie it in place.
I remove the rest of my clothes bit by bit, then push his pants down. His hands instinctively go out to his sides as he kicks them off before falling back down. His chest heaves slowly, and I swear I can hear his heartbeat, or maybe it’s mine thrashing in my ears.
I reach out with a trembling hand and ease the waistband of his boxers down. His dick lies slack between his legs, but with a single touch it almost jolts to life.
“Charlie?” he questions. When I don’t answer, he continues. “You tell me to stop.” I nod like he can hear me.
He reaches forward, touching my shoulders, then drags me to him. Slowly—so fucking slowly—he runs his hands down to my arms, then around to my back. When they stop at the small of my back, my breath hitches. He leaves them there, almost like he’s making sure I’m still okay.
When his fingers crawl up my neck again, to the back of my scalp, then tangle into my hair, my chest tightens. I take in a deep breath, then grab his hand with mine and bring it in front of my face. When I see
his tattooed knuckles and the inked part of the top of his hand, all of my anxiety almost melts away.
I let go and stand still, letting his hands trail all over my naked body. He takes his time, making sure every touch is gentle. “Are you okay?”
“Keep going.” My voice cracks, and the first tear falls.
He sucks in a breath, then moves his hands to the front of my body. They rake over my chest, cupping my breasts, before moving to my stomach. Gripping my hips, he pulls me into him. His lips find mine and press into me softly. Calmly he kisses me, taking his time, letting his lips move at my pace. His tongue flicks out and runs along the seam of my lips. I open my mouth and twirl it with mine, lapping at his taste.
Without breaking our kiss, he takes a few steps until the back of my knees hit the bed. He holds the back of my head with one hand and keeps the other in place on my hip. Gently, he lays me down. His lips leave mine and drag down to my neck. Every kiss gets him further and further down my body until he’s between my legs.
When his hot breath touches my center, my knees try to close, but his shoulders block them. “I’m not going to hurt you, baby,” he whispers, climbing up my body again.
The endearment reaches deep within me as my mind screams at me to believe him. “I know,” I choke out.
He reaches out with his hand and feels around until he touches my cheek. After a second, he brings his tear-covered fingers to his face almost like he’s inspecting why they’re wet even though he can’t see.
Leaning back down, his lips touch my cheek right in the path of my tears. “Nothing is going to hurt you, baby,” he whispers, reassuring me again.
I nod as his lips find mine again. “I need you to be rough.”
His lips stop moving over mine. “Rough?”
“Rough,” I state. “I need you to be you.”
He hovers over me with one hand before using his other to slip the tie off his eyes. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I want to get it out of the way now. To know I’m safe and can say stop and you’ll stop if I need you to.”
He stares at me like he wants to question it, and then suddenly his soft eyes turn volatile and he dives back down into my neck. His once soft lips are now callous and hard as he kisses and nips at me, but I don’t stop him. I want this. I need this.
His hand clasps around my throat as his punishing kisses continue down along my midsection. First, it’s terrifying, and then all of my fear, uneasiness, and bad thoughts melt away when his mouth clamps over my pussy. He sucks and laps, eating me like I’m his last meal.
His hand leaves my neck, then drags down my body. Leaving my core, he pops his fingers into his mouth, twirling his tongue around them, then runs them along my slit. Every time he hits my clit, a jolt racks through me, making me wither deeper into the bed.
He pushes one finger into me slowly, building his rhythm with the way my hips grind into his hand before slipping the other in. “That’s it, baby. Fuck my hand,” he rasps.
“Lucas,” I try to scream, to warn him of my impending climax, but my voice is hoarse.
He removes his fingers, then brings them to my mouth. His eyes stayed locked onto mine as I open my mouth and taste myself. The sweetness mixed with a hint of earthiness of my own arousal coats my tongue before it gives way to the taste of his skin under it all.
As I suck, his eyes roll into the back of his head. “Charlie,” he warns, “if you want to stop, tell me now.”
I let his fingers fall out of my mouth as I shake my head. He takes in another breath, then spits into his hand and rubs it over his dick, coating his thick length. He teases my entrance before slowly pushing into me. A gasp leaves my mouth as a growl leaves his.
“Even better than I imagined,” he hisses, picking up his pace.
I grab his arms as he drives into me over and over, going deeper and deeper each time, letting my nails dig into his biceps. He hooks an arm under me, grabbing me by the small of my back before maneuvering to a standing position.
Moving his hands to my hips, he takes a few steps before my back is pressed against the wall. I move my hands into his hair and tug as we both pant and let out soft screams. “Fuck,” he growls, almost in a chant.
“Lucas!” I call out his name in response, feeding his drive to fuck me.
Leaning down the slightest bit, he catches my nipple with his teeth and tugs it softly, sending needles skating across my entire body.
For what seems like an eternity, it all continues. Screams, bites, kisses. Then it happens. My core tightens and I explode around him, signaling his own orgasm. When he tries to pull out, I squeeze my legs around him tighter, keeping him inside me. I can feel his dick twitch as it sends his cum deep into me.
We ride the wave of complete bliss for a moment, letting our pants sound out around us in an almost echo. His eyes never leave mine. Not as he sets me on my feet, not when he grabs his shirt to clean the cum running down my legs, and not when he kisses my stomach.
“I told you, you have me, Flower.”
I didn’t necessarily choose this life. I don’t think anyone ever does, but nonetheless, I’m in it. I’m one of the last Cruzes there is. My father was one, and his father before him, but they didn’t leave much of a legacy behind. All of my uncles and brothers have been killed living this life. Slinging drugs, fucking with the mafia. I took the lowlife Morenos in thinking I could train them to be what I needed, but those junkies were useless. With all of them gone now, all I have is myself and my closest allies. So, when the Hale boy made me an offer, I couldn’t refuse.
“You sure about this?” Miguel asks.
He’s my newest recruit. Someone I feel I can really mold to take my place when the time comes, but that time won’t come for a while. Getting Emil out of the picture kills two birds with one stone. Emil will be gone, and so will the Hales. They’ll pack up and go, leaving me to my own devices with almost all of Northridge Heights.
“I’m sure. One thing about those Hales, they keep their word.”
He tilts his head. “Didn’t they lie and set up Emil’s guy? Doesn’t seem very trustworthy to me.”
“Oh child,” I sigh. “In this world, you have to pick and choose your battles. I have things in place if they try anything, but they want Emil gone just as much as I want him and them gone. Helping them is a small price to pay for the future.”
He shrugs and hands me my phone. “If you say so.”
He’ll learn one day.
I punch in the number for my connection at the jail and bring the phone to my ear. After a few rings, shuffling fills the line before he says hello. “Mike.” I do my best to sound cheerful even though CO’s are nothing more than wannabe cops. “I have a favor to ask.”
He goes silent for a beat, then releases a heavy breath into the receiver. “What is it?”
“First, is this a secure line?”
“It is.” I can hear the nod he gives in his voice as it dips.
“I need you to send a gift to a friend of mine.”
“Do you have his inmate number? And what do you want to send to him?”
I list off the number. “Full care package.”
“Full? Are you sure? That will cost you, Seb.”
I roll my eyes at his pathetic excuses of trying to be friendly by shortening my name to a nickname that doesn’t even sound good. “Tell me what you want, Mike. I’ll send it first thing in the morning so you can handle the care package.”
“Five racks, plus double my normal purchase.”
“Fine. I expect to have word my package was delivered by tomorrow evening, got it?”
“Yeah, yeah.” I hang up before he can speak anymore. The sound of his voice alone annoys me.
“Miguel!” I yell. He rushes back into the room. “Desi is handled. Now, let’s go see my friend.”
We pull up to Angel’s front. It’s an old restaurant in the worst part of town, but it’s a good place to push his money through. He doesn’t do anything o
ther than sell info which is always needed by someone.
I step out of the car as Miguel follows and walk across the dirt pathway all the way into the restaurant. Cracked linoleum covers the floors as tables sit with dust maybe an inch thick. Empty salt and pepper shakers adorn their tops along with bullshit menus.
“Can I help you?” a woman asks, exiting the back where the kitchen sits.
I bow to her and remove my hat. “I need to see Angel. I’m an old friend.”
“What kind of old friend?”
I chuckle. I already know she’s asking if I’m someone who needs info or someone who wants to kill him in the most roundabout way possible. “I need some information about someone in the states.”
“Ah.” She nods and hurries away, letting the kitchen doors slam behind her as she goes.
“Is he really a friend?” Miguel asks.
I flash him a quick smile as Angel walks out, then whisper under my breath. “You’ll learn soon that no one in this world is your friend. Someone will always want something from you, you just have to choose who will make it worth your while.”
“Sebastian. It’s been a long time, mi amigo.”
“Sí,” I agree. “I came to see if you’ve found anything out about the person I asked you to look into a few weeks ago.”
“I’m assuming he’s important if it warrants an in-person visit.” He grins.
I roll my eyes. I’ve been in this game far longer than Angel, so for him to think I don’t know what he’s doing makes me want to laugh. “I’ve given you payment, now tell me what you’ve found.”
He tsks. “I think more payment is needed.”
I cut my chin toward Miguel, who lifts his shirt, showing off his piece. “I think not, amigo.”
“I have an address. Nothing else.”
I smile when he doesn’t try to fight. I’m glad he knows better. “Great. I’ll take that and be on my way.”
He pulls a folded-up yellow piece of paper from his pants pockets and hands it to me. Miguel snatches it from him and shoves it into his own pocket.
