Primal Desire: a BBW Bear Shifter Paranormal Romance (Shadowlands Bear Shifters Book 5)

by Olivia Harp

The kid nodded.

  "Second: why the hell did you hit Oscar? That isn't you. Acting like a thug is for losers, you're the one who said it."

  Cameron took his time before answering. But when he did, his voice felt different, he wasn't confrontational. Either he vented out finally relaxed... or he learned something.

  "Oscar asked about my interview, I answered and he laughed, said my dumb ass had no chance of getting in, now that you were hypnotized by..."

  Enzo's steely gaze did not flounder.

  "Hypnotized by what?"

  "His words were 'hypnotized by pussy'."

  A hollowness grew inside Enzo's stomach. His bear roared, it wanted to destroy, to kill. But he remained composed.

  "What did he mean by that?"

  "Come on, Mr. Gallagher, you think nobody noticed? Everyone at the school knows you and Miss Rodriguez are together."

  "But we're not together."

  "Yeah, then why did you hold hands at the camp the other night? People saw. They even posted memes online."

  This was worse than he thought. He should be the one to tell Audrey the news.

  "Show me," he told Cameron, taking out his cell phone.

  CHAPTER 37

  The school day was finally over. Audrey was fuming. She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs.

  After Enzo left the teacher's lounge, Mr. Dunley said "don't worry, kids always act up when their mentor starts a relationship."

  Those words tore her world apart.

  Even worse was the look on everyone's face.

  They tried to play it cool, looking at their phones, newspapers, whatever.

  "What do you mean?" Audrey asked and Darcy just shrugged.

  "It's no one's business if you and Enzo are together, right?" said Peter Dunley, "the last principal tried to reprimand teachers who did that but if it doesn't affect your work then—"

  "Who said we're in a relationship?"

  Mr. Dunley stared at her. It took him a few moments to understand he messed up. Audrey came to a terrible realization: everyone knew.

  The rest of the teachers looked at her, expectant. This was bad. She looked bad.

  They said it wasn't important, yeah, right. if it wasn't, they wouldn't have hidden everything from me.

  "I'm sorry, Miss Rodriguez," Darcy quipped, "it's just—"

  "Who said," Audrey interrupted, "Enzo and I are together?"

  Darcy's lips trembled. Mr. Dunley stepped in.

  "A kid saw you holding hands while camping,"

  "That's bullshit," she said meekly, "I didn't—"

  "They took pictures."

  Everyone stared at her.

  "It doesn't matter," Mr. Dunley said, "it's no big deal."

  "You all knew this?" she asked aloud. No one answered.

  "Everybody knew the kids were talking behind my back and no one said a word."

  The teachers lowered their eyes.

  That's when she felt like kicking everyone's ass, but she was a professional. She held back.

  "Not a problem," she said, the edge on her voice making everyone pay attention, "just let me know next time, I trust you, I hope you trust me with that kind of stuff."

  "Sorry," Sandy, the youngest teacher said, "it's super new, I just learned about it yesterday before school's end."

  "Me too, I saw it—"

  Darcy raised her hand, stopping everyone, "Miss Rodriguez, I thought you already knew. No one cares, really. Check this out."

  She pulled out her phone and showed her the memes.

  Captioned images, a bunch of them. One caption read: When the D blows your mind. The photograph was she staring at Enzo on the hall, her face frozen in an idiotic grimace.

  Another one: a picture of Enzo and her having lunch together outside. She was having a salad. When you pretend to lose weight so he doesn't have to pity fuck you.

  Her heart sank. She faked a laugh and looked at Darcy. There were several others like that.

  Acid, sarcastic, dumb, mean. Especially mean. Kids love being mean and she had to take it like a grown up.

  But now, driving back home. She had to hold back her tears. Maybe the kids were right and she wasn't good enough for a man like Enzo.

  Fuck that.

  She pressed the accelerator, ignoring Enzo's call for the third time.

  CHAPTER 38

  Audrey read Enzo's message again.

  "I just found out, too. Let's talk."

  But what was there to talk about? It's not as if it was his (or her) fault. They let their guards down, who cares? They did go on a date together. The most infuriating thing was that the teachers kept it hidden from them.

  And Darcy. Was she telling the truth? Did they think she knew? Were they just scared to tell her?

  Maybe she was overreacting.

  None of that mattered. The truth was the pictures hurt her. The students mocked her and made her feel worthless. For a second she felt like a highschooler again. Powerless.

  She chuckled. It's been a while since I've felt like this. Funny how that kind of emotion comes to the surface exactly as painful as she remembered.

  Her gut tightened. There was a knock on the door.

  "Audrey?" Enzo called from outside.

  Of course it was him. Who else?

  She opened the door and let him in. He stared at her in silence, there was not much to say. This was so confusing. What a mess.

  "Everything's a mess, right?" he said.

  She looked at him. He wasn't reading her mind. She trusted him on that. This was Enzo feeling the same way she felt.

  "Thank you for coming."

  He shrugged, "you weren't answering my calls."

  She sat on the sofa, he sat on the ottoman right across it.

  Silence dominated the room. She didn't want to say anything. He saw the memes, they were humiliating.

  "Are you okay?"

  She chuckled, then shrugged.

  "Kids are idiots—"

  "I know they are. Doesn't mean I can't feel bad."

  He nodded.

  "So?"

  She sighed.

  "So nothing. I won't do anything."

  He tensed up. She could feel his anger, but his eyes were soft. He wasn't angry at her.

  "Nothing at all?" He asked.

  She shook her head.

  "I'll just talk to the teachers, let them know what we should expect from each other. Then just talk to the kids who posted the pictures online, like, 'I know what you did.' They're kids, they're probably going to freak out, stop doing it, delete whatever they have in their computer, try to avoid the conversation. I don't have to do anything."

  "Don't you wanna get them in detention or—"

  "Nah. The less attention we pay them, the better. I don't want this to explode or go viral."

  Enzo smiled, he finally understood.

  "Smart," he said.

  "I do my best."

  Another awkward silence. Enzo was acting weird.

  "What about you? Are you okay?"

  Enzo looked at her, and took a second or two to reply.

  "I talked to Oscar and Cameron. I fucked up."

  "What happened?"

  He told her about the interview, and Oscar being just an ass. At first he wanted to fight Cameron but he convinced him not to.

  "I'll have to work hard on them so they don't escalate this, they're about to graduate."

  "That's kind of you."

  His eyes shone with intensity, "It's not. It's my job."

  The drapes danced in the midafternoon breeze. The warmth of it reached them and made Audrey remember the old days. She had it rough, but came out... not unscathed, but at least she was alive and well.

  "Audrey," he said and she shivered. She was waiting for this. She looked up at him and knew what was coming.

  "It's my fault. All of this."

  She didn't say anything. She'd let him say his piece, then he'd leave, just like he wanted. She wouldn't chase him, ask him to stay. It wasn't
worth it.

  Except this time it is.

  "I started doing this to help people come out of the life they're in. And I'll fail if we keep this going."

  "Are you serious?"

  "It's the truth."

  "If you don't want to be with me just say it, don't pretend you're doing it for the better of mankind."

  "You know how I feel about you."

  "And how do you feel? You haven't told me. Go on now, you'll find someone you deserve soon enough."

  "That's not fair."

  "What is fair, anyway? What do you know about fairness?"

  She was holding back tears. She would not let him see her cry. She shed tears for less deserving people in the past, this time she would be strong. Stronger than she'd ever been. She wouldn't do it again.

  Her throat was sore. She couldn't talk.

  "These kids have nothing," Enzo said, "I know what being poor feels like. Just like you. But you had a family, you had support. For these kids it's either graduating or a life of anger and frustration. Maybe even crime."

  "And you'll help them all?"

  "I have to try."

  "Get the fuck out."

  "Audrey—"

  "Get out," she said, wiping a tear on her eye before he saw it rolling down, "I'm sorry but I can't bear to look at you right now."

  He tried to make it right. He tried to say there might be a way but she didn't care. He tried to hold her but she couldn't let him do it. It would break her down. So she did what she had to, she invited him to leave.

  It would be hard enough to see him at school. She better started working on herself right now. She better started mending her heart. Broken once again, and for the last time.

  CHAPTER 39

  The beast clawed and clawed inside Enzo. He was on his way back to the mountain and could barely hold back. Every inch of his skin felt like burning, his insides twisted and hurt.

  The bear kept fighting its way out. Stay down, you fucker. A growl escaped his lips, the beast was winning.

  His heart raced. He pressed the accelerator, it was only a few more minutes before he arrived. The forest would give him peace. It would help him think, just like always.

  He was cursed with being a channeler. Cursed with this beast inside that could never be tamed.

  And she helped him. He had much more control over it since he met her.

  Mate! The bear roared, time and time again. He wouldn't find anyone else for him. Fate had its own designs. He couldn't complain, every other aspect of his life turned out okay.

  Not that it mattered if he couldn't share it with Audrey.

  He knew what hate and poverty could do to a person, he knew what it felt to be crushed by anger. But he came through, stronger than ever. And now helped people avoid that road. But it meant staying away from her. It meant staying back.

  Things had gone to shit.

  The animal inside roared again and he felt his skin start to break. He knew he could give it time, they'd be able to find a way to make this—

  He roared.

  Every muscle in his body tensed, every bone started to give way to the bear, its strength overpowered his will.

  "No, you fucker!" he shouted, but it was too late.

  His vision blurred and the next moment he could see... more. Everything looked much clearer, the colors more saturated, he could make out the smallest insect in the farthest tree.

  The bear was here.

  He pulled to the side of the road. It was still a few miles to the White Paws headquarters. He wouldn't make it.

  He pushed the door open and walked out, his clothes already ripping apart. There was no one around. Only the trees bearing witness at the side of the trail.

  He roared again, furiously, every animal around knew an apex predator was on the loose.

  Enzo ran to the tree line, and just after passing it he was no longer a man. The bear took control; the man was gone.

  He ran and ran until every muscle in his body burned, until sweat covered his fur and his paws hurt from the crushing of stones beneath every step.

  Evil.

  He stopped.

  He traversed miles into the forest, without a goal in mind. Deep within the woods, he picked up the stench of evil. As if the Shadowlands punctured reality, letting the Rot come through.

  He bared his fangs. It was a subconscious thing, a primal thing.

  Where was he?

  It took him a few seconds to recognize the place. He stood near the camping site.

  The stench was gone, but he was sure something was not right. Ever since that day, the feeling was the same.

  His experiments showed nothing. No presence of the Rot, anywhere.

  The bear growled and kept on going.

  The clearing was there. Still bustling with life.

  He took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

  A pulse.

  He turned to his right and felt the presence of the Rot again. Ran ahead and got to where the edge of the camp had been.

  Audrey's tent.

  He stood exactly where she set it up. What the fuck?

  There was nothing there. Nothing there now.

  He attuned his mind to nature. The forest was telling him something. There was an echo here. A surge of energy that pulsed and crashed against him. He felt it again and again, like a constant message, an alert. It called at him. He couldn't have sensed it before. Not before Audrey. But once he did, it was so obvious it was there, like standing in the ocean and not being able to feel the waves. He was much stronger now.

  He had to do one more test. Then he would find out what the hell was going on.

  ***

  He arrived at his cabin. The big house merged with the surrounding forest beautifully. All of the bears' houses got louder and livelier since they found their mates. The territory had grown stronger.

  When he passed the headquarters area, he saw Maverick and Franklin's children playing together. The cubs rolled on the ground, their growls sounding more like cats trying to look mean.

  He let out a frustrated laugh.

  It was so obvious.

  He put on a pair of jeans and radioed Damien from his truck.

  He knew it now. Now he could warn the Damien. The Primal Bear, and everyone on the crew.

  CHAPTER 40

  Audrey's phone rang, but she didn't notice. She sat at her small bedroom's desk, typing away on her computer, wearing a pair of huge headphones that made her look like Princess Leia in Episode IV.

  She secluded herself from the world and listened to nineties rap. It was the only thing that cheered her up. A Tribe Called Quest, NWA, Biggie... anything that helped take her mind off Enzo and let her concentrate... anything but depressive music.

  She would not fall into that post-relationship sadness.

  Okay, too late for that.

  But she was a big girl now. She wouldn't go around moping, feeling sorry for herself.

  It seemed like nothing could fill the void where her heart was supposed to be. She hadn't eaten anything and was not hungry at all... even though she really, really craved a huge bucket of chocolate ice cream.

  Her throat hurt. Every time she thought she was feeling better, that she'd come out ahead, just like she always did, she remembered Enzo's face, or the sound of his laughter, or the way light reflected on his eyes, and she had to start over again.

  So she tried to focus on something else. Like work, of course.

  Maybe he was right, she thought, as she put a checkmark on another pending task.

  She was being productive. The small satisfaction of crossing over each bullet point in her to-do list made her forget about her own personal problems. Even if only for a little while.

  It wasn't our time, she kept repeating. Trying to find a good reason why good things never happened to her.

  Loud music interrupted her stream of thoughts, making her jump in her seat. Her screen flashed a gray and green rounded square. Darcy was video calling her.


  Darn it. I just don't feel like—

  The call was cut off. Audrey sighed in relief before jumping in fright again: Darcy would not quit so easily.

  She rolled her eyes, might as well talk to her so she'll leave me alone.

  She accepted the call and two seconds later, Darcy's face covered her screen. It was so ridiculously funny.

  She looked a bit older without make up on, but still had that "don't mess with me" face that went so well with her pointy glasses. Or was it supposed to be the other way around?

  "Hello, Darcy, what's up?"

  "Just checking on you, dear. Are you okay?"

  Audrey rolled her eyes again. I'm so not up to this.

  "Everything's fine, thank you."

  Darcy nodded and sighed.

  "Listen," she said, and Audrey could tell it took her great effort to do this, "I want to say I'm sorry about what happened today."

  "Yeah, no problem."

  "I mean it, Audrey. I really thought you knew the secret was out. I thought you didn't care. No one does, really."

  "Didn't seem that way. Everyone kept it hidden."

  "Well, what did you expect? You have a reputation for ruthlessness, and nobody wanted to be the first to tell you."

  "So they avoided me?"

  "No. They avoided the subject. It's different. Especially if everyone thinks you're avoiding it yourself, right?"

  "Wait, go back. Did you just say I had a reputation for—"

  "Being ruthless," Darcy interrupted, "yes. In a good way, I suppose. Everyone likes you."

  She smiled on the inside. If that was their way of saying they respected her, well, she could live with that.

  "Things got out of control," Darcy continued, "the teachers don't mind. And you can't pay attention to what the students say."

  "Well, it doesn't matter anymore."

  "How so?"

  Audrey shrugged, faking a smile. It was all she needed to tell her about what happened between her and Enzo.

  Darcy's mouth fell for a second before she composed herself, she looked like she tried to swallow a bitter pill, but couldn't. She couldn't hide her surprise at all.

  "Why?"

  "Well, our work obviously took a hit—"

  "But you've been working so hard!"

  "Darcy," Audrey said flatly, "you wouldn't believe how many things I have to do, I won't be able to finish."